The Tales of a Charming TruckNapper
by Mk Marie
Summary: Edward makes one memorable first impression! "Stop listening to my music, get off my cell phone, and bring back my truck!" I seethed. "Now!" Are first impressions really the most important? Let's hope not. AU-HUMAN. OOC. All canon couples.
1. The Word of the Day is Idiot

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_**

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello, lovies! I just finished Reassigned Identity so it's time for another story. I hope you like this one too. Don't forget to review and give me your thoughts even if it is just, 'loved it.' or even 'hated it.' _**

**_SUMMARY: Edward makes one memorable first impression. "'Stop listening to my music, get off my cell phone, and bring back my truck!' I seethed. 'Now!'" Are first impressions really the most important? Let's hope not. AU-HUMAN. All canon couples. OOC_**

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Luck- Good luck, bad luck. I don't believe in it. I do however believe in the pure idiocy of mankind. And I am a walking talking magnet for those idiots. I also believe in Murphy's law. You know, 'whatever can go wrong will.' Well undoubtedly! I'd like to find that Murphy guy and shoot him. Especially on days like this when that law seems to govern my life. Case in point: I am at this very moment on the phone with my very own carjacker. Yes, Seriously.

* * *

"Rosalie! Let me borrow your phone."

She corked an eyebrow at me, her expression reading somewhere between 'make me.' and 'say please.'

I scowled.

"Give me that dang phone! Someone stole my truck."

Her eyes widened.

"What? Are you sure you didn't forget where you parked it?"

I narrowed my eyes at her. You _misplace _your car _once_ and convince yourself that it's stolen and no one will ever let you live it down!

"What." She demanded, seeing my expression. "Someone stole 'the chumbucket?'" She finished with an unconvinced look.

I huffed. So my truck wasn't exactly the most attractive piece of metal on the road today. It had personality! Plus it was one of those boats that you always see completely intact, without a scratch at the scene of an accident- right next to the little imported car it just totaled. My friends had a problem seeing it that way though. Emmett was the one to come up with the charming nick name back in college. I wasn't sure what was more disturbing- that the name stuck or that a grown man was obsessed with SpongeBob.

"Someone stole it." I repeated. "Alice and I went to the store earlier to get ingredients for dinner tonight. Of course she insisted on driving so I left it parked right in front of her house."

She nodded slowly, following my story.

"But when we got back it was gone!"

There was no way I had just forgotten where I had parked the thing. Alice and Jasper's house was big but there was just no way. It's kind of hard to miss a big, rusted, red truck. I had run across the street immediately to borrow Rose's cell phone because Alice wouldn't stop talking long enough for me to get hers. Jasper had gone somewhere with Emmett earlier or I would have borrowed his. He was by far the most logical of us.

"It's... gone?"

I rolled my eyes, snatching the cell phone away from her. She glared at me but didn't say anything about it.

"So, are you calling the police?" She asked, letting it go.

I shook my head.

"I'm going to." I said, dialing the number and listening to the ringing on the other end. It was a long shot I know but I had to try... "But first I'm calling my phone. I left it in the glove compartment."

She shot me a look like I had just grown two heads.

"I saw it on Oprah." I said, waving a hand at her when she started to protest.

"What kind of an idiot would answer the-"

"Hello?"

I smirked at her and her mouth dropped open. Never doubt Oprah!

"They answered?!" She shrieked.

"Ssh!" I hissed, cupping my hand around the phone.

"Hello?" The voice said again.

I took my hand away from the receiver, taking a deep breath in preparation.

"You a-hole!" I hollered into the phone.

There was the static of the silent phone line for a moment and nothing else. I tapped my foot impatiently.

"Pardon me?" they eventually said.

"You stole my truck! What the hell are you thinking?" I fumed. My dad had given me that truck!

"_Your _truck?" The voice on the other end of the telephone asked timidly.

I huffed, pacing back and forth in the entry way.

"Yes!" I snapped. "_My _truck. You know, the one that you stole."

"Huh." the carjacker said, sounding slightly amused. And then the jerk laughed. He laughed!

Rosalie threw a couch cushion at me.

"What's going on?" She asked, watching me intently.

"He's laughing." I ground out through clenched teeth. Her eyes widened and I nodded indignantly.

"What the hell is so funny?" I demanded.

The laughing stopped.

"Nothing." he said but I could tell he was still laughing on the inside. Douche bag. "So... Debussy? I'm impressed."

I blinked. Whoever this was they were seriously deranged. Completely unbalanced.

"What?"

He chuckled.

"Debussy." he repeated as if I just hadn't heard him. "It's what's in your CD player right now. It's one of my favorites."

I swear a vein popped in my forehead. No one touched my stereo- especially not someone who I didn't know, definitely didn't like, and had STOLEN my vehicle.

"Stop listening to my music, get off my cell phone, and bring back my truck!" I seethed. "Now! And what makes you think I care if you're impressed?"

What nerve! What kind of person does this? Steal a random truck, talk to them on the phone,(THEIR phone!) and then give their casual opinion of their music?

"Fair enough." he chuckled. "Under the circumstances."

I narrowed my eyes. If he didn't stop laughing I was going to hunt this man down and make him pray for death.

"Would it make you feel any better if I told you I didn't _mean_ to steal your truck?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

A short cynical laugh slipped from my mouth. How do you accidentally steal a person's vehicle?

"I thought I was pranking my cousin." he explained. "I knew he had just bought a new truck and a friend of mine dared me to move it."

"Do you do everything you're dared to do?" I countered. Was he twelve? Oh my god! Was he twelve? No, he couldn't be. He sounded like an adult. His voice was extremely masculine as a matter of fact.

"Yes." he answered simply.

I rolled my eyes.

"So," he continued. "it's all just a simple misunderstanding. But I am terribly sorry."

He stopped talking long enough to change tracks on my CD. I could hear it in the background.

"Forgive me?"

Was he kidding me?

"No!" I snapped. This guy had more nerve than anyone I had ever met. Scratch that- he probably had more gull then _everyone_ I had ever met _combined_.

"And stop touching my stereo!"

"You have quite the temper, don't you, Ms..." he trailed off. "Uhm... I apologize. I don't think I've had the pleasure. What's your name, miss?"

"I'm not giving you my name." I huffed. I watched Oprah after all! What if he decided to stalk me after he was done getting his kicks from stealing my things? He was a criminal after all.

"Fine." he said easily. "I'll just call you, beautiful."

Rosalie was still watching me intently and I shook my head at her, throwing my free hand out in exasperation.

"Does that ever actually work for you?" I asked in a monotone. I didn't wait for his reply. I just continued with a roll of my eyes.

"Beautiful is not a name." I informed him icily. "It is a description."

Rose cocked her head to the side.

"Who's he calling beautiful?" She whispered.

I turned around, ignoring her. She would demand all of the details later but I was busy right now.

"Awe." the cocky, arrogant, jerk sighed. I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Beautiful is also a term of endearment. I could call you, my love, if you'd rather."

Oh. So he was one of those guys. I wasn't sure which was more annoying and disturbing; a carjacker or a lady's man. I'd met his type before, those guys that will hit on anything with breasts just because they could. The ones that liked the chase even if they didn't like the girl.

"You've never even _**seen**_ me, you arrogant little-"

"I have seen you." he interrupted my rant.

I stopped short, my mouth snapping shut. I looked around anxiously as if I was going to spot him looking through a window or something. Who was this guy?

"Well, at least I'm assuming I have." he corrected, nonchalant as anything.

"You know what they say about people who ASSume." I countered. "They make an ass out of you and me."

He laughed like this was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.

"I do believe I've heard that somewhere." he agreed amiably. "Regardless, there is a charming photo on your cell phone of three very lovely ladies."

I blanched. Crap. The picture was of me, Alice, and Rosalie from a party last weekend. I hadn't wanted to have the picture taken but they had made me. As a matter of fact I hadn't wanted to go to the party but they made me do that too. I threw a thoroughly confused Rose a nasty look over my shoulder. She had insisted that it was a good picture of all of us and had taken the liberty of setting it as my background. I had to admit they looked gorgeous just like always and I looked halfway decent so I had kept it.

"You don't even know which one I am." I sniffed.

"Oh. So you _are_ in the picture." he said smugly.

Crap. Again.

"You're right, I don't know which one you are." he allowed. "But they are all very beautiful so the name works regardless."

I scoffed. Man was he going to be disappointed when he realized he wasn't talking to Rosalie or Alice.

"Bella." Rose hissed, shooting me a look that could make grown men shake in fear. She may look like Barbie but Barbie never perfected the throat punch. "What is going on?"

On the other hand if he had done this to either of them they would find his address, sneak into his home while he was sleeping, and preform a very painful castration. So, maybe he should just count his blessings hm. They were by far prettier but they were meaner too. I smirked at Rose and she huffed, crossing her arms, and plopping down onto the couch- aggravated at being left out.

"But," he continued smoothly. "I must admit- I'm hoping you're the brunette."

"Well," I snapped. "Tough luck Buddy! I'm-"

I stopped short. What had he just said? I must have heard him wrong. Had Rose or Alice dyed their hair brown while I wasn't looking.

I actually looked at Rose over my shoulder really quick. No, her hair was still a silky blond color. And Alice's short pixie cut was a jet black. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't unattractive I suppose. But Rosalie and Alice were gorgeous. So gorgeous in fact that no one usually even noticed me if I was standing beside them. I was just Bella Swan, unnoticeable and average.

"You're what?" he prompted, pulling me from my reverie.

"I'm calling the police." I finished, back to the ice queen.

There was a pause on the other end of the phone and I smirked, feeling fairly proud of myself. So, smooth talker has nothing to say huh?

"Is that really necessary?" he asked finally. He had the nerve to sound like I was the one being immature.

"Yes." I clipped furiously. "I do think it's necessary to report my _**stolen**_ truck."

"It's more like a _**borrowed**_ truck." He said, sounding a little nervous.

"Borrowed involves asking permission to use said vehicle." I quipped.

He scoffed.

"You are very into technicalities."

He didn't give me time to retort.

"I'll have it back as soon as I can."

"How soon would that be?" I asked. I could call the police but that would be a lot of paperwork and I wasn't sure how they would feel about me reporting a stolen vehicle when the person had volunteered to bring it back...

"I don't know." he replied easily.

I took a calming breath- in through the nose, out through the mouth.

"If it's not back in ten minutes I'm calling the police." I informed him in my no nonsense voice.

Rose waved her hands in the air, trying to get my attention.

"He's bringing it back?" she whispered, clearly confused by just hearing my side of the conversation.

I nodded and she looked even more confused.

"How about half an hour?" He said.

My grip on the phone tightened. Was he bargaining with me?

"This is not up for debate." I said dryly. "Ten minutes."

"How about twenty?" he asked.

I let out an angry exhale.

"I'm calling now."

"Okay, okay." he chuckled. "I'm right around the corner. I'll be there in three minutes."

I threw my hands into the air, almost dropping the phone.

"If you were right around the corner why did you try to barter for more time?" I asked, flabbergasted.

The volume on my stereo went up a little.

"Because you're so easy to rile up. It's kind of fun." he said simply. "I'll see you soon, Beautiful."

And then the phone line went dead. I took the phone away from my ear, looking at the screen- unblinking.

_**CALL ENDED**_

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**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, what did you think? Should I continue? I have the next four chapters written already so how fast I update depends on how many reviews I get. I hope you all liked it. Any thoughts? If you read my other story say hi. :-) Here's a preview of the next chapter..._**

"Do you usually steal other peoples vehicles too?" I asked.

He looked like he was fighting off a smile.

"This would be a first actually." He said, mirroring my stance minus the scowl.

I huffed.

"I'm so glad I was able to witness it." I said sarcastically. "I hope you got it all out of your system."

"Don't know." he said amiably. "Just might need a getaway car for when I rob the bank later."

"I wouldn't doubt it." I snapped.

He raised an eyebrow, seeming surprised.

"I was only joking." he said slowly and then he grinned. "I robbed the bank yesterday."


	2. The Word of the Day is Aneurysm

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_**

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: The response to that first chapter blew me away. Thanks so much you guys! I'm glad that you liked it. I wasn't sure about posting on Christmas because I doubt anyone's on-line. But it'll be here for you tomorrow too so it all works out. :) Enjoy!_**

-Chapter#2. The word of the day is Aneurysm

It turned out he wasn't lying when he said he could have it back in three minutes. He got there in two. I know because I was watching the clock the entire time.

"So someone _did _steal the chumbucket?" Rosalie asked, her eyes wide.

I rolled my eyes. Hadn't we already gone over this?

"Yes." I said dryly. It wasn't _that_ unbelievable. Maybe someone saw the true potential of my old truck.

"And he's bringing it back?" She continued to question. "Just like that?"

I turned to look at her then.

"Yes." I said slowly. I didn't get it either. Is this really how people got their kicks these days? _**'I'm bored today... I think I'll go steal some random truck. It's okay though! I'll return it.'**_

"Weird." She exhaled.

I nodded in agreement just as my truck came screeching around the corner faster than I've ever seen it move before. I hadn't even known it _could_ go that fast.

"Be careful!" I yelled as it came to a stop in the exact spot I had left it parked earlier today.

The person chuckled as they got out of the cab and I marched over, practically spitting fire.

"Are you determined to return it damaged?" I seethed, grabbing the keys out of his hand.

He didn't say anything and when I finally calmed down enough to focus on him I realized that he was just staring at me slack jawed. I crossed my arms over my chest, scowling at him. Didn't his mother teach him any manners at all?

"Well?" I prompted.

He shook his head, looking like he was trying to clear it.

"I'm sorry." He apologized but I wasn't sure what he was sorry about exactly. Was it the fact that he'd stolen my truck, pushed it past it's limit, or for the staring? Wow. He's made a wonderful impression already.

"That's just how I always drive." He admitted.

"Do you usually steal other peoples vehicles too?" I asked.

He looked like he was fighting off a smile.

"This would be a first actually." He said, mirroring my stance minus the scowl.

I huffed.

"I'm so glad I was able to witness it." I said sarcastically. "I hope you got it all out of your system."

"Don't know." he said amiably. "Just might need a getaway car for when I rob the bank later."

"I wouldn't doubt it." I snapped.

He raised an eyebrow, seeming surprised.

"I was only joking." he said slowly. And then he broke into a wide grin. "I robbed the bank yesterday."

I had never been a violent person but I had the strong urge to hit him-to just ball up my fist and let it collide with his absurdly handsome face.

"Do you think this is funny?"

He nodded, still grinning.

"Actually I do find it somewhat humorous." he admitted. "Think about it- my friend dares my to move my cousin's new truck and I take the wrong one?"

He raised one eyebrow, looking at me as if waiting for me to see the humor in it. Granted if it had been anyone else it just might have been slightly funny. But it had been me, and it had been one hell of a day, and I most definitely did not think it was funny.

"And then the owner of the truck turns out to be an extremely beautiful woman with the temper of an enraged viking."

I pursed my lips, lacing my fingers behind my back so that I didn't do anything I'd regret later. When I wasn't acting like an 'enraged viking.' God, he just piles on the charm doesn't he?

"Well I'd love to continue this little battle of wits but it seems you're unarmed. And I'm late for something."

He just laughed.

"Did you steal that from a Will Smith song?"

Dang! I did, didn't I?

"I'm late." I repeated, refusing to admit nor deny my plagiarism.

"Awe, but of course." He chuckled, leaning against my truck, eying me with evident amusement.

I narrowed my eyes at him but he looked truly unrepentant. I opened the door with as much flourish as I could muster while trying to pry the heavy metal door away from the frame. I managed to whack him in the knees in the process though so that's got to count for something. I clicked the lock on the door and shoved it shut again.

I turned to see him regarding me with a raised eyebrow.

"You never can be too safe." I said easily. "You never know when someone is going to come along and _steal it_."

He just shook his head, that infuriating half grin never leaving his face.

"I thought you were late for something." He reminded me.

"I am." I snapped, remembering. Although I'm sure Alice would understand since she knew my truck had gone missing but I still didn't want to leave her to cook dinner by herself. It wasn't exactly safe and not something I liked to do since she had almost burned the kitchen down a couple of years back.

"I'm eating dinner with a friend."

His eyes automatically flashed to Alice and Jasper's house.

"You couldn't have walked to their house from here?" he teased.

I cocked my head to the side.

"How did you know that was the house I was supposed to be at?" I questioned.

A faint hint of realization of what he'd said flashed across his face but a blink later it was just that same cocky grin.

"Lucky guess." he said easily.

I eyed him, still suspicious, for a second. But then I shrugged it off. The sooner this conversation ended the sooner he could be on his merry way, off to hold up a bank or steal candy from some unsuspecting children.

"Buh-bye." I waved snidely, walking back towards Rosalie who was still standing in her driveway watching the interaction with a lot less stealth than she had probably intended.

"Good bye, Beautiful!" he called to my retreating form.

I rolled my eyes. Good bye, a-hole.

"Thanks for letting me use your cell phone, Rose." I said, handing it back to her.

She pocketed it, her eyes still on the form of my carjacker.

"Want me to run him over for you?" She asked.

I laughed lightly, sparing a glance over my shoulder. The man was walking towards a silver Volvo parked half way down the block. That couldn't be his car! Was he going to steal another one? No. he wouldn't do that with me and Rosalie watching him.

"Hey!" I called. "You parked your stupid shiny Volvo just to steal my poor truck?"

"Borrowed without permission!" He called without turning around.

I shook my head. The man was crazy. Absolutely out of his mind.

"Bella." Rose called, snapping to regain my attention. "Should I run him over?"

"No thanks." I sighed. I knew she would probably do it but that would mean more grand theft auto because there was no way she was going to risk denting her BMW M3. That thing was her first true love. Emmett knew he came second.

"Then do you want me to get his number for you?"

I whipped my head in her direction so quickly I almost got whiplash.

"Excuse me?" I coughed.

She smirked.

"Funny, attractive, tall," she ticked off on her fingers. She let her eyes wander back to his retreating form. "And his butt isn't half bad either."

I put my hands on my hips, shooting her a look. My car had just been truck-napped and she wanted to discuss how hott the criminal was! What did Emmett put in her morning coffee?

"What." She demanded, matching my pose exactly except she was much more convincing. Most of the time my bark was worse than my bite. Rosalie? Oh, you did not want to get on Rosalie's bad side.

"He called you Beautiful."

I pretended to gag.

"He also stole my truck so I should be calling the police." I pointed out. "It evens out don't you think?"

"Fine." She relented.

I smiled. I could count the number of times I had won an argument with Rose on one hand. I must admit I was feeling just a smidge victorious.

"I'll see you at Alice's. I'm going to help with dinner." I said, turning to walk to my other friends house.

"Don't let her burn down the kitchen!" She called once I hit the sidewalk.

I laughed, waving at her over my shoulder.

"I'll try my best!"

Alice, Rosalie, and I had been best friends since college. Alice and I met first. We shared a dorm room that first year. Rosalie had been paired with a girl named Jessica. They didn't exactly get along. Rosalie might have threatened to burn all her hair off while she slept. She met Alice at a coffee shop on campus and she volunteered to let her move in with us. With such tight quarters it was inevitable that we were going to be the best of friends or mortal enemies. It's a good thing we all bonded over chick flicks and ogling the boys football team.

That's where Jasper and Emmett come in.- They were on the football team. And it seems they didn't mind the special attention, at least not from Alice and Rosalie. They started dating and our group expanded effortlessly to include them. They were like the brothers I had never wanted but ended up loving anyway. Our group was most definitely diverse but we meshed. We all just got along perfectly. It seemed like we had always known each other and after my dad got hurt and needed me to move back to Forks after college they all moved with me. Talk about the best friends a girl could ever ask for. Rosalie and Emmett got married a year ago this March and Alice and Jasper were to follow soon. Their rehearsal dinner was tonight actually.

"Ali!" I called as I came in without knocking. "Get this! The truck-napper returned my truck."

Something clamored to the ground, echoing throughout the large house, and Alice cursed. I rolled my eyes, walking to the doorway. Alice was standing in the middle of the kitchen with her hands on her hips, looking at the ceiling as if praying for patience.

"Having problems?" I smirked.

She glared at me before finally just rolling her eyes and bending to pick the pan up off the floor.

"Who piled the pots and pans on the island?" she asked.

I snickered.

"Uhm... you."

She shook her head but before she could deny it any further I ticked the events off on my fingers.

"You bought all new Tupperware from that door to door salesman yesterday because you wanted to get his number for me-"

"Which I got." She interrupted me, grinning.

"I'm not calling him." I said stubbornly before continuing with my chain of events. "You realized you had no where to put 'the fifty-two piece set(!)'" I reminded her, using the same voice the salesman had used when describing the Tupperware- like it was the best thing ever invented. "So you removed the pots and pans from the cupboard and piled them on the island. You said you'd find somewhere for them today."

She eyed me thoughtfully for a moment.

"I did, didn't I?"

I chuckled.

"Yup." I said happily, popping the p'.

She shrugged.

"Well, I can't find a place for them now." She said, not sounding brothered in the least. "I've got too much to do. Can you believe the rehearsal dinner is tonight?!"

I smiled. I loved seeing my friends happy. Alice was practically glowing. I was so glad she had found Jasper. Or what she had so lovingly called him for the first week after she saw him at football practice, 'The one that got knocked down during the first quarter.' This was always followed by a blissful sigh. "Man, he's gorgeous."

"So, what happened with the chumbucket?" she asked. "Did you call the police yet? Man, I can't believe someone stole it!"

I grabbed a tomato and started cutting it into thin slices, making sure to cut away from my body. Alice may have almost burned the kitchen down but I had almost decapitated myself more times than I'd like to count.

"I didn't have to call the police in the end." I said. "He brought it back."

She looked at me, her share of dinner forgotten. She plopped down onto the stool where I was working.

"What?" She shrieked. "What happened? Tell me everything!"

I laughed, slicing another thin piece of tomato.

"Start from the beginning." She demanded.

* * *

"Hey little sister." Emmett said, slinging an arm around my shoulder. "A little birdy told me your truck learned a new disappearing act."

I made a face at him. I didn't want to talk about what had happened earlier. It was Alice and Jasper's rehearsal dinner. Besides, talking about it was only going to make me mad again.

"I'll tell you about it later, Em." I sighed.

He chuckled.

"Should be an interesting story." he grinned slyly.

"It is." I promised him.

"When are we going to eat?" he asked, distracted already.

I shrugged.

"Soon." Alice chirped.

She was setting the table, her skirt swishing gracefully around her legs. This was why they had decided to have the dinner before the actual rehearsal. With Emmett involved food was a must and the sooner the better.

"We're just waiting for Jazzy's cousin to get here." she said.

The words were no sooner out of her mouth when the doorbell rang.

"Finally!" Emmett huffed.

I rolled my eyes.

"It's not even five-thirty yet." I reminded him. "We were all just early."

It's easy to be early when you practically lived at the house that the dinner was being served in. All we had to do was change and we were ready. We probably would have been here without the rehearsal dinner.

Emmett shot me a look, something he did any time you were even in a roundabout way messing with food. But then he smirked, waggling his eyebrows in a cartoon villain way.

"You sure you want to take his side, Bells?"

I frowned.

"What does that-"

"Mom says hi. She can't wait for the wedding." A voice that I instantly recognized said from the other room. I could hear Jasper's voice too, getting louder as he walked his guest into the kitchen but I didn't hear what he said. I was too focused on the fact that I was ninety percent sure I was having an aneurysm. This could not be happening to me!

And then they rounded the corner, coming into view. Jasper was waving his hands about like he did any time he was discussing something he was excited about. And the other man, Jasper's cousin, was looking at him- listening to what he was saying no doubt. He was wearing a nice white dress shirt, un-tucked, with a dark pair of jeans. His hair was a messy disarray and I wondered how I had missed that unique color earlier. I really had been angry to miss that copper hair. His eyes slid around the room, scanning the faces, and I realized that Jasper was done speaking.

He grinned when his eyes landed on me and I cringed.

"Hello, Beautiful."

Dang! This is happening. Do you see what I mean now? Anything that can go wrong will happen to Bella Swan. Yes, that sounds about right.

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, there's chapter#2. I hoped you liked it. Please review if you read it. Was there any favorite lines/scenes? Someone asked how old they were last chapter. Bella is 23yrs old. She's been out of college for a year. The rest of the gang is around her age because they went to college together. Edward is two yrs older- he's 25yrs old.**_

**_Much love! Here's the preview..._**

**_PREVIEW OF CHAPTER#3_**

Jasper shook his head as if he couldn't even grasp the level of immaturity at play here.

"Why?"

"Because Emmett dared me to." This _Edward_ guy answered for him. Emmett nodded in unrepentant agreement.

"Are you serious?" He asked, his tone reproachful. "And you thought the chumbucket was my new truck?"

He sounded almost indignant of the idea that someone had mistaken my truck for his.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, offended. My truck wasn't that bad!


	3. The Word of the Day is Intervention

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_**

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for the wonderful reviews. They make me smile. Virtual cookies for all of you! :-) Here's chapter#3. I hope you like it. Don't forget to review if you want the fourth chappie._**

Chapter#3. The Word of the Day is Intervention

Jasper was waving his hands about like he did any time he was discussing something he was excited about. And the other man, Jasper's cousin, was looking at him, listening to what he was saying no doubt. He was wearing a nice white dress shirt, un-tucked, with a dark pair of jeans. His hear was a messy disarray and I wondered how I had missed that unique color earlier. I really had been angry to miss that copper hair. His eyes slid around the room, scanning the faces, and I realized that Jasper was done speaking.

He grinned when his eyes landed on me and I cringed.

"Hello, Beautiful."

Dang! This is happening. Do you see what I mean now? Anything that can go wrong will happen to Bella Swan. Yes, that sounds about right.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I groaned.

Emmett burst into laughter, having to hold his sides.

"Oh my god." He gasped. "I was going to warn her but I am so glad I didn't now."

My eyes flashed to him.

"What?!" I shrieked, sounding oddly like Alice. I cleared my throat, hoping the next thing out of my mouth would be audible to human ears.

"You knew this was my carjacker?" I asked.

He smiled, the dimple on his right cheek showing itself.

"I thought he had chickened out when Jasper didn't say anything about his new truck being, 'stolen.'" He continued to grin. "But when I got home Rosie told me about what happened to _your_ truck and I put two and two together."

"What?"

This time it came from Jasper, who had moved over to Alice's side at some point during this confusing exchange.

"Who was going to steal my truck?"

Emmett chuckled.

"Edward."

Jasper shook his head as if he couldn't even grasp the level of immaturity at play here.

"Why?"

"Because Emmett dared me to." This _Edward_ guy answered for him. Emmett nodded in unrepentant agreement.

"Are you serious?" He asked, his tone reproachful. "And you thought the chumbucket was my new truck?"

He sounded almost indignant at the idea that someone had mistaken my truck for his.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, offended. My truck wasn't that bad!

Jasper gave me an apologetic look and I rolled my eyes. Fine, I guess that wasn't the point here.

"But you took Bella's instead?" He questioned.

Both boys nodded simultaneously. I glared at Edward but he only winked at me.

"Barely made it out alive." He shuttered dramatically.

I scoffed.

"I didn't even _threaten_ to kill you." I huffed. _Out loud anyway._

He shrugged.

"You could see it in her eyes." He said ominously to our friends. "She _really_ wanted to kill me."

Jasper chuckled at that, probably imagining my reaction. And Emmett was full on laughing hysterically again.

"Man, I wish I could have seen it!" He wheezed out.

I elbowed him in the gut but it didn't even faze him.

"Bella does have quite the temper." Jasper admitted. At this all of my friends(the traitors) nodded as if this was a well known fact.

"Are you about through?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. I was the one who'd had my truck stolen and they were now ganging up on me. Making fun of me with the man who'd stolen it?

"Alright, alright." I was surprised to find it was Edward who was holding his hands in the air, in a stop sign position, grinning at me but looking like he was trying not to. "She wasn't that bad. I probably would have reacted the same way if I thought someone had stolen my Volvo."

"Oh, no!" Alice gasped. "Not the precious Volvo!"

Everyone pealed into laughter and Edward sent a sly look at me. I narrowed my eyes at him. So what if he had turned the attention to himself and let them make fun of him instead? He was the reason they were making fun of me in the first place!

Alice demanded that everyone sit down to eat then and because I am Bella Swan and I have my own personal black cloud following me guess who I had to sit beside?

"Bella huh?" Edward whispered without turning his head to me after everyone had started eating, the chatter loud as it always was when we were all together.

I turned my head to look at him, well scowl at him that is.

"Yes." I clipped. Upon further examination I could see his feet crossed at the ankle under the table as he leaned back in his chair, the picture of ease. He was wearing Converse sneakers. ...With his dress clothes. At his cousin's rehearsal dinner. He really did think he was five didn't he? With his sneakers, and dress shirt untucked, and his mussed up hair his appearance practically screamed, _I really don't care what I look like! _And yet he still looked like he just stepped out of a Vanity Fair photo shoot. God-like without trying. It made me hate him all the more.

One side of his mouth turned up but he still didn't look at me.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, eying him curiously. I didn't just get caught ogling him did I? I wasn't _actually_ ogling him anyway. I was... observing. Yeah, that's it.

He set his fork down and looked at me and I edged my chair a little further away from him. He chuckled.

"I thought you said Beautiful wasn't a name." His tone was joking and his eyes held a smug glint. It made me want to hit him. Man, I really needed to spend less time with Rosalie. Maybe her anger was rubbing off on me. Or maybe this man had a certain talent to draw out the violent tendencies in anyone.

"It isn't." I insisted.

He grinned, picking up his fork again.

"Isn't that what your name means?"

I opened my mouth to retort, with what I have no idea. Most of the guys I meet couldn't even _spell _Bella- much less know what it means. But I didn't have time to make a reply.

"What are you two talking about?"

I looked over at Emmett who was grinning at us like a little boy in a toy store.

"I'm still mad at you." I told him, pointing my fork at him. He raised both eyebrows, pointing to himself with an overly innocent look. I rolled my eyes.

Edward laughed from beside me.

"Yes. See, it's _Emmett's_ fault." he said. "Not mine."

"Oh no?" I questioned doubtfully.

He shook his head seriously.

"Nope." he said cheerily. "Emmett was the one who dared me to move Jasper's truck. He's also the one who never warned me that there was another one parked in front."

He shot Emmett a look. "And he also failed to mention that Jasper was gone for the day... _in his truck_."

Emmett winced. He had clearly not thought that through. I couldn't help but laugh at that and Edward sent me a sly grin.

"It's still your fault." I told him.

He pouted.

"Well, that's not fair." he insisted, puppy dog eyes in place. "I was only pulling a prank on my little cousin."

Jasper scoffed, not liking the idea of even being in the same sentence as the word little.

"And it was Emmett's idea in the first place."

I shrugged.

"Tough luck, truck-napper."

He rolled his eyes.

"Okay, everyone listen up!" Alice called although we were all sitting around the same table- clearly in hearing range. She tended to get louder the more excited she was. "The wedding is next weekend. We have to get this right."

"This is eagle one to Blondie." I said, holding my hand to my face like a walkie talkie.

"Yes, eagle one?" Rosalie asked from across the table.

"Wedding must be perfect." I relayed, making a sound that only half resembled the static of a walkie talkie.

Alice rolled her eyes and the boys all laughed. Rose and I had started this ever since Alice told us we had to share the maid of honor title. We were maids of honor, partners in crime! I mean, of planning Alice's fairy tale wedding.

"She _does_ have a sense of humor." Edward murmured, almost to himself but his eyes gave him away. He was looking at me through the corner of his eye, smirking just slightly as he went to take a bite of chicken.

I nudged his elbow and he missed his mouth. I just looked straightforward, grinning to myself. Victory is mine!

* * *

"Congrats man." Edward said, hugging Jasper in that weird half hug-half back slap way that all guys hug.

"Thanks." Jasper grinned.

The dinner had gone okay after the initial shock had worn off, except for having to sit beside my mortal enemy that is. Yes, I had decided that we had to be mortal enemies now. Before he was just some person I didn't like. Would you like the man that had stolen your car? No. But now it looked like he was going to be around for a while, at least until the wedding was over. I was going to have to see him almost on a daily basis. Just not liking him wasn't going to cut it.

"Bye Edward!" Alice called as he walked down the sidewalk. Everyone was gathered in the entry way and they all waved. I didn't.

He chuckled.

"Bye." he turned to walk back down the sidewalk but then he paused and turned back for a moment.

"Good bye, Bella." he called, loud and obnoxious.

I frowned.

"Later, truck-napper." I grumbled.

As soon as he got to his car Alice slammed the door shut and whirled around. They were all looking at me.

"What?" I asked, shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot. I hated being the center of attention and now there was four people staring at me like I was some type of alien just come down in a flying saucer. Uhm, yeah... I come in peace?

"Edward and Bella sitting in a tree!" Emmett sang off key. "K-i-s-"

I reached out and grabbed his mouth, cutting his horrible singing off mid-sentence.

"They're going to call PETA." I warned him. "You're disturbing all of the neighborhood animals."

He frowned.

"S-i-n-g." He finished quickly, the letters muddled because I was still pinching his lips together.

I rolled my eyes.

"You through?"

He nodded amiably.

"First comes love!" He shouted as soon as I let go.

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Okay." He chuckled. "_Now_ I'm through."

Our audience all laughed and I shot a look at Rose and Alice who were standing together.

"What?" I questioned again.

"Edward and Bella sitting in a tree!" They yelled together.

God, I felt like I had been transported back to the playground when I was seven and I accidentally let it slip that I liked Jacob Black.

"Edward is very nice, Bella." Jasper said calmly, smiling despite himself at the scene before him.

"Edward is a criminal." I corrected dryly.

They all laughed.

"He did a public service taking that truck off the road." Rose said.

I scowled at her.

"You guys have chemistry." Alice insisted.

I scrunched up my nose at her. They had to be kidding me!

"We hate each other." I deadpanned.

They all sighed in exasperation, even Jasper.

"_He_ doesn't seem to hate _you_, Bells." Emmett snickered. I didn't honor that with a reply. That was completely beside the point. I didn't see Edward hating any woman. Remember- smooth talking, lady's man.

"Well, I hate him."

"You know what I call all that bickering?" Rosalie asked seriously. I raised an eyebrow, dreading her answer. There was no telling what was going to come out of Rosalie McCarty's mouth.

"Foreplay." She said simply.

I smacked my forehead, turning bright red despite my best efforts.

"Are you guys done picking on me?" I asked impatiently. "I've had a horrible couple of days. My truck was stolen. Then I realized it was only a practical joke gone bad. Then I had to suffer through a dinner with the carjacker himself. Now I'm being teased by my best friends in the whole world."

I knew it was a low blow but they all stopped laughing. Alice and Jasper even had the decency to look apologetic.

"We're sorry, Bella." Alice said, giving me a timid smile. I smiled back at her. I could never stay mad at any of them for too long. They were more than just my friends. They were my family.

"We're just worried about you." She continued.

I corked an eyebrow.

"I'm not _really_ going to kill him, guys."

Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"We're worried because you're all alone."

I groaned.

"Not this again!"

This was a routine discussion for us. I hadn't exactly had a lot of dating experience and they were all 'worried' that I was going to die alone or something. I was just worried about chocking during dinner and no one being their to give me the Heimlich. Other than that I was fine. I didn't need to find a guy- I just chewed slowly.

"Bells, you haven't dated since that fling with Pual." Jasper said gently.

I scoffed. They were keeping track? This was starting to sound oddly like an intervention.

"And you could hardly call that dating." Alice scoffed. "You didn't even really like the guy. You just thought he was hott."

I grinned, remembering.

"He _was _hott."

"He was a jerk." Rose said sharply.

I nodded. There was no way I could deny that. Paul was... one of a kind. So was his temper.

"So you're saying I need to find a nice guy?" I baited.

They all nodded simultaneously.

"Like a carjacker?" I finished flatly.

Alice threw her hands in the air.

"Fine!" She snapped. "You don't like Edward. We get it." She threw me an exasperated look and I shrugged. He was definitely attractive. There was no denying that. He was more than simply attractive if I was being completely honest. But. he. stole. my. truck.

"So don't go out with Edward." Rose said easily. Gee, why didn't I think of that? Cue eye roll... _now._ "I'm sure we can find someone else for you."

I wrinkled my nose in distaste. This is the part where they tell me about some guy that I had never met but 'definitely had potential.' And then they would guilt me into 'just giving him a chance.'

"Oh!" Alice squealed. "I know someone! There's a guy at Jazz's office that saw you when we dropped off lunch one day and he's been asking about you."

I looked at Jasper pleadingly- giving him my best _help me_ look. He looked at me apologetically. Crap, he was going to side with the pixie. Of course, don't get Ali mad with the wedding so close. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"He has been." He admitted.

I sighed, my shoulders slumping.

"You've never met him but believe me, he has some potential." Alice said.

I rolled my eyes at her.

"He's average height, average weight, with blond hair, and blue eyes." She relayed. Did anyone else notice how many times she used the word _average?_

"And he's got an adorable baby face."

I tried very hard to keep my face free of any expression. 'An adorable baby face?' Gee, how will I ever be able to control myself? I am of the oppinion that _adorable _should be used in context with small children or that puppy you want but don't want to house break.

_A man who is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man- I am not for him._

I hear you, Beatrice!

"Don't give me that look." Alice huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. She was going to make such a good mom someday!

"How much you wanna bet she was reciting Shakespeare quotes in her head again?" Emmett chuckled.

I glared at him. Beatrice _gets _me okay.

"I know what you're thinking, babe." Rose said. "But you need to trust us on this one."

She reached out and squeezed my arm, smiling apologetically.

"We don't mean to gang up on you." She said. "But we don't want you to die alone or something."

"Can't you just give him one chance?" Alice pouted.

I groaned. I'm going to regret this.

"Fine." I sighed.

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you're still liking the story. Edward comes back into the story next chapter and some progress will be made on that front. Please don't forget to review. Any favorite lines/scenes? And don't worry about them ganging up on Bella. They only do it because they love her and she does get them back. Well, at least one of them. *Sinister grin* Haha. Besides it adds to our entertainment so why not? Lol. Review and you'll get the next chapter quicker._**

**_Much love. Here's a review of the next chapter..._**

**_preview of Chapter#4-_**

I turned the key in the ignition, preparing myself for the deafening roar of the engine. Nothing happened.

"Crap!" I cursed myself. I cursed Alice for setting me up on this date from hell. I cursed my truck. I cursed my dad's old friend, Billy, who sold me him the truck. And I cursed those sweatshop kids who no doubt built the engine.

Edward knocked on my window and I stopped my full blown rant to reluctantly roll it down. It got stuck half way and I cursed the window too.

"I'd say that's an awfully quite engine you've got there." he said. "But from the string of profanities coming from your mouth I'm guessing that's not it."

I closed my eyes, resting my head on the steering wheel.

"It always does this to me." I groaned.

He was quiet for a moment, probably wondering if I was going to lash out at any more inanimate objects.

"Do you want me to take a look at it?" he asked finally.

I opened my eyes, surprised.


	4. The Word of the Day is Savior?

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

Chapter#4. The Word of the Day is... Savior?

I can not believe that Alice convinced me to do this. Stinking blind dates never work out. And then she had to dress me in that ridiculous flirty sundress. I threw on my sweatshirt as soon as she left. What? It was Forks- rainy and cold.

And then I actually met the guy. Oh my god. _Why_ had I let Alice set me up? Because I'm a sucker, that's why. Alice had good intentions but this Mike guy was not for me. Besides, who says I need a guy to be happy? Here's the thing about Alice, and Rosalie too. She's just less obvious about it. They have found _it._ The true love that most people only dream about. As angry as they get with the guys sometimes and as many times as they threaten their lives on a daily basis they're it for them. And once you've found that you can't imagine being happy without it.

But let me tell you right now- Mike Newton was not it. If I thought he was, if I thought that it didn't get any better than this I would lay in bed for the rest of my days gobbling Ben 'n Jerry's ice cream by the gallon. The fat lady's singing. If he's as good as it gets it's time to give up.

"Maybe we could spend the next summer at the lake." he suggested casually, taking a thoughtful bite of his frozen yogurt. "Do you like the water? I've got a house boat."

I corked an eyebrow. I had only known him for two hours and he was already planning summer vacations together?

"Well, it's really my friend's cousin's houseboat." he muttered. "And it's more like a really big row boat. But a small tent can fit in it."

He smiled at me expectantly. I blinked. There's was so much to say to that. But my dad told me not to say anything if I didn't have anything nice to say. ...or was that from the bunny in Bambie?

Thankfully he didn't need a response to continue the conversation. He just shrugged.

"Oh well," he grinned. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

He then turned his spoon to my mouth.

"Are you _sure _you don't want any?" he purred. I think he was trying to look seductive. Either that or he was having an aneurysm. I wasn't sure which.

I forced a tight smile and took a step back.

"I'm sure."

I keep telling these people it's Forks! Rainiest place in the continental US.

"Frozen yogurt. Yum."

I narrowed my eyes at the irritatingly familiar voice and spun around to face it.

"Edward." My tone was cold, clipped.

"I love frozen yogurt." he continued as if he had always been a part of this conversation. Was he trying to jack my night now too?

"But that was back in Arizona."

He rubbed his hands over his arms dramatically and shivered.

"It's a little cold for that here though don't you think?"

He looked me up and down.

"Especially with what the lovely lady is wearing." he smirked.

I scowled at him.

"Are you stalking me?"

He raised an eyebrow at me, not trying to hide his amusement.

"A carjacker _and _a stalker?" he frowned playfully. "Well, Beautiful Bella- you don't have a very high opinion of me, do you?"

"No."

"How do you two know each other?"

My eyes swung to Mike. I had honestly forgotten he was here. He was looking between the two of us, confused.

"It's a very long story." I said dryly.

"But very entertaining." Edward chuckled. "Maybe we could all go get some hot chocolate and I'll tell you about it."

Mike was now thoroughly confused. He was standing there opening and closing his mouth so much that he looked like a trout with a low IQ.

"Actually we were going to go for a walk." I told him, stepping up to Mike. Mike looked very pleased by this and he slung his arm around my waist. I cringed internally but... the lesser of two evils.

Edward looked like he was serpressing a chuckle.

"Awe." he sighed, his breath visible in the cold air. "It is a beautiful night. I'd love to join you."

He winked.

"Thanks for asking."

Asking? Asked him? I didn't ask him.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"How fun."

He just grinned.

"So were we walking anywhere in particular?" he prompted.

I stepped away from Mike, having to pry his arm from my waist. Since it looked like my carjacker was sticking around there was no reason to torture myself by pretending to like Mike.

Mike frowned.

"The park?" he suggested.

Edward corked an eyebrow, turning his attention to me.

"You lead." he said. "I'll follow."

Was that a threat?

"The park sounds fine." I said through clenched teeth.

Edward nodded, holding his hand out in an _after you_ type of way. A smile threatened at the corner of his lips.

"Are all criminals as smiley as you?" I hissed quietly after Mike had walked a head of us. Okay- so maybe I walked slower and slower until he had to walk in front.

Edward shot me a look.

"Criminal?" he scoffed. "You really are not the mos forgiving person I've ever met."

I shrugged.

"I've heard that once or twice." I admitted.

"I'm not a criminal." he defended.

"You stole my truck."

He rolled his eyes.

"What ever makes you feel better about being bitter."

I stopped walking. _Bitter_? I wasn't bitter. Just because I didn't like the guy didn't mean I was a bad person.

"Hey, Bella." Mike called. "There's a house for sale across the street."

I blew out a breath, focusing on the house he was talking about.

"That it is..." I said, not seeing what he was getting at.

"Well, you never know..." He said looking down at the ground uncomfortably. "Maybe sometime in the future..."

Wait a second! Is he really saying what I thought he was saying?

"You'd have to make sure it has enough bedrooms for the little ones." Edward said, straight faced.

I think I may have gaged a little.

"I will not be procreating with Mike Newton." I spat, making sure only Edward could hear me. Mike had scampered across the street to get a flyer. Is it wrong of me to hope he gets hit by a bus?

"Bella," Edward smirked. "Children are a beautiful gift from God."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"So are restraining orders." I said dryly.

He laughed.

"Seriously, after seeing _him._" He chuckled, looking across the street at Mike. "you think I'm your biggest problem?"

I followed his gaze to see Mike waving the flyer at me excitedly. I sighed.

"It's our first date." I admitted reluctantly.

Edward laughed again.

"Are you kidding?"

I shook my head sadly.

"I'd never even met him before tonight." I confided. "It was a blind date."

"Oh," Edward said, sympathetic. "That's bad."

"Yep."

Edward and I stood there in silence for another moment.

"Three bedrooms!" Mike hollered across the street.

I shuddered.

"You _sure _you don't want to be saved?" Edward asked smugly.

I groaned.

"Fine."

He chuckled, pulling his phone out of his back pocket and sauntering away from me.

"Where are you going?" I called. He didn't answer me. He didn't even look back. Fine then- one nuisance gone. But at least that nuisance was good to look at. He really did get better looking every time I saw him. So annoying!

"He finally took the hint huh?" Mike asked, coming back from his treck across the street. It was buss free I saw.

I forced a tight smile.

"I guess so." I said. "Some people can just be so obtuse."

He frowned.

"Doesn't that mean round?"

I just looked at him. It was people like him that made me wish you had to take a test before having children. He should not be passing on those genes.

"Maybe so, Mike." I replied. Why try to explain? It would be easier to just go along with it.

I kept expecting Edward to make another appearance, to 'save' me but after another full ten minutes listening to Mike blabber on about nothing in particular I gave up on him. The one thing that could might actually have made me dislike him a little less and he bails without saving me. This night has officially been dubbed my night with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. I haven't decided which is which yet.

My cell phone ringing brought me back from my reverie.

I shot Mike an apologetic look, taking my phone from my pocket.

"Oh, it's my dad." I told him. "It could be important."

Actually I had no idea who this was- they weren't in my phone book. But anything that could be used to help me escape from this horrid date was very important in my eyes.

Before I could even say a greeting the voice at the other end of the line started talking, a smooth husky voice assaulting me.

"Did someone order a savoir?"

My mouth fell open in surprise but I closed it as quickly as I could.

"Oh, hi Dad." I said, looking at Mike. He was listening in while pretending not to be.

The husky voice chuckled.

"Did you just call me Dad, Bella?" He asked, amused. "Ms. Swan, I'm shocked!"

"Nana's sick?" I asked, feigning horror. I ignored his sarcastic comment. This was paramount.

"Oh, using Nana." Edward tisked. "You should be ashamed."

"It's serious?" I said, acting like I was repeating what was being said on the other line.

Mike looked concerned and I felt a twinge of guilt. Was that enough to make me suffer through another few hours with him and take my chances trying to dodge the good night kiss? No. No it was not.

"Nana is fine, dear." Edward said in a push accent. I almost laughed, imagining my dad actually sounding anything like _that._ "She wants you to enjoy your date with the nice blond boy."

"Oh no." I gasped, turning so Mike couldn't see me roll my eyes. That was also something that my dad would never say. "That's awful."

"She says life is short." Okay, now he was pretending to _be_ the grandmother, talking in what was supposedly my Nana's voice. "Do something crazy. Buy the house across the street!"

I narrowed my eyes, imagining them shooting rays.

"I'll be right there." I rushed.

"Oh I'll be waiting." he purred. Wow- so much for Nana's voice. That one made me freeze for half a second, my heart skipping a beat.

I snapped my phone shut without replying. No I needed to finish this. I turned back to Mike, my eyes wide.

"My nana needs me." I said dramatically. Maybe I could summon up some tears.

"Oh," Mike said, looking disappointed. "Well we'll get together later?"

Gee, selfish. For all he knew my grandmother was dying.

"She lives in..." I floundered. "Switzerland!" I exclaimed a little too loudly.

"Yeah, Switzerland." I said, more calmly. "I've got to get back home to pack. I don't know when I'll be back."

"But-"

"I'm buying a one way ticket for now." I said, cutting him off.

"Call me." he said, longing in his voice. He started to move towards me. I cringed.

"Long distance relationships are very difficult, Mike." I said in my no nonsense voice.

He didn't say anything. He just looked at me blankly.

"Well, it's been fun." I lied. "I'm sure I'll see you around... when I get back from New Zealand."

"You mean Switzerland?" he frowned.

My eyes widened.

"Yes!" I yelled. "Switzerland. I- I always get those places mixed up."

God, I was such an idiot. There goes my award winning performance.

"Bye, Mike." I called, heading off in the direction that I had parked my truck a few blocks away.

"Stupid, stupid Bella." I chided myself, digging through my purse for my keys. "And stupid, stupid Alice!"

"You know one sign of insanity is talking to yourself."

I whipped around, my purse flying out of my hand and scattering its contents across the sidewalk.

Edward was leaning against the wall of the restaurant where Mike and I had begun our evening. He had his arms crossed over his chest, one eyebrow raised at me.

"Geez," I breathed, setting my hands over my hyperactive heart. "You scared the crap out of me."

He chuckled, moving to pick my things up off of the sidewalk.

"Sorry."

I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever." I sighed, trying not to let on to the fact that my heart was still beating away in my throat.

I picked my bag back up and started to help him collect the rest of my purse guts up but I froze, my eyes wide. Oh god no!

"Edward, no!" I said, horrified. "Don't-"

But he'd already picked it up. He looked at me questioningly and then slowly looked back to the item in his hand. His yes shown recognition and he dropped the tampon like he'd been burned.

"God!" he groaned, his face scrunched up in disgust. "Gross."

"Don't be such a baby." I lashed out in embarrassment. I was just as horrified as he was. My face was ten shades of red and I was already planning my next therapy session to get over this memory.

He stood back up quickly as I snatched the package up. I liked to plan ahead but that had just bit me in the butt. I shoved everything back in my bag and slung it over my shoulder awkwardly.

"Thanks for helping with the get away." I mumbled, still practically glowing red from embarrassment. How do you even recover from something like that? Maybe I _will _have to move to Switzerland now. Or was it New Zealand?

Thankfully Edward seemed more than willing to change topic.

"I was just a concerned citizen." he said, putting his hands in his pockets.

I made a face.

"Never going on a blind date again." I vowed, more to myself than to him.

"If you do you'll have to practice your escape plan a little more."

I looked at him questioningly.

"Seriously." he smirked. "Your lying? Sucks!"

I pouted.

"Don't be mean."

"No emmys for you." he sang.

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"And here I was thinking you were Tweedle _Dee_." I mumbled.

He raised his eyebrows, amused.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing." I blushed. Tweedle Dee, Tweddle Dumb- what's the difference really?

I turned, putting my keys in the door of my truck. I had made sure to lock it.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" I sighed. Of course he wouldn't let me make a graceful exit. I was tired, and annoyed, and still slightly embarrassed. Couldn't I just go home to my warm bed already?

"I have one condition for my rescue."

My mouth dropped open and I spun around.

"You've already done the rescuing." I said, indignant beyond all belief. "It's too late to add conditions."

"Come have a drink with me?" he asked sauvly, ignoring my previous snarl.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I don't drink." I said.

"Are you hungry?" he asked hopefully.

I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I already ate."

He sighed, sounding exasperated.

"Do you really hate me that me much?"

I started to answer him but I snapped my mouth shut. One of my problems was talking without thinking. Once I did stop to think though I knew I didn't hate him exactly. But I definitely didn't like him.

"Finish our walk?" he tried, giving me a look that was surprisingly effective.

I sucked in a breath, having trouble breathing all of a sudden. When did it get so hot out here?

"How did you get my number?" I asked, in a daze.

He blinked, surprised by my reply. Surely he was used to getting everything he wanted with that look he'd just used on me. And that's why I decided to change the subject. He needed to learn that he couldn't get everything he wanted just because he was charming, witty, and extremely sexy.

_Woah there, Bella._ a voice trilled from the back of my mind. _That's the arrogant carjacker you just described there._

Oh yeah. Yikes! I needed some sleep.

"What?" he asked, shaking me from my conversation with myself. Maybe he was right and I was going insane.

"When you called to save me from Mike." I explained. "How did you get my number?"

Understanding flashed on his face.

"Oh," he said. "I tried different number combinations until I reached you."

I rolled my eyes.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?"

He clapped his hands enthusiastically.

"Oh, oh!" he grinned. "I'm a mind reader."

I scoffed, turning back to my truck.

"Good night, Edward." I called, cutting off another of his crazy explanations.

He laughed.

"Good night, Beautiful Bella."

I rolled my eyes, turning the key in the ignition- preparing myself for the deafening roar of the engine. Nothing happened.

"Crap!" I cursed myself. I cursed Alice for setting me up on this date from hell. I cursed my truck. I cursed my dad's old friend, Billy, who sold me him the truck. And I cursed those sweatshop kids who no doubt built the engine.

Edward knocked on my window and I stopped my full blown rant to reluctantly roll it down. It got stuck half way and I cursed the window too.

"I'd say that's an awfully quite engine you've got there." he said. "But from the string of profanities coming from your mouth I'm guessing that's not it."

I closed my eyes, resting my head on the steering wheel.

"It always does this to me." I groaned.

He was quiet for a moment, probably wondering if I was going to lash out at any more inanimate objects.

"Do you want me to take a look at it?" he asked finally.

I opened my eyes, surprised.

"Are there any conditions?" I asked.

He chuckled.

"No." He said. "No conditions. I'll just do it out of the kindness of my heart."

He smirked at me, walking around to the front of my truck.

"Pop the hood?" he called.

I scrambled out of the cab to join him.

"No latch." I explained, prying it open and holding it up so it didn't crush him.

He nodded, pushing his shirt sleeves up and leaning over the engine. I caught sight of a tattoo on the inside of his left wrist, a name in flowing elegant scrip. I spent the next five minutes studying that tattoo, trying to decipher the name.

"Hmm." Edward hummed thoughtfully. "Uh-huh. uh-huh. Hmm."

"You have no idea what you're doing do you?" I asked.

He straightened up, brushing his greasy hands on the legs of his dark jeans. The shirtsleeves remained rolled up to the elbow.

"None what so ever." he admitted.

I couldn't help but laugh. He smiled faintly as he closed the hood.

"Come on." he said, turning to me. "I'll walk you home."

I looked around the empty streets of Forks.

"I'll be fine." I said, smiling. "But thank you." I would be lying if I said I wasn't surprised with his actions tonight. He was almost... gentlemanly?

He rolled his eyes.

"I'm not worried about you." he teased. "I'm scared of the dark."

I laughed.

"You are not."

He chuckled, reaching out to grab my hand casually.

"You never know." he said, good natured. "I might be."

I bit my lip, looking from his open friendly eyes to our joined hands.

"Okay." I said hesitantly. "Thanks."

I did take my hand back though. It shouldn't feel so right to be touching your mortal enemy. He cleared his throat as if just realizing that he was, or had been, holding my hand. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Lead the way." He said, smiling tensely.

I blinked.

"Oh- oh yeah." I said. "This way." Damn that man to hell! That was the second time tonight he had dazzled me. A mortal enemy has no right to do that!

I lived about six blocks away and we walked the first two in awkward silence. As much as I'd wanted him to just stay quiet and leave me alone before I didn't want to walk the next four feeling uncomfortable. I wasn't a big fan of conversational lulls even if it was with your enemy.

"What's it say?" I blurted out, desperate to break the silence.

He looked over curiously.

"What?"

I blushed, nodding towards his arm.

"Your tattoo." I explained.

"Oh." He held his wrist out in front of me. Elizabeth was elegantly scrawled there. A ribbon was twined through the beginning E.

"A girlfriend?" I asked, surprised by how hard it was to make my tone nonchalaunt. "Your daughter?"

He looked at me like I had just asked him if he spent his weekends kicking defenseless puppies.

"No." he said, eyeing me curiously. I looked away from his eyes quickly. "I'd never get a girlfriends name inked. These things are permanent you know. And I don't have any kids."

For some reason I felt better after he said that.

"Sorry." I said, looking up shyly. "I didn't mean to-"

He waved me off.

"It's my mother's name." he explained. "She was diagnosed with cancer when I was sixteen."

My eyes widened. I hadn't been expecting that. That explained the ribbon. It did look like the cancer awareness ribbon now that I thought about it.

"I got it when she went into remission." He continued. "It's been six years since then and she's still doing good."

I smiled.

"That's amazing." I said honestly.

"She's strong." He agreed, smiling fondly as he thought of his mother. "So it's your turn, Beautiful Bella."

I frowned.

"What do you mean?"

He rubbed his hands in front of his mouth, trying to stay warm.

"Tell me something about yourself." he explained. "Something I'd never guess."

I bit my lip, thinking.

"I love Lucky Charm Cereal." I decided. "But I only eat the marshmallows out of it."

I felt kind of guilty about choosing something so mundane after he told me about his mother beating cancer. But I didn't feel like moonlit confessions with my carjacker.

He didn't seem to mind my inane answer.

"The marshmallows are the best part." he agreed.

I smiled. So, I might have misjudged him but that didn't mean anything. He was still immature, arrogant, and... well he stole my car.

"My turn again I guess." He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and I nodded. Of course that meant I was going to have to take another turn but I was admittedly curious about him.

He blew out a breath, thinking.

"I called Alice to get your number." He finally decided.

"And she just gave it to you?" I questioned, unbelieving.

"It took some convincing." He admitted. "But I told her you were on a horrible blind date and you were graciously letting me save you."

I gawked at him, my mouth open. He smirked at me, looking very proud.

"She said that if you were letting _me _save you it must be bad."

I laughed.

"It _was_ bad."

He nodded in agreement.

"But it seems he's not my only problem." I teased. He corked an eyebrow.

"You called your cousin's fiance trying to track me down." I accused

He laughed.

"That does make me sound like a stalker doesn't it?"

I smiled, looking down at the ground. A carjacker who returns the car. A stalker who admits to the stalking. I think my mother warned me about him. He was even tattooed. But did it count if it was with his mother's name? The guy was a walking cliche.

"That would be really creepy if you didn't love me huh?"

My head whipped up and he grinned at me, talking again before I could comment.

"Your turn again." He smirked.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Enough story time." I said. "This is my place."

We both looked up at my apartment building.

"I'll walk you." He said, heading up the sidewalk. I had to rush to catch up with him.

"You're going to have to say good bye now." I told him, unlocking my door. "No where else to walk me."

He smiled at me innocently.

"I can't come in?" he asked, using that effective tone again.

I frowned.

"No." I said sternly. Yes- Mom definitely warned me about him _and _that little dimple in his cheek.

He laughed.

"Well can we be friends?" he asked hopefully.

I thought about it for a moment. He wasn't good for me but he wasn't the criminal I had pegged him for. I couldn't imagine this Edward stealing candy from small children or robing any banks. I might have been too hard on him.

"No." I finally decided. "But we aren't enemies."

He put his hands to his chest dramatically.

"Not enemies?" he quoted "Wow. Why don't you just admit that you're in love with me?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Good night." I said, stepping in and closing the door before he could say something else to ruin our delicate new peace.

"You want me!" he called in a sing song voice through the door. I could only imagine what the neighbors were thinking.

"I do _not!_" I called back just as loudly.

I could hear his husky chuckle through the door that was separating us and I smiled to myself.

"It's okay, Bella." He said. "Don't fight your feelings."

"Good night!"

"Listen to your heart!"

I chuckled, walking away from the door after I switched the porch light off on him. He probably wasn't going home until after Jasper and Alice's wedding. This was going to be interesting.

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Someone mentioned that if I just sent these previews of the next chapter to those who reviewed I might get more. I'm willing to try that. Lol. So I'm holding my previews hostage until you review and then I'll send it to you personally. Please don't hate me. Reviews are better than a tattooed Edward wearing Converse. :-) Well, maybe not but you get the idea. Any favorite lines/scenes?_**

**_Much love!_**

**_P.S.- don't forget that the cut off date for the REVEALING OF SSA CONTEST is Jan.1st. We need more entries. See my other story(Reassigned Identity) for the rules. Love you guys!_**


	5. The Word of the Day is Camaraderie

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_**

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:This chapter is dedicated to RosieCullen- Black because her comment about marrying Mike just made me crack up. Love ya, girlie. I'm so glad that you are all liking this story. I'm sorry it took so long for me to update but... well life happened. Don't you hate it when that happens? Anyway, everyone that asked for a preview got one I think. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Enjoy!_**

CHAPTER#5. The Word of the Day is Camaraderie

_**Sometimes the only way for people to bond is when they are fighting against a common enemy. Camaraderie my friends is a magical thing.**_

* * *

"So you went out with Edward?"

I frowned, brushing some hair out of my eyes.

"No." I said. "I went out with Mike Newton, which was disastrous by the way."

She spread some more confetti over the table. Rose and I had recruited Emmett and Edward earlier this morning to help set up for Alice's bridal shower. Jasper wasn't forced to help because he was keeping Alice distracted so she didn't come 'supervise.' Alice supervising means taking over and then being angry she had to do everything. The guys hadn't wanted to help since they couldn't come but we pretended we couldn't hear their protests. They were blowing up the balloons, occasionally inhaling the helium and pretending to be Daffy Duck. I'm pretty sure half the things they were saying were not fit for Saturday morning cartoons but whatever made them forget they were being forced to help against their will.

Rose straightened from where she was examining the table decor and shot me a look over her shoulder.

"You were on a date with Mike but you spent the evening making fun of him and escaping with Edward?" She asked. She didn't look disapproving... just confused.

I shrugged, not making eye contact. Not making eye contact with Rose was paramount. She was like those gorillas at the zoo that you weren't supposed to look at directly because they'd take it as a challenge. If you didn't have an argument prepared don't challenge her. And I didn't know what last night meant. We had decided to be- What? Not enemies. It's really nothing but it had seemed like something last night. Did I want it to be something? Of course not! He was my carjacker.

"It sounds so mean when you put it like that." I pouted.

"And he walked you-"

She snickered, looking over my head. Before I could look over my shoulder to see what had captured her interest a shiver ran down my back. And then warm breath hit my neck.

"Don't let her make you feel bad." Edward stage whispered teasingly. "He deserved it. They set you up with a complete loser."

I laughed, looking pointedly at Rosalie. That was right!

Rose rolled her eyes, taking streamers out of the bag sitting on a nearby chair.

"He couldn't have been that bad."

I snorted.

"He was worse than bad." I insisted.

She rolled her eyes again. I narrowed my own. Now I was prepared to make a challenge about this one. And I had witnesses. I whirled on Edward, tripping myself in the process. He had to grab my elbow to steady me.

"Tell her." I said, tilting my head back to look at him. "He was bad."

He grinned at me, his eyes lingering on me for a moment before he turned to Rose.

"Bad." He nodded in confirmation. "He wanted to buy a house."

Rose looked at me, wide eyed.

"What?" She shrieked. "Like for him, right?"

I chuckled, shaking my head smugly.

"Nope." Edward answered for me. "He was quite taken with our Beautiful Bella. He wanted to shake up right then and there."

He cracked himself up and I smacked his arm, rolling my eyes. He released my elbow and took a step back but his eyes were still shinning with amusement. I hadn't realized he was still holding my elbow.

"He wanted to buy her a house?" Rose asked, directing her question to Edward.

He nodded, jolly.

"He wanted to buy _them _a house." he corrected. "He wanted to make sure there was enough room for future little Mike's." he added, enjoying himself.

I shuddered.

"The world doesn't need any more Mike's." I said. "The world wouldn't last with another Mike. And _you're _the one that put that in his head."

"And he was planning summer vacations together." Edward continued, ignoring me.

"Oh my god." Rose gasped.

"I know." he agreed.

I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Hello." I said, slightly irritated. "I'm right here."

They didn't even look at me. I huffed.

"And he tried walking behind her so he could stare at her butt." he continued. "But she was walking so painfully slow he gave up and let her walk with me."

"I wasn't trying to walk with you." I protested. "I was-"

I shut my mouth. I didn't know he was trying to stare at me. I thought he just didn't want to leave me walking with Edward were he couldn't keep an eye on us. Gross.

"Ew." Rose made a disgusted face and I was in complete agreement.

He nodded solemnly.

"I think I should screen all future dates for her." he said. I waited for him to start laughing but he was serious as far as I could tell. 'Screen my dates?' what does that even mean?

Rose sent me a sly look and I busied myself with smoothing a nonexistent crease in the table cloth. It didn't mean anything. He was just being irritating- which just so happened to be his major. But I was going to have a hard time convincing my friend of that.

"I know how guys think, Bella." He said, turning to me now. "I'll keep an eye out for you. If the guy's being inappropriate I'll talk to him for you."

I was trying to decide if that was invasive or cute when Rose walked away, mumbling some lame excuse about needing to help Emmett hang the streamers in the living room. I scowled at her back.

"I don't need anyone to keep an eye out for me." I said, turning back to Edward. My tone may have come out a little... icier than intended. His eyebrows shot up.

"I'm fully capable of taking care of myself."

He nodded, holding his hands out in surrender.

"I know that." He said. "I've been on the receiving end of the Bella Swan fit, remember?"

My mouth dropped open, indignant.

"You named it?" I asked incredulously. The Bella Swan fit!

He chuckled.

"All I'm saying is that I know you are more than capable of taking care of yourself. Quite honestly I feel sorry for anyone that tries to go up against you."

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't that bad. So I had a bit of an attitude problem.

"But the Temptations got it right."

I corked an eyebrow. What was he talking about now?

"Everyone needs someone to lean on."

I eyed him curiously for a moment. One night I tell him we're not enemies and the next morning he wants to be my protector? My shoulder to cry on? My someone to lean on?

"And you think you should be that someone?"

He ignored me.

"Do you want to play a prank on Emmett?"

He was trying to distract me. But it was so very distracting.

"Do you remember what happened last time you 'pranked' someone?" I asked.

He smiled apologetically.

"When you think about it that was really Emmett's fault." he insisted. "So we need to get him back."

I thought about it. He had been the instigator of the whole thing. And he hadn't felt bad about it either. He'd been teasing me about not taking Edward's side before I even knew that was my carjacker. He thought this whole thing was hilarious.

We were going to get him!

"What have you got in mind?" I asked.

He grinned.

"That's the spirit!" He cheered. "So, here's what we're going to do..."

He leaned in closer, whispering his plan in my ear. I was smiling like the Cheshire cat by the time he was done.

"Too mean?" He asked when he was through.

I looked over at Emmett who was playing Barbie Girl on his new iPhone for the millionth time that day. He caught my nasty look and turned it up just in time for the chorus which he sang along with- _loudly_.

I snickered.

"Not at all." I assured him. "I think it's perfect."

Edward looked very proud of himself.

"I'll take care of it after I leave here." he said. "We're taking Jasper somewhere tonight for his bachelor party but I'll get it done before then."

I nodded, satisfied with our masterly plan. Well, it was really Edward's plan but I would have thought of it... eventually. Okay, I probably never would have but it was going to be sublime.

"So, where are you taking Jasper for the big night?" I asked, folding napkins and placing the little triangular sandwiches on them.

Edward didn't answer me and I looked back at him over my shoulder. He was looking at the sandwich in my hand like he was in pain.

"What is that?" He asked, pointing to the snack I held as if I was holding rat poison.

"Cucumber sandwich."

He shuddered.

"A sandwich with cucumbers?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Are you trying to avoid the question?" I asked, turning my attention back to stacking the rat poison- I mean sandwiches on a silver plater that Rose had set out.

He looked over his shoulder as Emmett let a balloon go and it squealed around the room.

We both shook our heads although if he was in there he'd probably have done the same thing.

"I'm not avoiding anything." He said, looking back at me. "I don't know where we're taking him. Emmett planned the bachelor party. I'm no fun."

He made a face at me and I stuck my tongue out in return. He chuckled.

"No fun?" I asked incredulously. He wasn't a lot of things- Like mature for one. But he seemed like fun to me. Not that I would tell him that.

He shrugged.

"I'm not much of a partier." he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Wouldn't you have to eat like thirty of those to be full?"

I snickered.

"Easily distracted are we?"

He picked some lint of his sleeve, not bothered in the least. It didn't seem like much bothered him ever.

"Sometimes." He allowed.

I laughed.

"So, you'll follow through with the first phase of the plan when you leave here?" I asked.

His eyes lit up.

"Yes, Ma'am." he saluted.

I laughed.

"I'll follow through with: 'operation change Emmett's phone' ASAP."

He frowned.

"You've been demoted." He said. "That's a horrible name."

I made a face at him.

"Isn't it time for you to go?"

He chuckled.

"Are you trying to say that you don't enjoy my company, Beautiful Bella?" he teased.

I put my hands on my hips.

"That's exactly what I'm saying." I said, feigning seriousness. "Be gone!"

I flung my hand in the general direction of the door dramatically. When had I decided that I liked his company? He wasn't all that bad I suppose. He was fun enough... when he wasn't stealing my vehicle and making me want to hit him. But he did that often. Make me want to hit him that is. Seriously, the man could make a monk angry. But when he wasn't doing that he was okay company.

He reached out and grabbed my outstretched hand, kissing the palm.

"I'm sorry, M'lady." He bowed. "I'll be leaving now to prank the big jolly friend."

My eyes widened and I jerked my hand back. It was the same feeling from last night when he reached out to hold my hand. He hadn't seemed to think about it at all. And I thought about it too much.

"Until we meet again, noble prankster." I teased back, hoping he didn't notice my odd reaction.

He just grinned, walking towards the door casually.

"I've got to go do something before the bachelor party!" he called to the living room.

I was going out of my mind. I had been sitting in this chair for two hours while Alice opened presents and all the other girls giggled at the obscene outfits. I was turning red and I wasn't even participating. Well, I was doing my best to _look_ like I was participating. This just wasn't my type of party. All the games were meant to embarrass someone and there's nothing good to eat. And if I knew Rose there would be a male stripper knocking on the door any second now. Yep, there's Rose starting to hand out the shot glasses.

I was trying to think of an excuse to get out of here when my phone beeped.

_**I'M GOING AWALL. THOSE DWARF SANDWHICHES FILL YOU UP? -Edward.**_

I grinned, saving the number to my phone.

_**TRUCK NAPPER! THEY'RE CUCUMBER SANDWICHES. -Bella.**_

"Alice, will you come here for a second?" Rose called, pulling a chair into the middle of the living room. "Sit here. We're going to have a special guest."

All the girls squealed and giggled, looking anxiously towards the door. That's my cue. I'm not sticking around to ogle some guy who gets paid to strip. They're so cheesy.

_**APATIZING. BUT ARE YOU STILL HUNGRY? -Edward.**_

_**MAYBE... -Bella.**_

I typed this response as I was getting my coat on. There was no way I'm sticking around for this. I'd have to sneak out the back door since all of the girls were watching the front door like hawks.

My phone beeped and I checked it before it alerted my friends to my departure.

_**CAN YOU SNEAK AWAY AND MEET ME AT THE DINER ON 12TH? -Edward.**_

Yes. Food.

I shut the door softly behind me and got my car keys out of my pocket, my mind already flicking over the menu. Hamburgers. Fries. And a strawberry shake. Take that cucumber sandwiches!

_**FINE. -Bella.**_

My phone beeped almost as soon as the message was sent. I furrowed my eyebrows, checking the message.

_**DON'T SOUND SO ENTHUSIASTIC, SWAN! DO YOU NEED ME TO CREAT A DIVERSION? -Edward.**_

I thought about telling him that I did need a diversion for half a second just to see what he'd do. I laughed lightly, imagining him dressed in black- propelling from the rough mission impossible style.

_**SOUNDS ENTERTAINING. BUT NO. THEY JUST BROKE OUT THE ALCOHOL SO THEY'LL NEVER KNOW I WAS GONE. -Bella.**_

I snickered. I got one more text before I started the truck(newly jump started) and drove off for the diner.

_**SAME HERE. MEET YOU IN FIFTEEN?- Edward.**_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**** I hope you liked it. Don't forget to review. Favorite line/scene? What they're going to do to Emmett will be revealed in the next couple of chapters. Reviews=quicker updates. And previews of the next chapter. :) You have to ask for the preview if you want it though. Just a reminder. Much Love!**


	6. The Word of the Day is Curiosity

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for all the reviews. I can't believe how many people are reading this every day. It's completely mind boggling to me. But I appreciate it whole heartedly. This chapter is dedicated to Avery Shane because it's her brilliant self that came up with the name ADDward. It definitely fits, lovie. Thanks for the laugh._**

**_jngo-I didn't forget you. It won't let me send previews to you because at some point you have disabled the private messenger. You've got to go to your account info and enable the pm setting before it will let me message you. But I didn't skip you. Promise. :)_**

CHAPTER#6. The Word of the Day is Curiosity

* * *

Well, this wasn't how I saw the night turning out at all. I was sitting in a booth at the back of the diner on 12th. It was a bright red vinyl booth with seats that squeaked when you moved but it wasn't altogether un-charming. It was warm and smelled like freshly baked bread.

The bells hanging above the front door jingled and I looked up reflexively, a mix of feelings at the sight of Edward. I was happy not to be eating alone but I wasn't all that pleased about it being him. Who was I kidding? I was _pleased_ that it was Edward coming through the door, running his fingers through his rain soaked hair as he scanned the restaurant for me. I was just confused as to _why_ I was happy to see him.

He grinned when he saw me and I grinned back. I was just excited to hear if he had completed his step in the prank against Emmett. That's probably all it was.

"Hey." he greeted as he scooted into his side of the booth. The seat squeaked and I chuckled.

"Hey."

He took his coat off and pushed his sleeves up to the elbow, resting his forearms on the table.

"What's good here?" He asked. "I've never been here before but I drove passed earlier and liked the cobble stone pathway in front."

I looked down at my menu, scanning the columns of food although I had already decided what I wanted. That hamburger was calling my name from the bottom of the fourth column.

"You picked it because it had street appeal?" I asked, not looking up.

He didn't even pause.

"Of course." He said easily. "You've never done that? Just picked a place because you liked the paint color or something and took a chance?"

I looked over the menu, raising one eyebrow.

"No." I said slowly.

He shook his head as if that was a true shame.

"Well you should try it some time." He told me, looking down at his own menu. "Even if the food is terrible you'll have a story to tell."

I didn't say anything. He made a good point. But I found it baffling that he was looking for adventure even in the mundane areas like finding a restaurant.

"What's the worst that could happen?" He asked.

I think the question was rhetorical but I answered anyway.

"Food poisoning?"

He chuckled and I smiled faintly, looking down at my hands. It made me happy that I could make him laugh. He had a very nice laugh. Warm and melodious with a hint of that husky tone. I guess even carjackers and annoying people could have nice laughs.

"Well, then you barf a few times and you're all good again." He shrugged. "Worst that happens is hospitalization and then you _definitely _have a story to tell."

He unrolled his fork and spoon from the napkin in front of him, shaking his head to himself as if remembering. I wondered if this had ever actually happened to him. But it also reminded me he was one of the most immature people I knew. Other than Emmett of course and I was pretty sure that couldn't be helped. Rose told me he was dropped on his head as a very small child. I wasn't sure she was kidding.

"And then you could always sue them." I brought out helpfully.

He pointed the fork he had been fiddling with at me.

"See." He said. "There's always a silver lining."

I laughed.

"Are you two ready to order?"

I looked up to see a waitress standing beside our booth, her pad and pencil poised. She had light blond hair with a big strip of dark blue through her bangs. She had rosy cheeks and a stud in her nose that glittered when she moved her head to brush her blue hair away.

"I want the hamburger and fries please." I said, eying her. She looked rebellious and fun. She was probably just Edward's type. His eyes stayed trained on the menu though, looking through the different selections. He'd been talking this whole time and I guess he hadn't picked what he wanted yet.

"And a strawberry shake." I remembered right as she was about to turn to Edward.

She nodded, jotting it down.

"And you, Goldy locks?"

Edward looked up. His hair was drying now and it was wildly curly and unruly. He didn't look irritated or anything by her comment though. He ran his fingers through his hair, shrugging sheepishly.

"Medusa has nothing on me." He said jokingly before looking back at the menu. The waitress laughed lightly as did I. Then we both looked at each other. She looked apologetic like she thought she had offended me somehow.

"You know what?" Edward said suddenly, causing us both to look at him. He closed his menu and held it out to her. "Surprise me."

She furrowed her brow.

"Really?" She asked. "You don't care?"

He shrugged, reaching out for my menu.

"I hate to admit but I was distracted talking to the lady here." He said, brushing his fingers over mine as he took my menu for me. "And I didn't even really look at the selections. I know you're busy. Just pick something for me."

She took the menus, smiling wickedly.

"That's mighty adventurous of you, Goldy locks." She snickered.

He didn't seem bothered.

"If I'm poisoned I'll know who to blame."

He turned his attention away from her and looked at me, grinning.

"I could always sue right?" He winked.

I nodded, smiling despite myself.

"It would be some story to tell." I teased.

He laughed, leaning back in the seat.

"Now that's the spirit!"

At some point during this exchange the waitress had left without us noticing. I leaned back in my seat as well, regarding him over my steepled fingers. He was always surprising me.

"So, you weren't having fun at the bachelor party huh?" I asked, making conversation.

He shuddered, wrinkling his nose.

"Remind me never to go to a party hosted by Em ever again."

I chuckled. I could only imagine.

"I'll make a mental note."

"I'm pretty sure Jasper is pissed at him now." He said idly.

I raised one eyebrow, my attention piqued.

"Why is that?" I asked.

One of his shirt sleeves had fallen down and he pushed it back up again, his mothers name coming back into view. I wondered if he had any more tattoos...

"Because he hired a stripper after we both told him not to." He said simply. "Jasper was pretty much hiding in the bathroom when I left."

My eyes widened and I laughed, imagining Jasper cowering behind a locked bathroom door in some dingy bar.

"He was probably in there texting Alice or something." He said.

I nodded. That was fully probable.

"I don't know if she'd answer." I snickered. "Their guest of honor was about to arrive when I snuck out the back door."

He stopped fiddling with his silverware, looking up at me. His eyes looked shocked.

"They hired a stripper too?" He asked, his voice hushed. I laughed at his expression.

"Rosalie." I said in explanation.

He shook his head.

"Man, she and Em are alike sometimes."

I nodded.

"It's scary really." I agreed.

"So you didn't want to stay to see the... guest of honor?" He asked, smirking at me slightly.

I blushed, clearing my throat.

"Who says I didn't?" I challenged.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Because you're here with me?"

It came out as a question and I blew out a breath, feeling like I'd been caught. What he'd caught me at I wasn't sure.

"No." I said, feeling like I was admitting to something. Why was this so uncomfortable? "I didn't."

I decided to turn the attention to him. See how he likes it.

"And you're here with me instead of watching some half dressed floozy waltz around?" I matched his smirk with one of my own.

He looked highly amused, actually laughing.

"Well, quite colorful opinions you have there, Beautiful Bella." He chuckled, his eyes crinkling in the corners. I frowned. I saw that going differently.

He saw my expression and smiled kindly at me, his features soft and warm.

"Of course I'd rather be here with you."

I opened my mouth and closed it again. I had expected him to make excuses or laugh it off. Maybe distract me with another plot of revenge. I had not expected him to take the question so seriously. As a matter of fact I hadn't known he _could_ be serious.

"Am I interrupting an _aw_ moment?"

I looked up to see the waitress with blue hair standing beside the booth again, looking between the two of us with a somewhat sheepish look.

I shook my head and sat back. When had we gotten so close? It wasn't until that point that I realized we had bee leaning across the table towards each other.

"It was an aw moment." Edward sighed, pretending to be put out. He grinned at me. "And I'm afraid we don't have a lot of those."

He leaned towards her, stage whispering. But he kept his eyes on me, a wicked grin on his face.

"I don't think she likes me too much." He confided.

The waitress just smiled, setting our plates in front of us.

"Let me know if I can get you anything else." She chuckled.

I nodded.

"So the ad is placed." He told me, watching my expression.

I snickered.

"Em is going to be so mad."

He nodded, again not seeming bothered. It didn't impress me. It made me want to push him past his limits and see if I could make him mad. Almost like the child left alone with a button they know they're not supposed to push. The temptation was just too much.

"Did you get a chance to grab his phone?" He asked.

"Yep." I nodded smugly. "I grabbed it when he was helping Rose with the streamers."

He looked very pleased but before he could say anything his phone beeped. He looked down, sighing.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

He looked up.

"Everything's fine." He said. "It's just work."

I tilted my head to the side, curious. Of course he works. But what is it that he does? It was a kind of revelation. So he _doesn't _just go around pranking people and generally just being annoying.

"What do you do for work?" I asked.

"I'm an EMT."

My mouth dropped open. He fiddled with his phone for a moment, typing something and clicking send. He stuffed it into his pocket and looked up. That's when he saw my face.

"What?" He asked, his eyebrows pulling arcs above confused eyes.

"You're just- you're so"

"Charming?" he supplied.

I rolled my eyes.

"Witty?"

I crossed my arms over my chest, staring him down.

"Irresistible?"

I scoffed.

"You sound like a movie review."

He laughed.

"I was thinking more along the lines of... immature?" I said.

He placed his hands over his heart, pouting at me.

"I am wounded." He said, feigning hurt.

"See." I pointed out. "That's what I'm talking about."

He frowned.

"Immature." I concluded.

He shook his head, letting his hands drop.

"Is that why you don't like me?" he asked.

"So, you're an EMT." I changed the subject.

He shot me a look that said he knew full well I had just changed the subject and I shrugged. I didn't know why I didn't like him actually. Maybe it was because human nature is to take that first impression and run with it. Maybe it was because of his cocky one sided grin. Maybe it was because he couldn't take anything seriously. Maybe it was because he never said no to a dare. Or maybe it was his stupid Converse sneakers that he wore with absolutely everything.

He sighed, realizing I wasn't going to discuss our previous topic any further.

"I am."

I nodded, pleased that he was going to go along with it.

"How did you get into that?"

He leaned back, placing his hands behind his head, and kicking his feet out under the table. The tip of his big footed shoe bumped my feet, jarring me so much that my chin fell off my hands resting on the table. I scowled at him causing him to chuckle.

"One-one." he said, almost to himself. Oh so it was going to be like that huh?

"My father is a doctor." He said. "Jasper's dad is a doctor too. It's kind of the family business. But it wasn't all that exciting."

I corked an eyebrow. I'm surprised he wasn't a bungee jumping instructor or something.

"Being a doctor wasn't exciting enough?"

He shrugged as if to say, _eh._

"Everyone else was already doing it." He said simply. "I didn't want to do something just because it was expected of me. But I did like the idea of helping people so..."

"EMT it is." I finished for him.

"Exactly."

I regarded him for the rest of dinner, studying the man sitting across from me. He was a sarcastic, rebellious, tattooed, EMT who knew nothing of cars and loved his mother. I'm guessing there wasn't a manual for things like this. But my curiosity was definitely piqued.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked finally.

I blushed, looking down at the table. _Quick! Come up with something sarcastic so he doesn't think you're staring because he's gorgeous. _Yeah, that's all he needed, a boast of self confidence. I inwardly rolled my eyes.

"All throughout dinner you've been looking at me weird." he continued, not letting it drop.

"Are you afraid of eye contact or something?" I asked finally, forcing myself to look at him. I held his gaze almost rebelliously.

He smirked, leaning towards me.

"As a matter of fact I quite like eye contact." He said, raising one eyebrow.

My breath hitched but I held his gaze because I could not lose this round- especially if he was keeping score.

"You're eyes have a bit of gold in them." he said after a moment.

I blinked.

"What?"

He pointed to my eyes, still not looking away. If anything he looked more intently.

"Your eyes." He repeated. "They're mostly this chocolaty color but there's gold flecks around the iris."

I closed my eyes without thinking of who would win. That was oddly observant. And I had gold eyes? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

He chuckled.

"I was looking at you because I'm curious." I admitted, scowling at myself as I lost another round. Why did he always have the upper hand?

"Curious about what?" He asked.

What was I curious about? Everything. He was a complete and utter mystery to me. The only thing I was certain about was that he probably wasn't good for me. I'm surprised he hasn't shown up on a motorcycle with a leather jacket or something. That would be a sight to see though. And yet he didn't even fit that persona. He wasn't really the bad boy cliche. He was just... him.

I let out a frustrated breath, eying him cynically. I was even confused about what I was confused about!

"Is that your only tattoo?" I asked finally. Well, I _was _curious about that! And that was easier to put into words.

A strange look crossed his face and he raised his eyebrows at me. He steepeled his fingers together and eyed me devilishly over the top.

"_That's _what you've been sitting there thinking about all this time?"

Someone threw the brakes on my inner monologuing. Wait! _Screech!_

"No!" I said, a little too loudly.

He smirked.

"Hmm."

I frowned.

"Don't _hmm _me!" I scowled.

He chuckled.

"I have two others." He notified me.

I couldn't help my eyes from sweeping over him. There were two little people sitting on my shoulders- one wearing a robe and very stylish shoes. The other was wearing a red skin tight dress, brandishing a pitch fork. The pitch fork chick was begging me to ask where. The angel didn't say anything because she was ogling Edward.

I shook my head, hoping to knock them both off my shoulders and maybe jiggle my brain around enough that something connected up there.

He raised one eyebrow.

"Wanna know where?"

"NO!" I practically shouted. _Yes!_

He laughed, reaching over for the bill. When had the waitress brought the bill?

"So, it's your turn." He said idly as he looked over the total.

"My turn?" I asked incredulously.

He nodded without looking up.

"I told you about my mother. You told me about eating the marshmallows out of the cereal." He recited. "The I told you I had two other tattoos."

I wrinkled my nose.

"I didn't know I'd have to repay with an answer of my own." I sounded like a whiny child.

He shrugged.

"Of course you do." He answered, pulling a twenty out of his wallet and putting it in the folder with the bill. I frowned.

"I can pay for myself." I insisted, reaching out for the folder. "What do you want to know?"

He whacked my hand away, putting his wallet back in his pocket.

"I'm paying." He said, matter of fact. "And I want to know... what did you go to college for?"

"You couldn't just ask Jasper?" I frowned, eying that bill like I could magically make it appear in front of me. Dang! Looks like my Jedi mind powers are rusty these days. "We all went to the same college."

I reached for the bill but he slapped my hand away again.

"I don't want him to tell me." He said easily. "I want to hear these things from you."

I rubbed my hand.

"Will you stop doing that!"

He just grinned, shaking his head to himself as he stood.

"I majored in English literature." I said. "I wanted to be a book editor."

He stretched his hands over his head and then held one out for me to help me stand. I eyed it suspiciously.

"This isn't a trick is it?" I asked. "Are you going to smack me again?"

He shot me a look.

"First of all I didn't smack you." He said. "I... shooed you hand away."

I frowned. And he says I'm fond of my technicalities.

"Fine." I allowed. "Are you going to _shoo_ my hand away?"

I could just see him pulling his hand back quickly as I reached out. _Psych!_ It sounded like something he'd do. And knowing me I'd fall back into the table and break the restaurants valuables.

"Are you going to try to hijack the bill again?" he countered.

I rolled my eyes.

"Would it work?"

He shook his head. I sighed.

"No." I relented. I'd find a way to pay him back. The evil shoulder devil told me to slip the ten I had into his back pocket. I rolled my eyes at her. She was always getting me in trouble. I didn't listen to her good, admittedly boring, sister enough. She was practically silent now, knowing I'd take the bad angles side anyway. I made a quick note to work on that. God, I needed therapy. This could not be natural.

He grinned wide, a dimple showing in his cheek.

"Then no." He said. "I will not try to shoo your hand away."

I reluctantly took his hand and he hauled me to my feet. I pulled it back as soon as I was upright, secretly shaking it behind my back. Stupid tingles! My body obviously hasn't gotten the message from my brain that I don't like him yet.

He put a hand on my back, walking to the front where our blue haired waitress was waiting for us at the register. He shook his head, mumbling something to himself that sounded like, "a five minute inquisition just to help her up."

I narrowed my eyes. Infuriating man!

"Keep the change." Edward told her.

She smiled.

"Thanks." She said. "Do you want to buy a teddy bear for your girlfriend? The money is donated to the local hospital."

"I'm not his-"

"Sounds good." He cut me off. He slung his arm around my waist, leaning his cheek on my head. "My sweetums loves teddy bears."

I glared into the distance.

"I prefer chocolate." I said dryly.

He laughed, taking a step back- probably sensing that he was about two seconds away from losing a very valuable appendage. The waitress raised one eyebrow.

"Okay...." She said, looking between the two of us. "Well, it's five dollars a bear."

He didn't hesitate. He gave her a ten dollar bill, telling her to keep the change.

"Carlisle works at that hospital." He said in explanation. I nodded. Carlisle was Jasper's dad. I'd met him a couple of times. He seemed nice.

It had stopped raining by the time we went back outside thankfully. There were still rain clouds on the horizon though. I was about to turn to Edward and say good bye when he leaned against me truck and looked at me without amusement for once. He looked honestly curious which confused the heck out of me. I was about as interesting as watching paint dry or the grass grow. What was there to be curious about?

"What are you doing now?" He asked. "I was just wondering since you said you _wanted _to be an editor."

I sighed.

"You caught that huh?"

He just nodded, patting the hood next to where he was resting. I hesitated for a moment before going to stand beside him.

"I was going to be an editor." I said. "I actually got a job offer but right after college my dad got shot while in pursuit and I came back here to take care of him."

"He's a police officer?"

I shook my head.

"No. He was the robber."

His eyebrows shot up and I snickered. _That's one for Bella, score keeper!_

"He was the police chief." I conceded. "He never went back to that. Took an early retirement."

I had kind of insisted on that. Hearing that Charlie had been hurt was one of the worst experiences in my life. I had been inconsolable for a while, not knowing if he was going to pull through. It had been a long journey, loaded with physical therapy and relearning basic mobility.

"So instead I took a job with some lousy card company and now I write condolence cards from home and send them in." It wasn't exactly what I foresaw for myself but I wanted to stay close to my dad while he was recovering. He needed me. That was a little over a year ago.

"Condolences?" He asked. He sounded almost incredulous.

"I can be comforting!"

He didn't look convinced.

"I'm okay at being comforting." I allowed.

He laughed. I smiled faintly.

"It's not Hallmark or anything." I conceded.

"So, where did you go to college?" I asked, trying to get away from analyzing my personal life. The further away we got the happier I'd be.

"Harvard."

My eyes widened.

He chuckled.

"Don't be so surprised." He tisked. "I'm brilliant."

I rolled my eyes.

"That's not what I was insinuating." I didn't sound convincing.

He just nudged me with his elbow, smirking at me so that I knew he wasn't offended.

_Of course not! Not Mr. Nothing Bothers Me._

"So, it's your turn again it looks like." he said happily.

I groaned.

"Can't you just have a normal conversation?"

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head.

"Nope."

I made a face at him.

"Sorry, Truck Napper. I've got to go now." I said, making my way to the drivers side of my truck.

He chuckled, opening the door for me. I was slightly surprised he was going to let it go so easily.

He didn't close the door though after I was inside.

"I only have one little question for now."

Oh. I spoke too soon.

"What is it?" I sighed.

He smirked. It made me want to hit him. But not as much as before. Progress is progress right?

"You prefer chocolates." He quoted me from inside when he was buying the bear for charity. "What's your feelings on flowers?"

What? Where does he get this stuff? Even my shoulder angels were confused now. I shot them sympathetic looks. I knew what they were going through.

"I like daisies. I'm not a big fan of carnations because they're too frilly. It's unnatural."

He laughed.

"I don't have a garden or anything and all the flowers in my house are plastic because I kept forgetting to water the real ones."

He didn't say anything for a moment, just looking at me as if studying me.

"You, Ms. Swan, are a very interesting woman." He said finally.

_Interesting_? Is that good or bad?

"Is that anything like, 'loony'?" I asked, smirking. "Because that word gets thrown around a lot these days."

He laughed, shaking his head.

"No." He chuckled. "Not loony. Just unique."

Before I could say anything he handed me the bear he had bought and closed the door.

"Daisies." He called through the glass. "No carnations."

He took a step back, grinning at me.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Then he waved and got into his own car, that stupid shinny Volvo. How is it shinny right after a rainstorm? God, even his car has the attractive without trying look. He probably tries really hard for that good looking without trying look. I rolled my eyes at myself.

I couldn't just stick around him because of my curiosity. Unique he calls me? Yeah, that's what I was thinking about him.

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Don't forget to review if you want the preview for the next chapter. Favorite line/scene? And the voting is open for the Twilight awards. Don't forget to go vote for Reassigned. It's up against some AMAZING stories so all votes will help. Lol. Much love. **_


	7. The Word of the Day is Revenge

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

Chapter#6. The Word of the Day is Revenge

* * *

"What is going on with this phone?" Emmett demanded, looking at it as if it was the spawn of Satan.

I looked across the room at Edward, biting my lip against my smile. He winked slyly.

"What's wrong with it, Em?" He asked casually.

He was good.

"Yeah." I seconded. "What's it doing?"

My big bear of a brother looked down at the phone, actually shaking it slightly.

"My ring tone is stuck on the Barbie Girl song."

I snickered.

"I hope the ring-back tone didn't change too."

Edward raised an eyebrow at me. Yeah, that wasn't part of the original plan. I improvised.

"Why would you think that?" Emmett asked, looking at me accusingly.

I shrugged, flicking some hair behind my ear.

"I was just wondering." I said easily. "If the ring tone changed it only makes sense that the ring-back tone would too."

He wrinkled his brow, staring at the phone as if trying to pick out the ring tone people would hear when they called.

"You want me to check?" I asked helpfully.

He nodded.

I turned to get my phone, snickering to myself. I dialed Em's familiar number, putting my own phone on speaker.

An automated voice told us to enjoy the music while our party was reached and I looked at Emmett as the music came on, watching his expression. His eyes widened in what could only be considered fear as Promiscuous Girl blared through the room.

"What the crap?!" He roared.

We all burst into loud laughter. He lunged for my phone, trying to get me to hang up so the music would stop. As if that would make us forget it was his ring-back tone in the first place.

"What if someone from work calls?" He was aghast.

"Well, Em." I said straight faced, dodging his advances on my phone. "I suppose they'd think you were a... promiscuous girl." I couldn't contain the giggle that had been bubbling in my throat as I finished my sentence.

He gave up on the phone and tackled _me_. I laughed hysterically as he sat beside me, shutting my phone and keeping me pinned to the floor.

"I didn't even own that song." He promised. "How did that happen?"

"What ever you say, Em." Edward teased seriously.

He whipped his head to his friend, frowning.

"I don't know how-"

"It can't just set itself as your ring-back tone if you don't even own it." Rosalie joined in.

Jasper raised one eyebrow from where he was sitting on the couch with Alice.

"Well, Emmett," he began. "I had no idea."

We all burst into a fresh peal of laughter at that.

"How do I change it?" He asked frantically, looking at his new iPhone.

I wiggled around and he released me so that I could sit up now that he had my phone.

"Read the instructions." I said, a bit smug at the fact that he probably had _no_ idea where the instructions were. Rose was always trying to get him to read the instructions but he never listened. I guess everyone was getting a little sweet revenge today.

He looked to me, fresh fear in his eyes.

"I- I don't know where they are." He exclaimed.

I shook my head gravely.

"I guess you're stuck then, Emily."

He scowled at me, punching me in the arm- not hard, just enough to knock me off balance. I felt like one of those Weebles, you know the playschool toys. _Weebles wobble but they don't fall down! _Except I definitely had no problem falling down.

"I will get you back for this, Bellie." He said ominously. "I don't know how yet but I know you had something to do with this."

I cracked up. He looked so serious.

"Who says it was Bella?"

Emmett and I looked at Edward who was leaning against the wall beside the sofa, one eyebrow raised smugly.

Emmett shot him a look.

"It was definitely Bella." He said without a doubt. "She's still pissed about her truck."

I nodded in agreement and Edward rolled his eyes at me.

"She's a grudge holder." Alice sang from beside Jasper. I shot her a look and she smiled at me, unapologetic.

I sighed.

"But would I really do that?" I asked, looking back to Emmett. "Would I really change your ring tones to girly songs? I mean your boss might call."

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Yes." Everyone said at the same time.

I shrugged.

"I guess I might." I agreed, good natured. "You'd better get to looking for those instructions."

He looked at me for a moment as if in disbelief.

"I thought you loved me." He said finally.

I snickered.

"I do love you, Emily." I said, a taunting edge to my voice. "You're like my big brother. Well..."

He shot me a look and I held my hands out in surrender, laughing.

"But sometimes big brother needs a good swift kick in the rear."

He stood up, never breaking eye contact with me. He pointed to his own eyes and then at me in the universal signal of _I'll be watching you._

"Watch your back, Swan." He said in warning as he walked backward out of the room- presumably to look for the missing instructions.

Everyone laughed out loud when he was out of sight, looking at me.

"Did you really change them?" Alice asked, practically giddy. She liked revenge a little more than could be considered healthy.

I nodded, catching Edward's eye. He saluted me behind Jasper's back and I giggled, euphoric with the feeling of a job well done.

Everyone went back to their previous activities after that. All except for Rose, who despite the good laugh she had decided to go help Emmett look.

Alice and Jasper were playing a very heated game of chess with three boards. I shook my head at them. I couldn't even _watch_ them play chess without my ulcer acting up. They were so competitive. If you didn't know they loved each other desperately you would think _they_ were the mortal enemies.

Edward came up behind me as I was picking a book from the limited selection Rose had on the bookshelf in their living room. She loved the car magazines and Emmett's reading material was limited to the TV guide and closed captioning.

"Good work." He whispered.

I spun around as his breath hit my neck, sending chills down my spin. I shook it off.

"Thanks." I grinned. "Do I get a promotion?"

He seemed to think about it.

"Well," he said after a moment. "It's still a horrible name but it did work out better than expected."

I nodded. It was hilarious if I do say so myself and it would only get better when the second phase came into play.

"Alright." He sighed, pretending to be put out. "You've got your promotion."

I clapped, feigning all encompassing joy.

"So, what's my title now?" I asked, looking back at the books.

"I was thinking of _Deviously_ Beautiful Bella."

I wrinkled my nose.

"Sounds like a mouthful." I commented. "How about something more along the lines of... the master of all things devious?"

He laughed.

"That's longer than what I said!"

I smirked at him over my shoulder.

"But it has a nice ring to it- doesn't it?"

He just chuckled.

We both fell silent as Barbie Girl echoed from the other room. Emmett cursed loudly before picking up the phone, silencing Barbie and her Barbie world.

I put my hand over my mouth, stifling my laughter. Edward looked like he was having an equally hard time trying to keep his amusement to himself. I wanted to ask if he thought it was phase two beginning or if it was just someone calling Emmett but Alice broke in from the sofa across the room.

"Can you go shopping tomorrow for the center pieces, Bella?"

I made a face and Edward looked at me sympathetically. Alice looked over the top of the sofa, having to stretch a little to see me.

"I showed you the picture of what I wanted yesterday right?"

I nodded. Great. More wedding planning! We had been planning for what seemed like an eternity now. Thank god the wedding was only about three weeks away.

She frowned.

"Rose is helping me pick the flower girl dress tomorrow." She said. "You could help with that instead."

I held my hands out in front of me, whether I was signaling surrender or I was just trying to block the words I'm not sure yet. Probably a little of both.

"No, no." I said quickly. "Center pieces sound good."

She rolled her eyes but didn't say anything else, looking back to her chess boards.

"Jasper Witlock! Did you move my queen?!"

"What's with the look?" Edward asked.

I looked back at him.

"The look that says, _god I wish I didn't have to pick out center pieces_? Or the look that screams, _shopping for clothes with Alice? Anything but that!"_

He looked surprised by how passionate I spoke and I nodded.

"Yes, it's that bad." I answered his unspoken question.

He leaned in closer, his eyes shinning in that way people often look when they're telling scary campfire stories- wanting to know what happens next but fearing it all the same.

"What's she do?" he asked, his voice hushed.

I wrinkled my nose.

"She goes all Hitler on you." I spoke in the same stage whispered voice. "She goes in with an _exact_ idea of what she wants and then she scourers the entire store for that specific dress, yelping orders at you the whole time. There's this vein on her forehead,"

I pointed to the spot on my own forehead and he nodded, his wide eyes trained to the spot I indicated.

"And it starts... like pulsing. And no other dress will work because she wants the replica to the one she's imagined which very rarely happens."

I leaned in closer, motioning for him to do the same. He did.

"She made the saleslady cry last time."

He blew out a breath.

"Yikes." he breathed.

I nodded ominously.

"And she made me cry too." I added. "Every. Time."

We looked at each other for a few moments and then we busted out laughing. Alice huffed.

"I am not that bad." She insisted. "And I have never made anyone cry."

I nodded to Edward when she turned her head away causing him to chuckle.

She shot us each a look.

"You don't have to help look for the dresses, Bella." She said snidely. "Just get the center pieces."

I shrugged.

"Alright, alright."

Edward stuck his tongue out at me and I narrowed my eyes at him.

Alice pointed to him, keeping one eye on the chess game.

"And you can help her, Edward."

It was my turn to stick my tongue out at him and he rolled his eyes.

"It would be my pleasure, Ali." He said, looking at her over his shoulder.

She nodded once.

"Besides, it's the least you can do Bella." She sniffed, looking hurt. I raised one eyebrow. What was that girl talking about now?

"After sneaking out on my bridal party."

My eyes widened and I looked at Edward quickly, praying he wouldn't say anything about who I was with when I had skipped out on the party. Rose had already given me crap about 'going on a date' with him, which I hadn't, when he saved me from Mike. If they got wind that I was with him again I'd never hear the end of it.

Jasper's eyes snapped up to meet mine, looking much more interested than he had been the entire conversation. One eyebrow raised as a smirk took over his face and he looked slowly from me to Edward. Yes, he had definitely realized that Edward had disappeared from his party.

"You didn't stick around for long, huh, Bells?" He asked, a sneaky grin on his face. "That's ironic."

"No it's not." I said quickly.

Alice frowned, looking between us with confusion.

"What's ironic?" She asked Jasper curiously.

He snickered.

"Well, you see Ed-"

"Because you ditched one of my parties that one time, remember?" I covered frantically.

I wish Edward would help me here but he was just standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, an amused look on his face- just enjoying the show.

"No." Alice shook her head slowly.

I nodded.

"Well, you did. A long time ago and then I cut out early for one of yours."

She frowned.

"I did?"

I nodded, without a doubt. Well, not without a doubt. There was _some_ doubt but I was pretty sure she had ditched something once. Maybe.

She eyed me for a moment before shaking her head, crossing her arms over her chest.

"How is that ironic?" She asked, challenging.

"We were just talking about it earlier." I said nervously.

She frowned.

"We were not."

"Yes." I said quickly. "Well, not us." I corrected, pointing between me and Alice. "But me and Jasper were."

Lame. Lame. Lame. I know she wasn't going to fall for it. _I _wasn't even falling for it and I was the one spewing forth the crap.

"Fine, Ali." I sighed, waving her off. "I'll get the center pieces."

"White Calla Lillie's." She reminded me.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah."

I shot a look at Edward but he just grinned that little crooked grin at me. I wrinkled my nose. So there was only three weeks left of planning the wedding but now I had to do it with Edward. This was going to be... I couldn't even find a word for it. And I wasn't going to ask my shoulder angels either. I didn't even want to know what they thought about this situation.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" Emmett thundered, walking quickly into the living room. One could even go so far as to say he was storming into the room.

"Yes?" I said sweetly, looking at the red faced Emmett.

"Guess who just called me?" He demanded.

I looked at Edward and he shrugged. I looked back at Em.

"Uhm... your fairy god mother?"

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"No." he said stiffly. "Manuel."

I corked an eyebrow at him.

"He had seen my ad in the newspaper this morning and wondered if I was still looking for... a partner to share my life with."

"Do you mean a life partner?" Alice shrieked, wide eyed.

He nodded at her.

"You're gay?" I gasped.

He shook his head vehemently.

"That explains the ring tones." Edward said.

I nodded.

"_You _set the ring tones!"

"So, did he sound cute?" I asked in a giggly tone.

He was fuming.

"Rose, how do you feel about this new revaluation?" Edward asked.

She was looking between the three of us and finally her eyes landed on me. I raised one eyebrow, silently answering all her questions. She smirked, a truly frightening look for Rose.

"I thought _you_ were bad." She said pointing to me. "But together you two are pure evil."

I put my hands to my chest, my eyes wide and innocent. She didn't look deceived.

"Next time I want in."

I chuckled, nodding. Add Rose and we could very possibly take over the world one day.

"Wait." Emmett said, confused. "Edward was in on this too?"

I waited to see what he'd say. Would he pin it all on me? Or would he want to take his share of the credit? I had him pegged as wanting Em to know he took part in it. He was in fact the master mind behind the plan.

"I placed the ad." He said in affirmation.

I grinned. I knew it.

Emmett lunged for him.

"Do you have any clue what it took to convince that guy I wasn't gay?" He demanded.

I snickered.

"Having him talk to your wife?" I guessed.

He stopped trying to choke Edward and his eyes slid back to me.

"Crap."

Rosalie laughed.

"He didn't have him talk to you did he?" I asked her. She shook her head, pressing her lips together tightly to keep from laughing harder.

"He named off the Forbes hottest models list alphabetically for the last three years."

I snickered.

"You need help." I told my slightly embarrassed friend.

He just shook his head.

"It is on." He said threateningly. "You and Eddie boy better watch your backs because it. is. on."

With him looking like that I found it hard not be just the slightest bit scared.

He grabbed Rosalie by the waist, pulling her to him.

"Dibs!" He called loudly. "Rosie is on my team."

She just rolled her eyes. Before anyone could say anything else Emmett's phone rang again, Barbie Girl going strong.

He looked down at the caller I.D before glaring at me and then Edward in turn.

"Hello?" He sounded scared to answer.

He listened to the caller for a moment before glaring at us again.

"No, there's been a mistake sir." He said calmly into the phone, his cheeks dusting pink.

"It is on!" he mouthed, walking to the other room where he could convince another applicant that he did in fact not like men... "like that." He sure had a way with words.

Edward and I looked at each other and laughed louder than I can remember laughing in a very long time.

"He's going to kill you both in your sleep." Rose warned us.

Probably. But it was all worth it to see _Emmett_ blush.

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you liked it. I told you Emmett wasn't going to get off that easy. Now there's a prank war going on. And Edward has to help Bella with her maid of honor duties. Lots of bonding time for our 'not enemies.' lol. Let me know if you've got ideas for the pranks. It would be much appreciated.**_

_**Much love! Don't forget to review if you want the preview for the next chapter.**_


	8. The Word of the Day is Advice

_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you to all of those who reviewed. You all had me laughing with your prank ideas. I'm glad you liked the prank they pulled on Emmett. We have 800reviews! Crazy cool, lovies. Keep it up. They keep me motivated to write. Can we make it to 1,000? I have faith in you. Lol. ANyway, forward. Onward to the story. :P_

The Word of the Day is Advice

* * *

"So, you don't want your friends to know we went on a date?"

I scowled.

"We didn't go on a date." I insisted, opening the door to the store. The bell above the door jingled a merry tone and I wrinkled my nose at it's joyful view. It was almost mocking.

"I'm starting to think you're ashamed of me, sweetums." he tisked.

I glared at him over my shoulder, letting the door fall closed behind me before he could grab it. He shook his head, rolling his eyes and opened it again, following me in.

"Temper, temper."

I rolled my eyes.

"Don't call me that." I said curtly.

He grinned cheekily.

"What?" he asked innocently. "Sweetums?"

My glare intensified and he chuckled, shaking his head.

"What would you rather me call you, Beautiful Bella?" He asked, his tone dropping a few octaves as he leaned closer to me.

My eyes widened at his close proximity and the sudden change in his tone.

"'Bella' works." I said, managing to keep my breathing in check.

He smirked, putting one hand on either side of me on the wall behind me. When had I backed against the wall.

"Why didn't you want Alice and Jasper to know we were together last night?" He asked. He sounded honestly curious. I took a breath to steady myself. He was just so close. And he smelled so good.

"Because they would think we were dating or something." I mumbled.

He sighed, shaking his head and taking a step back from me.

"And that would just be the end of the world." He said sarcastically.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I'm sure it's at least in the top ten signs of the Apocalypse." I said dryly.

He chuckled.

"What are the other nine?" He asked.

I ignored him, catching site of the store owner that Alice always talked to.

"We just have to get through this without killing each other because Alice is counting on us." I said in a stern voice. He couldn't go getting ideas now. "And because she's seriously scary at times and she'd kick my butt."

He snickered but I had a feeling that he knew it was the truth.

"And keep out of my bubble." I said, poking him in the chest.

He smirked.

"Your bubble?" he questioned,

I huffed.

"My personal space."

"Aw." He nodded as if he understood but he was totally mocking me.

"Miss Swan?"

I looked over at the store owner.

"Are you here for Miss Brandon's center pieces?"

I took a step even further away from him, steadying myself.

"Yes," I said. "The white Calla Lillie's with the baby breath."

He nodded.

"Yes, of course." He said, smiling kindly. "They're in the back."

I smiled in thanks. He had been so wonderfully patient with this whole process. It takes a saint to put up with Alice in wedding planning mode. Especially when it's hers. If I was him I would have closed the place down and hid in the corner the second I saw that yellow Porsche drive up but he had the patience of a... well, a saint thankfully.

He turned to get the center pieces for me but then he paused, looking over his shoulder- eying Edward curiously.

"Was there something I could get you, sir?" he asked.

Edward shook his head.

"No, thank you." He said. When had he attained manors? So, that stuff was selective huh? Interesting.

He smirked at me as if he could sense my gaze on him and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm just following along with this beautiful young woman today." He continued, turning his attention back to the store owner.

"But not too close." he chuckled. "She doesn't like people in her personal bubble."

I scoffed and the store owner looked at me with amusement, raising one eyebrow.

"That's good to know." He said.

I glared at him. Some saint he was turning out to be.

Edward laughed as the owner disappeared into the back room quickly after the interaction. I turned to him, putting my hands on my hips.

"What was that?" I asked.

He corked an eyebrow at me, that same obnoxious half grin on his face. It was like he was doing this on purpose- showing me that none of it was going to bother him. It was almost a rebellion.

I huffed.

"'Beautiful young woman?'" I quoted.

He nodded once.

"That's what I said."

I rolled my eyes.

"So I heard." I sighed. "Are you going to explain why?"

He cocked his head to the side, looking at me almost calculatingly.

"What part do you need me to explain?" He asked. "The beautiful part? The young?"

He smirked, letting his eyes run down the length of my form.

"Or is it the woman part?"

I crossed my arms over my chest.

"You think I'm bitter? Well I think you're hiding behind that suave exterior." I said, matter of fact. What kind of person can't have a normal conversation without filling it chalk full of practiced lines?

"I think you're scared of opening up to anyone and you hide behind those sexy crocked grins and cocky lines." I said, smirking as I saw his eyes widening. "Do you practice them in front of the mirror every morning or something?"

He was quite for a moment, looking at me with a smile pulling one side of his mouth up. I had just called him out. Why was he looking at me like I'd just stood on my head, singing the national anthem in pig-Latin?

"Not every morning." He said eventually in amusement. "You think I'm sexy?"

My eyes widened. What? I ran over my soap box sermon word for word in my head and cringed when I saw my slip up. Suave and sexy. That's what I had said.

"That's the only part of that you caught?" I sighed, putting my hands on my hips and hoping that he'd let me divert his attention away from my slip up.

He shook his head.

"No." he said. "I heard all of it."

He paused for a minute, seeming to think.

"It's interesting to see how you view me."

I opened my mouth to retort, ask what that was even supposed to mean. But the store owner came back into view, holding three huge center pieces carefully and Edward rushed to grab one from him. The store owner handed me the other one, smiling thankfully.

I just stood there, watching Edward help the older man for a moment before I finally just shook my head. He may be hiding behind those lines but there was something about him. I wasn't sure what it was but something about him had captured my attention and my curiosity. Now I had to decide whether that was going to be enough to keep me from killing the man.

* * *

_I hope you can suck it up and stop being a pansy? _No. _Quite your whining. Stop your pining._

That one made me chuckle but I knew I'd be fired before I could say unemployment if I actually sent it in.

I could handle being sympathetic to those who had lost a loved one in death. I could understand that and I could understand people wanting to buy them cards. But really? A break up card? I actually laughed when my boss told me to make one. And I still can't believe it falls into the category of condolences.

Here's one.

_If she dumped you she's not going to care you're sitting there crying._

_Stop crying. It might be __why__ she dumped you._

"I suck." I said aloud.

I sighed, running my hands over my face. It had been a long day. On the way back to Alice and Jasper's house Alice had called and asked us to do some more wedding errands on the way home. This meant a full day with Edward and now I was going to have to stay up late writing this asinine thing and my boss had insisted it rhymed.

A rhyming, pinning, love struck card. This is what I had become. I glanced over at my unfinished book lying on the coffee table amidst all of my crumbled attempts at being sympathetic. You couldn't really call it a book, not even an unfinished one. It was more just a bunch of loose leaf pages piled together haphazardly. They weren't even in order.

It had been part of reinventing myself when I'd moved back to Forks, giving up my dream job of editor. I thought if I couldn't do that then writing one would be the next best thing. And it was still literature. Soon enough I realized it was a lot harder than that- just write a book. I hadn't even had a thorough idea for the plot. I just started writing. I still don't know what the point of it was. But the money starting running out and Charlie was out of work, retiring early. Writing wasn't going to pay the bills- especially not the way I was going about it. Not writing literature that is.

Which brings us to the wonderfully inspirational things I was writing now.

_There's plenty of fishes in the sea. Not moping is the key._

I was seriously considering calling my boss and giving him a piece of my mind, subsequently getting fired no doubt in the process when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and smiled.

"Bella Swan's house of expressionless cards." I said in greeting.

The voice on the other end chuckled.

"Not feeling very sympathetic today?" He asked.

I shrugged, looking at the stacks of abandoned papers.

"Not especially." I replied easily.

"What is it today, hun?" he asked, not hiding the amusement in his tone.

I spun around in my chair. Oh, where to begin?

"Sobbing, heart wrenching break up card." I sighed dramatically, trying for wistful.

He snorted and I narrowed my eyes.

"Hey," I defended. "It's getting there."

"Whatever, girlie." He didn't sound convinced but I let it go since I had been contemplating quiting just moments before.

"Anyway, I haven't heard from you in a while so I thought I'd give you a call." He continued. "How's my favorite chickadee?"

I grinned, shaking my head. I had been friends with Jacob Black since we were both in diapers. Our fathers were best friends and they threw us together right away, both being single parents of course. Jake's mom died during childbirth with him and my mom ran away with a pro baller when I was one. So Charlie and Billy started a type of club. They called it the help us remain sane outreach. It consisted of play dates for me and Jake while they drank beer and grumbled about what stunt they had to put up with that week. Dad had even tried to play match maker a time or two but that had proven highly disappointing to him. Let's just say that I wasn't his type. But he and his boyfriend, Sam are very happy together and we've all remained good friends.

"Oh, good." I said. "Busy having my truck stolen by an amazingly sexy bronze haired God. Then I-"

"What a minute there." He interrupted. "Who's a sexy God?"

I sighed.

"Edward Cullen."

There was silence for a moment.

"Okay." He said eventually. "And he stole your truck?"

"Yup." I said, popping the 'p'

"What?"

I laughed.

"Okay." I chuckled. "I'll start from the beginning."

An hour later I had told him the entire story starting with shopping with Alice and coming back to no truck all the way to the evening when I had to get center pieces with him.

The first thing he said when I was finished was, "Emmett is gay?"

I rolled my eyes.

"No. It was just a prank the truck-napper and I pulled."

He was silent again- contemplating.

"Alright." I scoffed. "Fantasies on your own time, Jake. Rose would take you down."

He laughed.

"To China Town." He agreed.

I snorted.

"So why are you fighting this 'bronze haired God?'" He turned the tables again. You could hear the mocking quotations in his voice.

"Were you not listening to the story?" I demanded. "He stole my truck. I hate him."

"Isabella Marie Swan." He chided. "I know you and you do not hate him."

I frowned.

"I do!"

"Do not."

"Do too!"

"Nope."

"Jake." I whined.

He laughed.

"Tell the truth, chickadee."

I wrinkled my nose, stubborn. But this was Jacob Black, one of the only people more stubborn than I was. I sighed.

"He's okay." I admitted, defeated. Would I tell him that? I think not!

"I knew it!" he exclaimed, obviously proud of himself.

I glowered at the wall, hoping that he'd be able to feel the burn of my eyes from where ever he was.

"But he's really irritating!" I added. And boy, was that an understatement.

Jake laughed.

"Well, so are you Bellie Bird." He said between laughs. "But I still love you."

"How thoughtful." I sneered.

"Stop pouting." he chided teasingly. "You know I love you. But I gotta run, girlie. Sam just got home."

I sighed.

"Love you too." I sniffed, only mildly offended. "Tell Sam hi from me."

He called a loud hi to Sam without pulling the phone away and I cringed.

"He says hi back." He informed me.

I laughed.

"I'm telling Sam about the God-like bronze haired stud." he informed me.

I grimaced. That's just what I needed- being ganged up on by a couple of gay Indians.

"You added the stud part your own self." I reminded him firmly. "The word stud never exited my mouth."

He ignored me.

"Whatever." He dismissed. "You need to stop being the irritable, illogical, stubborn Bella that growing up without a Mommy has made you and give the stud a chance. Let yourself be happy for once please."

"Okay, Dr. Philina." I snorted. "Thanks for the advice. Now stop saying stud. I think it just made me puke a little in my mouth."

And again he ignored me. He was almost as bad as Alice! Man, I needed to find some new friends.

"And I know Sam will agree with me." he stated proudly.

I rolled my eyes.

"What does Sam know?" I asked rhetorically. "He is with you after all."

He scoffed.

"Please." he exaggerated. "Like you wouldn't date me if you could. You think I'm beautiful."

Tell your gay friend that he's beautiful once when you're drunk and he'll hold it over your head for the rest of eternity.

"I'm sorry, Jake." I sighed dramatically. "But you're just not my type."

He laughed and I grinned despite myself.

"Okay, I'm going now chickadee." He continued to laugh. "Give the stud a chance."

"Bye, Jake." I cut him off, hanging up before he could talk me into anything seriously stupid.

I set the phone back on the stand beside my chair and looked at the abandoned papers for the myriad time today. Nope, not going to happen today. The boss could wait one day without blowing a fuse.

Give Edward a chance? Hmm, well. I don't think.

I sighed, frustrated. Give Edward a chance?

I twirled around in my chair again. I guess I could see where it goes...

Maybe I should make a pro and con list.

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you liked it. Reviews mean quicker updates. Let me know what you think. Favorite lines/scenes? Don't forget to ask for a preview if you want one. Thanks guys**_

_**Much Love**_


	9. The Word of the Day is Progress

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_**

**_Author's Note:I owe you all a million apologies for not updating for so long. To put things lightly life totally kicked my ass this month. My grandmother died, I had to put my puppy to sleep because he was starving to death(stopped eating because of cancer,) my little cousin had to have surgery, and on top of everything else I'm in the process of moving. Oh, yeah... and my computer crapped out on me. When it rains it pours. Anyways, I haven't really felt like writing or anything with everything going on and I couldn't have posted it anyways with my computer dead. But the story will continue. Thank you soo much to everyone who messaged me to make sure I was okay. I means a lot to me!! I love you guys_**

**_Chapter#9. The Word of the Day is Progress_**

* * *

I chewed on the end of my pencil, occasionally tapping my lower lip with the eraser. I hadn't thought this hard since college. I had even stalled by putting my name and the date on the top of the paper in formal class heading. I almost wanted to put class number or professor's name up there too. Okay, Bella. Focus. This should not be this hard.

Pros: He smells good. He looks like Adonis. He has a tattoo of his mother's name. He's flirtatious and fun. He made people think Emmett was gay.

Cons: He's immature. Nothing bothers him.(Seriously that can not be healthy!) He's flirtatious. He's cocky. I can't be around him for more than five minutes without thinking of the ways I could kill him and make it look like an accident.

I sighed, leaning back in my chair and stretched my shoulders. Alright, so it looks like... five pros and five cons. You've got to be kidding me! So I half way like him?

"Stupid, confusing, gorgeous man!" I said aloud.

And then I jumped because as soon as the last word was out of my mouth my phone beeped. I checked it with my eyes half closed. Don't let it be Edward. Don't let it be Edward.

Alice.

Of course it wasn't Edward. Just because I was thinking of him I automatically thought he would be thinking of me. Ridiculous.

_Emergency! Meet me in the meadow. - Alice_

I rolled my eyes. Everything was an emergency when it came to Alice. Me thinks the pixie is a tad bit dramatic.

_What's going on? _I texted back.

The phone beeped again not even two seconds after I hit send. Wow. Someone's high off mountain dew again, huh Pixie?

_Don't ask questions! Just meet me there! -Alice_

"Fine, fine." I grumbled under my breath.

The meadow was well... a meadow. I found it when I was growing up here and I'd go there when I just needed to escape. Don't get me wrong. Charlie is great. He's a really good dad as far as Dad's go but he was a single parent and there are somethings you just need your mom for. Bra shopping for the first time. Tampon runs. Boy advice. Most of our fights revolved around those topics. He was a trooper but sometimes I just needed to get away from him before we both died from embarrassment.

Then when me and the gang moved back here after college I showed them and it became our meeting spot. It was quiet and peaceful, a nice place to think. Well, before Emmett got there anyway.

I grabbed my keys and shoved on some black ballet flats before walking out the door.

_On my way._I texted Alice as I hoped into the car.

I don't know what could constitute as an emergency. Undoubtedly it had something to do with the wedding but we had most of the planning done. The wedding was only two weeks away now. The hall was booked. The flowers were ordered. The dresses were all chosen and hanging in the back of my closet. The guys had their tuxes. Emmett had been threatened multiple times by multiple people about embarrassing toasts or comments during the wedding. Really the only thing that was left to do was getting ready and decorating the hall where they were having the wedding. And if she thought we were decorating two weeks ahead of time I was going to have to have the girls head checked.

I fiddled with the radio in my decrepit truck almost the entire twenty minute ride to the meadow before finally settling on Changes by Candlebox. I smiled as I rolled the windows down and let the wind blow through my hair. Nothing helps my attitude like good music. Of course this was Forks so along with the wind blowing in my hair so did the bone chilling cold and I rolled the window back up with a glare at the offending clouds.

"Alice, if this is something less than an emergency I will strangle you!" I called as I walked through the small tree covering that surrounded the meadow.

"And I mean that in the most loving way possible!"

It was silent for a moment and I frowned as I entered a desolate meadow. There was nobody here.

"It _is_ an emergency, Bells." Someone said in a high pitched voice.

I followed the phony voice to a nearby tree and looked up, my eyes widening when I saw what was waiting for me. I went to scream but it was too late. A gallon of paint was splashed down on me.

"Emmett!" I screamed, balling my fists up into a ball.

He laughed so hard that he couldn't keep his hold on the tree branch and almost fell out. I wish he would.

And then I spotted the other bucket of paint.

"Don't you da-"

But he'd already tipped it over onto me with a devilish smirk.

"I am extending the ad to three months." I sneered up at him. His smiled fell and I nodded seriously.

"They're having a special you know." I said conversationally, shaking the excess paint off of my arms and looking down to study the rest of me. I was completely covered in blue. Oh, he was going to be getting calls for as long as he lived. I would make sure of it. His grandchildren would doubt his straightness.

"Three months for thirty dollars."

His eyes widened.

"You wouldn't."

I cocked my head, contemplating before reaching behind me to ring out my hair dramatically.

"I most definitely would." I said affirmatively.

He cursed under his breath.

"Oh yes." I said ominously.

He cringed, hopping from branch to branch before landing in front of me.

"Come on, Bells." he said, pouting. "It was just a little prank."

I smiled, understanding.

"Manuel still calling?"

He sneered and I stifled a laugh. There's my answer.

"It's just a little prank." I mimicked in a sing song voice.

He narrowed his eyes at me before shrugging.

"Call me when you're hair stops blinding people." he taunted. "I've still got Eddie to repay."

A smirk appeared on my face and I ran to catch up with him.

"Now that sounds like fun." I enthused. "What can I do?"

He looked at me over his shoulder, an amused expression on his face.

"Nope, Bells." he said happily. "This is all me. You already had your fun."

I slowed my pace, letting him continue by himself to his jeep parked on the other side of the road. Talk about hiding in plain sight!

He honked as he passed me, waving happily out the window- oh so proud of himself. I glowered at his retreating jeep- angry and blue.

* * *

I sneered at the caller ID when my phone rang, startling the silence in Alice and Jasper's living room. After trying to get as much blue paint off of me as I could, meaning three showers with almost painful scrubbing, I had come over here to see if Alice could help somehow. She was the queen of make-up after all. Although it wasn't really my skin that was the problem. Most of that came off with the third brutal shower but my hair... Oh, my hair was a completely different story. Of course Alice and Jasper needed a detailed explanation of what happened and that's what I'd been doing when my phone started ringing.

Rose.

"Hey." she said in greeting. "I just looked out the window and saw the chumbucket. Are you at Alice's?"

"I'm blue." I told her, skipping pleasentries. If she had helped that oaf in any way, shape, or form she was going down. I already had a running list of things that I could do to my blond friend if she had helped.

"What?" She asked, sounding confused.

"I. Am. Blue." I repeated, enunciating each word.

Silence.

"Don't worry, Bella." She said finally. "Everyone has their days."

I rolled my eyes. She's been spending way too much time with Emmett.

"No." I said slowly. "I don't mean the-last-chocolate-eclair-was-gone-at-the-bakery blue or an I-accidentally-dropped-my-phone-in-the-toilet blue. I mean you idiotic husband called me to the meadow, hid in a tree, and dumped blue paint on me."

My voice rose with my agitation as I spoke and Rose must have been walking across the street during my tirade because as I finished with a loud huff the front door was thrown open.

"Oh my god!" Rose gasped, still holding her phone to her ear. "You're blue. As in _blue_!"

I nodded, sweeping my hand down my form like one of those girls on the price is right, just less slutty and alluring.

"Blue." She babbled, laughter bubbling into her voice.

I narrowed my eyes at her in warning. If she laughed right now that list was going to be getting a whole lot longer.

She must have read my mind because she composed herself, clearing her throat.

"You didn't know he was going to do this?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"I had no idea." She grumbled, sounding upset by the fact. She even sounded a little offended.

I sighed, my list dissipating.

"So... he poured paint on you?"

I nodded.

"Two buckets." I confirmed.

She frowned.

"Why did you meet him?" she asked. "I thought you'd be on your guard around him now."

I switched my phone to the other ear, my right one beginning to ache now.

"Because he-" I started to explain but then I frowned. "Wait. Why are we still on the phone?"

Rosalie blinked as if she had just realized we were.

"I don't know." She laughed.

I chuckled despite myself.

"I'm hanging up now." I informed her.

"Okay."

"No, _you _hang up first." Jasper trilled from the sidelines, amused at the show.

Rose and I both rolled our eyes at him as we snapped our phones shut. Alice giggled.

"So why did you meet Em at the meadow?" She asked, getting us back on topic.

"Oh yeah." I remembered. "Because he texted me from your phone." I pointed at Alice. "I thought it was you."

It was quite for a moment and then Alice exploded.

"What?!" She shrieked. "_He _has my phone? I've been looking for that all morning!"

I was about to respond when something outside the window caught my attention. A silver Volvo. Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

I must have said that last part out loud because all three of my friends gave me questioning looks. Jasper chuckled when he followed my gaze and saw what I was sneering at.

"Who invited truck-napper?" I asked, gazing at them in turn.

Alice sighed.

"Stop being childish." she chided. "_Edward _is our friend."

I opened my mouth to retort but Jasper cut me off with a stern look.

"He's my cousin, Bella." he reminded me. "Be nice."

"Fine." I grumbled. Truth be told I wasn't even really mad about the whole Houdini truck thing anymore. I mean, I pulled pranks. I had just helped him prank Emmett after all. No, what aggravated me was my own indecision. One minute I was swooning over him- the next he's one of the most annoying people on the face of the earth. He was confusing me like no other and I hated being confused. I was one of those people who liked everything to be black and white. This man was all shades of gray.

"Lucy, I'm home!" he called as he opened the door while knocking.

Rose moved from the entry way so that he could come in and he grinned in thanks.

"See anything odd?" Rose hinted, tilting her head in my direction.

I rolled my eyes. Stealthy she was not.

"Odd?" he questioned curiously, his eyes scanning the room. "What's that supposed to-"

His eyes landed on me and they widened in surprise. His eyes were big anyway. Big and wide and expressive. And they were this deep shade of green, framed by the thickest lashes. And there I go again with the swooning.

"Holy pissed off smurf!" he exclaimed, those swoon-worthy eyes still wide.

I sneered. And back to despising him at a whiplash speed. Do you see what I mean?

The others all thought this was hilarious however and Edward was left looking at them- confused while they laughed.

"She knows-" He cleared his throat. "She knows that she's blue, right? I mean this wasn't a case of falling asleep around the wrong company was it?"

I rolled my eyes. Did I realize I was blue? Of all the stupid-

God. I was practically blinding myself in the reflection from the glass front door.

"Wait!" I gasped dramatically, feiging surprise. "I'm... _blue_?!"

I dropped the act- crossing my arms over my chest.

"Why is it that every time you have an idea for a prank I get the short end of the stick?" I demanded. The whole Emmett-is-gay thing was all his idea in the first place.

He still looked confused.

"What?"

"Emmett dropped paint on Bella." Alice explained helpfully.

"In retribution for the gay prank." Rose added.

He studied me for a long moment and then one side of his lips turned up. Then the other and then he was laughing.

"Oh, shut up!" I grumbled. "He's after you too."

He smirked.

"Thanks for the warning, sexy smurf."

I narrowed my eyes at him as he waggled his eyebrows at me and everyone else bust into a fresh peal of laughter.

After a couple of minutes of 'good natured' teasing from my so called 'friends' they continued on with their previous activities. Alice and Rose started to discus the wedding. How they can find interest in a topic they've already gone over a million and two times is beyond me. And Jasper turned back to the game he was watching on TV. OoO- The Colts! I wanted to go sit beside him and watch it but that would mean spending more time in the same room with those alluring eyes and obnoxious comments so I walked into the kitchen. To avoid the man that owned both.

If I could just somehow(perhaps surgically?) instal a different personality into that fine body of a man- keep those eyes without the eyerolls and those lucious lips without the sarcastic comments... well, I'd probably have gotten him drunk and married that fool already.

"Classy!" I chided myself, shaking my head as I reached for an apple.

"What did we say about the first sign of insanity?" a voice from behind startled me.

I shrieked and spun around- pelting the intruder with my apple. Truck-Napper looked surprised by the onslot of hazardous fruit but he managed to catch the apple and held it out to me with an angelic smile.

I blushed, embarrassed of my over reaction and my thoughts, and snatched the apple from him with a kurt 'thanks.'

He chuckled.

"You're welcome." he answered pleasantly.

I just fiddled with the apple, unsure of what to say next. I just couldn't escape him.

"So, that color blue looks lovely with your skin."

I pressed my lips into a thin line. Smart ass!

He laughed, seeing my expression which just pissed me off further because amusing wasn't exactly what I had been going for.

"That was only about 50% obnoxious comment." he told me.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Well then I'm only about 50% thinking about taking you outside for a public flogging."

He pressed his lips together but it wasn't in anger as mine had been. He was trying not to laugh at me again. He had better try _real _hard or I'd skip the marrying him part and just leave his drunk butt naked in the middle of the downtown mall.

"Public flogging, Ms. Swan?" he smirked. "Someone's a little over zealous."

I shurgged indifferently.

"If you're going to do something do it good." I said easily.

He nodded seriously.

"Well if I'm ever transported into Oliver Twist with you I'll remember to watch my back."

"Ha ha." I said dryly. "And just so you know, Oliver Twist sucks."

He looked hurt.

"It's my Mom's favorite." He said. "It's not that bad."

I scoffed.

"He's one of the most pathetic characters ever written." I told him truthfully.

He managed to look offended for about 0.5 seconds before reaching behind m to the fruit basket on the counter- snagging an orange.

"Well, what do you like better?" he asked, tossing the orange up into the air a couple of times. "Because I _know_you've got to have an oppinion."

I ignored his comment on my being opinionated and answered with a casual crunch of my apple.

"Wuthering Heights." I said. "Pride and Prejudice, Sherlock Holmes, The Tale of Two Cities, A-"

"You've made your point." he cut me off, chuckling. "Nice see food by the way."

I stuck my tongue out at him, proudly displaying my apple chunks. Usually this would have embarrassed me to no end but frankly it didn't bother me with Edward. He wouldn't hold it against me.

He made a disgusted face but I could tell he wasn't really upset. He debated for a moment before sticking an orange slice into his mouth and smiled huge with it wedged in between his lips. An orange smile!

"I haven't seen anyone do that since the third grade." I giggled.

Here was this gorgeous, muscular, EMT- waggling his eyebrows with an orange slice wedged between his perfect lips. It just made me laugh but I think that was kind of the point.

"Hey, Blue- you want some orange?" he asked, his speech garbled around the orange.

I laughed harder. He swallowed the orange, looking very proud of himself.

"You have a beautiful laugh." he told me, smiling.

I blushed, looking down at my feet.

"Thanks." I said quietly.

* * *

After I got home that night I added to my pro/con list.

Con: He doesn't hesitate to make fun of me. He likes Oliver Twist.

Pro: He does stupid things to make me laugh. He made me feel beautiful standing in Alice's kitchen in sweat pants and a grungy sweat shirt, covered from head to toe in blue paint.

* * *

**_Author's Note: I'm sorry again for the late update. I hope it was worth the wait. Please leave me a review. Favorite line/scene? I'm sorry for any mistakes. I didn't have time to edit before I left for work but I wanted to get this out there for you guys. Much Love!!_**


	10. The Word of the Day is Delivery

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

**_Author's Note:I just realized that I forgot to offer a sneak peek of this chappie last update. Sorry guys- it just slipped my mind. Whether I remember to put it at the end or not you can still ask for one. :) There will always be something extra available for those that review. Just ask when you leave your review. Thanks! In other news we have over 1,000 reviews!! That's amazing. over 1k for less than 10chapters? You guys are golden. Anyway, here's the newest chapter._**

**_Chapter#10. The Word of the Day is Delivery_**

* * *

It had been one of those days. My boss didn't like my card. I had until tomorrow now to come up with one that wasn't quite so 'snarky and sarcastic.' (His words, not mine) I was out of Lucky Charms cereal so I had to go to the store before eating this morning. Then I realized I was out of milk so it was pointless anyway. Both front tires were flat on my truck when I came out of the store. When I finally got the tires changed I hit my neighbors cat pulling back into my driveway.

It was now noon and I had officially given up. I got into my pajamas, dug out my pint of double fudge ice cream, and settled onto the couch for a marathon of Johnny Depp. Nothing makes the light at the end of the tunnel brighter than Johhny and a pint of double fudge... except for _two _pints and Johnny playing guitar.

I was just settling into my comforter and Juilette Binoche had just caught sight of river rat Johnny threw the smoke, (He was playing the guitar!) when my door bell rang. Actually you couldn't call it _ringing _per se because that had broken yesterday so now it sounded more like an extremely irritated calf. So I suppose I should say that I was enjoying my movie when my door bell _mooed_.

I thought about answering for a total of 1.3seconds before I decided to turn the TV up and ignore it. If it was Alice or Rose they would just come in and I didn't feel like seeing anyone else. Truth be told I didn't feel like talking to them either but they had a way of making me forget I was being antisocial.

Whoever it was wasn't giving up though. Every couple of seconds the bell sounded so it was after a mirage of mooing that I finally threw off my blanket, grumbling to myself.

"Please don't be Mrs. Garrinson." I begged. "Please don't be Mrs. Garrinson."

I had already told her it was a complete accident. The time I left the windows down on the Chumbucket and that cat left a present on my dash board had nothing to do with it. She was a small cat- I just didn't see her okay?!

I opened the door with a flurish to find a smiling delivering boy, wistling a merry tone as if he hadn't been ringing my bell incesently for the last five minutes.

"What?" I snapped before taking a deep calming breath. It wasn't his fault I ran over my neighbors cat or forgot to check to see if I had milk before going to the store at eight in the morning.

I forced a tight smile, probably confusing him more than setting him at ease. Cementing the fact that I am, in fact, bi-polar.

He blinked before remembering that half of his income comes from tips. He smiled pleasantly again.

"Bella Swan?" He asked.

I nodded.

"It's a tough job but someone's gotta do it." I joked.

"Uhm... okay then." he said after a moment. Some people just couldn't appreciate a good witty response. "I have a delivery for you. Would you mind signing?"

I signed on the little screen thing he handed me and he ran back to the van, presumably to get my delivery. I must admit he had piqued my interest. I hadn't ordered anything since Rose had commandeered my credit cards after I got carried away with the infomercials. I had trouble sleeping sometimes and everything looks so much more useful as seen on late night TV.

I was even more confused when smiley delivery guy brought back a giant bouquet of Daisy's.

"Who ordered these?" I asked curiously, taking the beautiful blue vase from him.

He didn't answer me but reddened slightly as he straightened and cleared his throat.

"I stole your truck. You were so mad you couldn't see. But I won't quit, until you forgive me."

I just blinked.

"Is he serious?"

The delivery man gave me a look that practically begged for mercy.

"I can't stop rhyming until you promise to forgive him." he said quietly.

I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped.

"_That_ didn't rhyme." I pointed out helpfully.

He didn't look amused.

"Alright, alright." I chuckled, taking a whiff of my flowers. "I'll call him."

The delivery man practically ran down the steps and my mood lightened immensely as I watched the van peal down the street. I added two more things to my ever growing list before calling my own personal stalker.

Pro: he embarrassed the annoying delivery guy. Con: his poetry was embarrassing in itself.

"I knew threatening you with more poetry would work." he said in greeting.

I snickered.

"It was pretty awful."

He wasn't bothered but it didn't annoy me as much as it usually did. At least he knew how to take a joke right?

"But it worked." He commented.

I crawled back under my blanket after adding some more water to my flowers and setting them on my coffee table. It was probably the first time my apartment had ever seen flowers that hadn't been made in a factory and covered with wax first.

"Who says it worked?" I questioned. "Maybe I haven't forgiven you yet."

He didn't hesitate to start the rhyming again.

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. Mom says I'm special on the inside and you think so too."

I cracked up.

"I bought you Daisy's instead of Carnations-"

"Okay." I interupted, still laughing. "I forgive you. Just stop."

He chuckled.

"Good, because I can't think of anything that rhymes with Carnation."

"Constipation." I supplied without thinking. My blush ignited instantly as he laughed.

"Do you use that in your cards?" he asked, amused.

"I haven't yet." I replied easily. "But I'll see what I can do."

"Buying you carnations was a temptation. But I didn't because of mental constipation." He serenaded.

I smirked, pausing my movie. It wasn't holding my attention anymore anyway.

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Nope." he agreed, his voice the proverbial equivalent of a shrug. "But it did rhyme."

"That it did." I allowed. "You should be very proud."

"Alright, Beautiful." He tisked. "So, how has your day been? Other than brightened by my wonderful poetry of course."

I smiled.

"It actually did brighten my day." I admitted. "I was just laying here feeling sorry for myself and then I got to see the really annoying delivery boy humiliated because he had to recite it."

"I'll try not to take offense to that." He said.

I shrugged. Nothing else got to him.

"But why were you wallowing?"

I wrinkled my nose. It made me sound like such a cry baby when he put it like that.

"I wasn't _wallowing_." I insisted.

He just chuckled and I sighed, laying back against the arm rest of my couch.

"I ran over my neighbors cat." I said solemnly.

"What?"

I nodded.

"Yeah." I confirmed sadly. "I backed the chumbucket over him."

He was quiet for a while.

"On purpose?" he finally asked tentatively.

"Why does everyone keep asking that?" I exclaimed. It was bad enough when Mrs. Garrison had insinuated that I took a hit out on Fluffy. At this rate I wouldn't be surprised if PETA was called in.

"It was an accident!" I huffed. "I didn't see him."

He relented quickly and I rolled my eyes.

We talked for a little while longer and I thanked him for my flowers. I also made him promise never to attempt poetry ever again to which he retorted that I needed to stop taking my aggression out on the neighborhood animals.

All in all I was having fun talking to him. No one is more surprised than I am! I was even more surprised when he said he had to do a couple of things and needed to get off the phone. I was ... disappointed?

"Oh." I frowned. "Okay. Yeah, of course."

"You don't want me to hang up do you?" he asked. I could imagine the cocky grin now and my hands tightened around the phone. The irritatingly smug truck-napper rears his handsome head once again!

"How do you maintain any balance with that big head of yours, Cullen?" I quipped.

He laughed.

"No, you hang up first." he trilled. He and his cousin were alike after all... just not in the good ways.

I narrowed my eyes at the television set where Johnny was smirking devilishly. Why couldn't all men be like Roo, the character he plays? He's all suave and charming without being an egomaniac. Plus I bet _he _wouldn't ask if I ran over Fluffy in an act of passion.

"Okay." I shrugged, pushing the end button on my cell phone without hesitating. Someone needed to put that man in his place. So what if my sulking mood crawled back in as soon as I flipped the phone shut.

"It's just you and me now, Roo." I sighed, reaching for the remote and pushing play.

I got back into the movie after a few minutes but then I saw my Daisy's.

Okay so _now _I was wallowing.

"Stupid truck-napper." I grumbled. "Buying me flowers and making me laugh with idiotic poetry."

I almost called him back. Almost. I wasn't holding a grudge anymore but I didn't want to like him on principle. I didn't want to like him but he was slowly breaking down my defenses. Thank god he still had his moments of smug idiocy or I might just forget I wasn't supposed to like him.

Besides that my self respect absolutely refused to let me press redial. She was the one who made me hang up in the first place. 'I will boy-cott or leave you completely if you push that button.' She warned me, shaking her finger at me.

"I know, I know." I relented, holding my hands out in front of me- in surrender. We had this conversation many a time.

Almost like a referee's whistle my bell mooed, interrupting my argument with myself. Edward may call this arguing with myself insanity but I call it smart. No matter what I do in the end I win.

I contemplated being upset with my newest intruder but I wasn't in the mood to be sitting here all by myself anymore anyway.

"Sorry, Johnny." I sighed, shutting the TV off. Too bad my mood hadn't lifted before I guzzled the entire pint of ice cream, I thought as I tossed it in the trash on my way to the front door.

There was another moo as I hit the entry way and I rolled my eyes, not sure if I should be more annoyed or amused.

"Yes?" I greeted dryly, opening the door. My eyes widened as I saw who was standing there.

"Add a quack-quack here and you could give Old McDonald a run for his money." he chuckled, motioning towards the doorbell.

I smirked, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning against the door frame.

"Well, my toaster oinks."

Edward raised both eyebrows.

"Really?"

I shook my head, feeling my lips twist without my permission.

"No." I snickered. "Not really. I thought you had 'things to do.'" I might have sounded a little bitter as I quoted him from earlier.

He nodded, pressing his lips together.

"Yeah, I did." he agreed, running his fingers through his hair. "One of my friends is having a really bad day so I wanted to come keep her company."

The smile broke through my boundaries and lit my whole face. He dropped everything to come wallow with me? Granted, he probably didn't have anything to do since he's on vacation from work and is spending his days sitting around Alice's and Jasper's until the wedding but still...

"Besides that, she hung up on me." He added. "And I'm kind of sick of her always getting the last word."

I laughed.

"Your friend sounds like a handful."

He agreed with a little too much enthusiasm and I rolled my eyes. I wasn't that bad!

"So, since you've agreed to be friends can I come in?" he asked.

I frowned. Wait a minute there. He tricked me!

"Please." He grinned. "Before your neighbors start talking about the loser that Bella keeps rejecting."

I just chuckled, shaking my head at his pitiful expression before I stepped aside.

"Thanks, Beautiful."

I nibbled on my bottom lip, suddenly nervous as he walked into the living room.

"No problem, _friend._" I teased as I shut the door and followed him into the room. But I was mentally calculating the state of my house. I had vacuumed yesterday but I can't remember the last time I dusted.

I cursed under my breath as I spotted Edward, crouched down in front of the coffee table- looking at the pictures that cluttered the top. Those once amusing photos from my childhood were now just embarrassing.

"Is this you?" he asked over his shoulder, motioning to the frame in the middle.

I considered telling him that the sticky faced, gaped tooth, little girl was a mentally retarded cousin or an ill proportioned childhood friend. Sadly enough I still looked enough like her that I doubt he'd buy it. My curly hair and slightly crooked nose gave me away.

"Me and my dad." I admitted. "I was five."

It was one of our fishing trips. It was as I grew older that I realized being stuck in a boat with my dad and his buddies for hours at a time didn't constitute as a good time. But at five I loved it. Charlie and Billy would bring lunch for me and I'd sit on the other end of the little boat with my feet hanging in the water. It was great until I fell in and Charlie'd have to abandon his fishing pole and dive in after me. Those days I'd sit, cold and wet, sulking in the boat between Charlie and Billy. Talk about the good old days.

But this picture was taken on one of those rare days where I'd managed to stay dry. I was sitting in the boat, my head on Charlies arm, ice cream coating my smiling face.

"You two were close." he surmised- a statement, not a question.

I nodded. I really needed to call Charlie. I hadn't talked to him all week, which was rare- especially since his accident.

"We still are." I agreed quietly. "My mom left when I was only a year old so it was just me and Charlie growing up."

"That must have been hard." he sympathized.

I shrugged, not wanting to get into anything meaningful or deep with my newest 'friend.'

"I'd offer a tour but I'm sure you'd find something else to make fun of me about so you're restricted to the living room, Mister."

He chuckled, looking at my movie collection now.

"Fair enough." he said easily. "But just for the record I wasn't making fun of the picture. It looked like you were having fun."

"Fishing." I supplied. "I was still gullible enough to believe Dad when he said it was fun."

"No fishing." he mumbled to himself as if he was adding to a running list in his head. He probably was. I imagined a folder in his brain labeled _Bella Swan's likes and dislikes _and frowned. I'm not sure I'm altogether comfortable with being critiqued.

"Please tell me I'm not seeing things." He said suddenly, making me jump. I talk to myself- he's having hallucinations. We make quite the pair don't we?

He looked over his shoulder at me, grinning.

"Monty Python?" he smiled.

I smirked, seeing he had found my Quest for the Holy Grail DVD.

"If you don't like that movie I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I said seriously.

He wiggled his eyebrows, standing back up.

"Alright then." He grinned. "We must watch this."

I nodded enthusiastically. He didn't have to convince me. Other than the Simpson's movie it had the best one liners. 'Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?' Epic.

He moved over and I put the movie on, getting it to the main menu.

"What's this?"

I looked over my shoulder, distracted. All distraction vanished however when I saw what he was holding up. Yeah- I was pretty dang focused then!

"Nothing!" I yelped.

My pro/con list.

He held it over his head so that I couldn't grab it away from him, which was exactly what I was trying to do by this point. And he's so stinking tall that my efforts were completely futile. I wasn't going to get that list back until he handed it to me. Or until I grew go-go gadget arms.

"Just give it back, Edward!" I whined.

"Okay." He said easily.

My eyes widened.

"Really?" I asked hopefully.

He nodded.

"Yep. Just as soon as you tell me what it is."

I sneered.

"It's non of your business." I informed him icily. Not exactly true- it actually had everything to do with him, therefor was definitely his business. But I didn't have a lot to work with here.

"Probably not." He shrugged.

Of course he wasn't bothered. And if I remember correctly _that _was on the list, the con side to be more exact.

"But I'm _really _curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat." I grumbled.

He chuckled, arm still above his head.

"Haven't you killed enough cats today, Swan?"

He continued before I had time to retort. "Besides I've always seen myself more as a mountain lion."

I rolled my eyes. Of course.

"Still in the feline family."

"And there she goes again with the technicalities." He tisked.

I sighed.

"Just give me the list, Edward." I pleaded. Yes- I had resorted to pleading. He shall pay for this moment.

He raised his eyebrows.

"What kind of list, Isabella?"

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. And who had told him my full name?

"Your por/con list, okay!" I snapped. "Happy?"

He was quiet for a very long time, long enough to make me fidget.

"Depends." He said finally, his brows furrowed deep in thought.

I frowned. Depends on what? What could make him not angry about this?

"How am I fairing?" He asked, looking down at me with curiosity. He held the paper in his hands and yet he asks me instead of looking at something I didn't want him to see. Pro.

His reaction surprised me almost as much as my own did. I was... relieved. I didn't want him to be up set. I didn't want him to be mad at me. That made absolutely no sense since _I_ spent most of the time being mad at _him_. But to my intense surprise I didn't want him to be so angry that he did something crazy... like start avoiding me.

"You're tied." I said quietly, watching him calculatingly.

He raised both eyebrows.

"Well, let's see what we can do about that."

I frowned, confused as he plopped down on my sofa- eyes now scanning the paper. I rejected my first instinct to grab the paper out of his hand. It really couldn't get much worse as it was.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

He ignored me.

"Do you have a pen?" He asked without looking up.

Oh boy. It just got worse.

"I'm not encouraging this in any way." I informed him, plopping down beside him.

He didn't even look up. He just reached behind me and pulled one of the pens from the bun in my hair.

"Nice." He smirked, looking at my pen which just so happened to be Disney characters.

"Don't judge me." I pouted.

He corked one eyebrow, waving the list in front of my nose.

"You're one to talk, DB."

I sighed. He was right. I should add that to the con list. It's so annoying. Why does he have to be right?

"DB?" I asked, confused.

"Devious and beautiful." he said without looking up. He was really focusing on that list!

I blushed. It's better than pissed off smurf I suppose.

"You are _not_ my biggest fan." He mumbled, more to himself than to me.

I cringed. Reading the con side then.

"Are you... you're not mad at me, are you?" I asked finally.

He slowly lowered the paper and his eyes slid to my worried face.

"Would you care if I was?" he asked seriously.

I nodded hesitantly.

"I don't know why." I said slowly. "But yes, I would."

He looked back at the paper, smiling slightly.

"Well then I guess I'm not angry."

Before I could say anything he continued.

"You're holding Oliver Twist against me, Bella? Really?"

I just shrugged.

He sighed, looking down the list. Was he finally getting annoyed?!

"I'll agree I'm not a poet." he said, looking at me from the corner of his eye. "But don't you get points for trying? It's the thought that counts and all that?"

I though about it for a moment.

"I suppose." I conceded. I can't think of anyone who would even put that much effort into getting me to laugh. Paul never would have been willing to embarrass himself for anything, non the less another human being.

Edward smiled, scribbling something down on the paper. He taped the paper with the end of my pen victoriously before looking at me with an impish grin.

"It looks like I'm not tied anymore then." He said smugly.

My eyebrows furrowed as I let that sink in.

"Hmm." Was all I could manage to say.

Edward chuckled at my wary expression, brushing a strand of loose hair behind my ear.

"Although I hate to admit it," he smiled softly, almost adoringly. "You'll probably find more cons everyday if that's what you're looking for."

I swallowed hard. I was hyper aware of his hand lingering on my cheek, his thumb sweeping gently over my jaw bone. He didn't seem to even notice he was doing it. I on the other hand most definitely noticed. As a matter of fact it was taking a shocking amount of restraint not to lean into his touch.

"No one is perfect, Bella." he said quietly. For once he looked serious.

There was no joking in his eyes, just a great intensity that left my speechless.

"If you expect that from people- perfection," he continued, almost in a whisper. "You're just going to be disappointed."

He licked his lips as his thumb made another circuit over my jaw line, seeming to concentrate deeply on what he wanted to say. When he spoke next I had an extremely hard time pulling my eyes from those full lips.

"I'm going to be honest with you." he said, locking his eyes with me. "If you were to tally up each of my traits, my qualities, my actions I don't know if the good would out weigh the bad."

He sighed, having trouble getting his words out.

"I hope they would... but there's no way to tell for sure so I don't think this list is going to do you any good."

He stared at me for a long time before looking down, seeming nervous.

"I guess you'll just have to decide if you're willing to take the bad with the good."

After his captivating speech silence rang supreme. I was so past the state of shock that I couldn't even think. The atmosphere had changed so drastically from earlier- our usual flirty banter, that it was almost comical.

...Except nothing about this was funny. For once my truck-napper was being completely serious and he was waiting for an answer.

I sucked in a deep breath. So much for not wanting to discuss anything deep or meaningful!

On one hand what type of person would I be if I couldn't admit that everyone had their faults?- take the bad with the good as he had said. My initial reaction was to answer immediately because really who wants to be that person?

On the other hand I hadn't gotten to know him well enough to decide if I wanted to take the bad with the good when it comes to him individually. And I'll admit that's completely my fault. It's hard to get to know someone when you're too busy looking for reasons to remain enemies.

In the back of my mind I heard Jake's voice like a big, tanned, gay Yoda. _Give him a chance you will!_

My evil shoulder angel hit me over the head with her pitch fork and motioned to Edward enthusiastically. "This is not the time for inner monoluging!" her expression screamed snidely. "Kiss him already!"

"Woah there!" the good(while admittedly more boring) angel chided, panicked. "That would not solve anything. It's a form of avoidance because you want to avoid giving a direct reply to his question. Just suck it up and answer the man, Isabella!"

Wow. The good shoulder angel sounded oddly like my Nana Swan there at the end.

Edward hadn't moved the entire time, waiting patiently for me to answer. I took a deep breath and prepared myself to listen to my responsible angel for once. She wiped a tear from her eyes dramatically, clenching her hands to her chest- so proud. The other angel sneered at her, contemplating where to stick her pitch fork. I shot her a sympathetic look. I knew how she felt. I liked her idea better too but Edward was being serious for once. He deserved a serious answer.

"I'm not exactly known for that." I said slowly. "But I'm sure I could work on it."

He grinned, a smile so wide I was afraid his face would split in half.

"Would you like to work on that Friday night?" he asked hopefully. "Maybe over dinner?"

I didn't give myself time to question it, over analyze. I didn't make a pro/con list, discuss it with my shoulder angels, or with gay Yoda. I just said the first thing that I thought.

"I'd like that."

* * *

**_Author's Note: They have a date! The next two chapters are written.(Although the next chapter is not the date. Sorry to disappoint. But the next chapter is essential) Review for a preview. Favorite line/scene? Much Love!_**

**_And for those of you who have seen Monty Python-Quest for the holy grail you should leave your favoite line from that movie too. Haha. Mine is, "She turned me into a newt! ... Well, I got better."_**

**_Oh, I almost forgot. The movie Bella was watching with Johnny Depp in the beginning was Chocolat. If you haven't seen it I fully recomend it. It's utterly amazing!_**


	11. The Word of the Day is Jealousy

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

**_Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews. All the Monty Python quotes were cracking me up. It also had me saying them at random intervals throughout the day, managing to annoy my family and co-workers in the process. Haha.  
_****_I'm glad you liked the serious side of our truck-napper. He doesn't show it often so might as well enjoy it while it lasted. Haha. _****_Aglover69, I tried to send you the preview but you weren't signed in, lovie. :)_**

Chapter#11. The Word of the Day is Jealousy

* * *

I can not believe that I had spent the evening with truck-napper. Again. And then I'd ended up agreeing to an actual date with him. Alice was going to crap a brick when she found out. I don't know what's going to be worse- her over-reaction, Emmett's teasing, or Rosalie's smug smirks.

Maybe I could convince Edward to keep this just between us for now.

How had this even happened? The last thing I remember clearly is that awful poetry. I don't think I made one rational decision after that. It was all a blur of flirty banter, and arguing shoulder angels, and... Edward. He was very close- so extremely close. He smelled so good and he was being all witty and sincere and he was doing that thing where he rubbed my jaw with his thumbs. It was all very enticing. And... well I'm pretty sure that the entire experience had done something to melt my brain, rendering me incapable to remember that he. Is. A. Lady's. Man. Of course he knew what to say, and how to make me laugh, and how to do that thing with his thumb on my jaw line.

I sighed. That was my cynical side talking and I knew that was also my logical side- the side that wasn't susceptible to truck-napper's charm. At least it was the side that didn't _want _to be susceptible to his charm. There was another part, and I didn't know how dominate that part may be, that really wanted to be charmed. I couldn't quite convince that part that he was just another smooth talking player. Edward seemed like so much more than that.

Well whoever he was I had a date with him this Friday. And there was no disputing that it was a date this time.

I sighed.

"What's wrong, chickadee?"

I looked over, pulling myself from my daze with a shake of my head. Jacob had his head tilted to the side, watching me quizzically from the sofa. He'd come over earlier because he was bored while Sam was at work. We hung out a lot during the days since we were the only ones in the gang without 'real' jobs. Jake was a graphic designer working from home. Our jobs left us with lots of free time.

"Nothing." I sighed dryly. "Just waring within myself."

He looked at me for another moment before nodding.

"Sounds like you." he said simply.

I cracked a smile, going to sit beside him.

"What's got you so down, hun?" he asked.

I nestled into his side and rested my head on his shoulder. You know those days where everything seems to go wrong and all you really want is to curl up and have your mommy tell you it would all work out? Well I never had that option. But that's okay because I have my 6"5 gay Indian friend.

"I agreed to go to dinner with Edward."

"The truck-napper?" He questioned.

I nodded gravely.

"The sexy bronze haired god?"

I sighed.

"The one and the same." I affirmed.

He was silent for a moment before he leaned his head on my own.

"So... you're regretting that decision?" He tried to understand my mood.

I thought about it for second before shrugging.

"No." I said finally. "I'm excited."

More silence.

"Bella... I'm not sure I understand the problem." he said finally.

I scrunched up my nose, frustrated myself.

"I'm just confused." I admitted. I hate being confused. Have I mentioned this already? "I don't want to talk about it."

"He's got you that confused huh?" he chuckled.

I scowled.

"Did you just _chuckle_?" I asked, disbelieving. "What about this strikes you as funny, Jacob?"

Did he not hear me? I'm waring within myself. _Waring_. That is not something to be taken lightly.

"Nothing, nothing." He insisted quickly. "I've just never seen you so twisted over a man before. You must really like him to be putting this much thought into it."

I frowned. That's one way to look at it I suppose. Of course I hadn't thought to look at it that way before and I wasn't sure I wanted to.

"Shut up." I groaned. "Nobody asked you."

Jake laughed, flipping through the channels a few more times before clicking the TV off and tossing the remote down.

"Alright." he said abruptly. "Get up."

He stood up, looking at me expectantly and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What?" I asked articulately. "Where are we going?"

"Out." he replied helpfully, thrusting his hand out to me. "You're stewing. We need to distract you before all this thinking implodes your little brain cells."

I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks for the leap of confidence, Jake."

He just grinned, wiggling his fingers imploringly.

"Come on, Bellie."

I groaned, finally grabbing his hand and letting him drag me up. We wouldn't want my brain cells to _implode _after all.

* * *

"Godfather." he said smugly.

I shook my head.

"That doesn't count." I insisted. "It's _The _Godfather therefor it begins with a 'T'."

Jacob always cheated. Always. It didn't matter what you were playing. In Monopoly he takes multiple loans and 'forgets' to pay them back. In Life he kicked his wife out of the car to make more room. And in the alphabet game he forgets 'the' so he gets his 'g' word. Not going to happen buddy. What? Didn't I tell you our jobs left us with free time?

Jacob shrugged.

"Technicalities."

I sighed, remembering a conversation with a certain tall, pale, and criminal when he'd said the same thing. I was thinking about him so much that it was annoying me. I just couldn't help myself.

"It counts." Jake insisted, pulling me from my reverie. "Besides Al Pacino was so cute back in the day."

I made a face, thinking more along the lines of his Oceans 13 phase. Time was not that man's friend.

"Have you ever noticed how George Clooney gets more attractive as he ages?" I mussed- just speaking of Oceans 13.

Jake nodded in agreement, used to my round about way of thinking. Some people get lost but it makes sense in my head.

"It works that way for some." He agreed.

"Two words." I smirked. "Denzel Washington."

Jake fanned himself dramatically and I laughed, finally getting into our girls day out. See? I didn't need truck-napper.

...I wonder if truck-napper is going to get more attractive as he ages? It's kind of hard to believe. I mean he's already so-

"Here!" I yelped.

Jake looked at me, his eyes wide and confused.

"Bella, what's going-"

"He's already so here!" I rambled, frantic. It was almost as if my many thoughts of him had pulled him from whatever he was doing to stand in front of me.

"Who's here, Bella?" Jake asked, looking at me like... well, looking at me as if in the middle of a perfectly calm conversation I'd just started rambling nonsense.

"Truck-Napper." I hissed, trying to keep my voice down.

Jacob's head whipped around to follow my gaze, anxious to finally catch a glimpse of him. And there he was. I could see him through the big window of the coffee shop we'd been sitting in for the last half an hour. He was walking down the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, converse firmly in place. And he was getting ready to pull the door open.

"Hide me." I whispered desperately at the same time Jake gave his evaluation. "Yummy."

I smacked his arm.

"Stop it!" I hissed. This was not the time nor the place.

Jacob laughed.

"Why?" He asked, amused. "He _is_ yummy. And why are you freaking out like it's illegal for you to be in this cafe?"

I opened my mouth to retort but then I snapped it closed with a dumbfounded snap. Why was I freaking out? It's not like he could tell I'd been thinking about him all day- not if I played it cool. Yeah, cool. That's what I'd do.

He was the same Edward that annoyed me to no end a great majority of the time after all. I'd never had trouble talking to him before. Of course that was probably because I was so busy convincing myself that we were mortal enemies.

"Bella?"

My head snapped up to meet the husky voice. My hand was still on Jacob's arm and I saw Edward's eyes slide there slowly before resting back on my face. I detected a hint of something there, fire perhaps- burning in his eyes before he blinked and then it was gone.

I pulled my hand back, blushing. It didn't take a mind reader to know what he was thinking and it was so far from the truth that it was almost laughable.

"Hey, Edward." I said, my breath sounding all shaky and breathy. I mentally kicked myself. Could I sound anymore like his fan girl? If he hadn't made me get rid of that pro/con list last night this instance would be going on there. This power he has over my cognitive functions was so annoying. Thankfully that annoyance was just enough to distract me from how wonderful he looked in his faded old band shirt and hair still wet(no doubt from a shower because it wasn't raining for once) and I was able to get out a full sentence.

"Just because you admit to the stalking doesn't mean you can continue unabashed you know."

He smirked.

"Well, Ms Swan, I see you are just as witty this morning as when I left your house last night."

My mouth fell open as he glanced at Jacob, smug. Was he- Did he... he didn't just mark his claim!

Jacob raised one eyebrow, amused.

"Is that right, Bells?" he smirked.

I blushed, narrowing my eyes at truck-napper. Con: he makes me blush. I thought I had grown out of that troublesome habit years ago!

"I'm always witty." I said, folding my arms over my chest and glaring at him so that he knew I knew what he was doing. You know? "Haven't you noticed?"

"I have." He nodded, not having the decency to look shamefaced. "Are you going to introduce me to your friend?"

He shot daggers at poor Jake as he finished his sentence and I rolled my eyes. Why doesn't he just hike his leg and pee on my chair already? Men.

"Jake- this is Edward Cullan, AKA truck-napper." I introduced dutifully. "Edward- this is Jake, my lover."

Edward's eyes got huge and he choked on the coffee he had just taken a drink from. I raised one slim eyebrow, a challenge. I hadn't even gone on the date with him yet when he sees me with a friend and he automatically gets that kicked puppy look.

Jacob broke the awkward moment I had created by busting into a peal of obnoxiously loud laughter.

"Awe, Bells, I think you gave the poor guy a heart attack." he laughed.

I shrugged, taking a sip of my coffee calmly. Serves him right for haunting my thoughts all morning.

Jacob shook his head, still chuckling as he pushed himself up from the table.

"I'm going to go call Sam." he told me, his amusement shinning through his big brown eyes. "He'll get a kick out of this one."

I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks a lot, Buddy." I grumbled.

He winked at me and started to walk away but then he turned back to Edward, giving him a pitying look.

"Good luck." he said, patting him on the back. "She's quite the little fire cracker."

I huffed. All of my friends have turned on me.

Jake walked away smirking as if he could tell what I was thinking. He gave me a thumbs up behind Edwards back before letting the door to the coffee shop fall closed behind him. I could see him talking animatedly into his cell phone outside and I rolled my eyes. Sam was going to give me hell about this. I guarantee it.

Edward cleared his throat awkwardly and I chuckled when I saw he looked just as confused as I usually felt.

"You're looking a little confused there, truck-napper." I said idly. I smirked as Beatrice reared her fiery head again.

"'And civil. Civil as an orange and something of that jealous complexion.'"

He smirked a little at that as if he couldn't help himself.

"How many voices are in your head, Swan?" he asked, amused.

I shrugged. With the shoulder angels, the nagging conscious, gay Yoda, and various Shakespeareancharacters I'd lost count. Is that a bad thing?

I motioned to the seat Jake had just vacated and he ran his hand through his hair, eyeing me warily before sighing and taking the seat.

"So... what just happened here, DB?" he asked, looking over his shoulder where we could see Jacob through the window, holding his stomach- laughing as he retold the scene to Sam.

I snickered, drawing Edward's attention back to me.

"You were being all territorial so I used my wit to defuse the situation." I said simply, fluttering my eyelashes dramatically.

He looked like he was about to protest but I shot him a look that shut him up. We both knew he had reverted to his caveman days there for a second.

"Are you sure _he _knows you were using him to put me in my place?" He said, casting another look out the window and I laughed.

"First of all, I don't use my friends." I insisted. "And secondly if you keep staring at him his boyfriend is going to get testy."

His head whiped back to me and I smirked.

"And you don't want Sam mad at you." I said seriously. "He's a big guy."

"What?" he coughed, shock written all over his handsome face.

I nodded gravely.

"Yeah. All of those Quilleute boys are huge." I said thoughtfully. It was so crazy. The whole tribe was freakishly tall. Jake joked that it was something in the water.

"And don't think that just because he's gay means he won't kick your butt if you're staring at Jake." I added. "Because he will."

"Wait, wait, wait." Edward interrupted, holding his hands in front of him. "I was _not_ staring at any men."

I cracked up. I was pretty sure my truck-napper liked woman. I mean it goes without saying but it was so much fun to tease him.

"So he's... gay?"

I nodded. I'm sure I looked like the cat that ate the canary.

"And you're friends?"

I nodded again, feeling pretty dang smug. I could see the wheels turning, trying to keep up with the last five minutes and then a smirk pulled one side of his mouth up. It wasn't one of the smirks I was used to. This one meant trouble and I gulped as he leaned over the table towards me.

"Oh, Isabella." he said, his tone that of warning. "That was not very nice."

I swallowed.

"I'm sorry?" I breathed. It came out as a question.

He chuckled, tucking some hair behind my ear.

"Are you?" he questioned, quirking one devious eyebrow as he leaned even closer.

I nodded just barely as his hands slid up to cup my face. My eyes slid closed.

"I suppose I could forgive you." he whispered seductively, his lips brushing my forehead.

My heart went into hyper drive, beating away in my throat.

And then he was gone.

My eyes crept open after a moment, a much more difficult task than closing them had been. Edward was sitting back in his chair, smirking- arms crossed over his chest as if nothing had just happened.

I narrowed my eyes at him, letting my gaze wander to the salt shaker on the table. I had to fight the urge to throw it at him.

"Who's not playing nice now, Cullen?"

He chuckled.

"I don't know what you're talking about, DB." he lied easily.

I was still contemplating which would make the best weapon- the salt shaker or the cream pitcher, when his phone rang.

"Hey, Jasper." he said pleasantly, leaving me to grumble to myself.

I palled. No, no, no! This was not good. We hadn't had a chance to talk about my aversion to sharing unnecessary details with our friends yet. I'm pretty sure Jasper had his suspicions already because of us both disappearing during the night of a thousand strippers but I didn't need to solidify that assumption by letting him know we've been spending more time together. And God forbid he found out that we had a date! That news would spread like wild fire to his yappy fiance. She kind of reminded me of one of those little dogs that thinks it's a Doberman. They grab a hold of your pant leg(because it's the only thing they can reach,) and hold on mercilessly. I say this in the most loving way possible of course. But she was going to go all miniature pincher with this info, merciless and relentless.

"Just a second, Jasper." Edward said into the phone, eyeing me curiously. "Bella's waving her hands around like she's trying to land a Boeing 447."

I stopped flailing and slapped my forehead. Honestly? Did he do this on purpose?

"Yeah, she's sitting right here." he continued, oblivious to my stink eye.

He chuckled at something Jasper said before covering the phone with his and and turning his attention to me.

"Yes?" he prompted.

I narrowed my eyes to an almost impossible slit.

"Why did you tell him that?" I demanded.

He winced, amusement gone as he realized I was pissed. He's lucky he's so inhumanly beautiful.

"Was I not supposed to?" he asked timidly.

I blew out an indignant breath and held out my hand to him, motioning towards the phone. Now I had to do damage control. I'd explain to Edward later but I can almost hear Alice's screeching from here. Then there's Emmett's jokes... Oh this must be rectified.

Edward looked at my outstretched hand for a moment before his eyes landed back on my face, looking quite dubious. He was debating handing over his phone.

The cream pitcher was heavier but it was mostly rounded where as the salt shaker had some sharper edges. Decisions, decisions.

I made the very difficult decision to put aside physical weapons and implement emotional warfare. I pouted, begged with my eyes. I _implored_.

Edward sighed in defeat, breaking our stare down.

"Jasper?" he removed the muffle of his hand from the receiver. "Bella wants to talk to you." A short pause. "I think I'm in trouble."

I had one thing to say when he handed me the phone dutifully.

"He's stalking me."

Jasper laughed loudly.

"And that makes you the innocent, victim-like, stalkee does it?"

I nodded whole heartily.

"Undoubtedly."

Jasper laughed again. Jerk.

"Don't tell Alice." I pleaded.

Still laughing.

"Why would I keep a secret from my Alice?" he chuckled.

I sighed.

"Because she'd torture me until the day I died." I supplied hopefully.

Nothing. I huffed.

"Because I'd owe you for life?" I tried again.

"Hmm." He thought momentarily. "That's a very tempting offer."

I brightened with hope.

"But then again," he drawled. Crap on a stick. "Alice has the power to make my life hell too, Bells. And if she finds out that I kept something from her..."

"She won't find out?" I don't know why I even tried. We both know there was no way Jasper would keep something from her. Why couldn't Edward be Emmett's cousin? No- he had to be related to the one with a moral compass.

"Bella." Jasper admonished. "Alice knows _everything._" His voice took on a note of dark foreboding that made me laugh despite everything.

"Can you help me out here at all?" I begged. "After all I am the one that pointed you out to Alice that first day on the football field."

I crossed my fingers. Please, please, please.

"You were laughing because I fell." He reminded me dryly.

I winced.

"Please." I begged.

He sighed.

"This is between you and my cousin." he said finaly. "I won't say anything unless she asks."

I grinned. No- I beamed.

"Awe, Jasper." I cheered. "Thank-"

"Don't get too excited." he interrupted me. "I love you but if she asks I will sing like a canary."

"That's just fine, canary." I snickered. "But no offering her any _theories_."

"And you don't offer up any details." he compromised. "If you end up preggo with some freaky haired baby I have two words for you-"

"Shut up!" I was mortified, my cheeks the brightest shade of red known to mankind. Edward was sitting _right there_. What if he heard?! I take back what I said about Jasper back in chapter#2. He's not the brother I never wanted but loved anyway. He was the brother that you shove in the dishwasher the minute Mom turns her back.

"The stork." he finished dramatically, a hint of pride at his own cleverness annoyingly evident.

"I've got to go." I said smoothly, much smoother than I thought possible around the mortification. "Edward is looking really impatient. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable but your call kind of interrupted something I'd really like to finish."

And I flipped the phone shut and set it on the table in front of me with a little more force than usual. Two could play that game, Whitlock!

The next five very long seconds(I counted) were spent in silence, me trying to avoid Edward's questioning gaze.

"Well." he said, raising one eyebrow. "That was interesting."

I reddened even more if possible, shifting around in my seat.

"He was being a monkey anus." I explained. "I wanted to make him squirm."

He thought about it for a moment before nodding.

"I'm sure you have succeeded."

I smiled, a bit sheepish and then cleared my throat, back to business.

"He said he wouldn't tell Alice if she didn't ask."

He shrugged.

"She'll ask." he said confidentially, taking a chug from his coffee.

"So, why don't we want our friends to know?" He asked, looking over the top of the cup with eyebrows raised.

"Because they're our friends." I said simply, not trying to hide the 'duh' in my voice.

"Alice." I elaborated, making the name a whole sentence. "Rosalie."

I paused for dramatic effect before continuing with the grand finale.

"Emmett."

He nodded.

"Understood." he grimaced. "But they're going to find out eventually."

I quirked an eyebrow.

"Why is that?" I asked. "Maybe we won't want to go on another date after this. Maybe we won't have anything to talk about. Maybe it'll be awkward and there will be loads of conversational lulls. Perhaps we're better suited to be enemies. Maybe you'll decide I'm not all that interesting after all."

"I sincerely doubt that." he snorted. "You're _definitely_ interesting."

I narrowed my eyes at him and he smiled sheepishly.

"You've given this a lot of thought?" he ventured.

I shrugged. Dang. And my blush had just started to fade.

"You honestly think it's going to be that awful?" he asked seriously.

I gnawed on my lip, considering the best way to answer. I wasn't fully sure what he saw in me that made him so unrelenting in his chase but I was afraid once he got to know me he'd realize it was all in his imagination. Either that or once the chase was over he'd feel his mission a success and scamper off. There were just so many things that could go wrong.

I settled on a shrug.

"It's a possibility."

He studied me for even longer before lifting the cup up again- this time in a salute of sorts, a devilish grin on his face.

"I'm prepared to prove you wrong."

Well cheers

* * *

**_Author's Note: I hope you liked it. Review to get a preview. Any favorite lines/scenes?_**


	12. The Word of the Day is Date

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

**_Author's Note: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. You rock! I must take a sec to recommend a wonderful story that you must read if you aren't already. It's called Hydraulic Level 5 by Gondolier. Everyone's probably already read it because I'm behind the times(lol) but if you haven't you should read it... right after you read mine of course. :P_**

**_I'm also writing something special for all the people that have recommended this story before. Let me know in your review if you're one of them please. Thanks! And don't forget the 2009 Twilight Awards are still open for voting. My story, Reassigned Identity is up for several categories if you feel like stopping by and voting it would help me out immensely. Thanks guys_**

The Word of the Day is Date

* * *

"Jasper, shut up!" I growled. He'd been at it for an hour now. _I _don't even know that many of the lines from heart!

"Or I'll get another giant." he trilled.

I groaned. And here I thought he was the mature one. Turns out he liked revenge just as much as all these other sharks I call my best friends. Edward was right. I definitely made him squirm with my comment on the phone but he was getting me back now. If he answered one more thing with a Princess Bride quote my brains were going to leak out of my ears. I couldn't even take a jab at his masculinity because I'm pretty sure Alice is the one that picked the movie. Sadistic little squirt- she didn't even know what she was avenging!

"I will kill you." I threatened, deadly as he opened his mouth again.

No fear sparked in his eyes- only humor.

"You're too late!" he said victoriously. "Look! There's the cliffs of insanity."

Alice's laughter trilled from the kitchen as I threw a decorative pillow at her soon to be husband. He dodged it easily and replaced it to its rightful place on the couch with a laugh.

"Ha-ha." I said dryly. "You're on kitchen duty then, funny guy. Go make sure the Pixie doesn't burn the kitchen down."

"Light him." He smirked rebelliously as he passed on his way.

"One more word and all the batteries will disappear from the smoke detectors." I called after him, not making a move to get off the couch. Awe, silence.

"Wow." Edward said, walking down the stairs from where he had until now been sleeping in the guest room. "Threatening people already today are we, Ms. Swan?"

I couldn't form words for a moment. It was obvious he hadn't been awake for long. He was wearing faded plaid pajama pants that hung dangerously low on his hips and nothing else. His hair was even more messy than usual and he looked half awake. He yawned, running his hands over his face, making his abs seem even more prominent. Drool.

_Jasper and Alice are in the other room. Jasper and Alice are in the other room. Jasper and Alice-_

"Would you expect anything less?" I teased.

He sauntered over to me, a twinkle in his eye like he knew what I was thinking. God, I hope not.

"Of course not." He humored me.

I nodded once in self righteous agreement and he chuckled.

"Jasper's driving me insane." I explained my threats, and tried to distract myself from the pure lickable goodness that was a shirtless Edward. "He's getting me back for my comment on the phone."

A devilish grin came across his face at that mention and I fought my blush.

"I think we should do something to get him back." he said, give-away grin still in place. "Something to really teach him his lesson."

I was intrigued against my better judgment.

"Okay..." I said slowly, suspicious.

His grin grew, the proverbial hunter that knows his pray has taken the bait.

"I think," he said, lowering his voice and looking quickly albeit dramatically around the room like he was checking to make sure no one was listening. "that we should kiss."

I rolled my eyes although my evil shoulder angel was all for that idea.

"And that's going to teach Jasper a lesson?"

He nodded resolutely.

"Oh yeah." he ensured. "He won't mess with you again."

I had to laugh at his seriousness.

"You are an oaf." I chuckled.

He straightened from his slight crouch in front of me and smiled charmingly.

"You can't blame a guy for trying." He said easily. "Besides I'm _your_ oaf."

My heart skipped a beat at his words but I brushed it off.

"Three words." I said seriously. "Return to sender."

He chuckled, shaking his head.

"Well you'll let me know if you change your mind." he grinned. "I've got to ask Jasper if he's seen my phone. I think Emmett might finally be pulling his prank. I haven't been able to find it."

Not hardly. I knew for a fact(via my spy on the inside- Rose. She's pissed he didn't let her help with my prank and turned to the dark side.) that Emmett was thinking and rethinking his revenge against Edward. He wanted it to beat the one he pulled on me. Besides I still had blue streaks in my hair; If the only thing truck-napper gets is a missing cell phone there will be hell to pay.

"'Change my mind?'" I called after him. "On the kiss or the ownership?"

He laughed.

"Either or." he tossed over his shoulder.

I could help but grin.

* * *

I couldn't believe it was Friday already. I didn't know whether to chew my nails in nervousness or call him, pretending to be sick. My stomach _was_ a mess right now most definitely but I think it was less a stomach bug type thing and more an I'm-going-out-with-truck-napper type thing. I had had three days to make sense of this and yet... nothing. I was still just as confused as ever.

On one hand, let's be honest shall we? Edward is one of the most attractive men I had ever seen in my life. Scratch that- he is _the_ most attractive. Any sane girl with two eyes would want to go out with him.

But on the other hand... he was truck-napper. He could be so annoying sometimes. He was cocky and smug and completely self assured. He was relentless and his greatest amusement since he'd arrived was making me blush. We couldn't talk for more than a couple of minutes without argueing.

It was a Hyde/Dr. Jekyll type thing.

My phone beeped and with it my stomach jumped down to meet my toes. Who was going to be there with me tonight?

**_Bella. I'm so sorry but I'm running late. Can you just meet me at the Chinese restaurant on Orion street? --Edward_**

I fumed. Definitely Hyde tonight then. He was already getting on my nerves and I hadn't even seen him yet. He'd been trying to get me to go out with him practically since he stole my truck that first day and when I finally agree he can't even come pick me up? I'd thought a lot about this date- I'll admit it. And I had definitely managed to get my hopes up despite all of my negativity. He had remembered my favorite flower after all. He had dropped everything to come make me laugh when I had a bad day. He showed amazing potential. I was envisioning something a little less truck-napper and a lot more prince charming for our first date. This was not prince charming type behavior.

**_You've known we were going to dinner all week._**

I didn't even bother signing it. I just hit send. When you thought about it it wasn't that big of a deal. I wasn't incompetent- I could drive myself to the restaurant. But it was just so... disappointing.

**_Yes. I've thought about it often. But I'm really busy. Just meet me there?-- Edward_**

He was already giving up. He'd been extraordinary in his endeavours and now that the chase was over, now that I'd agreed to the date, he was losing interest. I felt my eyes well up with un-shed tears and I bit my lip.

He's on vacation! What could he possibly have to do that was more important?

Well, if he thought _I_ was going to chase _him_ now he was dead wrong. And after tonight I had a feeling he might just be _dead _wrong. Playing hard to get after the girl agrees to the date is so wrong, Cullen.

"If that's the way it's going to be." I grumbled to myself.

I thought about not going at all but I shrugged it off. I'd go. I'd wear that ridiculously short red dress that Alice had bought me but I had refused to wear before. I'd curl my hair so it framed my face and actually do my make up. Yes- I could do fashion. I just have to have the right motivation. But don't tell anyone. I'd go, I'd eat the free dinner, and then I'd leave.

Chase that, Mr truck-napper!

**_Whatever you want.-- DB_**

I felt my stomach rise up from my toes as I hit send. And it wasn't a gradual lift that accomplished freeing my toes and righting my sternum. It was more like a roller coaster flip.

What did I just do? I always make these rash decisions when I'm mad. This is why Rose usually takes my cell phone from me when I'm really pissed. Because there's no telling what I'll say when I don't have time to think- when I'm just reacting.

Tone it down a bit, Bella.

Okay, first things first: put my cell phone out of view. Second- find that red dress.

The Chinese restaurant on Orion Street was not the usual date night place. It was on a little dead end street with pealing paint on the front sign.

I frowned. At least the food was good.

The old man at the front register saw me and his eyes widened. I reddened, almost matching my dress in shade I'm sure. What had I gotten myself into? Making Edward miserable was my aim- having creepy old guys eye me all night was most definitely not. I didn't get it. Sure the dress showed off my legs and it was a little lower cut than I usually wore but it's not like it showed anything and I wasn't exactly model gorgeous. But something about this dress is magical. I just didn't want it working its magic on old guys. And the only magic it would be working on Edward was making him drool as I walked away from him with my head held high.

I scanned the little room, with it's what?- five booths. Yes, booths. They didn't even have tables. I didn't really consider myself high maintenance. As a matter of fact my favorite date I'd ever been on was that time I went out with Seth in high school. We went to the paintball course. But he had put some thought into that. It hurt to see this was what the night was worth in Edward's eyes.

And to make matters better(or worse) he wasn't even here. I couldn't see him anywhere. With the old man's eyes still pinned to me I lowered my eyes to the floor, regretting my decision monumentally. Not only was my dress garnering unwanted attention but I looked completely out of place. All the people here were wearing tee-shirts and jeans, my usual favorite outfit. The most dressed up person here was wearing dress slacks and a nice camisole.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay. This wasn't the worst date I'd ever had but it was close. At least Mike had shown up after all.

"You gonna sit down?"

I jumped, looking over my shoulder to the couple that was standing behind me- waiting for me to move from the door. My blush intensified. I was going to kill Edward for this night of humiliation.

"Sorry." I mumbled, sitting in the nearest booth.

The old man scurried over, handing me a menu.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" He asked, talking to my cleavage.

I cleared my throat and his eyes snapped to my face but he didn't look apologetic or ashamed at being caught. I rubbed my hands over my just recently tired face, only worrying about my make up after the fact.

Oh, who cares? He's not even here. I'll give him ten minutes and then I'm leaving. I'm not going to add being stood up to the list of humiliation this night has already bestowed.

"Just a water please." I said dejectedly. "I'm waiting for someone."

Recognition lit the mans face followed by disappointment and I raised an eyebrow.

"Are you Bella?" He asked.

I looked around suspiciously. They only punk celebs on that show with Ashton Kutcher right? What was going on?

I nodded slowly.

"Figures." The man grumbled and my bewilderment grew. "Your date wanted me to give you this."

He brought a folded piece of paper out of his apron and handed it to me, somewhat begrudgingly.

I blinked- staring at the man like he was a green little alien with his eyes in the wrong place before taking the paper cautiously.

It had my name on the front but I waited for the old guy to walk back to his station or get my water or something before opening it.

_You didn't really think we'd be eating here did you? Ye of little faith! Your opinion of me is hurtful, Bella._

That's it. That's all it said. I frowned, flipping the paper over to see if I'd missed something. Nope. Then I looked around the restaurant, my eyes wielding great confusion.

"The man told me to bring you the other note when you looked like someone trying to solve a great mystery."

I looked up, meeting the eyes of a young Chinese woman. She smiled, her cheeks dimpling and her eyes full of amusement.

I just sat there gaping and she giggled, nudging the new paper in front of me until I took it from her. She hurried away before I could ask any questions.

_I knew you'd have that look on your face. It's quit endearing actually. Now go outside and look for your next sign._

I wrinkled my nose. He's sending me on a scavenger hunt? Really? What was the prize at the end?

I walked out of the restaurant, sending questioning looks to the old man and giggling girl. They weren't much help.

Once I was outside I looked around for another paper. I looked at my car parked across the street and I saw a silver Volvo in the same parking lot. How had I missed that? Unfortunately there was no 'sign' there.

I sighed, getting exasperated and took another look around. There was a chalk drawing on the sidewalk just to the side of the front door to the resturaunt. An arrow.

A squeak escaped my lips as I did a little victory dance in celebration. There was another arrow once I'd rounded the cornor of the resturaunt so I was now standing behind it.

"What the hell, Cullen?" I asked aloud, hoping he was around here somewhere so I wasn't talking to no one like a mad woman.

A laughed echoed around the ally way and I jumped, spinning to look behind me. Nothing. A clank made me jerk back around just in time to see a fire escape type ladder fall.

I narrowed my eyes at it. And again I repeat... what?!

"I hope you don't expect me to climb this thing." I called, tilting my head to look towards the roof. I could see a shock of cooper hair but nothing else.

"Edward!"

"Just get up here, Swan." He called back.

I huffed. Leaving was still an option...

I slipped off my shoes and grabbed them both in one hand. The heel wasn't tall by anyones standards but it was going to be a miracle if I made it up this thing alive in the first place.

"If I fall to my death that is something you are going to have to live with for the rest of your life!" I called, clinging to the fourth rung.

"You really know how to charm a guy, Swa-"

Swa. That's what he said as I emerged over the side of the roof to land with a thunk, right after my shoes that I'd thrown, in front of him.

"Swa?" I smirked, smoothing my dress down. His mouth was still open and his eyes were huge.

I looked down to make sure nothing embarrassing had happened. Nope. Boobs still safely in confinement, dress not caught in panties.

I looked back up with a pointed look and he swallowed hard, his adams apple creeping down before bobing back up. I blushed.

"Sorry." He said, clearing his throat. "You look- well, you look- just wow."

I bit my lip, looking down at my feet.

"No." I mumbled. "I'm over dressed."

I didn't even hear him walking closer; I just felt his finger gently lifting my chin up so I met his eyes. I felt my breath hitch.

"Probably. For down there." He agreed, looking at the roof like he could see right down into the Chinese restaurant.

I nodded sadly.

"But the roof isn't wardrobe specific." He released the crocked grin on me and I felt the corners of my own lips lift.

He stepped back and I got my first real look at him. If I was wow, he was... tantalizing. He wore a more casual look than I did but then again my outfit was designed to torment him. He wore a charcoal vest, unbuttoned casually to reveal a white button up shirt. His dark jeans fit snugly but not so snug that you're wondering where things fit. Not that I was looking or wondering of course. Just snug enough to show off a wonderful view of his butt which I noticed when I was busy not looking.

"So, what do you think?" He asked nervously.

I whipped my eyes away from his body, blushing. But I realized he was looking around at our surroundings, not asking if I enjoyed my ogle-Edward's-butt-show.

I cleared my throat, looking around at what he was seeing. I hadn't even taken in our surroundings yet.

It was beautiful! He'd better not let that creepy old guy see what he'd done up here or they'd kick us off and open the main restaurant up here. It was amazing. It wasn't a very tall building but the restaurant occupied the bottom level of a small apartment complex so it was tall enough to see the rest of the town. It wasn't tall at all but you're forgetting this is Forks- the rest of the buildings were shorter. It was getting dark and you could see all of the lights coming on in the houses further out. It looked... magical.

And there were candles everywhere. They occupied one whole side of the roof. There was a small table in the center with a white table cloth and two covered plates. A bouquet of Daises sat in the middle.

Edward laughed nervously, running his hands through his hair as he followed my gaze to the beautiful flowers.

"I know, I know." He chuckled, the noise sounding somewhat off- his nerves shinning through. "I've already given you flowers."

"No one likes a rerun." I payed along, grinning wide so he knew I was kidding. I definitely liked it. More than liked it.

He smirked, looking more at ease now that I was talking.

"I thought about getting you carnations," he said. "but I thought you might beat me with them."

I nodded in agreement, nudging my shoe around with my bare toe. I'd just leave the shoes off. It wasn't dirty up here or anything anyway. Which meant... oh my god! Had he swept the roof? Oh when I was done feeling like he'd drugged me with his romance powers I was going to have to tease him about that.

"Who says I won't beat you with the daisies?" I challenged.

He snagged the vase off the table dramatically, widening his eyes in feigned horror.

I laughed and he smiled, setting the vase back down gently.

"It's all so beautiful, Edward." I said quietly, looking around again. There was a slight breeze but it was a fairly mild night for Forks and the lights of distant houses reflected off the lake in the middle of town.

"Wow." He exaggerated. "I know I've done something right if you're calling me by my name."

I rolled my eyes, smacking his chest.

"Don't get used to it."

He shook his head, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me so my back was resting against his chest. I froze for a moment but then he rested his head on my shoulder, enjoying the view of the lights and I relaxed against him. We could get back to cat and mouse tomorrow.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He said quietly.

I smiled. It was perfect. Why had I ever doubted him? Why had I ever thought we couldn't get along? We could go five minutes without bickering like children after all.

The silence was interrupted by a ringing coming from my purse.

I sighed, pulling away from him and digging out the small silver cell phone. I smirked as I saw the caller i.d.

_Dad_

This was going to be fun.

"Hello?"

Silence. Edward's eyes bugged out of his head and I gave him a taunting look.

"Hello, ma'am." he finally recovered himself. "Either I have the wrong number or you have my son's phone."

I winked at Edward who was still gaping at me as realization hit him like a big yellow bus. Actually with the look on his face maybe it was the short bus.

"That depends." I chuckled. "Are you looking for Edward Cullen?"

"Yes." The man said suspiciously. "I am."

I nodded like he was standing right in front of me.

"Well then, I guess it's nice to meet you, Mr. Cullen."

Edward snapped his gaping mouth shut and jumped in front of me, trying to grab his phone. I shooed his hand away, turning so he couldn't reach it.

"Thank you." The man was definitely confused. "May I ask who this is?"

"This is Bella Swan." I said, smiling as I heard Edward groan behind me. The peaceful romantic moment was wonderful but nothing beats messing with him.

"I'm Edward's friend from Forks." I explained. "He left his phone at the coffee shop the other day and I was keeping it safe for him."

Edward grumbled something under his breath and I sent a sly look at him over my shoulder.

The man chuckled.

"Oh really?" he asked, amused. "Am I assuming correctly that my son doesn't know you're 'keeping it safe?'"

I snickered.

"He knows." I corrected. "He found out about two seconds ago when you called."

Mr. Cullen laughed loudly, one of those nice deep belly laughs. I smiled. I liked him.

'Your dad is awesome.' I mouthed to Edward.

He didn't look amused.

"Well, it is a pleasure to meet you, Bella." He chuckled. "Anyone that can put up with my son's shenanigans is fine in my book. Anyone that can best him is better."

I smiled proudly.

"So, did Edward tell you that he stole my truck?"

That's all I got in. Edward decided he'd had enough and snagged the phone from my grasp with exaggeratedly narrowed eyes at me. I laughed, blowing hm a kiss and fluttering my eyelashes since he couldn't do anything while he was on the phone with his father now. I'd be in trouble once he hung up though. He cracked a small smile before turning so I couldn't see it anymore.

"Hi, dad." He said into the phone. A pause. "Yeah, she thinks she's pretty clever too."

I giggled, going to sit down in the chair set up with the table. There was a mouthwatering aroma coming from under the platter on the table but I didn't want to peak until Edward was ready. Until then I would just amuse myself with his unease.

"She told you we were friends, did she?" he smirked, throwing a look over his shoulder at me. Oh no. "I don't know what to tell you, dad. I think she's in love with me."

I blushed, looking at my plate.

"Stupid lying truck-napper." I grumbled.

He laughed, at what I had said or what his father was saying I wasn't sure.

"Oh, we're making her blush." He reported into the phone.

Wasn't _I _making _him _uncomfortable just a second ago? How had this turned on me so quickly? He was good. He was very good.

"I am." He said, a little more quietly. I looked up, surprised by the new tone of embarrassment in his voice. He was bright red.

My eyes widened. Edward doesn't blush! I was going to have to meet these people in person. The parents could make him blush! I'll have to remember that and find them at the wedding. Note to self: Ask about Edward's embarrassing childhood stories.

"Okay. Bye."

I looked at him with a cat-ate-the-canary smile once he had hung up.

"That was quite the hurried good-bye, truck-napper." I taunted.

He leveled me with a playful glare.

"My dad loves you."

"Everyone loves me." I said seriously, nodding gravely like it was a hard burden to bare. I snorted mentally.

"That's good." He said, amused.

I smiled, taking a sip of the water that was sitting on the table. I hope this is mine anyway. Better not have back washed, Cullen.

"It's important to get along with the in-laws."

I choked, spraying water over the table cloth and he laughed.

"You're such a jerk." I sneered.

He shrugged.

"You've had my phone this whole time." he stated.

I nodded- not going to be apologetic in the least if he was going to make me spit my drink.

"You left it at the coffee shop." I shrugged.

He gave me an accusing look.

"That was three days ago." He said. "I've been blaming Emmett this whole time."

I nodded.

"Yeah." I grinned. "It's great, isn't it?"

He just shook his head at me but his lips twitched, fighting a smile.

"Can we eat?" I finally caved. "I've been sitting here smelling it this whole time but I waited for you."

I gave him my best puppy dog eyes and he laughed.

"You're so generous." he teased.

I shrugged, removing the lid from the platter and smiling.

"You didn't cook it did you?" I checked, suddenly feeling worried. It smelled good, it looked good... I picked at it, making sure it was cooked.

Edward rolled his eyes.

"It was hard enough to get the restaurant owner to let me borrow the roof without actually ordering anything to boot." He huffed. "Besides, you do not want to eat my cooking. It's not exactly a talent of mine. I had to order something."

I felt safer eating it knowing that it was from the restaurant and dug in.

"Yum." I hummed.

"I hope you enjoy it." he said, teasing. "I have to eat here for lunch for the rest of my stay in return."

"Guaranteed clientele." I nodded. "Very clever."

"Thank you, Malady." He bowed and I chuckled, nodding towards the seat across from me.

"I hate eating alone." I informed him. "Sit down, Mr."

He sat down, shaking his head.

"You know, I don't know why I always come back begging for more." He sighed. "You're so demanding."

I smirked.

"Because I can rock a dress." I teased, shrugging.

He looked from my eyes to the low neck-line of my dress and licked his lips.

"Yes you do."

I blushed.

"But that's not all."

I looked up through my lashes.

"What else?" I asked quietly, forcing the words from my lips.

He smiled, taking on my challenge.

"You're smart, and funny, and you don't take any of my crap."

I laughed. With those good looks, and smoldering eyes he probably was hard pressed to find someone who wouldn't fall down in front of him to kiss his feet.

"_And_ you look amazing in the dress." He added.

I rolled my eyes.

"Of course." I said, sarcasm rife in my tone.

He looked at me oddly for a moment but then changed the topic.

We talked about everything. He told me about growing up in Detroit and when his mom was diagnosed with cancer. I almost cried as he talked about that. But then he told me about when she went into remission and I applauded. No, I really did. Edward laughed. I told him about my fishing trips with Charlie and meeting everyone in college. He laughed again as I told him the stories of us watching the boys on the football field. I made sure to mention that Jasper fell. A lot.

After we were done eating Edward collected the plates and piled them on the edge so he could take them down to the restaurant later. For the whole time during the evening there was a conversational lull. He leaned against the edge and crossed his arms over his chest.

I wasn't sure whether to check out his arms or yell for him to get away from the edge.

"So did I succeed?"

I frowned.

"What?"

"Did I prove you wrong?" He explained. "Was it horrible?"

I pretended to think about it.

"In comparison to what?" I finally asked.

He shot me a look before sauntering over to me.

"How about in comparison to the infamous Mike Newton date?"

I laughed.

"It was _amazing_." I exaggerated.

He smirked.

"So glad it at least beat the stalker."

"You're a stalker too." I pointed out. "Remember? You just admit to the stalking."

He nodded thoughtfully.

"That's right." He remembered. "But we all know that makes it so much better."

"Oh, so much." I drawled lazily, rolling my eyes.

He didn't reply and I looked up to see him concentrating very hard on something.

My lips.

I stopped breathing.

"Can the stalker maybe have a kiss?" He asked.

I bit my lip.

"I. I don't know... if that-" I closed my eyes, trying to remember how to breath. "How would I be able to press charges on you if the police find out I was encouraging the stalker?" I finally got out.

He laughed and I opened my eyes to see him with that smile again- the one that was almost adoring.

"Maybe we should just... _not_ call the police?"

I grinned as he leaned closer.

"I didn't the first time..." I said, his lips just brushing mine.

And then I didn't say anything. If he smelled good he tasted better.

"Now I know the secret." He whispered, pulling away once we were breathless but he left his lips lingering just barley- a feathery caress.

"Hmm?" That was as coharent as I was getting.

"We'll get along just fine." He hummed. "Every time you get snarky I'll just have to kiss you quiet."

I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up, truck-napper." I demanded quietly, pulling him by his collar so that his lips crashed to mine again.

* * *

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you liked it. This is the longest chapter yet! 5,930 words. Leave a review for a preview. Favorite line/scene? And remember to tell me if you've recommended this story to a friend/on a furom/in one of your stories/C2 and I'll send you something special. :)_**

**_The link to Bella's dress is on my profile._**


	13. The Word of the Day is Acclimating

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

**_Author's Note:A lot of you were talking about Bella talking with Edward's dad last chapter but you forgot that Carlisle is Jasper's dad in this fic. So Carlisle and Esme are Edward's uncle and aunt. His parents are Elizabeth and Edward Sr. in this one. I know it's different from most of the others but I wanted both sets in the story. And we will get to see Elizabeth and Edward Sr. at Alice/Jasper's wedding. Carlisle and Esme will also be there so that will be hoot to write. Anyway, on to the new chapter..._**

The Word of the Day is Acclimating

* * *

"Can we tell them?"

"No."

"Please?"

I sighed.

"No."

"Why not?"

I crossed my arms over my chest.

"What is there to tell really?" I demanded. "We went out to dinner."

"And we kissed." He grinned.

I blushed.

"And we're going to go see that new movie tomorrow." He reminded me.

"Yeah..." I agreed hesitantly.

"Sounds to me like we're dating." He said smugly.

"Ssh!" I hissed, looking at our friends who were, thankfully, oblivious that Edward and I hadn't joined in the wedding conversation yet.

Edward chuckled, leaning closer to me.

"I want them to know." He said quietly, running his fingers over my jaw bone. I fought to keep my eyes open. "I want everyone to know."

"Then shout it from a rooftop." I sniped.

"Okay." He grinned, taking a deep breath as if he was preparing.

My eyes widened and I clamped a hand over his mouth.

"What are you doing?" I shrieked.

He let out a muffled laugh and kissed the palm of my hand.

"What are you two doing now?" Alice called from the living room. "Please tell me you haven't killed each other in there."

Edward snickered from behind my hand and I narrowed my eyes at him, glad our friends were sitting on the couch facing away from the kitchen were we stood.

"Not yet." I called back. "But ask again in a minute or two. It's still early."

Edward licked my hand and I yanked it back, rubbing it on my jeans while glaring at him.

He wasn't bothered. Somethings will never change.

"She's kidding." He called back. "It was a bit shaky there for a second but I got the gun away from her and I think I've talked her down."

I rolled my eyes as our friends laughed.

"Oh, you wouldn't kill him would you, Bella?" Jasper called, smirking at me over his shoulder.

I glared at him.

"I haven't fully decided yet." I said easily, brushing past Edward to join the rest of them in the living room.

"Stop being moody." Alice rolled her eyes. "We're talking about taking a small vacation."

I raised my eyebrows.

"I thought you were talking about the wedding." I admitted.

She snorted indigently.

"I _am _capable of talking about more than just the wedding." She huffed, shooting me daggers.

I shrugged.

"But only just barely." Rose cut in, all business. "That's why we've decided we need a vacation."

Alice turned the daggers on Rose and I stifled a laugh. Rose was nothing if not blunt.

"What?" Rose flicked her hair over her shoulder. "I'm just saying we all need a break from the madness so we can be refreshed and rejuvenated by next week when it's time for the actual wedding."

Alice started to retort but Jasper whispered something in her ear that made her blush and she allowed a begrudging nod.

Rose and I snickered.

"So where are we going?" Edward asked.

I jumped slightly, looking for the man that owned the voice. He leaned against the wall right to the left of where I was sitting by Rosalie. I hadn't even heard him follow me into the room.

So I was a little jumpy but I _really _didn't want our friends to find out that I might, maybe, actually... _like _truck-napper. Okay, I know for positive that I liked Edward but I really didn't need my friends making kissing noises every time I talked to him, or make sick jokes every time I stared at him for too long(which was bound to happen.) And I really didn't need Alice interfering. If we told her now that I liked him and that we were... gulp, _dating _she'd have our wedding planned by next week. Hell, she'd probably start buying the over priced baby outfits now. I just wanted to see where this went naturally and natural for me and Edward was the occasional romance and arguing like four year olds the rest of the time... until he kissed me quiet.

I shivered. Our first kiss had only been two days ago. ...Our second had followed shortly after. Our third-seventh happened yesterday when he came to my house to watch The Life of Brian. We were on a Monty Python kick now. Although it's a good thing I've seen it more times than I could count because I missed the great majority of it. He had to kiss me quiet a lot.

"Vegas baby!!" Emmett chimed, bringing me out of my haze. It took me a moment to remember the question. Oh yeah, the destination of said vacation. Vegas? More drunk people and strippers. Ugh.

"Why?" I wined. "Don't you think that's a little cliche?"

"I've never seen the strip, Bella. Shut it."

I rolled my eyes at Rose's command but didn't say anything more. Even I knew not to mess with Rosalie when she was set on something. And she was most definitely set on Vegas. Her eyes were shinning in excitement even though she tried not to let it show.

"And when are we supposed to go on this blessed vacation?" I asked, sarcasm spewing forth. "Some of us have jobs."

They all stared at me blankly and I glowered.

"I have a job!" I huffed.

Alice laughed.

"We're going this weekend." She stated. "And don't try to get out of it or me and Rosalie are packing for you."

I shut up real quick. There's no way I'd be getting out of this if everyone insisted I go and it wasn't worth risking Alice and Rosalie being in charge of my wardrobe.

"You can write on the plane." Edward said quietly and I sent a small smile to him. At least he was trying when everyone else was making fun of me.

My smile vanished as the devious spark lit his eyes. I knew what was coming now.- Hyde.

"Besides, Vegas could be fun." He said slyly, grinning wickedly. "You never know who'll get drunk and wake up married."

Our friends all gasped dramatically.

"Is that a threat, Cullen?" I asked, my voice even.

He just chuckled.

"No one knows how to wound my pride like you do, sweetums."

The room was silent as our friend's eyes darted from me to Edward and back to me again. They looked like they were watching a very heated tennis match. If I had my way it would be more like fencing. Why don't I ever have a sword when I need one? Or at least something pointy? Emmett had taken to gelling his hair recently, something that irritated Rose to no end. Maybe I could just stab him with Em's hair. Alas I couldn't even find a piece of paper to give him a paper cut.

"Okay, you two." Alice finally broke the angry silence. "Stop with the poorly veiled foreplay so that we can keep planning."

I rolled my eyes, flopping against the back of the sofa.

"I hate him." I grumbled under my breath.

"No you don't." Rose assured me quietly, patting my shoulder.

No. I don't.

Sigh.

* * *

"So, Vegas?" Edward hummed, coming up behind me.

I twirled around on him.

"So, drunk and married?" I countered.

He didn't have the decency to look shamefaced. He shrugged, laughter dancing in his eyes.

"You never know what can happen?" he said in a taunting voice. "So can we tell them now?"

"What, are you just going to torment me in front of our friends until we do?"

It kind of seemed like his new game plan.

"They're going to be mad if they find out on their own."

I sighed. He was right. Must he _always _be right? I'd love for him to be wrong. Just once.

"So is that a yes on the tormenting me until I cave?"

He pretended to think about it and I huffed.

"It's a very entertaining prospect." he grinned. "But no. I'll wait until you're ready."

He didn't let me get too excited.

"But you must commit this conversation to memory and when they find out on their own later remember I wanted to tell them."

I grinned.

"Deal." I agreed without much thought. "Conversation committed to memory- you threatened me with public torment if I didn't tell them."

I smirked.

"That's going to earn you major points with Alice by the way."

He chuckled, looking towards the back yard where our friends had disappeared. It turns out now that they've got something to take their minds of wedding planning for a while Alice is going to drive us all nuts with vacation planning now. Go figure.

My eyes settled on Edward after a moment to appreciate him in the way I only can when we're not bickering. He was beautiful.

"Thank you, Edward." I said quietly, motivated by the rare moment of peace. "For not telling them until I'm ready."

His answering smile was just as serne as my own.

"You're welcome." he replied. "Thank you for finally giving this a shot."

I bit my lip, smiling coyly.

"Yeah, well you were persistent."

He nodded, good natured.

"I'm irresistible." he said seriously.

I scoffed.

"It's a good thing I know you're kidding or I'd feel obligated to prove you wrong."

He grinned, stepping closer- a hand going on each side of me to rest on the counter. Trapped.

"I think you keep my ego in check just fine." he chuckled.

"Oh good." I said. "I wouldn't want to encourage that big head of yours to the point of explosion." I joked.

He licked his lips, leaning in closer so that I could feel his warm breath fanning over my face.

"That would be a tragedy." he played along.

I felt my breath hitch and I knew he noticed it too because his green eyes grew more vibrant and his lips twitched into a smile. But he refused to move those last few inches- torturing me.

I let out a frustrated growl but still he remained frozen, hovering just above my slightly parted lips.

"Do you think I could safely initiate a kiss without sky rocketing your already bloated ego?" I breathed.

His grin grew.

"There's no way to really tell I suppose." he egged me on in a clinical tone. "until you do it."

"Well then," I smirked. "for science."

And with that I crushed my lips to his, grasping his bronze locks in both hands, tugging a little rougher than I'd intended as his tongue swept out.

I moaned. The plan had been to gain control of the kiss and walk away, leaving him wanting more. He couldn't possibly think I'd let him get away with that marriage comment without some type of retribution. But in that moment both my shoulder angels were in full agreement. -To hell with the plan!

I nipped at his bottom lip and he groaned.

"Nasty."

I jumped, releasing my hold on Edward's hair and Edward was quick to put some space between us, his cheeks slightly pink.

"You are extremely lucky Alice didn't come for her own wine." Jasper grimaced. "But then again, I'm not going to have to worry about keeping my mouth shut for long. If you two keep this up she'll know in no time."

I blanched. Stupid, stupid, stupid! What's the first thing you do when you want to keep your new relationship from your friends? Well every genus strategist knows it's C, Alex- make out with him in said friends kitchen.

I smacked Edward's arm. If he was less attractive, and magnetic, and seductive I wouldn't have done anything so stupid.

"What was that for?" Edward demanded. "_You _initiated that one."

Jasper's face scrunched up.

"I don't want to know." he said seriously.

Edward and I stared each other down as Jasper gathered glasses and the wine bottle.

"The stork." he whisper/reminded me ominously as he passed.

I sneered, my face blushing bright red as Edward gave me a questioning look.

"Jasper-out!" I pointed to the door from which he'd emerged moments before.

He gave me an incredulous look.

"It's my house." he reminded me. "By the way, everyone is wondering where the two of you keep disappearing to."

He smirked once more before letting the door fall closed behind him.

"That was all your fault." I pointed to Edward.

He rolled his eyes.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetums."

I glared at him.

"Let's just get back out there so that no one else comes to check on us."

He wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"That could be an interesting way to tell them." he suggested.

I poked his chest.

"You are on very thin ice, buddy." I warned.

He held his hands out in feigned surrender. We both knew neither of us would ever surrender.

"Yes, dear." He said, his voice silky smooth.

It was getting harder and harder to be annoyed with that man everyday!

My phone beeped as I settled down on the porch beside Alice, far away from a certain green eyed tempter. Jasper was right. They were all going to figure it out sooner rather than later if we kept this up. Although Edward had never hid his efforts to woo me so he didn't really have to change his demeanor at all. It was me that was going to end up blowing this if I showed just how much I wanted to go sit beside him- even after his obnoxious comments and threats of public torment.

I flipped my phone open, not thinking much of it. It had to be Jacob because no one else texted or called me except for the people sitting next to me in our lopsided circle around the porch.

**_Don't think I forgot Jasper's comment. You going to tell me why you were talking about the stork with my cousin? -your on thin ice oaf._**

I couldn't help but grin at his signature, glancing across the circle where Edward wasn't even trying to disguise the fact that he was staring at me. I whipped my head back to my phone before anyone saw me staring back, because honestly, that would be the unusual thing.

**_The stork. It's what we're going to tell Alice when I have his love child in a couple months. -the owner of an on thin ice oaf._**

I bated my eyelashes at him innocently. He frowned at me dramatically once he'd read the text, hitting send with playfully narrowed eyes at me.

**_Don't even joke about that, Swan. -not as easily distracted as I look._**

I laughed, causing my friends to shoot me strange looks. I tried to cover it with a cough that came out sounding more like someone was strangling me and Edward winked while they were busy looking at me. I blushed bright.

Eventually my friends got back to discussing airlines and hotels and I pressed reply on Edward's message. Should I tell him what Jasper was really talking about? Mentioning it might make it awkward but him having to drag it out of me would make it just that much more awkward.

I sighed.

**_It's a long story. _**I eventually typed. _**I'll tell you about it later.**_

I watched out of the corner of my eye as he checked his phone, shielding it with one cupped hand from Emmett- who was trying to look at it over his shoulder. He looked at me with calculating eyes and I gave him a low key smile so that he'd know it wasn't anything to worry about. We'd met our quota of deep conversation for the week. He nodded minutely, smiling down at his lap in I can only assume was reaction to my own.

**_Don't you think it's wierd how we're already so good at the silent conversation? -a hopefully on thicker ice now oaf._**

I wrinkled my nose as I thought about what I had just read from Edward's newest text message. So that's what had him all smiley huh? Come to think of it we were pretty good at communicating silently. Which I found hilarious quite frankly seeing as whenever we try to communicate regularly we end up sounding like four year olds.

_**Trippy. I thought only old married couples had that particular talent down. -the woman who's considering if the oaf is on thicker ice.**_

Edward didn't say anything else for the rest of the evening, or at least he didn't text anything else. But he did walk me to the chumbucket when I was ready to leave, which he announced loudly to the group. Of course I told him he could walk me to my car only if he intended to walk in front of it some other day. He just snickered, kissing my knuckles like a true gentleman and told me he was walking me anyway.

No one thought anything of it because they had grown accustomed to this type of behavior from us so there was nothing to worry about. You see, if we had told them about us they all would have crowded around the front window like overly protective parents and we wouldn't have been allowed our mini make out session before Edward helped me into the cab, running his fingers through his hair to mask the fact that my fingers had been running through it seconds before.

I giggled.

"It's not going to make a difference." I told him truthfully, tucking a strand of my own hair behind my ear. "It always looks like that."

He rolled his eyes, leaning in for another kiss but I put my hand out so he ended up kissing my palm and not his intended target. He pulled back, raising one eyebrow.

"There's no need to push our luck." I nodded towards the house, where no one was standing at the front door like they would have been had they thought I was not still trying to get him to stand in front of my beloved truck. But they _were _probably getting curious. Soon someone was going to come out just to make sure I hadn't in reality run him down.

My friends had a great quantity of faith in me.

He nodded in agreement.

"Do you wanna run over my foot so that they're not suspicious?" he asked, straight faced.

I pretended to think about it.

"That might be a good idea."

We both stared at each other, almost daring the other to crack first. Edward grinned first, running his fingers through my hair and I swatted his hand away.

"Hands to yourself, Cullen." I laughed.

He held his hands in front of him as if to show he wasn't hiding any weapons and took a dramatic step back. I chuckled.

"Jasper was teasing me when I was on the phone with him at the coffee shop." I blurted.

He raised his eyebrows, probably trying to follow my hectic round about way of thinking.

"He said if I ended up pregnant with some 'freaky haired baby' I was supposed to let him believe it was the stork."

I bit my lip, eyes wondering over his frozen face nervously. We had been dating for two days. I couldn't think of one man on earth that wouldn't run for the hills, or at least panic, with the mention of children- even if it was only a joke from his cousin. Except for Mike but he was, quite frankly, a loon.

And panicking was exactly what it looked like my dear truck-napper was doing. If I wasn't busy half gnawing my lip off I would have laughed. He looked petrified. His expression was frozen and his eyes were wide.

He stayed like that for what seemed like forever until he doubled over, holding his stomach, letting lose the loudest laugh I had heard since Emmett took on the bet to eat his way through the 54 flavors of ice cream at the parlor down town. It wasn't quite as hysterical as Emmett's had been though.

I frowned. Was the thought of having children with me that hilarious to him? Just the idea sent him into a laughing fit huh?

"You don't have to laugh quite that hard there, truck-napper." I snipped, glaring as I turned in my seat and prepared to close the door on his giggly self.

He caught my hand, settling it on his chest as he righted himself and tried his very best to compose himself. Another couple laughs escaped but he was trying.

"Don't be mad." he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes, glaring at a random spot over his shoulder, but didn't say anything.

"Oh no." he said seriously. "The silent treatment?"

I still didn't say anything. He raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't know you were capable of the silent treatment."

I scoffed, glaring harder if that was possible.

He released my hand, stepping closer to the truck and ducking slightly so that he blocked the doorway and I had no other choice but to meet his gaze. I huffed.

"What did I do?" He asked, clearly confused.

Such a guy.

"You idiot." I finally caved.

He smiled, just slightly.

"I think I prefer that to not hearing you talk at all." he admitted.

I refused to let myself melt.

"Is the idea of us having children that freaking funny to you?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest.

He looked confused for a moment and then his eyes widened when he realized what it had seemed like to me. He cursed under his breath.

"Bella, that's not at all what I meant." He promised, cupping my face with both hands, trying to get me to crack in my stony expression. It was going to take a lot more than that, buddy.

"What did you mean?" I asked patronizingly.

He sighed, looking up in a way that eerily resembled the look Alice had when all the pots and pans were falling in her kitchen the day I had met him.

"I just thought it was funny." he shrugged. "You looked so worried and then you just blurted it out. It took me off guard..."

He trailed off, eyeing me carefully.

"It's a little funny." He continued cautiously. "Not the thought of it. But that Jasper would say it in the first place. And then I remembered the blush you were sporting in the coffee shop and it all clicked..."

I rolled my eyes. I guess it was a little funny when you look at it from his point of view. And I had completely taken him off guard with just blurting something so random out there.

"I'm still on thin ice?" he ventured.

I cracked a smile, unfolding my arms in defeat.

"Definitely." I nodded. "But I'll throw you a pair of ice skates. You'll be fine."

He chuckled.

"Nice." he smirked. "You want me to cut through the ice even faster?"

I just looked at him.

"You've never been ice skating have you?" he asked, twirling a piece of hair around his finger.

"I avoid any sports that involve hand eye coordination religiously." I admitted.

He laughed.

"Well I went when I was a little kid." He said. "Don't through me the ice skates. How about throwing me a get out of jail free card in stead?"

I laughed.

"Nope." I popped the 'p.' "But I can be your look out. I'll warn you when your about to fall threw."

He snickered.

"How thoughtful."

I smiled angelically.

"Don't you think so?"

He shook his head, amusement twinkling in his eyes and he leaned in to kiss my check. I let him.

"Guess what?" he whispered, close to my ear.

I closed my eyes, leaning against the head rest and just enjoying the feel of his hand in mine, his breath wafting over my ear.

"You really did rob a bank the day you stole the chumbucket?" I guessed, a smile pulling on my lips.

"What? No. Guess again."

I snickered.

"You really were staring at Jake that day and now I'm going to have to fight him for your affection?"

"That is not funny, Isabella."

I laughed.

"You told me to guess."

I opened my eyes to look at him and he rolled his eyes, still good natured though.

"Remind me never to do that again." he said seriously.

I snickered.

"Never do that-"

"I'm just going to tell you, okay?" he cut me off.

I giggled, sitting up straighter and giving him my full attention.

"Try it again." I said.

He frowned.

"Ask me again." I prompted.

He sighed.

"Guess what, Bella?" he replied, all robotic.

I widened my eyes, raising my eyebrows almost to my hairline, and feigned all encompassing interest.

"What?"

He chuckled.

"Smart ass."

"What?" I repeated.

"That was our first fight." He said smugly.

I sat there for a moment, shocked. It was most definitely not our first argument since we had met but I suppose it was since we'd started dating... a whole two days ago.

"It wasn't a fight." I corrected. "It was an argument."

He just rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. The point is we got over it."

I nodded.

"We did." I agreed. We had fairly quickly for that matter. But then again it hadn't been a fight.

"And we always will." he said, not sounding unsure of himself at all.

I scoffed.

"And how can you be so sure?"

He gave me a look like it was completely obvious.

"Because I'm irresistible." He reminded me.

I cracked up.

"Oh, of course." I remember sarcastically.

"And I've got a secret weapon." he added.

I tilted my head to the side, still smiling.

He gave me that little smirk that he had at the coffee shop and I gulped but then his lips were on mine.

"I plan on kissing you quiet when ever I get the chance." he whispered.

I let him continue for quite a long while. Let's be honest, shall we? I couldn't have stopped that kiss if I'd waned to, which I most definitely did not.

"It's okay." I said, my voice confident. "I can always give you a piece of my mind afterwards."

He chuckled.

"One of the things I love about you, dear."

* * *

**_Author's Note:_****_This chapter was so hard to write for some reason but I think I finally got it. What do you think? How are they acclimating to life as a couple? I hope you didn't think they were going to automatically agree on everything just because they're together now. It wouldn't be truck-napper and DB if they did. Also, there's a Vegas trip on the horizon. Yay._**

**_Anyway, leave a review for me please. I think we're going to do something a little different this chapter. Instead of a preview for the next chapter to reviewers who ask I'm offering a copy of Edward's phone conversation with his dad from Edward Sr.'s point of view. A lot of people were curious about that so I think that's what we'll do this time. Don't forget to ask for it in your review if you're interested in reading it. Next chapter we can get back to reviewing for previews- sound good? Anyway, favorite line/scene?_**

**_Much love!_**


	14. The Word of the Day is Exposed

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

**_Author's Note: Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. Thanks again for all of the wonderful reviews. Keep it up._**

The Word of the Day is Exposed

* * *

**_Bella's pov_**

"Yes, Dad." I sighed. "I'll be careful."

He was acting like this was the first time I had ever gone out of town. I had gone to college after all! I'd been away from home for longer than just the weekend that I'd be spending in Vegas. But then again maybe that's why he was freaking out. He was just sure that if I went there I'd end up an avid gambler or something.

I tried to assure him by reminding him I'd be with Alice and Rosalie. This didn't seem to make him feel any better. Then I reminded him I was going with Jasper and Emmett just to mess with his head. That definitely didn't make him feel better.

I snickered.

"I'm just worried about you." He defended. "It's my right as your father."

I rolled my eyes. Sometimes he feels guilty for Renee running off, like it was his fault or something,(!) and he gets even more protective than usual.

"I know, I know." I soothed him. "Just relax. I don't want you having a heart attack while I'm away."

He snorted.

"Of course I'd wait until you were in town."

I grinned, wedging the phone between my shoulder and ear so that I could fold some tee shirts and stuff it in my suitcase. Ah, the joy of packing for myself. Alice and Rose would never let me get away with just wearing my tees and jeans the whole time if they'd packed for me. Maybe I'd bring one dress shirt or a really low key dress in case we go out to dinner one night or something.

"Not on my watch, buddy." I warned playfully.

He chuckled.

"Alright. Did you remember to pack your phone charger?"

I rolled my eyes.

"I forgot it once!" I hissed. "One time!"

He didn't hesitate.

"And that was one time I couldn't get a hold of you." He reasoned. "I almost flew down there to make sure you were still alive."

"I promise to call you if I'm dead." I joked.

He didn't seem as amused by my quick wit as I was.

"Who else is going?" he asked dryly.

I cursed internally. I was trying to avoid this conversation. As a matter of fact I _had _managed to avoid it the last couple of times I'd talked to him. It's not that I was embarrassed of Edward. At all. It was just so awkward. Charlie could get... overbearing.

"Jasper's cousin, Edward, might come too." I rushed through it, almost hoping he didn't catch what I'd said.

"Edward." He deadpanned. "Is a boy?"

I picked through my closet, looking for a suitable dress for Alice and Rose but something comfortable enough for me.

"No." I exaggerated. "It's a girl named Ed."

He snorted.

"Don't get that attitude with me, Isabella." He warned in his dad voice. I was immediately three years old again. "Now is this boy... attractive?"

"No." I lied automatically. "He's a four foot tall hobbit with boils and webbed toes."

Dad snorted.

"It wasn't attitude." I said quickly, smiling. "It was sarcasm."

"That's something you got from your mother." He sniffed.

I rolled my eyes. Suurree I did. Well, maybe I did. I wouldn't know. But if I did I got a double dose of it because Charlie knew a thing or two about snide comments.

"Just don't be making me a grandfather." he said and I could tell he was grinning. "I'm too young to be anyones grandfather."

I rolled my eyes. Why did everyone choice that topic to pick fun?! Did I really come off as that easy? Edward was never getting anywhere if people kept talking about babies. I was starting to feel like it was an omen.

"You're not that young." I insisted, picking a coral spaghetti strap dress out of my closet and inspecting it. Alice had convinced me to buy it so I knew I wouldn't get any grief for wearing it but it was comfortable.

"Besides I had my tubes tide."

Charlie choked, probably on nothing but air and I smirked. Serves him right for asking something like that!

"You... you did?" He finally asked, still coughing.

I shook my head, dropping the dress in my suitcase.

"No." I laughed. "Not really. But you should know better than bringing stuff like that up with me, old man."

He cleared his throat.

"Fair enough." he accepted.

I smirked.

"Listen, dad, I've got to go now." I said, apologetic. I hadn't talked to him in a few days and now I had to get off the phone before we'd really had a chance to talk. "Don't forget to go to your check up tomorrow and you have another physical therapy appointment Monday."

He sighed, exasperated. He liked to be overprotective but wasn't such a big fan when it was turned on him.

"Sure, sure." he grumbled.

"Dad..."

"I will." He assured me, although he wasn't happy about it. "I promise."

I smiled.

"Thanks, daddy." I grinned. "Alice is coming over soon to make sure I'm not packing only sweats or something. I'll call you when we get there."

He laughed.

"Good. Tell Alice hi for me."

"I will." I promised. "Pray for me. I packed a dress so hopefully she'll leave it alone."

He chuckled.

"Bye, kid."

"Bye."

* * *

**Emmett's point of view**

The blue hair thing had been good, but not good enough. I mean she still had a blue tint to her but she'd extended the ad in the personals and added a picture! Besides everyone knows the second prank has to be better than the first. And I hadn't gotten Edward back yet at all. I'd like to say I was lulling him into a sense of false security but that wasn't it. I just couldn't think of anything.

For a while there I thought I'd had it. The thing Edward cherished most was his car so... the Volvo had to go down. I wanted to sell it to his mortal enemy; Or the closest thing Edward had to one anyway. I really don't know what the guy had done but Edward actually disliked someone... a lot. But that was all nothing because it turns out Mike wasn't in the market for a new car.

So now I was back to square one. Rosalie suggested letting it go because it had been so long and really the calls were dwindling after weeks but I wouldn't hear of it. It's almost like my wife didn't know me at all! Let it go? Not going to happen, Rosie!

And then like a bright light, complete with the wind chime bells and a hallelujah choir, my problem was solved. The Volvo wasn't the thing Edward cherished most after all.

Edward and Bella were going out.

Everyone saw them making out when he walked her to the chumbucket. Bella kept glancing at the front door like we were newbies at this or something. Well that is when she wasn't attempting to suck Eddie's face off. But we all knew something was going on.

So we tiptoed around the house and watched over the privacy fence.

Everyone else wanted to call them out on it right away. After hearing Bella gripe for weeks about my old buddy they were together?! Not cool. But I convinced them not to.

I talked them down rationally and led them to see reason and rhyme.

Okay, actually I blocked the gate and put Alice in a head lock so she wouldn't ruin my new plan by running out to them screaming about how she knew their secret. It might not be the most reasonable defense but it was the only thing that was going to stop my height deprived little friend.

And the funny thing was... Edward had handed me his death warrent. Not literally, calm down. But he did give me the idea for my sweet revenge. And with this idea I could get Edward _and _Bella. I know I'd already gotten Bella but I figured this could cover her complaining the whole month about someone she actually likes. And it was part of the deal I made with Alice. We must mess with their heads a little if she doesn't tell them she knows already.

_You never know who'll get drunk and wake up married._

That's what he had said. But _I _knew!

All I had to do was get Bella and Edward drinking and slip a ring on Bell's finger without her noticing. And when Bella's inebriated she doesn't notice anything.

Piece of cake.

They would never know they weren't really married... until I told them. I suppose I'd have to tell them eventually. I didn't want to scar them for life I just wanted to mess with their heads for a morning or two.

* * *

**_BPOV(United Airlines, flight 297)_**

"What are you doing?"

I looked up from my paper, smiling slightly when I saw Edward leaning over the back of the seat in front of me. I looked around quickly to make sure no one had noticed my reaction. Nope. We are so good.

"I'm writing a card." I said, nibbling my bottom lip and rereading what I had so far.

Crap. It was all crap.

I sighed, scribbling out my ideas. Why didn't I bring a pencil? Why did it have to be pen?

"Not having too much success with that?" he chuckled.

I frowned.

"If you're not going to help stop distracting me." I huffed.

"Okay." He shrugged and I rolled my eyes. So easily distracted!

But then he got up and edged his way around the giggly teenage girl he'd been assigned to sit next to. His seat mate blushed profusely as he smiled crookedly, scooting past her to stand in the main isle. The stewardess would(and had) given anyone else crap about this since the seatbelt light was still on but she took one look at Edward and foamed a little at the mouth. She didn't tell him to, "Please sit down right now."

"What are you doing?" I hissed.

People were craning their necks to look at him and in consequence me. I blushed.

"Excuse me, Ma'am?" He talked to my seat mate now, an elderly old woman with a shawl and a perpetual scowl.

The lady frowned up at him.

"You need to stay seated, young man."

I snickered. At least not everyone was a puddle of goop at his charming feet.

"I apologize." he said, not sounding sarcastic or snippy like I would have. "But my wonderful girlfriend here is scared of flying. That's why she's being so crabby."

The woman shot me a dubious look. Just so you know I am _not _scared of flying. But this woman smelled like old people and too much perfume. It was making me gag.

"It's not that I'm scared." I confided in her, using my best high school cheerleader voice. "It just upsets my tummy."

The old woman looked a little worried as she scooted to the other side of her chair. I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to keep in my laughter.

Edward nodded gravely, not missing a beat.

"Usually I try to sit beside her in case she misses the bag again."

She wrinkled her nose, standing abruptly and tightening her shawl around her. She looked like one of those people you make in elementary school with the dried apples.

"Trade you seats?" he offered.

She moved without another word. I laughed quietly to myself as she plopped down next to Edward's highly disappointed ex seat mate.

Edward grinned, taking the newly vacated seat.

"So, what's the topic this time?" he asked, nodding towards the paper on my lap.

I laughed. I didn't even call him out on his 'girlfriend' comment. We spent the rest of the flight working on my card although it didn't really make a difference- what with his lack of talent in all things poetry and my lack of compassion. But in my defense my compassion wasn't completely gone. It was just... _stunted_.

"Bella," Emmett smirked, a peculiar twinkle in his eye, after the plan had landed and everyone was getting their carry on bags. "I know you hate the guy but subjecting him to your cards is another level of torture."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my carry on from the over head compartment, stomping off without a word. He'd been making even more obnoxious comments than usual. I didn't even know my friends could be more annoying but they had all stepped up their performances lately.

This was going to be a long weekend, I thought as I heard Alice and Rose squeal behind me. Rosalie was squealing?

Man I need a drink.

* * *

The hotel Alice chose was amazing- chandeliers hanging in the massive lobby, tasteful paintings lining the walls, and enormous marble pillars.

"Wow." I breathed.

Alice smiled, obviously proud of herself.

"It is wow isn't it?" she giggled. "Now, come on. The day's wasting away! Lets check in so we can go out on the town!"

Rosalie whooped.

I rolled my eyes, catching Edward's eye and sharing a look. But I followed her dutifully. Alice had insisted she plan the entire thing and I didn't see a problem with that. It's not like my forte was planning dream vacations. I trusted Alice and seeing the hotel I knew my trust had not been misplaced. But that meant she had the confirmation code so we really had no chose but to follow.

"We have reservations under Alice Cullen." She announced, bouncing in front of the blond woman with the name tag that said, _Good day. My name is Heidi_.

Jasper looked at Alice adoringly and I _awwed. _Using Jasper's last name for the first time!

"Of course, Mrs. Cullen." My name is Heidi answered pleasantly.

Alice practically squealed again and I giggled. They were so cute together! I can't imagine what they were going to be like when they were actually married. On second thought I really hoped I didn't have to see the sickeningly happy newlyweds until they were back to at least some seblance of normal.

"Here we are." My name is Heidi hummed, typing away on her hi-tech computer. "Confirmation code?"

Alice prattled it off with a flick of her hand and Heidi pulled up our information with no difficulties.

"Thank you," she smiled. "Here are your keys. We have you down for two rooms with king size beds and one with two full sized. Is that correct?"

Alice nodded and I frowned. I knew we weren't all getting our own rooms for the amount that we all pitched in but I didn't understand the arangments. Of course Alice and Jasper would want to room together and Emmett and Rosalie would be together without a doubt. But that only left...

"Oh, hell no." I grumbled.

My name is Heidi's eyebrows shot up her forehead to hide in her perfectly parted hair line.

"Excuse me, Ma'am." She said, uneasily. "Is there a problem?"

I smiled tightly at her before frowning at Alice. I take back everything good I've ever said about Alice in this story. She's conniving and she lives to make my life hell.

"Give me a second to talk to my friend?" I didn't wait for her to reply. I just grabbed hold of Alice's elbow and drug her a few feet away from prying ears.

"And I use that term lightly." I hissed at her.

She scoffed, yanking her elbow back and crossing her arms over her chest.

"What is the problem, Bella?" she deadpanned.

I gave her a disbelieving look. She knew exactly what the problem was here!

"There's three rooms?"

She nodded.

"Yes." She affirmed, her voice the equivalent of an eye roll. "I'm still not seeing the problem here."

"Who am I supposed to be sharing a room with?" I corked an eyebrow.

She didn't reply to that question.

"If you weren't worried about what you'd do if you two were left alone for two seconds sleeping in the same room wouldn't be a problem at all." She scowled. "There's two separate beds."

I scowled right back at her, resting my hands on my hips and staring her down.

But she was right.

I sighed, letting my hands fall.

There really was nothing to worry about. There was two separate beds after all.

"Fine." I grumbled.

She nodded, smirking, and grabbed my elbow.

"Good." She breezed. "Now take the key and get ready. We're going out at seven."

"Have you even talked about this with Edward?" I asked. I mean just because I was giving up fighting with Alice didn't mean he would.

Alice snorted.

"He'll live."

"If you're not comfortable I can try to book another room for myself." Edward said out of no where.

I looked at him, biting my lip. He was standing by the reservations desk, his arms crossed casually over his chest but he looked slightly worried as he scrutinized my face.

Alice huffed.

"There won't be any rooms available without a reservation." She said and I noticed Heidi looked a little relieved at her words. "You two can stop bickering like children and stay in a room without killing each other for two days." She insisted, handing Edward the key to our room.

Then she glided off to the elevator where the rest of our friends had obviously already disappeared.

"I can get another room is you're uncomfortable with this, Bella." Edward said quietly, sincere.

I shook my head with a sigh.

"If they don't have a room here I can find one in another hotel." he continued. "I don't want you to feel pressured."

I smiled gently. That right there is Prince charming behavior my friends. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. Our friends were all safely in the elevator or even in their own rooms by this time but I might have done it even if they had been standing there. It was so sweet.

"That's very considerate." I whispered, grinning at him. "But it's completely unnecessary."

He released that crooked grin on me.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

"Yes." I smirked. "But don't get any ideas. You have to stay on your side of the room, buddy."

He chuckled, shaking his head.

"I'll be on my best behavior." he promised.

He reached down to take hold of my hand, twinning our fingers together and a jolt of excitement ran through me; not just the attraction like it usually was either, but a jolt of happiness, at just being able to hold his hand in public. Maybe we _should _tell our friends...

And everyone here now thought that we were together. I could see my name is Heidi practically green with envy standing there behind Edward in her professional pencil skirt and high heels that I wouldn't be able to take one step in. But she knew he was mine. And I really liked that.

"I'm going to hold you to that."

He kissed my knuckles, strolling us towards the elevator.

"Of course, dear."

* * *

**_Author's Note: So, what do you think of Emmett's return prank? Is it good enough? How do you think truck-napper/DB will react to this one? _****_Don't forget to ask for a preview of the next chapter in your review if you want one. Favorite line/scene?_**

**_There's a link to the dress Bella packed on my profile. I wish I could find one here. It's really cute._**

**_There was an anonymous reviewer who asked if I read Sarah Dessen. Of course I do! :) Just listen is my favorite._**


	15. The Word of the Day is Tequila

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer _**

**_Author's Note: _****_I have a wonderful new beta, crazylittlewriter. She's amazing. Thanks a ton for your help with this chapter, lovie. I hope you all like this. Let me know what you thought. And while you're reading the end of this remember, peer pressure is bad. Just say no and all that other good stuff. Lol_**

**_I'm still get anonymous reviews asking for previews. I'm not ignoring you guys- I just can't answer. Please remember to sign in if you want me to send a preview._**

**_For those of you that asked DB stands for Devious and Beautiful. It's what Edward decided to call Bella after their gay prank on Emmett._**

The word of the Day is Tequila

* * *

If the lobby was nice the room was magnificent.

"Aren't you glad I'm letting you stay?" I teased, releasing Edward's hand and taking a running jump to flop on one of the big beds. It was so comfy. I landed on the bed and then sank into the quilt.

Edward smirked.

I snuggled into the comfortable bed and sighed in contentment, closing my eyes. Man I could get used to this.

"You know how people smuggle hotel towels in their suitcases?"

"Yeah..." he chuckled.

I turned my head and sniffed a pillow. Yep, lavender goodness.

"You think I could get away with smuggling the bed?" I asked. "I might need a larger suitcase..."

He laughed lightly but didn't say anything.

"Seriously," I continued. "You literally _sink _into it, like a cloud or something and they definitely washed this in some yummy smelly soap or spritzed it with something."

I opened my eyes and propped myself up on my elbows when he still didn't say anything.

"What's wrong?" I asked, frowning – something must be wrong if truck-napper still didn't have anything to say.

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking embarrassed.

"Nothing..." he said awkwardly."You just look really beautiful."

I blushed, ducking my head down to hide behind a curtain of hair.

"You can stop with the flattery now, Cullen. I already agreed to date you." I mumbled, aiming for humor.

I hadn't heard him but suddenly he was standing beside the bed; tucking my hair behind my ear, subsequently taking away my hiding place. I looked through my lashes hesitantly and he brushed his thumb over my jaw in the way that he must know I like by now.

"So I have no reason to say something I don't mean." he grinned.

I bit my lip against my own grin. There was the charmer I knew and... deeply liked.

"You know behind your courteous behavior downstairs and you flattering comments I'm going to start thinking you're a gentleman if you're not careful." I flirted.

His smile widened as he leaned down so he was hovering just over my lips.

"I'll make sure it doesn't happen again." he promised teasingly.

I released a shaky breath.

"Yeah." I mumbled, suddenly suffering tunnel vision as I gazed at his lips. "We can't have that."

His only response was to raise a devilish eyebrow before he silenced me with a kiss.

I don't know how much time passed but unfortunately I needed to come up for air at some point. Dang!

"Aren't you glad you let me stay?" Edward mocked, smirking.

I rolled my eyes, pushing his shoulder as I hauled myself up. Somehow he had ended up lying on the bed beside me.

"Not especially." I replied nonchalantly.

He corked one eyebrow, rolling back onto his side to gaze at me disbelievingly.

"Are you sure about that, Beautiful Bella?" He asked, licking his lips.

I snickered, putting my hands on my hips- clearly challenging him.

"Yep." I popped the 'p.'

He laughed, tackling me to the bed before I knew what hit me.

"Take it back."

I squealed as he tickled my ribs mercilessly.

"Never!" I vowed, laughing hysterically.

He growled, making a face at me as he continued his relentless tickling.

I continued to laugh, groping above my head for my desired weapon and hauled the big plush pillow over my head to hit him.

He stopped for a second, surprised by my actions and I let out a giggle.

"Oh, that's it," he said darkly.

My eyes widened.

"You're going to get it now."

I climbed off the bed, running to the other side of the room.

"No!"

He laughed, jumping up to chase me.

"Oh yes!"

A knock rang through the room right before he was about to reach me, his fingers already threatening to resume his tickling as we both froze.

"You had better be dressed or deals off." Jasper called through the door. "Alice wants to leave in ten to get to the restaurant and if I see more than what I ever wanted to see of either of you I'm telling."

I released a laugh, opening the door.

"You sound like a little kid threatening us with telling Mommy." I chuckled.

He rolled his eyes.

Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. Something about the action surprised me. I knew Jasper already knew about us but it was still such a caring gesture, especially in front of one of the guys.

"What's up, Jasper?" he asked, placing a kiss to my cheek.

Jasper stared at us for a moment, mumbling something about 'unnatural' to himself before running his hands through his hair - it must be a family trait.

"Alice wants to leave in ten minutes." He said. "We're going for drinks before dinner."

I frowned.

"Before dinner?" I asked. "You know I can't handle my liquor on an empty stomach."

Edward looked concerned but Jasper waved me off.

"I don't know." he shrugged. "It's just what everyone decided to do. I guess the club they want to go to is closer than the restaurant."

I eyed him curiously. Why would they want to go out drinking and then go to a restaurant? That didn't make any sense.

"Don't worry, Bells." Jasper grinned. "We aren't going to get drunk or anything. We won't let you do something stupid."

He smirked just the tiniest bit as he finished his sentence and I narrowed my eyes at him. What was going on?

"Something stupid, huh?" Edward quoted, sounding suspicious himself.

"I can handle myself." I said, indignant. "I can go to the club with my friends without getting myself in trouble."

Jasper shrugged, looking angelic. _Too_ angelic.

I turned in Edward's arms.

"Don't let me do anything stupid." I whispered.

He and Jasper both laughed whilst I scowled.

"I'll watch out for you." Edward promised, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

I nodded once, stepping out of his arms and looking at Jasper.

"Tell Alice we'll meet you guys in the lobby in five minutes." I said.

He nodded.

"We'll call a cab."

"Five minutes?" Edward asked, shutting the door behind him.

I looked over my shoulder to see him staring at me with amusement, both eyebrows raised.

I shot him a look of my own.

"Yes."

"Hmm."

I frowned.

"Don't _hmm _me." I said. "What's _hmm _supposed to mean?"

He held his hands out in front of him.

"I've never met a girl yet than can get ready for anything in five minutes." he said plainly. "Let alone a night out."

I grabbed my suitcase and hauled it onto the bed so that I could unzip it with a flourish, sending him a sultry look over my shoulder.

"I'm not like other girls, Edward." I purred.

I was a very determined girl and I took challenges very seriously.

Three minutes later I was ready - Edward wasn't.

I was leaning against the door when he came out of the bathroom.

"Admit it." I smirked.

He looked me up and down appreciatively before meeting my eye questioningly.

"Admit what exactly?"

I grinned, looking at my watch dramatically.

"It took me exactly three minutes, thirty-four seconds." I informed him.

He chuckled.

"Competitive, Ms. Swan?"

I shrugged.

"Avoiding admitting defeat to a girl, Mr. Cullen?" I countered.

He smirked, placing a light kiss to my proudly curling lips.

"You look ravishing."

I shook my head, chuckling.

"That's still not admitting you were wrong."

He laughed, walking over to the bed where his socks laid and pulled them on, followed by his converse, of course.

"You were right." he recited. "I was wrong."

I patted his head condescendingly and he shot me a look.

"It takes a big man to admit his mistakes." I sang.

He rolled his eyes.

"So glad you approve." he said dryly.

I snickered.

"I like the shirt by the way."

I looked down at my clothes in reflex. Isn't that weird? Whenever anyone comments on your clothing you look down like you don't remember what you put on that morning? At least I do.

"Thanks." I said.

I was wearing my favorite faded black rattle and hum, U2, tee shirt – I was wearing my favorite _Rattle and Hum_ U2 t-shirt. Alice was going to freak out because I wasn't wearing a short mini and barely there tee or something else completely shameful but I looked presentable and there was no way I was going to pull out my dress the first night we were here. I was still jet lagged and she wasn't giving us any time to rest up - I should at least be comfortable.

"I like your shoes." I added, feeling like I needed to offer something back.

He grinned.

"I thought you hated that I always wore converse." He quirked an eyebrow.

I bit my lip, remembering that dang pro/con list he had read. Would I ever live that stupid thing down?

"I changed my mind." I shrugged, playing it cool. I'd always liked a man in Converse. That's why I put it on the con side of Edward's list. It was really annoying when I was trying not to like him.

"Good to know." He grinned. "Any other cons you've changed your mind on?"

I scowled. Now he was just being obnoxious.

"Nope." I answered promptly. "You're still a know-it-all, ego maniac."

He tsked me and I rolled my eyes, grabbing his hand and trying to lug him off the bed. Of course he was way bigger and stronger than me so I had no chance of moving him unless he let me_._

He laughed as I wrinkled my nose, pulling his hand with no visible results.

"Yes?" He asked, amused.

"Come on." I huffed. "We need to get down there before Alice comes up to get us herself and makes me change _and_ put make up on."

He chuckled, shaking his head, but he did get to his feet - pulling me into his chest for a moment so he could place a kiss to the top of my head.

"Let's go not do anything stupid."

I smiled.

"That was the plan." I nodded. "Don't let me go near the Tequila."

* * *

The bouncer gave me a disapproving look when he saw my tee and low slung jeans but he let me in because I was with Alice and Rosalie. Of course they were up to club admission standards and looked as gorgeous as ever.

Several unsuspecting men almost tripped over their tongues when my friends walked in. I was used to it by now though - you should have seen them in college.

"A round of Tequila?" Emmett yelled over the music before we'd even had a chance to sit down.

I groaned.

"No."

He started to make his way over to the bar anyway.

"Tequila." he nodded. "Good."

I rolled my eyes.

"Rum and coke for me." I yelled after him. "On the rocks."

He threw me a thumbs up over his shoulder so I knew he had heard me.

"He knows I don't drink Tequila." I grumbled. I hadn't since college. One strip tease on top of the table – shame on me. Two times – get arrested for indecent exposure. That was the first and last time I'd ever tried the vile drink. It was extremely embarrassing; I woke up with about twelve numbers and a massive hang over, vowing all my friends to secrecy. How could Emmett have forgotten that?

"A bad experience with that specific alcoholic beverage, Bella?"

I narrowed my eyes at Edward, the only one who hadn't been there to witness my disgraceful performance, (Thank God!)

"No." I said in a tone that left no room for arguments.

Obviously Rose missed the _no arguments tone_. She laughed.

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "Bella got _so_ many numbers that night!"

"I also had the world's biggest hang over." I scowled.

Alice talked over me.

"She also almost got arrested."

I nudged my friend in the ribs and all the air left her in a whoosh.

"God, Bella!" she hissed.

Edward corked an eyebrow at me.

"That sounds like a story."

Alice and Rose nodded enthusiastically, more than willing to share my humiliation with him and Jasper chuckled.

"No." I disagreed firmly. "Nope. Not really. No."

They all laughed.

"Here's the drinks." Emmett saved me. Wow- that's a sentence I never thought I'd ever say!

He set my rum and coke in front of me and I smiled in thanks. Then he set a shot of Tequila beside it.

I groaned.

"On three." Rose chimed, shooting me a challenging look.

Oh, woman knows I can't turn down a challenge!

"Bella..." Edward eyed me uneasily. "I wasn't going to drink either. Maybe we could just go dance?"

"Drink your shot, Edward." I cut a look at Rose. One shot wasn't going to hurt me. I threw my rum and coke back and slammed the empty glass on the table with a grimace. A couple of guys walking past our table cheered.

"On three." I commanded, raising my shot glass in the air now.

Emmett whooped and taped his glass against mine. Chances are I'm going to hell anyway…

"One... Two... Three!"

…might as well do it thoroughly.

* * *

"You're _so _pretty." I slurred.

I heard our friends snicker and I glanced at them, grinning.

"Isn't he pretty?"

Rose cracked up and Alice was laughing so hard she had to lean against Jasper. Man, the alcohol had definitely gotten to them – how embarrassing!

"Sooo pretty." Emmett fluttered his eyelashes at Edward who took a playful swing at our burly friend. He missed.

"Well, you're beau-" He frowned. "B- b- Buttifull."

He grinned, nodding determinedly.

They all cackled louder. Why were they being so weird? They hadn't even drunk as much as we had. At some point during the night our friends had chickened out and challenged me to out drink Edward. He won.

"Eddikins can drink lots." I said randomly.

Edward frowned.

"Don't call me that." he pouted.

"_Em_ily does." I giggled.

Emmett nodded, unapologetic.

"I love you, Emily." I told him seriously.

Alice sent me a sly glance and I smiled pleasantly at her.

"I thought you loved _Eddikins_." she said.

I nodded, tipping slightly on my bar stool and Jasper grabbed my elbow to steady me. I giggled. Everything was just _so _funny!

"I do." I told my friends. "But I love Emily and Jazymine like my big butch sisters."

Jasper and Emmett sent each other looks and I pated their heads. Good puppies.

Edward busted out laughing, the force of it knocking him off balance.

"Hairy sisters!" he exclaimed, holding his stomach.

"Ha!" I laughed. "Hairy sisters!"

Rose rolled her eyes. She must not get it.

"But you don't love Edward as your sister?"

I shook my head.

"No, Silly." I slurred. "I love him as my truck-napper."

Alice exhaled, huffing.

"Does that mean you love _love _him?"

I just blinked.

"Do you love him like I love Jasper?"

I scrunched up my face. God, it hurt to think so much.

"I dunno, Ali." I grumbled, pushing myself off my bar stool and tripping over... something.

Edward grabbed my, propping us both against the bar.

"Don't worry." I told him loudly over the music. "I do love you like she loves Jazymine."

I leaned in, pushing a finger to his lips.

"But, _ssshhh_." I yelled. "It's a secret."

He kissed the tip of my finger.

"I love it when you do that." I admitted without thinking.

He grinned sloppily.

"I love you like she loves Jazymine too." He vowed.

* * *

_**Author's Note: **__**I must plug a wonderful story my friend showed me the other day. It's called Bright like the sun by dryler. It's hilarious. Anyway, please push the little button and feed my addiction for those wonderful reviews. Don't forget to ask for a preview if you want one. Favorite line/scene? What do you think of DB/Truck-napper's little tequila induced confessions? Next chapter is the morning after when we get to find out how they react to Em's evil genius.**_


	16. The Word of the Day is Stupefied

**DISCLAIMER:**** The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**

_**Author's Note:**__**Thank you as always to my wonderful beta, CrazyLittleWriter. Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it...**_

The Word of the Day is Stupefied

* * *

"Whatever that is put it out of my misery." I groaned, flinging my pillow over my head.

"Hm. Phone."

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. Even under my pillow it was still too bright.

"Well, make it stop." I complained.

"Ssh!" he hissed, sounding to be in the same amount of pain I was in. That was a small comfort. "Sleeping."

My eyes shot open and I sat bolt upright, my pillow falling off abruptly. What I'd just realized was Edwards arm tightened around my waist.

"Hm, Bella." He sighed sleepily.

I shrieked. What the hell had happened last night?

"Edward?"

He flexed his arm around me again, burrowing into my side.

"Go back to sleep, baby." he mumbled.

I hit him with my pillow.

"Wake up!"

He shot up, grabbing his head, eyes wide.

"Jesus, Bella!" he hissed. "Not the way any guy wants their girl to wake them up."

I scowled, pulling my pillow back to launch it at him again but he grabbed it before I could make contact.

"What are you doing over here?" he asked, confused. He glanced down quickly, probably making sure we were both still wearing our clothes. We were thank god! Not because I didn't want to but because I wanted to remember that.

"_I'm _over here because it's my bed." I huffed. "Why are _you _over here?"

He frowned.

"No." He said slowly. "You chose the bed on the left. This is my bed."

He smirked when my face darkened as I realized he was right. _I _crawled in with _him_?!

"Well, Ms. Swan," he drawled. "I'm not sure whether to feel flattered or violated."

"Shut up!" I hissed, smacking his arm. "We've got bigger problems to deal with here."

I gulped, looking at his forehead. _Much _bigger problems! Please be a joke, please be a joke, please-

On his forehead, scrawled in messy black writing was _Just Married_.

Edwards face clouded with confusion.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. "Bella? What's wrong?"

I took a deep breath, stealing myself as I lifted my left hand.

"Oh shit."

I blew out a breath, looking away from the strip of silver on my ring finger to Edwards shocked face. He never cursed but it seemed strangely appropriate considering the situation. He looked down quickly at his own silver banded finger and gulped.

"My sentiments exactly." I nodded.

I raced through my memory, trying to remember what possibly could have led us to this moment. God that hurt - thinking that is.

All I remember was getting weird looks from the bouncer at that club because of my u2 tee, (clothes snob!). Then ordering a rum and coke but getting...

"Tequila," I groaned, slapping my forehead. "Ouch!"

I winced, cursing myself and throbbing brain. But over all else I cursed my friends.

"Those evil little trolls are going to pay for what they've done." I snarled. "They all know not to let me drink Tequila or challenge me. Rosalie - that witch! Do I look like the type of person who enjoys clubbing? I think not! I didn't even want to go to that stupid club in the first place. Nothing good ever comes from clubbing with Rose and Alice. I'm going to get that tattooed on my forehead as a reminder for next time I think of doing something so _stupid_."

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest and flopping onto my back.

Edward blinked.

"We're..." He gulped. "Married?"

"You buffoon."

I closed my eyes, rubbing my temples.

"I'm married to a buffoon."

"_Married_?" Edward croaked. Someone's not too quick in the mornings.

All I could do was growl in response.

"You say that one more time, Edward, and I swear to God I will strangle you with my bare hands."

He rubbed his fists over his eyes, blinking.

"Are you sure you're not just trying to get my life insurance, Mrs. Cullen?" he teased pitifully.

I lunged for him.

"We're married!" I screeched. "_Married_! Do you have any idea what this means?"

He let me wail on him for a moment but I just got angrier with every hit that didn't have any affect on him.

"I think so." he nodded slowly. "But I'm not going to say it."

He gave me a weak little smile, forming manacles around my flailing wrists.

"I wouldn't want you to 'strangle me with you bare hands.'"

I sank, defeated and suddenly very tired, onto his chest.

"What are we going to do?" I sighed.

He matched my sigh with one of his own, stroking my hair.

"Just remember when we're figuring out alimony that I am a poor man."

I chuckled tiredly but it didn't sound convincing.

"Aren't you going to freak out even a little?" I peered up at him, folding my hands on his chest and resting my chin there. I know he tries to pretend that nothing ever bothers him but _something _must. Anyway, if something was going to bother someone, especially a twenty-something impulsive bachelor who's only been dating you for a week, wouldn't it be waking up married? Oh my god, we got married in Vegas. This is the most cliché thing that could ever happen. No one is going to believe this.

Edward let his head fall back against the headboard, groaning when his head hit the wood.

"I was considering it." he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "But I decided to get you through your melt down first."

I was suddenly overcome with guilt. We were both going through the same thing and I was being selfish. He must be shocked and confused by this whole thing too but he paused his melt down to deal with mine. For all his imperfections I was starting to realize that he had all the important things down. I reached up and kissed him gently.

"Thank you for thinking of me." I said softly. "I'm sorry I'm being such high maintenance."

He grinned against my lips.

"I like you anyway." he teased.

I finally let a chuckle out as I leaned back to look at him.

"What?" I smirked, brushing some hair off of his forehead and raising one devilish eyebrow. "No love?"

I frowned abruptly as the words triggered a brief flash of memory.

_"Don't worry." I told him loudly over the music. "I do love you like she loves Jazymine."_

_I leaned in, pushing a finger to his lips._

_"But, ssshhh." I yelled. "It's a secret."_

_He kissed the tip of my finger._

_"I love it when you do that." I admitted without thinking._

_He grinned sloppily._

_"I love you like she loves Jazymine too." He vowed._

My face flashed crimson.

I didn't! I don't! Do I? Tequila-bad. Very, very bad!

That was the incoherent babbling of my mind as I remembered a flash from last night; at least I think it had happened. But instead of vocalizing that I sprouted off something that was less likely to bite me in my plump white butt.

"You love me!" I half yelled. Yes, let's keep the focus on him. Good idea, Bella! I congratulated myself.

His eyes widened.

"What?" he choked.

I pointed to him accusingly.

"You love me." I repeated. "You love me like Alice loves Jazymine."

He frowned.

"Who is Jasmine?"

I shook my head.

"Not Jasmine." I corrected. "_Jaz_ymine."

"Well, whoever it is Jasper's going to kill him."

I laughed.

"Jasper _is _Jazymine." I chuckled.

He raised one eyebrow, trying to follow me. Recognition lit his face for only a moment; I wasn't even sure I'd seen it.

"Well, there's one less murder we have to worry about." He said finally.

I frowned; he was trying to distract me.

I took the bait anyway.

"What other murder are we worrying about?" I asked suspiciously. Please don't tell me he's going to start with the confessions now that we're married and I can't run away easily. If he's a murderer I will testify against him. I don't care how inhumanly beautiful the man is. Or how mushy my insides get when he grins.

He quirked an eyebrow at me.

"You're not going to kill me?"

I leaned my cheek on his broad shoulder, thinking. He made a really comfortable pillow! As much as I raved about those yummy smelling lavender pillows yesterday Edward smelled better. Actually now that I think about it I slept better last night than I can remember. ...although I was passed out drunk so that might have more to do with my blood/alcohol level than the beatific specimen sleeping beside me.

"Was it your idea?" I asked finally. That would have to play a big factor in whether or not he was dying today.

He shrugged.

"I don't know." he said easily. "I don't remember... anything but it doesn't sound like something you would ever suggest."

The way he floundered, no matter how briefly, with that word didn't escape me but I let it go. He remembered something from last night- more than he was letting on. But I had more to worry about right now than if he remembered telling me he loved me like Alice loved his cousin. Which, by the way, is a little creepy now that I'm completely sober. I wanted to continue my line of questioning but that would certainly bring memories of _me _saying _I _loved him back full force if he didn't remember now and I really couldn't deal with that right now. If I had to deal with one more thing, no matter how modicum, I would have a full on break down, complete with foaming at the mouth and twitching facial features.

Besides I _had _thought of getting him drunk and marrying him before - if he wasn't so annoying. Oh my god! Had _I _suggested we get married last night? There would be no living with him if he found out. Maybe I hadn't...it did sound more like something he would do.

"You wouldn't think so." I replied evasively. He wasn't getting anything else out of me on that one. I didn't remember anyway.

We sat there in the comfy bed with the yummy smelling lavender pillows for a while, him reclining against the head board and me leaning against his chest. He played with my hair as he thought and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling. We could figure this all out later. Right now I just wanted to take my last five minutes of peace before I had to face reality and the crap hit the fan.

"Hey, Bella?" he asked after a moment, his fingers pausing in my hair.

"Hm?" I didn't even open my eyes, just frowned slightly, annoyed that he'd quit.

"What if... well, what if we... stay married?"

I opened my eyes then, blinking a few times. I must have heard him wrong.

"What?"

"What if we stayed married?" He repeated, sounding surer of himself.

I sat up, staring at him.

"You can't be serious." I almost demanded. I mean he couldn't be serious. He just _couldn't_!

He nodded.

"I can." he disagreed lightly. "Listen. We're already married and I really hate paperwork."

I rolled my eyes. That was the lamest explanation I'd ever heard.

He chuckled, seeing that I didn't buy it and I wasn't amused. Oh I was far from being amused.

"And we get along okay-"

"When we're not trying to claw each other's eyes out." I interrupted. He shot me a look and I sighed, motioning for him to continue. Of all the craziness!

Someone had watched What Happens in Vegas too many times. If this was his line of thinking I'd better warn him now. If he ever pees in my sink I will kill him.

"And you're already in good with the in-laws." he teased, nudging me with his elbow.

Yeah- I still wasn't amused.

"Maybe we could try it for a while?" he tried again, that kicked puppy look firmly back in place.

I frowned, surprised to find that I was actually thinking about this. It was insane; even considering it was by far the craziest thing I'd ever done in my life. We had been dating for a week. We'd been on two official dates. Before then I had firmly stated we were mortal enemies. Our relationship had been shaky at best.

...But still I found myself chewing away at my bottom lip, _thinking._ We _did _get along okay, other than the before mentioned squabbling but to be completely honest I don't think I would be able to take a relationship of nothing but agreeable smiles and kissing my feet. I'd had a couple relationships like that in college as a matter of fact - couldn't stand the guys. I always felt like they were just sucking up, telling me what I wanted to hear.

That was one thing I never had to worry about with Edward. Even if I didn't want to hear it he'd tell me. Geesh, _especially _if I didn't want to hear it.

"Can I just think about it?" I whispered, my brain frazzled between the world's worst hang over and all the new developments of the morning. I was on overload.

He smiled, kissing my forehead.

"Of course." He assured me, scooting my body over so that he could slide off the bed.

"Hey, Edward?" I called as he walked to the bathroom. I might have taken a little peak at his butt as he walked but I'm not going to confess to anything. He looked dang good in those boxer shorts.

"Yeah?" He looked at me over his shoulder, grinning wickedly as my blush gave me away.

"Why aren't you more upset about this?" I asked, waving my hands around as if the situation had a physical presence and was sitting beside me in the glamorous hotel room.

He shrugged.

"I'm a little confused right now." he admitted. "Give me time to catch up with what's going on."

I nodded.

"Okay, but I'm expecting a full break down later."

He chuckled, nodding before letting the bathroom door fall closed behind him.

As soon as the door clicked shut and the wonderful godliness that was Edward was out of my sight I blinked. Holy fly encrusted crap on a stick! Did I just agree to consider staying married to truck-napper?

* * *

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__**I hope you liked it. Was it what you were expecting? Any thoughts on Edward's reaction? Is he just "confused?" Anyway, feed my review addiction by pushing that little button. Come on, everyone's doing it. Lol**_

_**Anyway, I know it's super short but that seemed like the best place to end it and I'll update again soon to make up for it. Don't forget to ask for a preview in your review if you want one. Favorite line/scene?**_


	17. The Word of the Day is Ignorance

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_**

**_Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I had the chappie completely done, written and edited and everything. And then I decided it sucked. I wanted something completely different to happen so I re-wrote the entire thing. Haha. That's why it took a little longer. Besides that I've been on vaca this week so everything's taken a lot longer. I keep getting distracted while trying to write this. I hope it's okay. Please forgive me? lol. And for everyone that's asking- yes, this is Emmett's joke. They aren't really married. yet. haha. Here's the chapter..._**

The Word of the Day is Ignorance

* * *

Our friends definitely knew something. I kept catching them looking at me and Edward but when I'd make eye contact they'd whip their heads in the other direction. It was really starting to freak me out in all actuality. But they hadn't said anything about last night so I was left wondering if they didn't know or if they weren't going to say anything until we had...

"I'm not going on that!" Alice screeched.

I followed her eyes to the twisting roller coaster in front of us and laughed.

"It's alright, Alice." I chuckled. "I doubt you'll meet the height requirement."

She scowled at me as the others laughed.

"I'll go." Rose volunteered. Emmett beamed down at her as if she had just volunteered to fight a lion blindfolded with nothing but a wire hanger and an apple.

"That's my girl!" he cheered.

Emmett had decided that the best cure for a hangover, which coincidentally our friends didn't have, was roller coaster rides. He insisted it was a hangover cure passed down from his mother. I'd met his mother and she was insane. I had often wondered if the McCarty's had always been crazy and that explained Emmett or if they had been nice normal people in the beginning and raising Emmett had turned them into the slightly alcoholic crazies I knew.

But my traitorous friends had all thought the plan was brilliant because their brains weren't pounding away in their heads.

"Do you like roller coaster rides?" Edward asked me, watching me curiously. He'd been doing this all morning. I guess finding out you're married to the person makes you curious about them. Go figure.

I shook my head.

"I have a weak stomach." I admitted.

He nodded in understanding, looking sympathetic but it wasn't me I was worried about. I was more worried about the other people on the roller coaster I might hit with my projectile vomit or even worse- the people underneath me on the ground.

"What if I dared you?" Rose taunted, a sparkle in her eyes as she smirked at me.

I frowned. She knew something.

"I have learned my lesson." I promised, eyeing her curiously. "I have a million people jack hammering around in my brain."

I glared at Emmett as he whopped at a little kid who was stumbling off the roller coaster, looking slightly green. The kid jumped and I smiled apologetically at him.

"Five bucks says _he _screams like a little girl when it's his turn."

Emmett guffawed and the little boy cracked a small smile as his mother grabbed his hand, pulling him to another line. Poor baby.

"So, no roller coasters." Edwards hummed. "How about cotton candy?"

I smiled.

"It's nothing but a package of sugar and food coloring." I said. "I am definitely pro cotton candy."

He chuckled, motioning over to a stand in the distance.

"Anyone else want some cotton candy?" I asked.

Emmett stuck his hand in the air, waving it around like a disruptive kid in a classroom. I chuckled and looked at Rosalie. She shook her head.

"None for me." She said. "We'll see how I'm doing after the ride."

I gave her a supportive smile before casting my eyes upward. That really was some ride. It had more loops and twists than I could count and you would be upside down for a majority of the time.

"Let the force be with you." I told her in feigned seriousness.

She chuckled.

"Thank you, Yoda."

Edward was looking at me, a mixture of amusement and something else I couldn't quite place. I shook it off.

"So, no sugary goodness for anyone else?" I double checked, looking through my purse. Alice started to say something but Jasper shook his head vigorously behind her back and I snickered. Alice on a sugar high- I don't think the world could survive that. I imagined her as a hyped up Godzilla smashing through the amusement park and laughed to myself.

Edward followed behind me at a safe pace but as soon as we were out of our friend's sight he reached for my hand. It's amazing how the simplest thing had just a profound effect on me. I loved the way his warm hand engulfed my own, making me feel a rush of emotions I had never given much thought to. Liked… _loved._

I had thought of my one memory from the night before almost constantly as I dressed and met our friends. I tried to shove it to the back of my mind as we rode to the amusement park but it refused to leave. Edward had said he loved me.

As big as that revelation was, the thing that puzzled me most was the fact that _I _had said I loved him. As a matter of fact if I remembered accurately, I had said it first. I wasn't sure if that was true or not. I wasn't even sure how it was possible to fall in love with someone so quickly, especially when the person in question was someone I had been determined not to like. It just didn't make any sense to me but if I was being completely and brutally honest with myself (something that I had been avoiding a lot lately), I would have no trouble falling in love with him.

And falling I most definitely was. Figures it takes me to drink my body weight in vodka to realise this – then again, that's just how our relationship is.

"They know something." Edward said quietly, breaking me from my reverie.

I blinked, shaking the muted thoughts from my head.

"I was thinking the same thing." I agreed. I was also thinking about how easy it would be to love you – not that I'd tell you though.

"How much do you think they know?" I asked, chancing a glance back at our friends but I couldn't see them through the crowds.

Edward shrugged.

"Chances are they know we're together."

I winced.

"Together or... _married_?" I whispered.

He looked down at me calculating for a moment before simply shrugging again.

"Would it be the end of the world if someone knew?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"I'm pretty sure it's one of the signs of the apocalypse." I retorted dryly. I suppose our friends knowing we were together wasn't the end of the world but this was a whole different ball game. We were married now. I had gotten drunk in Vegas and married Edward. I was still having a hard time computing this and I didn't want our friends to know until I had had time to think this through. The fewer people that knew, the less confusing it would become. I wouldn't have everyone trying to give their opinion about what I should do and how I should handle everything. This was between me and Edward. I wanted to figure it out between me and Edward. Not our meddlesome friends and god forbid my father found out. I felt the blood drain from my face. Dad. Maybe we would just not tell him. Ever.

"Hello," Edward smiled at the girl behind the kiosk. She batted her eyelashes, smiling around her blush. I couldn't help but notice that she was very pretty; with long blond hair and eyelashes so thick I envisioned the leaves rippling when she batted them. I frowned.

My evil shoulder angel envisioned stabbing her with her pitchfork.

"We need three bags of cotton candy please." he continued politely, unaware of my inner fuming. I had never been a jealous person before so it completely took me off guard but the way she was looking at Edward, like he was something to eat, made me want to borrow the angels pitchfork and stab her myself. She almost tripped over her tongue as she turned to get our order.

I tightened my hand around Edward's and he corked an eyebrow at me. I smiled pleasantly at him, hoping like anything that he didn't know what was going through my head. That would definitely do nothing for his ego.

"Thank you." He grinned as she handed it to him. I noticed the way she let her fingers brush over his before she released the bag. I wanted to point to her and command, _release_, as if she was a trained mutt or something.

Hmm, I wonder if that would work? It would definitely be funny to see her face even if it didn't work.

"Here you are, my love." Edward purred seductively as he handed me a bag of cotton candy. I felt my mouth fall open. Did he just manage to make a bag of teeth rotting blue food coloring sound sexy?

"Thank you, sweet cheeks." I winked. I couldn't let him have all the fun now could I?

He corked an eyebrow, grinning slyly as he turned to the kiosk girl (the deflated kiosk girl mind you) and handed her a twenty.

"We're on our honeymoon." he stated randomly, tilting his head in my direction.

I chocked on the handful of cotton candy I had just stuffed into my mouth with lady like grace and prayed blue sugar didn't shoot out my nose. It would be just my luck.

"Oh..." she tried her best to smile but it came out as a grimace, "Really?"

I nodded without knowing I was doing so.

"Yep." Edward nodded, grinning down at me proudly as he wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head. "You see, my friend dared me to steal her truck and I did. Of course she hated me but I've been wearing her down."

Kiosk girl was so confused and I was blushing like mad. Edward sighed like a complete sap and rested his cheek on my head.

"Do you want to tell this next part, sweetums?"

I bristled at the nickname just like he knew I would. I'm glad to see him enjoying himself. Not.

"Like my dear husband was saying," I took over, sugary sweetness lining my voice. "I hated him but our friends got us drunk and we ended up married."

I bated my eyelashes at him, resting a hand on his chest so we were the picture of a honeymoon couple.

"Does that about sum it up, Eddie?"

He chuckled, stooping down to kiss my lips impulsively.

"She only pretends to hate me." He confided in kiosk girl.

She nodded dumbly although she was very evidently not following anything we'd said. I almost felt sorry for the poor confused girl as we walked away.

"Thanks again." I called over my shoulder.

Edward laughed out loud as he released my waist and leaned against one of the stone walls lining the walkway. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What was that about?" I hissed.

He cocked his head to the side.

"First sign of the apocalypse?" he quoted. He leaned his head back to gaze at the clouds for a moment before looking at me with a very self satisfied smirk. "And here I was expecting fire to rain down from the skies."

I smacked his chest with a scowl but he caught up my hand and pulled me to him so I was resting between his long legs.

"Don't be mad." He smoldered at me from beneath eyelashes.

"Why would I be mad?" I asked flatly. "It's not your fault you're mentally retarded."

He feigned hurt and I rolled my eyes.

"A wife is supposed to be nice to her husband." he hummed, hamming it up.

I leaned into him, looking in his eyes.

"You want to tell them?" I asked, my voice sultry. I rested both my hands on his chest and tried to replicate his smoldering eyes move. I don't think it worked but Edward's eyes glazed over and he licked his lips. I had to bite my cheek against a proud smile.

"Edward?" I prompted.

He swallowed, nodding slowly.

"Uhm... yes?" It came out as a question and I cheered internally in victory. I snaked my hands up so that they were resting against his shoulders.

"Is that really how you want to meet my dad?" I asked.

He blinked.

"What?"

I raised one eyebrow, challenging.

"We can tell our friends about our... marriage after you tell my dad about it." I offered smugly.

He frowned.

"Me?"

I nodded.

"Oh yeah." I grinned. "You're the one who wants everyone to know."

He seemed to be thinking now. I smirked.

"I told you about my father." I continued in a nonchalant voice as I played absently with a lock of hair at the base of his neck. He was still thinking. By the look on his face he didn't look too happy about the deal. I held in my snickers. This plan was brilliant I say- brilliant!

"He's was the chief of police for thirty years but he retired when he got shot in pursuit of an armed robber last year." I reminded him. "The physical therapy has been really good for him though and he can aim and shoot a gun again perfectly."

He lowered his eyes to mine and shot me a look that said he clearly knew what I was doing. I shrugged innocently.

"I'm not saying he'll shoot you, Edward." I said. "But it's definitely a possibility."

He rolled his eyes and before I could think his lips were on mine. What? That's not what I had been expecting at all. Sometimes this whole kissing me quite thing really works in my favor. Turns out I annoy him quite frequently.

"Okay." he breathed as he broke away, leaving me breathless and confused as my brain tried to unscramble.

"Okay." I murmured, leaning back in and trying to recapture his lips. I was almost there when I realized what he'd just said. I leaned back quickly, my eyes wide.

"Okay?" I screeched.

He laughed.

"Yup," he nodded smugly. "It's a deal. I'll meet your dad and when he doesn't shoot me we'll tell our friends and you'll move in with me."

I blinked. Why do my plans always come back on me?? I had not expected him to agree. This was supposed to let me off the hook.

"Wait." I put my hand out, trying to catch up. "What? Move in with you?"

He put his hands in his pockets, grinning happily, as he continued to lean against the wall as if he owned the place. As if he had the world in the palm of his hand. Cocky.

"Well how many married couples do you know that don't live together, Bella?" He asked, raising his brows.

I stuck my hands on my hips.

"The separated ones." I leveled his gaze, the threat clear in my voice. We hadn't even agreed on anything yet!

He shook his head.

"You're being mean to me again." he said, taunting.

I scowled at him.

"Is the sentence worse if the person you murder is your husband?"

He didn't seem bothered. He looked to be thinking again. Stupid, casual, cocky, take everything in stride, jerk.

"I think it might be worse." He decided finally. "Because then they can get you on murder and spousal abuse."

I rolled my eyes.

"Drat." I muttered under my breath.

Edward chuckled, taking my hand in his again and kissing my knuckles softly.

"It won't be that bad." He assured me. "If your dad is going to shoot anyone it'll be me."

I nodded. Why try to deny it? He was probably right.

"And you don't have to move to Chicago if you don't want." He said, his tone less playful. "We have time to figure this stuff out."

I bit my lip, looking down at my feet.

"I guess." I finally gave in. What was I getting myself into? How could one person change everything so dramatically? I used to be so safe, never taking chances, spending all my time hanging with my friends, and being... well boring. But boring was safe. So what if I had only been a work from home card writer, with a non-existent love life, and a small group of friends whom I never deviated?

I shook my head with a sigh.

"Besides if my dad shoots you we won't have to worry about it at all."

Edward chuckled, leading me back to our friends.

"Now, there's the spirit!" he enthused

* * *

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Like I said before, I'm sorry for the delay. But it's here now and to make up for it everyone that reviews and asks for it I'll give you Edward's POV from the last chapter. Sound good? Okay. Now review and don't forget to ask for EPOV if you want it. Favorite line/scene?_**

**_And of course thanks a million times to my wonderful beta, CrazyLittleWriter. You would not believe the amount of mistakes that were in this chapter before she came in and made it readable. lol. Thanks for your help with this chapter, lovie!_**


	18. The Word of the Day is Revelation

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_**

**_Very Important(!) For all of those who said they wanted to read Edward's POV of chapter#16 I posted it on the truck-napper blog because I couldn't bring myself to cut and paste it 180 different times. Yes, that's how many of you asked to read it. Lol. I'm sorry but now everyone can read it, even those without ff accounts. Plus I have posted all the other outtakes there as well. Stop by and read those if you'd like. It's at http://trucknapper-and-db(dot)_****_blogspot(dot)com/_**

**_Also please forgive me if this chapter isn't up to usual standards but my beta is on vacation. Lol. Hope you're having fun, Jennifer!_**

The Word of the Day is Revelation

* * *

**_Emmett's POV-_**

What the drunken dilapidated donkey! They weren't upset. They weren't acting any different at all. Bella hadn't gone exorosist once yet today!

Alice smiled, watching Edward and Bella walk to the cotton candy stand until they disappeared. Then she wirled on me, the smile completely gone from her face.

"What is going on?" she hissed.

I looked to my wife for help. She crossed her arms over her chest, giving me the look I'd seen many times. It was the look that meant I'd be spending some cold nights on the couch.

"What's up?" I asked innocently, grinning at Rose and the demented little Pixie. Neither of them backed down. As a matter of fact Rose took one step towards me.

"What happened?" Rose glared. "They're supposed to be freaking out."

Alice nodded.

"Did you put the rings on their fingers?"

"Yes." I promised. "Maybe they fell off while they were sleeping or something."

"Or they took them off." Rose cast a suspicious glanced towards the 'newlyweds' but we couldn't see them through the crowds.

I frowned.

"So they know?" I said slowly. "But they're... okay with it?"

"And not telling us!" Alice huffed.

Rose looked back at us, a frown firmly on her beautiful face.

"What's wrong, Rosie?" I asked.

She put her fingers to her temple.

"They're okay with it." She groaned. "What have we done?"

Alice blinked as if comprehending now what Rosie was talking about.

"Oh no." She breathed.

"What?" They were really starting to freak me out now.

Rose turned to me, looking a little pale.

"The idea was to freak them out by making them believe they were married." She sighed. "But they seem to kind of... like the idea and now..."

"We have to tell tehm they're not really married." Alice finished.

Almost on cue both girls looked at me and Jasper nodded his agreement.

"Why are you looking at me?"

"It was your plan!" Rose huffed. "I told you to let it go."

Jasper leveled me with a gaze.

"You've got to tell them, man." he insisted.

"Me?" I asked. "Why?"

Rose glared, a look that said that I wouldn't be spending the night on the couch because I'd be lucky if she even let me inside.

"This was your idea." She repeated, pointing at me. "Fix it."

I gulped. Man, next time I have a brillant plan I'll blog about it on the big think and forget about it.

"Okay." I relented. "I'll tell them."

A short teenaged guy with pimples motioned me and Rose over to the ride we'd been waiting for. I flung my arm around Rosie's shoulder as his eyes ran up and down her frame. He met my eyes and I raised one brow. He gulped, looking away quickly. I grinned victoriously but the next thing from my wife's mouth wiped the grin from my face.

"You have fourty-eight hours to fix this, Emmett McCarty." She whispered. "I'm not willing to gamble with my friend's happiness."

I knew when Rosalie meant bussiness. She'd be standing near by with a stop watch until we returned to Forks tomorrow night when my time limit would end.

The guy avoided my eyes as he made sure everyone's seat belt was fastened but he kept his eyes gaze off Rosie too. Good.

"Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times." Pimple face announced as the ride started, trecking up a slight incline.

"No sex until you tell them." Rosalie vowed.

Crap!

* * *

**_Bella's POV-_**

Rosalie did not puke but Emmett looked a little green. Edward wrapped his arm around me while we walked from ride to ride but no one said anything about it. Including me. Edward just raised one eyebrow at me but I shrugged.

"If you're going to die soon I might as well give in a little." I whispered, smirking as he growled at me.

"I'm not going to die."

I shrugged.

"Maybe, maybe not."

"Who's dying?" Emmett asked, his voice raising a few octaves. I shot him a look. He had been acting so weird since we got back from getting cotton candy, even weird for Emmett.

"What is going on with you?" I asked.

"Me?" He pointed to himself. "What about you two?"

"Nothing." I said quickly just as Edward said, she thinks I'm dying.

I shot him a look and he grinned.

"Yep," He nodded, looking at our friends. "I convinced her I was dying and she's letting me hold her hand."

He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I rolled my eyes.

"You're not dying?" I asked dramatically pulling my hand from his. "Then the deals off."

"Don't sound so disappointed, sweetums." He tisked playfully.

"Yeah-" Emmett snorted. "I'm the one acting weird."

Rose elbowed Emmett in the ribs, giving him a pointed look and he suddenly became very interested in the hotdog stand. He hadn't even finished his cotton candy yet but this was Emmett we were talking about. I'm pretty sure the only thing he's ever planned ahead for were meals.

"What's going on?" I hissed at my friends as Emmett walked purposefully towards the hotdog stand.

Rose's eyes widened.

"I'm going with Emmett." She hurried after him.

"Jasper needs a hot dog." Alice shrieked, abandoning her fiance.

I raised an eyebrow at the only one still standing with us, a deer in the headlights Jasper.

"I- I don't need..." He trailed off sighing, running his fingers through his hair. What is it with the Cullen men and their nervous habits?

"Please don't make me do this." He pleaded.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Make you do what?" I asked suspiciously.

"Explain what those guys are up to."

I put my hands on my hips.

"Jasper Cullen," I threatened. "You had better tell us what is going on."

He frowned.

"I helped you by not telling Alice you were together and now I'm asking you for a favor."

I pouted.

"Don't make me explain this."

I huffed as Edward agreed. I shot him a look and he shrugged.

"It's only fair." he reasoned. "We'll figure it out soon enough."

Jasper nodded readily.

"Yes you will." He agreed. "Emmett has to tell you soon."

"Tell us what?" I asked, exasperated.

Jasper refused to meet my eye.

"Just remember I had nothing to do with it." he reminded us quietly as he passed. "I tried to warn you."

I frowned.

"What the hell?"

Edward nodded, frowning after his cousin.

"What do you think that was all about?"

I shook my head, watching my friends bickering quietly across the grounds.

"I have no clue."

"This is about Emmett's prank."

My eyes widened.

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Why didn't I think of that?"

Edward smiled, pulling me to him and placing a kiss to my head.

"Because I'm your better half?" he guessed playfully.

I rolled my eyes.

"If you're my better half I'm completely screwed."

Edward acted offended but he knew I was kidding, mostly.

"So everyone knows what prank Em is going to pull?"

Edward sighed.

"That's what I'm thinking."

I pouted.

"So not fair."

He chuckled.

"We can always get him back, love." he promised. "I mean, it can't be that bad."

He was right I suppose. I mean with all that's happened this weekend, waking up married and agreeing to tell our friends... after we told my dad it was going to take a lot to get a rise out of me. I mean I just...

"No." I gasped.

Edward looked down at me with wide eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"He wouldn't!" I exclaimed.

"Who wouldn't what, Bella?"

"Emmett," I fumed. "This is going way too far."

My pulse was pounding in my ears and my stomach lurched. This was absolutely ridiculous. Emmett would never think of something so diabolical. What if...

My heart lurched. No. I couldn't- of course I didn't... want to be married to truck-napper.

"What?" Edward asked, searching my eyes frantically. "Obviously I'm not the better half because I have no clue what you're getting at."

My heart lurched at his playful teasing. I did want to be married to Edward! Holy crow! How did this happen? I couldn't want this. But at the thought of this all being a set up my stomach twisted almost painfully.

"We need to go find our marrage certificate." I whispered, the world seeming to spin as if I was on one of those roller coasters I thought I had gotten out of riding.

"I don't know where it is." Edward said, frowning as he pushed some hair out of my face. "Honey are you okay?"

A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed it back down.

"We need to find it." I whispered again, feeling helpless. Jasper had tried to warn us... _"We aren't going to get drunk or anything. We won't let you do something stupid."_

Yes- they had. They had gotten us drunk and made us think we were married. It was a prank to go down in the history books. But if this was really what happened it was also the last prank Emmett McCarthy would ever pull on anyone. I'd make sure of it and I'm pretty sure Edward would be willing to help me bury the body when I told him my theory. It would take two of us to lift him of course. And Rosalie would be testy for a while when I made her a widow but she would get over it eventually.

Rosalie. Who all had been in on it? It sounded to me like they all knew. That stung. They knew all morning as we walked around, dancing around each other that we thought we were married and they said nothing. All except for Jasper who had tried to warn us, although he could have tried a little harder.

But where did the prank end? I knew my memory of telling Edward I loved him was real. Did they somehow convince us to say that?

"Bella, babe you're really starting to worry me, love." Edward said, waving his hand in front of my face.

I grabbed it and placed a kiss to the palm of his hand, surprising both of us.

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. Of course I loved him. So what if we fought like Sid and Nancy? I liked getting him all riled up sometimes. And I liked that he always listened to my opinions, even if he hardly ever agreed with them. He was considerate in his own special way. Nothing we did was conventional but it was us.

"I really hate Emmett." I sniffed.

"We all hate Emmett." Edward nodded, trying to be supportive. "He eats everyone out of house and home and he blocks all the sun light."

I frowned.

"What?"

He chuckled.

"I have no idea." He admitted. He rubbed his thumb over my cheek bone, searching my face. "Bella, what's going on?"

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes tight. I was getting a head ache.

"I think Emmett got us drunk and made us believe we were married." I whispered.

His thumb stopped moving on my cheek and I opened my eyes hesitantly to see Edward's blank expression. He looked stunned, almost like he had when I had told him this morning we were married. Was it really just this morning? So much had happened since then. I'd realized I told him I was in love with him, we'd held hands in front of our friends, told a complete stranger our story, and agreed to tell everyone including my dad.

My face paled. Thank god we had figured this out before telling Charlie. Edward thought I was exagerating but Charlie really might shoot him. It'd be a shame for him to die over an absurd little prank.

"He wouldn't." Edward whispered but I was so far ahead of him it was crazy.

"We have to get him back." I announced. "And I have the perfect plan."

Edward blinked.

"How have you already processed this?" He asked.

I shrugged.

"Quick thinker." I tapped my nogan and he raised one eyebrow.

"We're not really married?" He asked.

I looked down at the ground and kicked with the toe of my shoe in the gravel. I didn't want him to see my surprising disappointment over this. For all he knew I was just waiting for my father to shoot him so I could put this whole thing behind me and a part of me had been moments ago... until I realized that I didn't really have him.

"I don't know." I said quietly. "But it doesn't seem like it."

"We need to find that certificate." He said ubruptly.

I looked up to see his determined face.

"We are married." He said, determined.

I gulped, nodding.

"Maybe." I whispered, wishing that if I said it enough it would actually be true. Kind of like Peter Pan flying around the room, thinking happy thoughts. If I thought of being married to Edward it would surely be true, right? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

What had gotten into me? One second we're mortal enemies and the next I'm all teary eyed because we didn't elope in Vegas? But then again I guess we had never really been mortal enemies. He'd been my savior with Mike Newton, my escape plan on the night of strippers, and my friend when I ran over my neighbors cat. Even when I was trying to dislike him I had never connected with anyone more. What did I have to look forward to if we weren't married? Another Paul? He had been hott but we hadn't been able to talk about anything. Another Mike Newton?

I shuddered.

So Edward and I didn't agree on some things... okay _most _things but at least we talked. It would probably always be that way and I was just fine with that whether we were married, dating, mortal enemies, or just friends I always wanted Edward Cullen to be in my life. And if we had a few fights along the way so what? If we murdered a couple friends and ended up doing life no biggie.

* * *

**_Author's Note: I hope you liked it. Favorite line/scene? What do you think of Bella's reaction? Was it what you were expecting? Remember to ask for a preview if you want it in your review. Thanks, guys!_**

**_Now feed my review addiction and press the little button. :-) Much love_**


	19. The Word of the Day is Communication

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

**_Author's Note: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews you've been leaving guys. Keep it up. They make me smile. Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it._**

The Word of the day is Communication

* * *

"Did you find it?" I asked, closing the drawer I'd been looking through.

"Nothing." he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "It's not here. What was he thinking?"

I plopped down on the edge of the bed.

"Probably that we'd be upset." I said, glaring at the wall. "Really it would have been a good prank if we hadn't liked it so much."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth Edward froze over the luggage where he'd been searching for our missing marriage certificatete.

"What?"

Every curse word I knew resounded in my head. What had I just said??

"Nothing." I said quickly.

He turned to look at me, his face still frozen in shock.

"Bella," he prompted seriously. "Do you... _like _being married to me?"

My face flushed.

"Do _you_ like being married to _me_?" I challenged.

"I asked you first."

Stupid truck-napper and his smug little grins! And dang his juvenile responses; now I was going to have to answer first.

I looked down at my lap, unable to meet his eyes and played with my fingers.

"It's not as god awful as I would have thought." I blurted, trying to sound nonchalant. I don't think it worked.

I chanced a glance at him from under my lashes. His grin grew wider.

"I'm touched." he chuckled.

I scowled.

"Well what about you, Cullen?" I retorted. "How are you finding wedded bliss?"

His grin grew even wider as he stalked towards me, looking like a real predator. I gulped.

"Blissful." he announced, crushing his lips to mine.

I gasped, molding myself to him. How was I ever supposed to stay mad at him when he does this to me? It was utterly impossible. But of course that's why he does it.

"What are we going to do about Emmett?" I mumbled, refusing to leave his cushiony lips long enough to get the question out.

"We'll kill him later." he mumbled back, nipping at my bottom lip. "Now stop thinking about Emmett while I'm trying to kiss you senseless."

I grinned, running my fingers through his hair and tugging slightly at the roots. He seemed to like that a lot.

Trying? Mission accomplished, space cadet!

"Hm," I sighed. "If this is how you kiss me when I'm thinking about Em what would you do if I was thinking of Jasper?"

What? It'd been far too long since I'd let my evil shoulder angel run the show. Little miss goody two shoes on the other side gets me no where!

He growled and a shiver ran down my spine. Thank you evil shoulder angel!

"You're not playing fair, sweetums." he groaned, now running the tip of his tongue over my bottom lip. Why would I ever play fair?!

"Aren't you supposed to be kissing me senseless?" I gasped as he tugged with his teeth.

He deepened the kiss, effectively making me forget my own name.

And then he pulled back, leaving me grasping at air. I blinked, thoroughly dazed. When my eyes focused again I saw Edward sitting leisurely in the chair across the room, that dang smirk in place.

"Foul." I glared accusingly.

He chuckled.

"I don't know what you're talking about, DB."

I brushed some hair out of my face with a huff. Sure you don't!

"So what are we going to do about Emmett?" he asked conversationally. Smug little pond sucking slug! He's taunting me.

"I'm so glad you're finding ways to amuse yourself." I sniffed. He thought he was so funny. We'll don't quit the day job, Cullen.

He smirked.

"Oh it passes the time." he shrugged casually.

I thought about telling him off(leave me grasping at air will ya!) but I knew by now that wouldn't do any good. He was just too laid back I tell you, so I decided to have some fun.

"Oh really?" I quirked an eyebrow.

He nodded pleasantly. Someone really needed to wipe that grin off his face. Seeing as I'm his girlfriend-slash-sorta wife for a day I figure I've earned that right.

I pulled myself from the bed and straightened my clothes. He watched me curiously as I got myself together and walked across the room. His hands came to rest on my hips automatically as soon as I was standing in front of the chair.

I've got you where I want you now, _hubby_.

"I can think of another way to pass the time." I leaned in and purred in his ear.

Ha! He wasn't smirking now. He swallowed, his adams apple bobbing.

"Yeah?" He gulped, looking very interested in my proposition.

I nodded, licking my lips. His eyes moved to my mouth, watching my tongue move over one lip and then the other. Silly little boy, so easy to manipulate. Hey, don't judge me.

"A nice long nap." I finished brightly.

He blinked.

"What?"

"A nap." I repeated, trying not to laugh at the look on his face. "It's been a long day and we're leaving tomorrow. You said my bed was the one on the left right?"

He let his head fall back against the chair and closed his eyes.

"Bed on the left." he nodded, his voice sounding off. "Yep. That would be yours."

I grinned, kissing his cheek.

"Great!" I enthused. "Thanks."

And then I hopped over to the bed on the left to cocoon myself in that majestic quilt I loved so much.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

Edward was already halfway across the room.

"I'm going to take a cold shower." he said, shooting me a pointed look.

I giggled.

"I don't know what you're talking about, _sweetums_." I retorted. Vengeance. Sweet, sweet vengeance.

He rolled his eyes.

"Sure you don't, love."

"What did we learn from this?" I sing-songed.

He frowned, pretending to think.

"Never trust a beautiful woman?" he tried.

I shook my head, getting comfy on my heavenly bed.

"Do not cross me." I corrected, grinning playfully. "That was the lesson, truck napper. Do not cross me."

He snapped.

"Oh." he exaggerated. "That's right."

"So close." I played along.

He nodded, laughter dancing in his eyes.

"Don't worry, Beautiful Bella." he grinned. "I've learned my lesson."

I nodded, proud of myself.

"I'll never leave you all hot and bothered again."

I shrieked indigently, my cheeks bright red, and threw a pillow at him.

"Go take your cold shower, truck-napper." I sniffed.

He laughed, tossing the pillow back at me and winked.

"Oh and Edward?" I called.

He stuck his head back out the door of the bathroom.

"I've got Emmett's revenge covered." I notified him. "Just follow my lead when the time comes."

He rolled his eyes.

"Whatever you say, dear."

I grinned, nestling back into the mountain of pillows. So what if we didn't have a little piece of paper saying we were married? He was mine and I fully intended to keep it that way.

* * *

I was having the most wonderful dream. I was laying on a cloud of marshmallow and it smelled amazing. I wonder how much of it I can eat without falling through the cloud and plummeting through the sky to my eventual death.

Someone was laughing in my dream. And I'd know that laugh anywhere, even in my sleep. What was he doing here?

"Are you eating marshmallows too, Edward?" I murmured.

He laughed and I felt lips at my forehead.

"You're talking in your sleep, love."

I shook my head, yawning sleepily.

"No, I'm not."

He grumbled something about 'even arguing with me in her sleep' and I pried one eye open.

No sleep, come back!

"Edward?" I yawned, stretching my arms over my head. I was completely cocooned in the most comfortable bed in the history of the universe and oh, there were my marshmallows- the wonderful smelling lavender pillows. Thank god none of them had bites out of them. That would have been embarrassing.

"Interesting dream?" He grinned, tucking some hair behind my ear.

I smiled sleepily, nodding.

"Uh-huh."

He chuckled, planting a kiss to my forehead.

"You can sleep for a little longer." He said. "Alice wants to go dancing tonight."

I frowned, shaking my head.

"I'm mad at Alice too." I mumbled. "No dancing."

He studied my face for a moment before nodding his agreement.

"No dancing." He allowed. "We'll call in sick."

I smiled, leaning my face into his hand.

"She'll never allow it. Call in dead."

He laughed.

"Okay, I'll call in dead."

I closed my eyes, ready to get back to my dream world but then Edward's hand was gone from my face. I frowned.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

He quirked an eyebrow.

"Calling in dead?"

I shook my head, reaching out for him.

"We can call later." I said, linking my fingers with his for once. "Stay."

Both eyebrows were up now.

"What?" he asked, looking around as if he thought I was talking to someone behind him.

I tugged on his hand and he let me pull him onto the bed beside me. I sighed, snuggling into his side.

"Stay with me." I murmured sleepily, already well on my way back to dream land.

He leaned his cheek against my head and I nestled into that spot where his neck becomes shoulder. Awe, that's better.

"A sleepy time we come."

He laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Sh." He chuckled. "Go to sleep."

I didn't need too much convincing and I fell asleep easily.

* * *

I woke up the second time before Edward. Or at least I thought I had.

He looked so peaceful laying there, his arms wrapped around me and his face the picture of calm.

"I'm flattered by the staring but you do realise I'm awake right?" he said, not sounding sleepy at all.

I jumped, surprised and he chuckled, opening his eyes so that I was swallowed by warm green.

"How long have you been asleep?" I asked, almost accused.

He shrugged, pulling me even closer and breathing in my neck.

"I didn't sleep at all." He admitted.

I frowned.

"So you just laid there holding me while I slept?"

He nodded.

"I wasn't very tired."

"Perv." I swatted his arm as he nuzzled further into my neck. His scruff tickled and I couldn't help but giggle a little, lessening the force of my accusation I'm afraid.

He looked up at me and grinned.

"No." he disagreed. "Just taking advantage of the moment. You're so much nicer when you're sleepy."

I glared at him playfully, shoving his shoulder. Although it was probably true. I had slept wonderfully last night because of the alcohol induced coma I was in but with all the emotional turmoil of the day I had been exhausted again. I didn't have the energy to pretend I didn't like him.

"I'm always nice." I teased.

He chuckled.

"Oh of course you are." He nodded. "You've never threatened to call the police, throw a tampon at me, kick me under a table-"

"Hey!" I interrupted. "I did not throw a tampon at you. You scared the crap out of me with your lurking ways and I threw my purse at you. The tampon just so happened to fly out of the purse."

He continued as if I'd never interrupted.

"Make me think you were dating your gay friend, steal my cell phone, or leave me with a very unfortunate problem."

My cheeks darkened as his voice dropped a few octaves at his last piece of evidence.

"How was your shower?" I asked coyly.

He sighed.

"Cold."

I giggled.

"Never cross me, young one." I reminded him.

"You have got to stop talking like Yoda."

I laughed, burrowing into him and closing my eyes again. God he smelled good!

"After the shower was good though." He brought out.

I opened my eyes again to look at him, enjoying our moment. Note to self, we need more of these moments where I'm not plotting his death and he's not driving me crazy for recreational sport.

"Oh yeah?"

He nodded, a genuine smile softening his features.

"I came out to wake up my gorgeous girlfriend and she was having this really weird dream-"

"About eating marshmallow clouds." I informed him.

He thought about that for a moment.

"Okay," he continued. "She was having this dream about eating marshmallow clouds and she asked me to take a nap with her."

"Which you didn't do." I accused. "You didn't get any sleep."

"But I got to hold said gorgeous girlfriend as she slept." He amended.

I blushed.

"And she's so much nicer when she sleeps." He finished, proud of himself.

I rolled my eyes, sitting up in bed. Edward made a noise of complaint but I leaned down and kissed him chastely.

"We must call Alice." I reminded him.

He nodded.

"Okay," he agreed. "But sh, we're supposed to be dead."

I laughed, reaching for my cell phone on the nightstand.

"Hello." I said pleasantly when my ex friend answered the phone.

"Where are you two?" She demanded. "We are supposed to be at the club in five minutes. I've been calling you like crazy but-"

"We're not going, Alice." I informed her primly. "Edward and I have some things to discuss."

She started to protest but I just spoke over her.

"You see we woke up this morning to find we were married and then we realized this afternoon it was just a prank from our retarded friends."

She gasped and I nodded. Oh yes, pixie, you are so busted.

"So you can see we have a lot to figure out." I continued, my tone all business.

"I'm so sorry, Bel-"

"If you still want me to help with the wedding or even _attend _your wedding you won't tell anyone Edward and I know this is a prank." I interrupted her. I was pretty sure we would eventually be friends again but right now all I wanted was to get back at Emmett. I couldn't be bothered with her too little too late apologies.

"Have fun dancing." I told her brightly before hanging up.

Edward just blinked.

"She is not to be crossed, young ones." He finally muttered.

I laughed, falling back onto the bed.

"We don't have to go dancing." I informed him needlessly.

"I'll say." he agreed.

It was silent for an immeasurable amount of time before Edward spoke.

"So, we have things to discuss?" He cleared his throat, sounding almost timid.

I closed my eyes. This was going to be awkward. It could go either way and all I really wanted to do was go back to sleep in Edward's arms, freeze this moment where we were together and happy. But I knew we needed to clear this up.

I nodded regretfully.

"We really do."

We both nodded, in full agreement but neither of us said anything. I sighed, crawling over and nestling into his side again.

"Where should we start?" I whispered.

Edward wrapped his arm around me, meeting my sigh with one of his own.

"I have no idea." He said, sounding helpless. I knew how he felt.

"Maybe we should start by finding a new set of friends?" he suggested.

I chuckled, playing with his fingers as I thought.

"Jasper tried to warn us." I reminded him.

"He could have tried harder." He countered, stern.

I looked up, surprised to see the fire of anger on every etch of his face. I stretched up and kissed him gently, trying to make his scowl disappear. It looked completely out of place on his usually happy smirking face.

"They didn't know it would end like this." I tried to reason although I was mad too so I don't know why I was trying.

He shrugged.

"I suppose." He allowed. "I'm still mad at him."

I nodded.

"And I'm still mad at Alice." I added.

"Definitely Alice." He agreed. "And Emmett."

His frown deepened as he uttered his name and I felt my nostrils flair.

"Emmett." I seethed.

"We _are _going to make him pay right?" he checked.

"Of course." I assured him. "It may be a little over the line but..."

"I'm sure he deserves everything you have planned."

I smiled.

"Yes, he does."

"Are you really not going to be in Alice's wedding now?" He asked.

I actually thought about it for a moment. It would serve her right but then again I didn't want to put a damper on her special day. She was only going to get married once so I better not mess it up just in case I decided I did want to be her friend again some time in the future.

"I'll still go." I huffed. "But I'm not talking to her unless I absolutely have to."

He squeezed my shoulders.

"That's very big of you, sweetums."

I rolled my eyes.

"You really have got to stop calling me that." I informed him and he chuckled.

"How about snookums?" He asked.

"There we go again with the funny guy persona." I groaned. "Shut it, truck napper. What about you? Are you still going to the wedding?"

He raised one eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"Edward?"

He cracked a smile.

"I thought I was supposed to shut it."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Edward Anthony Cullen-"

He laughed.

"Of course I'm still going." he answered. "It's my little cousin's wedding."

I nodded. That made sense. If I wasn't going to miss my friend's wedding even after all this of course he wouldn't miss his cousin's.

"So are we... okay?" I asked hesitantly. Taking into consideration that I'd just realized I was in love with the man I guess I shouldn't be surprised by how worried I was about his answer. But I was. My palms were sweating and my heart was thumping and a lump was slowly but surely forming in my throat.

I would not cry in front of Edward. I would not cry in front of Edward. I would not-

"I would have willingly remained married to you, Bella." He said seriously, putting it all out on the table like he usually did. That was something else I loved about him- there were no games. Okay, there were tons of games. We danced around each other for so long we almost drove each other and all our friends insane but when it really came down to it we could talk. He didn't keep me guessing and now it was my turn to do the same for him. He deserved that.

"I thought we already established that." He continued. "So of course I still want to date you. I'm still all in." He paused, seeming to be gathering courage. "If you are."

He looked down at me and I gulped. My turn already? Couldn't we just crack a joke or go steal another vehicle? That worked to break the ice really well last time.

'Get to it, Isabella.' I don't know who in my head was commanding me this time. It was probably every fiber of me- evil shoulder angel and good, my inner Beatrice, and gay yoda were all yelling at me to tell him what I thought. I had to do this.

I took a deep breath.

"I was going to stay in the marriage too, Edward." I said, stealing my courage and being completely honest with myself for the first time since I first saw the bronze haired truck-napper. "Of course I'm in."

He grinned.

"So we're good."

I nodded, smiling bright.

"We're good."

"Good." He grinned, leaning over and kissing me.

God, I could get used to this.

"So there's only one more thing to cover then?" He said, pulling back.

I frowned. We'd gone over everything. We're mad at all of them but more so at Alice and definitely Emmett. We'd go to the wedding but grudgingly. And we were going to stay together, continue to date. Thankfully.

What else was there to talk about?

I quirked an eyebrow, looking at him questioningly.

"Will you go to the wedding with me?" He asked.

I grinned.

"If I must." I allowed, jumping up and down internally.

He chuckled.

"You must." he said seriously. "If you refuse I will tie you up and drive to the church with you in my trunk."

"I feel so special." I laughed.

He placed a kiss to my forehead.

"Thank you, love."

I sighed, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Thank you for asking me." I said, marking a first in our relationship... answering without a snide comment. It was nice but I don't see me making a habit out of it.

* * *

**_Author's Note:So what did you think? Favorite line/scene? Remember to ask for a preview in your review if you want one. Don't forget to check out the truck-napper site. There are new banners up thanks to cassii25. Thanks, lovie. Also I'm curious if anyone has thought of the prank they're going to pull on Emmett next. And yes it will be the last prank I think. I don't want them getting completely out of control. But are there any guesses as to the final prank on our favorite(or maybe not so favorite now) burly sister?_**

**_Much Love!_**


	20. The Word of the Day is Beguile

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

**_Author's Note: _****_Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, guys. There will be another outtake posted on the truck-napper website soon, a chapter written as a thank you to cassii25 for the banners. It's going to be EPOV of chapter one. So if you're interested in that check the website to read, it should be posted soon._**

The Word of the Day is Beguile

* * *

"So how are we going to tell everyone that we know it's a prank?" Edward asked. "In a way that helps them see the wrongness of their ways I hope."

I chuckled.

"Wrongness?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"It's a word." He defended. "I think."

I shook my head, folding my clothes and putting them back in my suitcase. I was pleased I hadn't needed to break out the dress I'd packed. Alice must have taken my threat seriously, as she should. She'd left us alone, not bothering us once since my threat so I'd had no need of the dress. We'd spent the day watching old movies in the room. Relaxing.

"Maybe." He corrected. "Probably not. So how are we going to tell them?"

"We're not." I said, absently throwing a pair of sweats in the open suit case. I hadn't even remembered I'd packed those. Dang, they would have come in handy during our day of vedging in front of the tv.

"Wait." He stopped me. "What? We're _not_ telling them we know it's a prank?"

I shook my head.

"Nope." I answered helpfully. "That would ruin my whole plan."

He folded his arms and leaned against the wall, watching me calculatingly.

"And your plan would be..."

I grinned at him.

"All in due time." I evaded.

He sighed. I could tell him; I know he won't tell any of them, warn them. But I was afraid he wouldn't find my prank as ingenious and entertaining as I was going to. He would realize the ingenuity of the whole thing later of course once every one was ensured that he was in fact still breathing. But that wouldn't happen if he found out now and refused to let me pull the prank in the first place.

He couldn't tell me what to do! Why? Because I wasn't going to give him enough warning to disagree.

"So what do we do?" He asked. "If we're not telling them we know?"

"We tell them we're married." I said simply. "Play into their prank like they originally wanted us to. We might need Rosalie's help but under no circumstance can Emmett know we are on to his prank."

He looked to be mulling something over in his head for a moment. A devilish grin broke out across his face.

"So we're pretending to be married?"

I thrilled a little at the idea. Yes, we knew it wasn't true now but no one else had to know. It scared me greatly at how excited I was about that idea.

"I guess so." I answered, turning my head so he wouldn't see how big my smile was. "For the good of the plan."

He smirked.

"For the good of the plan." He repeated. "We should probably keep the rings on I think."

How ironic. We had taken the matching silver bands off before meeting our friends the morning we thought we were really married and now that we know the truth, that we aren't married, we're going to wear them. If this relationship were any more dysfunctional we could rival John and Kate. Note to self: Make sure Edward realizes I will never have eight kids and if by some freaky fluke of nature I have eight kids if he were to leave me they would find him in the ditch outside of town by morning. I also promise never to be as god awful as Kate. Those would make wonderful wedding vows would they not?

"Probably." I agreed but he wasn't focused on my ring anymore. He was focused on the peice of fabric I held in my hands.

"Why didn't _that _make an appearance this weekend?" he asked, never taking his eyes from the two scraps of material.

I looked down to see what I was even holding as I'd been packing without really noticing- my bikini. I'd purchased the skimpy, red, two piece when I was trying to get the notice of a life guard at La push beach last summer. He was extremely tall with russet skin and big brown eyes. He was nice and polite. He was also more interested in the friend I drug along with me for moral support.

Yes, that about sumed up my record with guys. I go to the beach all sexed up and end up setting up Jacob with the hot lifegaurd. That's another thing Sam will never let me live down.

I looked back at Edward. He was still gazing at my bikini like he expected the thing to jump from my hands and start serenading him. He licked his lips.

See, this is how normal men were supposed to react to the suit!

"Because we didn't go swimming?" I cleared my throat and his eyes snapped up to my face again. His cheeks flushed with the slightest dusting of pink and I knew that if I could hear his thoughts my own blush would never subside.

"Why didn't we go swimming?" he asked seriously.

I laughed.

"We've been busy." I reminded him. You know, things to see, friends to make suffer. "We've had more pressing matters on the mind."

Like how to make Emmett run crying like a little girl.

"Aw," he sighed in understanding. "The honeymoon's over."

I snickered.

"Afraid so, buddy." I teased. "Now we're more in the letting ourselves go and wearing hair rollers to bed phase."

He nodded in feigned grave solemnity.

"You know what's good for getting back into shape?" he asked.

I quirked one eyebrow.

"Swimming."

* * *

"Rose." I hissed, getting her attention in the buffet line.

"Hey, Bella." She greeted, distracted by the line of food. "Hey, Edward. You call that a salad?"

She sniffed at the food in front of her.

"You can't throw a hand full of lettuce in a bowl and call it salad!"

I waited for her mini rant to finish and leveled her with a glare. It was harder than with Alice. That's why I'd brought Edward with me. Not that I thought he would intimidate her but it made me feel more courageous.

"What?" she blinked, probably wondering why I was staring her down out of the blue.

"We know about Emmett's latest prank." I whispered. Her eyes widened and flicked to Edward briefly.

"I'm just the muscle." he shrugged, sounding bored.

"And we know that you knew about it too." I continued, ignoring my human shield- oops, I mean 'the muscle.'

"I'm so sorry." she interrupted.

_My _eyes widened this time. Rose was apologizing?

"I told Emmett to let it go but then he came up with this plan and I'll admit I thought it was a good idea. But I was wrong."

_And _she was admitting she was wrong? I almost checked behind her to make sure there wasn't an extension cord running out of her back or something because this had to be a robot that looked like my friend.

"And I told him to tell you about it as soon as I realized it was bad plan." she continued in a rush. "I even said no sex until he told you guys."

I studied her for another moment before stepping forward to hug her.

"Oh, Rose." I sniffed. "That's so sweet."

When I pulled back Edward was looking at us like we were crazy.

"What?"

He just chuckled.

"Sorry." he grinned. "Didn't mean to ruin the twisted moment that is evidently going to pass as kindness here."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Alright." I shrugged it off. I didn't come here to be emotional; I came here to get another allie on our side. "Revoke the no sex rule without seeming suspicious because we need Emmett to think we actually fell for the plan after all."

She just blinked.

"What?"

"Revoke the no-"

"Yeah, yeah." She interrupted in a rush, annoyed. "I got that. But why?"

"That's for us to know." I sing-songed.

Edward pouted.

"_I _don't know." He pointed out.

Rose snickered and I grinned at her.

"Okay," I corrected. "It's for _me _to know and everyone else to find out at a later date."

Edward sighed and I stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

"Very cute when you're pouting but please stop." I chuckled. "I'm working."

He just rolled his eyes.

"Oh, continue by all means then. Please" He exaggerated, motioning towards our awaiting audience of one.

"Thank you." I grinned.

Rosalie cleared her throat.

"Right." I turned back to her. "Basically it comes down to this. We know it's a prank but Emmett can't know that we know."

She seemed to be trying to keep up with my cryptic words. Oh, honey if you could only see inside my head. Actually, scratch that. _I _can see inside my head and that's scary enough.

"So you're going to keep pretending you hate each other and drive him insane that his plan didn't work?" She asked.

"Excellent guess." I pointed to her. "But wrong."

"Wrong." Edward nodded beside me so that we sounded like some sordid door to door salesman making a pitch. "We're going to pretend to be married."

He sounded very smug about this and I felt my stomach do a little flip that it wasn't supposed to do. At least I wasn't used to it doing it. I held up my left hand to Rosalie, showing that I was wearing my "wedding ring."

Her eyes bugged out of her skull.

"Are you crazy?" She hissed, looking around to make sure no one had seen.

I saw Edward nod out of my peripheral vision and I slapped his chest.

"What can you accomplish by pretending to be married?" She asked.

"I'm hoping it'll help me get her into that swimming suit at some point." Edward answered matter of factly before I had the chance. I turned to him, my hands on my hips. He only grinned.

"Being honest, love." he said easily. "I've heard it's a trait most woman look for in a man."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"There's one even more important than that." I baited.

He raised one eyebrow.

"Silence."

Oh, Cullen, you walked right into that one. Rosalie giggled and I shot her a smile over my shoulder.

"Mrs. Cullen," he warned. "You wound me."

I thrilled a little but refused to back down from my original mission. I turned back to Rosalie after shooting him a look. It didn't seem to have any visible affect on him anyway. He just grinned.

"We're going to tell everyone that we're 'married' today." I told her, making air quotes around married. "Right now actually. At lunch."

"We are?" Edward asked at the same time as Rosalie screeched the same question.

I nodded to him.

"We are." I nodded, refusing to back down. "We'll act all lovey dovey and _your _only job," I said, turning again to Rose. "Is to make sure he doesn't tell us it's a prank and ruin _my _prank."

Rose rubbed her forehead as if she was too tired to deal with us. Okay well mainly me.

"Your prank?" She asked, exasperation evident in her tone. "Don't you think it's time to end all the pranks?"

I held up my right hand. "Last one," I batted my eyelashes. "Promise."

She snorted, mumbling something about not believing that for a second.

I shrugged. She didn't have to believe it. She just had to help us accomplish this one thing.

"Emmett needs to stay in the dark about this until we finish the prank." I said. "After that we'll get everything out in the open and stop with the pranking."

She eyed me warily.

"Promise?" She sighed finally.

I grinned.

"Already have." I reminded her. "And yes, I really mean it."

She huffed.

"Fine." She gave in. "But this had better be the last prank."

I nodded.

"Last prank." I agreed. "And I'm so glad your helping. I'd hate to have to make you deal with Alice by your self at the wedding."

She screeched indignantly.

"I didn't want to." I defended.

"But you would have." She accused.

I shrugged.

"I was a little pissed."

She rolled her eyes.

"Fine." She said again. "I guess I can see that. But you're asking me to mislead my husband." She pointed to me, her eyes narrowing into the look that I was used to seeing on Rose's face. It looked much more at home there than the repentant one had. "We're even."

I nodded, more than willing to comply. After all she'd been a bystander mostly. Sure, she should have told us but she was going to help me get even. The one I was really mad at was Emmett.

"Thanks, Rose." I hugged her. "You're a good friend."

"You're standards are so warped." Edward mumbled and I grinned over my shoulder at him.

"Come on, _hubby_." I batted my eyelashes at him, linking my fingers through his. "We've got some news to share."

Alice looked up as we took our seats at the table but looked sadly away when I met her gaze. I felt a pang of regret for being so mean to her. See, I wasn't _completely _evil. But she was one of the main people involved in this prank and it had really hurt me. She needed to learn where to draw the line.

"Hey, guys?" I called, sounding nervous. And surprisingly enough I _was _nervous. I really needed this to go well, make it believable, or my plan was going to crash and burn before it had even started.

Edward linked our fingers together under the table. I wasn't sure if he was playing the supportive husband for the good of the prank or if this was just on instinct but it made me smile at him either way.

"Edward and I have something to tell you." I continued.

Edward squeezed my fingers.

"This is going to sound crazy to you guys but just listen okay?" He added.

Man, he was good.

Emmett frowned and Jasper was looking at us calculatingly as if trying to figure out what we were up to now. I wanted to send some sign to Jasper; after all he was the only one who had tried to warn us. But I wouldn't be able to without it being noticed by Emmett. Priorities.

"Bella and I have been dating." Edward said casually.

I rolled my eyes.

"Way to be subtle." I sighed.

He gave me an apologetic look.

"We know." Rose nodded.

My eyes widened. Okay, what now?

"What?" I shrieked. When had they found out? God, was anything as it seemed? Oh the tangled webs we weave!

She laughed.

"Edward wasn't subtle but I think you both failed Nija class, my friend." She smirked. "If you're trying to keep a relationship secret don't attempt to suck his face off in front of the house."

I blushed scarlet. I wasn't expecting that. When had that been? There was no way of knowing. As ashamed as I am to admit it there were many times they could have caught Edward and I outside the house over the last week. He'd taken to walking me out to my truck.

"God, Rose." I mumbled. "Tact doesn't mean tack them to the wall."

Emmett laughed.

"That's just how my baby rolls."

I rolled my eyes.

"That's not all." Edward said, clearing his throat. I took a deep breath as if preparing myself for what he was about to say next but he never said anything.

I looked up curiously. Don't tell me he was chickening out! We both knew Emmett deserved a nice good pay back and the only way that would work was for him to think we played right into his prank. Wow, I'm glad this is the last prank because pretty soon I'm going to lose track of who we're deceaving with what and when. Geesh.

"Are you okay with this?" he whispered although it didn't do much good because our friends were within hearing distance and even if they weren't they were straining their ears like you wouldn't believe. Of course he knew this. Have I mentioned that the man is good?

I smiled gently at him, playing my part.

"No." I shook my head. "But I will be. They're going to find out sooner or later. Let's just tell them."

I was pretty good too if I do say so myself. I practiced.

He nodded once, squeezing my fingers once more and squared his shoulders.

"We're married."

As blunt as always, Mr. Cullen.

They all blinked. It was kind of funny seeing four set of eyes all blink in unison. Even the ones who knew we were going to tell everyone today looked shocked. They must not have thought we had it in us. Alice no longer resembled Tinker Bell but looked more like the owl from that old tootsie roll pop commercial. How many licks does it take to get to the center? Yeah, you remember the one I'm talking about. Did anyone else ever try that? I used to drive Charlie nuts because I would always insist he buy me another every time I lost count.

"Are you serious?" the owl in question asked, obviously deciding to move to the other side. Because we were now winning. She's still not off the hook but it couldn't hurt to have everyone playing their part.

I nodded and I saw Edward doing the same from the corner of my eye.

"Oh. my. Gawd!"

It was my turn to blink stupidly. This had come from Emmett.

I turned my surprised eyes to the gargantuan man, seeing he had his hands dramatically at his chest, fluttering his stumpy little eye lashes. Rosalie closed her own eyes but in embarrassment as a young couple, probably on honeymoon passed by, eyeing Emmett like he was... well, like he was the biggest human being they'd ever seen to squeal like a twelve year old girl waiting outside a Twilight autograph signing.

I bust into a fit of giggles as I imagined the scene.

Emmett smirked at me.

"Bellsie, Bellsie, Bellsie." He tisked, shaking his head like a disappointed school principal although with the image of him as a pigtailed twelve year old still fresh in my mind I couldn't quite get there. "You've been keeping secrets."

Nice to see Rose wasn't going to have to do too much to keep him from spilling the beans. He was so thrilled that his plan was actually working he wasn't about to stop the fun now. As soon as Rose revoked the no sex rule he'd probably start planning anniversary parties and the whole bit. He was never going to stop this charade now. I could see it in his eyes.

I almost couldn't contain the evil smile that I could feel creeping across my face. Everything was working just the way I needed it.

"I'm honestly starting to worry about you, man." Jasper shot his friend a concerned look and I bit my lip to keep in my laughter.

Edward nodded his agreement.

"Wait." Alice interrupted our fun with a confused look on her face. "You guys woke up yesterday to find out you got married and Bella's laughing and joking?"

She was obviously going to use this to get some answers of her own. Dang. I should have known. Doesn't everything I do come back on me at some point or another?

I shrugged, resisting the urge to shift in my chair- guilty of some crime I couldn't pin point. Edward brought our conjoined hands to his lips to give my knuckles a kiss. He was putting on a show and I wasn't sure if I wanted to shoot him a look for drawing even more attention to us or to melt into a puddle of goop at his feet. I was Bella Swan dang it! I would not melt!

"Holy crap." Alice breathed.

I shot her a wicked grin. She might have known we were going to be putting on a show today but she hadn't realized how good it was going to be.

"I'm not going to freak out over it." I said, trying to sound put together.

"She's been freaking out all day." Edward smirked, getting in a little fun himself. "At one point I had to bring her a paper bag to breath into."

I rolled my eyes. A little less overkill, Eddie boy.

I elbowed him in the ribs and he shut up real quick although I could tell my elbow hadn't made an impact. Man, if this relationship was going to work at all I was going to have to bulk up.

"But you're not freaking out now?" Rosalie eyed me curiously. I saw Emmett pouting beside her and I rolled my eyes.

"It's not that big of a deal." I said. "We can always use the new rings to ward of weirdos."

Edward chuckled.

"Can we show Mike Newton when we get home?" he asked, sounding like an excited little kid. "Can we please?"

I peered up at him, amused.

"How do you even remember his name?"

He shrugged.

"He proposed to my wife." he shrugged, a teasing grin pulling one side of his mouth up. "That's not something you forget easily."

"I wasn't your wife then." I pointed out.

He thought about it for a moment.

"Very true but I knew that it was destined to be." his voice took on an airy breathy tone at the end and I pursed my lips at him.

"Are you making fun, Mr. Cullen?"

He grinned angelically.

"Would I do that?"

I raised one eyebrow.

"Yes."

He laughed.

"Yep." he nodded in agreement, not repentant in the least.

"Oh my god, make it stop."

I looked at our friends who all sat with their mouths hanging open. Rose looked like she was in pain.

"We thought it was bad when you were dancing around each other, being horrible to one another." She said, scrunching up her nose in distaste. "God, it's even worse now that you're together."

"Can't we all just get along?" Jasper cracked himself up.

"We do get along." Edward insisted, all pranks aside.

I nodded.

They didn't look convinced. Oh well.

"So back to the waking up married thing." Alice pointedly steered the conversation back. That's right, Ali. You work hard for your perfect wedding. She'd definitely taken my threat of taking one of her maids of honor out of the show seriously.

"Like I said, it's not a big deal." I rushed through my rehearsed speech. "We're not the only ones to ever do something incredibly stupid when drinking and it's not like it's going to change anything. We were already dating."

"So you're... staying married?" Emmett frowned.

I grinned, unable to hold back the evil for any longer. I hope he didn't catch it.

"That's right." I nodded.

Now he looked worried.

* * *

_**Author's Note: **__**I hope you all liked it. They're heading back to Forks next chapter. I loved reading all your guesses at to what prank they're going to pull. It surprised me how many of you thought I was going to have db pretend to be preggo. I hadn't even thought of that to be honest. Lol. Anyway, leave me a review please and I'll love you forever and ever. *Big cheesy grin* Favorite part/scene? Don't forget to ask for a preview if you want one. And please remember to sign in and enable pm's before you ask for a preview or I won't be able to send it.**_


	21. The Word of the Day is Conflicted

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_**

_**Author's Note: If you have not yet read Friend Boy by teeny tiny twilight you should definitely put that on your to-do list. I have just started it and I love it. Her Bella rocks hard. , You all continue to astound me with the amazing reviews. Keep it up. You can now leave reviews on the truck-napper website(the link's on my profile for those who asked.) so let me know what you think of the newest EPOV. The car Rose drives in this chapter is also posted there so drop by. I'm completely in love with that car. It's like Edward with the silver Volvo. This is my silver Volvo. Haha**_

The Word of the Day is Conflicted

* * *

  
"It vibrates at like a thousand beats per second." Emmett cheered. "There's no way a regular tooth brush can get your teeth that clean!"

I rolled my eyes, hearing his inane chatter clear across the plane.

Edward chuckled.

"He was dropped on his head as a small child." I smirked at him.

He had once again managed to weasel his way into the seat next to mine, this time with a very convincing puppy dog pout. The thirty-something business woman had been putty in his hands.

"I don't think Emmett has ever been small." he pointed out, amused.

I grinned. Very true. I had a very difficult time envisioning him as anything even remotely close to small.

"Maybe that's why his mother dropped him?" I guessed.

Edward laughed.

"Very possible." he agreed amiably.

I smiled to myself, flipping the page of my novel idly even though I couldn't tell you what the last scene was about. As a matter of fact I hadn't really read anything since the plane took of in Vegas, reading and re-reading the same setence but still not comprehending. I'd been too busy thinking.

This weekend had been... crazy didn't even cover it. But the one thing I kept coming back to was my own revelations.

When I was forced to be completely honest with myself I knew I loved Edward. I hadn't really been all that upset at the possibility of being married to him. I'd even been disappointed at the realisation that I wasn't. That was... huge.

It was so unlike me. If it had been anyone else in that hotel room with me I would have taken one look at my ring and ran like my life depended on it. I wouldn't have waited for the guy to understand why I was freaking out so we could discuss it. I would have been out of there and googling last second flights on my phone as I ran, trying to remember the name of my attorney.

But I did wait.

I waited and I discussed, perhaps not rationally, but the thought hadn't even occurred to me _not _to talk to him about it. I didn't even want to think about what my disappointment meant! Of course I had to do everything I was told not to... even if it was _me _telling myself. And when I thought about the meaning I knew it meant that I loved him and not, _he's so cute! Look at his bun cheeks! Eek!_ in love although I _had_ looked at his butt and it was a very nice one. But it was more than that. I'd been infatuated before but never in _love._

So where did that put me? If I was a normal girl that wasn't completely emotionally inept(I blame Charlie) I'd probably know what to do now. But this was all so new to me. I was fine with flirting. I was comfortable with batting my eyelashes to get out of a parking ticket. But that's about as far as it went. My few dating experiences had been short at best. I didn't really find any of them all that interesting. It was the same with each one- he was cute. We flirted. I let him take me to dinner, the movie, a walk on the beach, etc. Then I realized they couldn't hold a conversation, had the intellect of a slightly retarded rock, reminded me of a cartoon character I watched when I was four when they laughed, etc. And then I spent the next few weeks pretending not to be home, hospitalized with inflammatory bowel disease, or visiting my grandmother in New Zealand... or was it Switzerland? I can never remember. Point is I spend weeks after that doing whatever it takes to get rid of them. That's about the point in the relationship I would be at right now normally, not wondering how to tell him I love him!

Wait! I'm going to tell him?

_Tell him you must! _Gay Yoda proclaimed.

God, I hated that guy some times.

I closed my book with a frustrated huff. This was not me! I do not get like this over guys! I don't get like this period. I write condolence cards for my former emotionally inepts that can't say 'I'm sorry' by themselves. I bug my dad about physical therapy sessions. I hang out with my friends. And if I get really bored I rig my mailbox to catapult stuff at my mail-man. That is what I do. I do not fall for tall, charming, truck-nappers, with chiseled jaws, and ego problems.

And yet... I did.

"Bella?" Edward looked over at me, concerned. There was ays an adorable little line between his eyebrows when he frowned. "Are you okay?"

I sighed. I wonder if the inflammatory bowel disease excuse would get me out of this? It had never failed me before.

Thankfully the stewardess came over the intercom then and I feigned absolute absorption in her announcements that we were landing now so "please put your seats back in the upright position and make sure your seat belts are fastened. We have been cleared for landing. Thank you for flying with us today and we hope to see you next time."

Those chicks were way too happy to not be at least partially medicated.

I could see Edward eyeing me curiously from my peripheral vision but I refused to turn my head to look at him. Nope, it was paramount for the safety of this flight that I keep my eyes trained intently on the seat in front of me. At least that's what I hopped he thought so he didn't claim my attention and make me do something stupid, like announce to flight297 that I was in love with Edward Cullen.

He sighed, maybe seeing the _I'm going to be difficult _sign flashing on my forehead. He knew I wasn't going to talk about it so he just fastened his seat belt and prepared to land just like the hyped up Barbie had commanded.

Have you ever noticed that they have a barbie in almost every profession but they don't have a college student barbie that wears the same pair of sweats for three days because she was too busy with homework to go to the laundry mat? I should send in a pitch to whoever okays these things, the barbie company I assume. She could come with her very own cup-o-ramon and a frustrated bald spot from when Mr. Conner, Mrs. Dublin, and Mr. Smith all assigned seven-houndred word essays the same weekend.

Don't forget to single space!

I amused myself with the new and improved barbie doll until we were safely landed and getting our luggage, anything to keep myself from more serious thoughts.

* * *

Edward was not going to let it go. He kept sneaking looks at me and following me with suspicious eyes when I moved but thankfully he didn't have time to actually ask again what was on my mind.

Emmett talked nonstop while we were waiting for our luggage. Not about electric tooth brushes this time thankfully. How many times can you have the same debate really? No, he was onto guessing the most common reasons people get kicked off of a plane flight now. I am so glad he saved this topic for after we had landed. I can just see the stewardess now, smiling of course but nervously this time.

But I really didn't want to have to talk to Edward about my newest plight so I chimed right in with my guesses and then Emmett being Emmett decided to google it on his iPhone to see if we were right.

I chuckled, spotting my duffel and going to reach for it. Edward beat me to it and lugged it off the conveyor belt for me. I sent him a thankful smile although I really could have done it myself.

He just grinned, handing it to me.

"Joining the mile high club." Emmett announced.

Rosalie turned slightly red and shushed him as some kids in front of us turned to see what he was talking about. Their parents herded them to the other side of baggage claim quickly and I shot them an apologetic smile. They glowered back.

Emmett didn't notice.

"Reading/watching porn." He continued, unabashed.

"Sh!" I hissed. I wonder if we are going to find out first hand what you have to say to get kicked out of the _airport_?

"Revealing yourself." he listed.

I berried my face in my hands.

"Rose." Alice wined. "Make him stop."

Rose looked at her, hands on her hips as if to say, _do I look like the mans mother?_ But then she turned her attention to her husband, fixing him with a scowl so potent he felt it without even having to look up.

He grinned sheepishly.

"The next one's really good." he promised, his eyes pleading.

She sighed.

"Sniffing other passengers!" he announced proudly.

"No way!" I laughed. Seriously?

"Let me see that." Rose demanded, stealing his cell phone.

We all watched her as she giggled, nodding in confirmation.

"Sniffing other passengers." She affirmed, pointing at the screen. "Having poor personal hygiene." She continued.

Edward chuckled.

"What if you're sniffing someone else _because_ of their poor personal hygiene?" he asked, amused.

I smirked at him.

"Then you both get kicked off." I decided.

"Arguing with the flight attendant." Rose continued down the list. "And the last one is being too loud."

Edward and I both smirked at the same time.

"Then why didn't Em get kicked off?" I asked innocently.

He dismissed me with a wave of his huge hand, stealing his phone back from his wife and grabbing both of their suitcases and the small duffel in one swoop.

I shot him a look. Show off!

* * *

"Who's riding with who?" Alice asked, prancing in front of us after we'd all gotten our luggage.

We'd only brought two cars on the way to the airport when we left because it was so expensive leaving them in airport parking. All the girls had rode in Rose's Citroen C-Metisse sports car. And the guys rode in Emmett's Hummer.

The thought of spending the half hour drive home from Seattle trapped in the backseat of the car with an inquisitive Edward made my insides twist.

I would tell him, I promised myself. Just not now.

"Us girls need to talk." I announced, clinging to Rosalie's arm.

She looked at me like I was insane but she caught on when I met her crazy and raised her a set of huge pleading eyes.

She nodded.

"We'll meet you at home, boys." She said easily and I let out a silent exhale of relief.

Edward shot me a pointed look but I played innocent, wiggling my fingers at him and going to walk away.

"Ooh!" Emmett taunted. "You're in trouble."

I looked over my shoulder to see Edward quirk an eyebrow at him.

"The wifey didn't say goodbye." he explained, looking at me. "What did you do, man?"

I rolled my eyes, irrationally irritated that my escape had been stalled.

"He's not in trouble." I insisted as I caught a flash of hurt on Edward's face. "I guess I'm not used to the whole married thing yet."

I walked over to him, determined. I could see all my friends watching me curiously but I squared my shoulders and grabbed Edward's face between my hands.

His eyes widened.

I grinned. This wasn't about putting on a show for the good of the prank. It was about the relationship that we were trying to have outside of the prank. We weren't married but we were dating. I didn't want Edward to think I didn't care enough to even acknowledge him when I was leaving.

"Bye." I breathed, pressing my lips firmly to his.

All of our friends hooted. I twined my fingers through his hair, hoping that he would know that I wasn't doing this for them.

He just blinked when I pulled back, his hands still holding my hips.

"Bye." He breathed, looking dazed.

I giggled.

"See you back in Forks?" I asked.

He nodded mutely. I brushed a lock of messy hair off his forehead.

And then those three little words almost slipped from my lips. It almost came out without me even thinking about it. I almost told him I loved him with as much thought as if I was asking if it was windy outside. It seemed normal.

But it wasn't. Not for me.

I stepped back, gently loosening his grasp on me.

"Drive safe." I added instead, somewhat awkwardly.

He just nodded, frowning.

"Yeah." he cleared his throat. "I think Emmett will be driving but I'll keep him in line."

"You can try!" Emmett hollered, already heading to the big black Hummer parked a few spaces down.

Jasper chuckled, kissing Alice sweetly before following after him.

"You coming, lover boy?" He called over his shoulder, amused.

Edward sighed, giving me one more of those looks like he was trying to read my soul before kissing me on the cheek and running after them.

"Bye, baby!" Alice called loudly.

Jasper chuckled, waving again before he got in the front seat. You'd think they were never going to see each other again by the way they were acting; Not driving half an hour to the same destination.

"Love you!" He called, closing the door.

Alice sighed blissfully. My heart pulled almost painfully.

"Let's go." I sighed, heading for the drool worthy car. I don't think these things were even available in the US yet but leave it to Rosalie McCarty, trust fund baby.

"What is going on?" Alice demanded as soon as she had closed the front passenger door, turning in her seat to look at me.

I quirked an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" I asked, doe eyes innocent.

She snorted.

"Don't you give me that." she growled. "First you're all, 'I hate _truck-napper.' _Then we see you trying to inspect his tonsils with your tongue."

I blushed but she kept talking, well _accusing._

"Then you get pissed at everyone because you realize you're not really married to him. Then you call me and threaten me, _threaten me_! to keep it a secret that you know so you call pull a prank yourself."

I looked down at my lap sheepishly.

"She threatened you too, huh?" Rose shook her head, throwing the car into reverse.

I shrieked, grabbing the _oh crap! _handle as she fish tailed around a corner.

"Rose!"

She shrugged, ignoring me.

"And then you're looking at him all_ he hung the moon and crap_." she added, looking in the rear view mirror at me.

I rolled my eyes. I was not that bad.

"So pardon us if we have no idea what the swizzle stick is going on here!" Alice continued, her voice raising with every word.

I winced. I guess they were even more in the dark then I was. And on a side note: mental reminder, friends really don't like it when you threaten them.

I exhaled, looking out the window as the scenery rushed by.

But then suddenly the scenery _wasn't _rushing by any more. Rose's brakes squealed as she turned off the road and pulled to a stop on the side, her hazard lights flashing.

"What are you doing?" I snarled.

She turned in her seat so both sets of eyes were staring me down.

"We can't help you if we don't know what's going on." She said evenly.

I let my head fall back against the seat.

"Fine." I relented.

Why did I ever think riding with these two would be better than taking my chances with the guys?

* * *

"Edward?" I frowned. "What are you doing here?"

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, getting up from where he'd been sitting on his luggage in front of my apartment building. Even with the way Rose drove the boys still beat us home by quite a lot after our whole confessions on the side of the road episode.

"The guys would give me so much crap if I told them my _wife _didn't want me here." he said, shrugging.

"Oh," I mumbled. "Yeah, of course."

I unlocked the front door and he grabbed my duffel bag from my hands before walking inside.

"I can get it." I pointed out.

He grinned at me.

"What kind of husband would I be if I let you carry your own bag?" he teased.

I rolled my eyes.

"One that lives in 2010?" I guessed, grabbing the mail from the box outside my door.

He chuckled lightly and I smiled, glad that he seemed to be over pushing me to bare my soul. I just so wasn't ready for that yet.

"I'm trying to bring back chivalery."

I cocked my head to the side, brushing some hair out of my face.

"How's that working out for you?" I asked.

One side of his mouth quirked up.

"Oh, so-so." he dismissed, setting the luggage down in the livingroom.

"So..." I drawled. "Are you going to be staying here for the rest of your stay?"

He looked down at the ground.

"Or until whatever you have planned is over."

I nodded, the silence suddenly awkward.

"Are you hungry?"

"Are you okay?" he asked simultaneously.

I blushed, tucking some hair behind my ear.

"Sorry." I mumbled. "Go ahead."

He chucked, the usually light playful note sounding off as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Are you okay?" he repeated.

I nodded.

"Yeah." I scuffed the toe of my shoe along the hardwood floor. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged.

"It just took a while for you to get here." he explained. "I was worried. I tried to call your phone but it went to voice mail."

"Oh." I frowned. "Sorry. It must still be off from the flight. I'm fine; I was just talking to the girls."

And what a long talk it had been. I hadn't known where to start so I decided to tell them the whole story from the beginning, all the way back from him saving me from Mike Newton to now. They sat quietly, nodding and laughing and wincing in all the right parts. They awe'd in unison when I told them about our first date and apologized about a zillion times each when I admitted how I felt when I realized we weren't really married. Thankfully the intense moment had been broken by a fourty-something guy with a pot belly that saw Rose's car and thought we were stranded. She assured him that if we had a flat tire we'd be able to take care of it. That girl was better with cars than any guy I'd ever met anyway.

They both told me I had to tell Edward I loved him as soon as possible but I disagree. Rose also said she was sure there was some way to get him back to Vegas, drunk, and married for real but she was kidding. Mostly. I think.

He looked back to the ground, that line between his eyebrows again as he thought.

"Any way I can get you to talk to _me_?" he asked finally, his voice quite.

The air was suddenly too thick to breath, the room too small. I walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge and looking for nothing.

I couldn't tell him right now; I wasn't perpared. I hadn't rehearsed a speach or prepared myself for the possible rejection!

"Bella?" he followed me.

"What?" I asked, trying to sound busy with looking for nothing, not withdrawing my head from the chilly quite haven. When was the last time I cleaned inside this? Hmm...

"We're talking right now." I defended.

He huffed.

"You've been acting weird all day, Bell." he said, frustration clear in his tone. "Back on the plane we're having fun, joking around one second and the next second it looks like your brain is about to pop."

I closed the door, removing my head first thankfully, and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Thanks." I said icily.

He met my glare with one of his own. It was almost enough to make me step down. I'd never seen him actually mad before. It was kind of intimidating. But I would not step down because... well, I wasn't sure I knew how to.

"And then you ignored me the rest of the flight." he continued. "You kiss me in the parking lot before running to Rosalie and Alice, like you're hiding from me."

"I'm not _hiding_!" I insisted, not liking the sound of that. Although I guess that was exactly what I was doing. Realizing this just pissed me off more; it made me sound like such a coward!

He nodded.

"You were hiding." he fought back. "And now you're getting mad at me for no reason."

He took a step towards me and hauled me to him, his arms locking around my waist so I had to look at him. I was trapped.

"What is going on?" He demanded.

I stood my ground, as well as I could with not being able to move away from him. I locked my eyes with his, glaring. I had always hated it when someone made me do anything. My poor father had threatened to sell me to the next door to door salesmen that came to our house durning my early teenage years. My stubbern streak made me a dificult child.

"I'm not mad at you for no reason." I huffed.

His jaw clenched as he ground his teeth together.

"Then why?" he demanded.

"I don't want you to know that I love you!" I screamed, nostrils flairing.

My eyes widened at the same instant that his did. Oh no! What did I just say?

* * *

  
_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you liked it. Reviews make me update faster! :-) Favorite line/scene? Also, a ton of people have been asking lately how I see my characters. Now I'm curious who you think of them. Is there a certain person you invision when you're reading or do you think of Kristen Stewart and Rob?**_  
_**Don't forget to ask for a preview if you want one when you leave your review. Don't get too frustrated with db for holding back. Her feelings are all explained in the next chapter. Is anyone else relieved everything is basically out in the open with Alice/Rose/Bella?**_


	22. The Word of the Day is Love

_****_

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope everyone likes this new chapter. It's mostly fluff but I thought we needed that. I talked to truck-napper and he said he would be willing to take out of his busy fictisious life to do an interview if you guys have any questions. If you want an eddie interview leave some questions in your reviews. Thanks, lovie.**_

The Word of the Day is Love

**_

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I just stood there, my hands clamped over my mouth as if that would reverse time. Did I really just say that? "I don't want you to know that I love you!" Are those the words that came out of my mouth? Really?

Well he knows now!

I envisioned one of those over zealous televangelists in my mind- "The truth will set you free!"

Yep, but sometimes it will just make you look like an imbecile.

"Wh-" his voice cracked and he had to clear his throat. "What?"

Well this wasn't looking promising. Edward hadn't blinked yet, his voice still sounded off, and he was completely frozen- his arms still locked around me. I had almost let myself hope. I mean he hadn't freaked out at all when he thought we were married. He'd even said he would have stayed in the marriage. But... he still hadn't moved. Or blinked.

I looked at the cupboard over his shoulder since I couldn't escape. Figures, since escaping was all I wanted to do at this point. Maybe a black hole would open up in the middle of my kitchen and swallow me. Maybe Dorothy's tornado would pick my house up and transport me to the land of the munchkins. Although if it were to transport the house Edward would come too and I wasn't sure if I could handle munchkins, demented flying monkeys, and truck-nappers that get under your skin and make you love them.

"Nothing." I said briskly. "Absolutely nothing at all. You must be hearing things, Edward. Getting old there, buddy."

He narrowed his eyes at me and I felt a tiny bit better. Anything was better than that blank look.

"I know what I heard, Bella."

I glared right back. I would have put my hands on my hips, completing the look but they were still pinned to my sides.

"Then why did you ask, Edward?" I demanded. So annoying! Why did I ever decide I liked this free thinker when I could have had some average cookie-cutter boy toy who just agreed with everything I said? Sometimes being bored is underrated.

"Will you stop?" He huffed. "Put away the ice glare for two seconds so I can say it back!"

He looked exasperated, the vacant look completely gone now. Good.

"What ice glare?" I questioned. "There is no ice glare. You love me?"

One side of his mouth twitched up as he rolled his eyes at me.

"Yes." he nodded. "Of course I love you."

It took every shred of my willpower not to squeal like a little girl and pump my fists in the air. Instead I just grinned. He loved me!

"I love you." I said again, just because I could. And because I hadn't exactly broken it to him gently the first time. No, I just kind of dropped it on him suddenly. Like an anvil.

He grinned, taking a step forward so that I was trapped between him and the counter. I didn't mind being trapped this time though.

"Hey, Bella?"

I licked my lips.

"Hm?"

"I love you too."

He loosened his hold around my waist so that his hands could slide to their favorite spot on my hips and his lips found mine.

"Every single day of forever." he added, muffled by my lips.

I hummed my agreement. If he promised to kiss me like this again I'd probably be willing to sell my soul to him. I kissed him back until I thought my lungs would explode. Who really needs oxygen anyway?

"I love your smile." he murmured, never letting his lips leave my skin as he kissed over my jaw to my ear and back. "And your laugh. I even love that look you give me when you're about to argue something to the death."

I scoffed but he silenced me as his lips found purchase on my neck.

"I love how protective you are over your friends and family and how you stand up for yourself." he continued, making the same electrifying circuit of kisses back up my neck.

I let my head lull back as my eyes slid closed. Note to self: being bored is definitely not underrated. As a matter of fact I think it might be overrated. Never want to be bored!

"And I love that you think carnations are too frilly." he grinned, returning his lips to my own.

"I love that you were willing to give up your dreams to take care of you dad." He murmured against my lips.

My lips were completely swollen and my breathing was beyond erratic after he had kissed me to his satisfaction.

I pried my eyes open, letting my forehead rest on his.

"Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" I asked. "You almost gave me a heart attack when you didn't say anything. I was afraid I was going to have to hide in Munchkin land."

He frowned.

"What?"

I snickered, wracking my fingers through his hair. His hair was the ultimate chick magnet. He didn't need a house in the Bahamas or to drive a flashy car. No, just never shave your head.

"Wizard of Oz." I explained. "Little short people singing about following a yellow brick road. They seem like very nice people but they're a little bossy. So why'd you leave me in suspense?"

He quirked one eyebrow.

"Have you ever met anyone that can follow your rapid thinking?" he asked, amused.

"Jake's gotten pretty good at it but I think even he pretends to follow me sometimes so he doesn't look lame." I shrugged. "Are you avoiding my question on purpose?"

He laughed, kissing the tip of my nose.

"I was just caught off guard." he assured me. "I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought you were mad at me."

I shook my head, sighing happily. This was a rare occurrence. My big mouth had resulted in something good for once!

"Why would I be mad?"

He cringed.

"Edward?" I eyed him suspiciously. "Why should I be mad?"

"You shouldn't be." He grinned angelically. "You definitely should never be angry with me."

I rolled my eyes.

"I sincerely doubt that." I scoffed.

He shot me a look.

"What did you do?" I asked, more direct.

"Now, before I tell you," He started. Oh no. Nothing good ever starts with those words. "Remember that we have an image to uphold if you want to get even with Emmett."

I studied his nervous expression for a moment before I nodded hesitantly.

"The happy newlyweds." I supplied. "Don't worry, I'll make sure I have an alibi before killing you."

"Oh, you know you love me." he teased, batting his eyelashes playfully. He was going to use that at every chance he got.

"What did you do?" I repeated, narrowing my eyes at him.

He sighed.

"I bought you a ring." He answered, digging a small blue box out of his jeans pocket. "But it was on sale and I thought it'd help the image if you had a real ring instead of that fakey gumball machine thing. No offense to Emmett or whatever but that thing is really ugly."

He said all of this in one whooshing breath and then watched me anxiously. I didn't know what to say.

I looked at my ring, perplexed. I guess it was a little plain but it didn't bother me. We weren't actually getting married. He remembered that. Right?

"Come on, db." Edward nudged me, an anxious chuckle filling the air between us. "What happened to that quick thinking?"

I smirked.

"Don't belittle my wit." I pouted playfully. "I'm processing."

He nodded.

"Take all the time you need." he allowed graciously. "But could you tell me, do you think this is going to end in my favor?"

I rolled my eyes. So much for taking the time I needed.

"Don't worry, hubby." I snickered. "I don't have a feasible alibi at the moment. You're safe."

He nodded gravely.

"The guys know I'm here." he agreed. "They always come after the last one to see the vic alive."

I laughed.

"So..." he grinned sheepishly. "Am I in trouble?"

He must have been something else as a child. The boy probably got away with murder. I can just see him now, sweet talking the teachers.

"Did you spend a lot?" I asked finally. I couldn't let him spend big money on something that was essentially a prop. Especially since I already had a ring. It didn't matter to me that it wasn't big or fancy or that it turned my finger green. It was coming off when the prank was over anyway.

"Nope." he answered easily. "It was on sale."

I sighed, eyeing the box warily.

"Can I see it?"

A huge smile broke out across his face.

"Promise to be nice to me." He taunted.

I snorted, reaching for the box myself. He could be such an arse sometimes.

He snatched it away, holding it high above his head.

"Stop cheating." he chuckled.

I put my hands on my hips.

"Edward, stop being ridiculous."

He just watched me with a smug smirk, initiating an intense five minute staring contest.

"Fine!" I huffed, stumping my foot in frustration. "I promise. Can I just see the ring now?"

He just chuckled.

"Wow, B." he smirked. "Did you really just stomp your foot? I feel kind of perverted giving a wedding ring to a four year old."

But then again how important is an alibi really? I'm sure they wouldn't suspect me right away. I'd probably have time to leave the county before anyone put two and two together...

"Edward," I growled. "I promised. Now give me that ring!"

"Since you asked so nicely." he teased, kissing my pursed lips.

He straightened with a twinkle in his eye and dropped the box in my hand.

"Just because I love you doesn't mean I like you at the moment." I grumbled, opening the jewelry box.

"Understandable." he shrugged but he could have said anything right then because I was mesmerized by the ring laying there in the bed of satin.

I had never seen another ring exactly like it. Its wide band was made of silver, intricate carvings lining both sides of a medium sized diamond. There was something completely enchanting about it. It wasn't just a wedding ring like those monstrosities I saw in the windows of Tiffany's. With enough money anyone could have those but this one was different. I just knew that if this ring could talk it would tell tales of magic in far away lands.

"Oh my god." I breathed. "I can't keep this. It must have cost you a fortune."

Even as I was saying the words I was formulating plans to sell my kidneys on the black market so I could buy it back after he'd returned it. But there was no way I could let him spend this type of money on me. We weren't even getting married for gods sake.

"It really wasn't that much." he insisted quickly. "But do you like it? I could get something more traditional..."

I shook my head fervently.

"I don't want traditional." I assured him. "Traditional is boring. This is... perfect. More than perfect."

He grinned, looking pleased

"But, Edward..." I sighed, shaking my head.

"No." he cut me off. "No buts. You promised to be nice to me."

He slipped my old ring off, looking at it disdainfully and I must admit now that I had seen the new one I had trouble not sharing his opinions. He grabbed my new ring and slipped it on my finger. He beamed, looking at it, proud.

"And rejecting a gift isn't nice." he finished.

Well I couldn't argue with that logic. Okay, I could but it's so sparkly and pretty.

"I'll give it back after the prank." I vowed, making myself feel slightly better. "You can always sell it to pay angry bookies off if you acquire a nasty gambling habit."

I'd watched The Bounty Hunter on the flight home. What can I say?

He rolled his eyes at me, slinging an arm around my shoulder and nestling his face into the crook of my neck.

"Whatever you say, dear." he dismissed easily.

* * *

The next morning was a novelty. I wasn't about to make Edward sleep on the sofa last night so we awoke in my bed, not lavender scented or cloudrific softness but comfortable in its own right. Strong arms were settled around my waist, Edward's face was buried in my hair, and his leg was flung over mine.

He was a snuggler!

The last time we'd slept in the same bed was the morning I'd found out about our "marriage." Our nap didn't count because he hadn't been sleeping. Of course my inevitable freak out had made it impossible to enjoy the moment on that morning. This time though my head wasn't pounding, I wasn't all disoriented, and I fully intended to enjoy the moment.

I wiggled around until I was facing him, looking into his face. I almost giggled. His hair was sticking up in all different directions, his brow was slightly furrowed, and he clutched me tighter when I tickled his face with a strand of my hair, wrinkling his nose.

Awe! Eddie was just too dang cute when he was sleeping!

"Edward?" I whispered.

No movement. I snickered.

"E-ddie." I sing-songed.

He frowned at that even in his sleep.

"Stop." he mumbled in his sleep.

"Truck-napper!" I trilled, laughing when he tried to swat me away from his face like I was a fly swarming around his head.

"Mr. Cullen," I purred, close to his ear. Then I kissed along his jaw bone.

His left eyebrow raised before his eyes slid open, revealing jade green.

"Well, hello, Bella Swan." he grinned sleepily.

I smiled as seductively as I could. And then I blew a nosey raspberry on his cheek.

He groaned.

"How can someone so beautiful be so annoying?" he mumbled.

I smirked, resting my face on his chest so I could look up at him.

"It's a talent." I dismissed easily.

He chuckled, tucking my fan of hair behind my ears.

"Don't quit the day job." he grumbled.

"Oh pashaw." I waved him off.

He rolled his eyes, kissing my forehead.

"You're in a good mood today." he observed.

I shrugged one shoulder.

"I do have those on occasion." I teased. It hadn't escaped my notice that I'd been in a better mood recently... since I'd been spending most of my time with Edward actually.

"On very rare occasion." he laughed.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Watch it there, Bucko." I warned playfully. "I'll be meeting the parental units soon and you never know what's going to just slip out."

I smiled innocently at him and he studied me for a moment, weighing something in his mind. Probably trying to see if I was serious or not. Oh yes, mr. yummy, I most definitely would. I was already decided on asking his parents about all his embarrassing childhood stories. I hadn't forgotten that the dad could make him blush...

"What could you possibly say?" he asked, testing me.

I quirked one eyebrow. That sounded like a challenge to me. I took challenges very seriously.

"Oh I don't know." I sighed, tapping my chin thoughtfully. "There's just so much to choose from... There's your stalkerish tendencies, your late nights drinking at the club, or I could announce to the wedding party that you buy your boxers with your name embroidered into the waist band just like Mommy used to do!"

He shot me a look.

"First of all you can't stalk your girlfriend." he began, placing a hand over my mouth when I tried to cut in. "Secondly I was drinking _with you_!"

I finally pried his hand from my lips.

"What about the third thing?" I laughed, reaching around him to snap the band of his boxer briefs.

He yelped and I laughed like a hyena. It was very attractive, let me tell you.

He looked sheepish for a moment before grinning ruefully.

"So I don't lose them?" he shrugged.

I raised both eyebrows.

"Are they off often enough to chance them getting lost?" I questioned.

He scoffed, kissing me quickly.

"Laundry mat, babe."

I shrugged, feigning indifference when I was actually relieved.

"Hm." I shrugged, all casual like. "I wasn't worried or anything."

He smirked.

"You weren't?"

"Nope." I lied, shaking my head.

He grinned, kissing along my jaw.

"Not at all?" he hummed.

I swallowed.

"No..."

He snickered at my less than convincing performance. He sucked on the sensitive spot by my ear.

"You don't care?" he purred, sounding slightly hurt. "At all?"

I bit my lip, sucking in a breath.

"Maybe?" I gave in. "A tiny bit."

He laughed.

"Thanks, db." he kissed me soundly. "You're so sweet."

I rolled my eyes, pushing him back playfully.

"Don't get used to it."

He nodded seriously.

"Wouldn't think of it, Ms. Swan." he said, smacking my butt.

I shrieked.

"Hands to yourself, Cullen." I sneered.

He grinned innocently but I wasn't buying it. No way.

"I've got to work." I informed him, going to get up.

He pouted, snaking his arms around me again, halting my get away.

"Edward." I laughed. "My boss needs this card in by tomorrow."

"No." he pouted, pulling me down and nuzzling his face into my hair. "No work."

I giggled, his stubble tickling me. Yum! Groggy unshaven truck-napper!

"You must stay in bed with me all day." he hummed.

"Hmm..." I honestly thought about it. Come on, half naked, unshaven, pouting Edward asks you to stay in bed with him? I'd have to be completely and utterly insane not to at least lose myself in a day dream for a moment.

He chuckled.

"You can't leave." he insisted. "You're so much nicer when you first wake up. It's like magic."

I pursed my lips together. And there's the truck-napper I know and love anyway.

"Yeah." I scoffed. "Magic. Or maybe it's because when we first wake up your haven't said anything stupid yet."

Guess what? He wasn't bothered. Yeah, I wasn't shocked either.

"That's more probable." he agreed, good natured.

I couldn't help rolling my eyes at his nonchalance. I rested my hands behind my head and nestled back onto the pillow beside him. He wrapped one arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

"Five more minutes." I decided.

He hummed his agreement. Five minutes turned into ten minutes and then half an hour. We just laid there bickering over some nonsensical thing until Edward had to kiss me quiet. It was a vicious cycle. I wasn't complaining.

_It could be like this every morning._

I squashed the thought as soon as it appeared. No, it could not always be like this. Eventually he'd have to get back to his life. And I'd have to... keep writing my asinine cards that made crap difference in the world, hoping my boyfriend called for our daily dose of bonding by way of arguing.

I couldn't help thinking those weren't going to be as fun states apart where he couldn't tease me about my exasperated expressions or kiss me quiet. And what fun would pushing him until he snapped be when he could just hang up on me?

We really needed to talk about this. It was no longer a matter of if we were going to do the long distance thing but how. Because I for one wasn't going to end this crazy, fun, dysfunctional, sometimes exasperating relationship. I don't know how it happened or when but I had undeniably fallen for Edward Cullen, my own charming truck-napper. Life was so messed up sometimes.

Of course that didn't mean I was going to let him win our squable. A girl had to maintain her spine after all...

"It is not 'gay' Edward." I narrowed my eyes at him.

He looked to be in pain.

"Her vampires sparkle, Bella." He said seriously. "_Sparkle_."

Why did it aways go back to that?

"So?" I rolled my eyes. "It's creative. She recreated a whole genre. Have some respect."

He scoffed and I poked his chest.

"I'd still love you if you sparkled."

He looked at me like I was insane.

"I do not sparkle." He looked like his masculenity was being questioned. I could have had some big fun with that but the phone rang before I could take advantage of it.

"What do you know?" I mumbled, reaching for the phone. "You read Oliver Twist."

He threw his hands in the air.

"You have used your quota for using that against me." He pointed. "Find something else."

I laughed.

"Hello?" I chuckled into the phone.

"Bella?"

My laughter died in my throat and me eyes widened.

"Hi, Dad!" My voice sounded off. I sounded panicked, looking at the gorgeous tattooed man sprawled over my bed in only his boxers. Charlie would know.

"Hey, baby girl." he chuckled. "Who did you assult this time?"

"What?" I giggled nervously. "I didn't do anything. Geez, Dad. What are you talking about? You're getting crazy, old man."

"Okay, Bella. OJ didn't even sound that guilty. What did you do?" Charlie asked. I could just imagine him pulling on his mustache, worrying about bail money. "Did someone just laugh in the background?"

"Nope." I said quickly, scowling at Edward. He did not look repentant. I threw a remote at him.

"Maybe." I corrected. "It was the TV."

Edward ducked out of the way of the flying remote and it hit the headboard with a crash that echoed around the room.

"What was that?" Charlie asked, worried. "Are you okay?"

I flushed bright red as Edward slipped his iPod onto the speaker doc on my bedside table with a taunting look. I narrowed my eyes at him. He wouldn't dare!

"I'm fine!" I said quickly. "I- I... fell off of the bed."

Edward laughed, shaking his head at me.

"No!" I mouthed as he scrolled through the play lists. I should have known better. Of course he'd see that as a dare. He got that rebelious look in his eye and clicked the play button cermoniously.

_Oh, if you stay the night_

_oh yeah_

_We'll make the wrongs seem right_

_So come on now_

_Rock me!_

_Rock me!_

_Hold me through the night!_

"I've got to go." I yelped, slamming the phone shut.

"I'll kill you!" I screamed, lunging for him. "I'll kill you, put you through the wood chiper, and use you to fertilize my flowers!"

He chuckled easily.

"You don't have flowers."

I shrieked, landing a couple good punches to his gut that I'd like to think he actually felt before he flipped us over, pinning my arms to the bed.

"I just couldn't help it." he said. Sure, now he looks apologetic!

I scoffed, struggling against his weight. He didn't even bat an eye.

"You made me squirm in front of my dad." he reminded me.

I sniffed indignately, turning my head. He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"I've never seen you worry about getting in trouble before." he tried. "When will I ever get a chance like that again?"

I shot him a look.

"He's my dad." I wined.

He obviously didn't realize that Charlie still has a very impressive gun collection. And some of them are very big.

"Are you twelve?" he laughed. "We're grown. Why are you so worried?"

Again, he didn't know Charlie. It didn't matter if I was twelve, twenty-three, or fifty-nine.

Our heads snapped in the direction of the phone when it rang again, sounding like a refere's wistly.

I sighed.

"Shut that off." I nodded in the direction of the iPod. He shrugged, kissing my forehead and crawling to the other side of the bed to silence the music.

I took a deep breath in preperation.

"Hi, Dad." I answered. "Alice and Rose are here and they thought it'd be funny if-"

"I want to meet him." he cut me off in his no nonsense voice "Dinner at my house. Five o'clock."

It wasn't a question.

"Sure, Dad." I cringed.

He sighed.

"He's probably not good enough for you, Isabella." And then he hung up.

Edward was watching me curiously when I hung up with a sigh. I almost felt bad for him. Charlie wasn't impressed and he hadn't even met him yet.

"Don't you hate it when your stupid plans back fire on you?" I asked.

He frowned.

I pointed a finger at him.

"You are now meeting the cheif at five." I told him. His expression was almost enough to make me snicker. Almost. Maybe if I didn't have to go too.

Now who's worried, buddy?

* * *

**_Author's Note: What did you think? Favorite line/scene? We had 180 reviews for that last chapter. Wow, guys! Keep it up. The ring is posted on my blog. Let me know what you think. I am completely in love with that ring. Haha. Well, I love it. I'm not in love with it. You guys know what I mean. Anyway, don't forget to ask for a preview if you want it and also don't forget to leave questions for the interview with truck-napper in your reviews._**

**_A lot of you were curious about the list Em googled last chapter. That is a real list. I googled it._**

Much Love!


	23. The Word of the Day is Charlie

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_**

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:I'm sorry I didn't get any previews out this time guys but I've been beyond busy this week so I decided just to get your update out on time instead. Better than a lone preview yes? I also got the interview with truck-napper up. It's posted on my blog and you're only allowed to read it if you promise to leave me a review. Okay, not really... I just want to know what you think of it. So leave me a review anyway? Thanks guys._**

The word of the day is Charlie

* * *

"Don't mention the Broncos." I warned. "Or Vegas."

I shot him a look that said quite plainly that I'd cut him if he even mentioned the words Vegas, prank, or married. My beautiful ring was safely tucked away in my under ware drawer and my dear father would be none the wiser. What he doesn't know want hurt us... I mean him. No, I really mean us.

"Got it." he sighed. "Fishing, the Radiers, and Micheal Jordan are all safe topics. Any mention of the broncos, Kobe Bryant, or that cute way you wrinkle your nose while you're sleeping will get me thrown from the house."

He grinned, clearly enjoying himself at my expense. Just wait until we get there, buddy. Then we'll see who's worried.

"Anything else?" he smirked.

I snickered.

"The Broncos and Kobe Bryant will get you escorted off the premises." I agreed. "Any talk of my sleeping habits will get you shot."

He gulped and I pated his shoulder.

"Do you know any self defense moves?" I asked innocently.

He frowned at me.

"Not against a bullet!"

I shrugged.

"If he asks you to step outside with him lie in the fetal position and pretend to be dead."

He rolled his eyes at me. Oh, he'd see.

* * *

"Please stop fidgeting." Edward all but begged, reaching across the console to grab my hand.

I blew out an anxious breath.

"I'm not nervous." I lied. "I'm scared. You drive like a maniac."

At least that wasn't a lie. This was the first time Edward had driven me anywhere and 'maniac' was putting it lightly. It was more like a bat out of hell.

"Seriously," I continued. "How can such a mellow guy be such a speed demon?"

He looked down at the speedometer incredulously.

"I hate driving slow." He all but whined.

Slow? He was going thirty-five mph over the speed limit!

"This is not slow." I argued. "We almost took out the lady in front of us a while back."

He scoffed.

"You mean Miss Daisy?" he asked disdainfully. "She was going ten under!"

"You didn't have to side swipe her!" I exclaimed.

He rolled his eyes at me.

"We got around her just fine, Bella." he dismissed.

"You almost-"

"No backseat driving." He cut me off, turning the music up.

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. Fine. Quiet, I could do quiet.

But quiet was so boring!

"So..."

He pretended he couldn't hear me so I flipped the stereo off and turned in my seat to face him.

"Are you nervous about meeting the chief?" I asked.

He smirked.

"Do you always call your father by his profession?"

I shook my head, amused.

"No," I snickered. "I call him dad. But everyone else? Yes, they call him Chief Swan."

He shot me a playful grin.

"Well aren't you special?" He teased.

I batted my eyelashes flirtatiously and he chuckled.

"So deos your avoidance mean I'm correct in guessing you're shaking in your converse?"

He cleared his throat.

"Isn't you dad retired?" he avoided once again.

I sighed.

"Yes." I shrugged. "But he was the chief of police for over thirty years in a small town. Plus he had to retire because he was shot."

He nodded.

"Very heroic." he agreed.

I grinned.

"He'll always be Chief Swan." I decided.

"Rightly noted."

"So are you nervous?" I asked again.

"Bella!" he groaned.

I bit my lip against my laughter.

"Scared?" I taunted.

He shot me a look from the corner of his eye.

"Of course I'm _nervous_." he sighed, enphasising the word so it wouldn't be misconstrude as fear that he was feeling. "I'm meeting the father of the woman I love. No guy looks foreword to this moment."

I thrilled at knowing I was 'the woman he loved.'

"But you're not scared?" I checked incredulously.

"You know what I am?" he baited.

I quirked one eyebrow.

"You're leaving yourself wide open for that one." I smirked.

He shook his head at me, flipping the stereo on again.

"I'm ignoring you." He answered himself. "Until you can behave yourself."

One side of his mouth quirked up as he teased me and I snickered.

"Did you just... put me in timeout?" I asked incredulously.

He chuckled.

"Well I can't kiss you quiet while I'm driving." he said as if it was obvious.

"Too bad." I hummed, my stomach doing a traitorous little flip.

He nodded.

"I know." He agreed seriously. "It usually works so well."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Alright, funny guy." I pointed out my window, butterflies filling my guts. "We're here. It's the driveway on the left."

He pulled into the driveway, turned off the car, and made absolutely no move to get out.

"He'll come out to us if we don't go in." I warned. Although I wasn't moving either.

I'd never brought a guy home to meet my dad before. Granted it wasn't exactly my choice this time either but it was still a big step. My dad was important to me. With Renee leaving so early he was my main support system growing up and I'd always been really close to him. Then again Edward was an extremely important part of my life now too. I knew they weren't going to be the best of friends, ever probably. But it would make my life so much easier if they could be in the same room without world war three breaking out. And it'd be just swell if Charlie didn't shoot him.

"Okay." I pushed my door open, looking a lot more confident than I felt. "Let's do this."

Edward followed behind me, looking a little pale.

"Hey, Edward?" I whispered as we reached the front door.

He reached for my hand and gave it a small squeeze. I wonder if he's ever been home to meet the parents before? I was a little jealous thinking of the other girls he'd been with, other trips he'd taken, other mornings he'd had with them... other parents he'd met? I wasn't naive. I knew with his looks, not to mention his personality, he'd have to have dated before. I just didn't like thinking about them.

"Yeah?" he whispered back.

I took a deep breath and pushed the doorbell. It made a weird gurgilling sound and I couldn't help but laugh. I don't think this bell has worked properly once since Charlie insisted on installing it himself when I was twelve.

"If the vein in his forehead starts throbbing don't try to be a hero." I said. "Just run."

He studied me for a second before I let my teasing grin show. The moment just needed some humor before I busted out in nervous laughter and ran from the porch, leaving poor Edward to face the chief alone.

He rolled his eyes at me.

"You know I love you right, baby?" he asked.

I nodded, smiling at his words. How is it that he could still be so sweet when I was cracking jokes at his expense to make myself feel better? Wow, when put like that I really needed to go to counselling.

"But you've really got to stop talking."

Or not. I chuckled and then the door was opening.

"Hey, dad." I grinned.

He smiled, delicious smells wafting out from the open door. I gave him a hug, glad to see him despite all the awkwardness.

"It smells wonderful." I told him. "You must have ordered in."

He swatted me away.

"All those comedians out of a job and here you are trying to be funny." he teased.

I shrugged.

"Maybe they should write condolence cards too." Edward snickered.

I laughed, nodding.

Charlie gazed at him for a moment, unabashedly sizing him up. I looked between the two awkwardly for a while before I couldn't take it anymore. Surely one of them was going to blink or at least say something soon right? Nope, doesn't look like it...

"Stop trying to break him, Charlie." I sniffed. "He's not in the interrogation room."

Charlie grunted, probably wishing with everything he had that poor Edward _was _in that little room with the lone little light glaring on his face.

"I'm Edward Cullen, sir." Edward stepped up to bat, putting his hand out to Charlie. "Nice to meet you."

I was half proud of him and half formulating ways to make fun of him at a latter date for sounding so formal. Is this really the same Edward Cullen that almost ran over miss daisy on the way over?

Charlie took his hand somewhat grudgingly before his eyes flashed to me.

"Jasper's cousin?" he asked.

Crap, I thought thinking back to our phone conversation before I left for Vegas.

"Yes, sir." he answered.

Charlie frowned.

"The one who was going to Vegas with you?" he asked, talking to Edward but staring at me now.

Crap. Crap. Crap.

"With the group." I corrected quickly. "Not just me."

He was still griping Edward's hand and we were still standing on the front porch. I knew it hurt his back still when he had to stand for long periods of time but obviously he wasn't going to let that stop him from trying to intimidate my new boyfriend.

"I thought he was a four foot tall hobbit with boils and webbed toes." He stated stoically.

Edward raised his eyebrows at me and I shrugged. It wasn't like I couldn't take it back now. Besides he should know that was just a reflex mechanism. I really should seek help for that...

"You must have me and my cousin confused." Edward covered smoothly.

I laughed.

"No, Jasper looks more like bride of Frankenstein." I disagreed.

He cocked his head to the side, thinking.

"With his new hairstyle." I prompted.

Jasper had been growing his crazy curly hair out recently. Of course now he just looked like a model with crazy hair but I'd been taking every oppertunity to tease him about it. It was one of the highlights of my day.

"In the right light." Edward nodded, humering me.

I laughed.

Charlie was staring between the two of us in confusion, not sure what to make of us. But at least he'd let go of Edward's hand. It probably hurt to grip it as hard as he had been but he showed no sign of that being the case. I almost rolled my eyes. Yeah, I have no idea where I got my stubborn streak from.

"Well come on." he grumbled. "The food's getting cold and I've been told you can't microwave Styrofoam."

I grinned. I so called that.

The day my dad learns how to cook something on a stove top is the day that I'm named empress of Mars.

Now camping was another story. If you could cook if over a camp fire Charlie was the master.

"Dad!" I groaned, stopping in the door way to the kitchen.

He shot me an overly innocent look over his shoulder. I wasn't buying it.

Three of his biggest riffles were sitting on the table.

I glared at him.

"Oh." he said as if just realizing they were there. "I must have forgotten to put those away after cleaning them earlier."

I shook my head, going to fidget with my wedding ring before realizing it wasn't there. I settled on twisting my hands together nervously in stead. Man, that could have been disastrous.

"Sure you did." I grumbled.

I noticed he still didn't make a move to put them away, just dishing out some of the food he'd had delivered. Chinese it looked like.

"Eat up." he grinned, smug.

Edward stopped me when I went to move to the counter.

"I thought you were kidding!" he hissed quietly.

I sighed, shaking my head. This was going to be a long night.

"Fetal position." I whispered, pointing to him before going to get us both a plate.

Poor guy hadn't known what he was getting himself into when he pushed play on that asinine song.

* * *

Edward had been trying all through out dinner to start a conversation with Charlie and I for one was getting tired of my father's juvenile behavior.

_"This is good rice."_

_"Really? I thought it was a little sticky."_

_..._

_"So Bella tells me you were the chief of police for over thirty years."_

_"Did she?"_

_"...Yes..."_

_"I was."_

_..._

_"Did you see that game the other day?"_

_"Which one?"_

_"..."_

It was almost painful to watch.

"So Edward is an EMT, dad." I tried to help. "Isn't that exciting?"

Charlie raised his brows at me, chewing slowly.

"It shouldn't be about the excitement, Bell." He said gruffly.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled slowly. My hands were clenching into fists under the table. I knew this was going to be awkward but he didn't have to shoot down everything we said! He was being impossible!

"No." I glared. "It's also about saving lives which I'm sure he also does from time to time. Is there anything wrong with that?"

Edward sent me a thankful look and I nodded. Charlie was only looking out for me in his mind but Edward didn't deserve this. As much as we argued and as many things as we disagreed on I knew he was a good guy. More than a good guy actually.

"Isabella-"

I shook my head.

"No." I snapped, eyes flaring at Charlie. "I realise you think you're doing your duty or whatever but cut the crap and just talk to us."

Charlie sighed, pushing his plate away.

"Fine." he agreed reluctantly, turning to Edward. "I don't like you." He said bluntly.

I cringed but Edward only nodded.

"I figured as much." he shrugged. Let's see how dad likes his 'nothing bothers me' personality.

"I heard you in the background this morning and it was too early for visitors so I can only assume you spent the night with my daughter."

I blushed bright red.

"I changed my mind." I grumbled. "Let's go back to animosity shown through snide gaurded comments."

"And you've only known her for how long?" Charlie continued. "Three days? That's not what any father wants for their daughter."

"This really isn't any of your business." I muttered at the same time Edward answered, "Actually I've known her for three weeks and four days."

Charlie quirked an eyebrow.

"We've known each other for almost a month." I admitted. "We're dating. We didn't meet on the Vegas trip."

Charlie leaned back in his seat and sighed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"Fine." he grunted, turning back to Edward. "That's still my baby girl. She's all I have. And if I think she's going to get hurt I will not hesitate to grab one of these riffles and shoot you right between the eyes."

I groaned. I hope those converse were really comfortable for when Edward decides to leave me with my crazy father and run for the hills.

"I'd foam at the mouth for a while and plead insanity." he threatened.

Edward eyed the riffles for a moment, looking a little pale.

"I see where Bella gets her sense of humor." he chuckled anxiously.

I laughed.

"Dad." I shook my head at him. "Don't make me testify against you."

He feigned shook.

"It would tear me up inside." I said seriously. "But I would do it."

Charlie chuckled and I smiled at the sound of it. Was the worst really passed?

"Well I guess all I can do is make sure your intentions are honorable then."

I wrinkled my nose, even my freckles blushing I swear. I was wrong. Of course the worst wasn't over. This was Charlie.

"Why does the guy always get asked that?" I asked aloud, truly wondering. "Maybe _I'm _just keeping him around for the sex."

Both men now looked incredibly uncomfortable and I laughed.

"You're forgetting who you're really messing with here, old man." I snickered at Charlie. I could have sworn he pucked a little in his nose. And Edward looked like he wanted to crawl under the table and disappear... or die.

Oh, it was going to be a good day after all.

"So to end all this awkwardness let's get this out of the way, shall we?" I got down to business.

I turned to Edward.

"If you hurt me dad will probably use his police connections to hunt you down and I honestly don't know what he'll do to you once you've been found but it won't be pretty."

Charlie nodded his agreement and I turned to him.

"And I know you love me dad but so does Edward." I told him. "And I love him. If the relationship doesn't work out you can say I told you so but until then pretend to be happy for me."

He grunted.

"Or at least don't threaten to kill my boyfriend." I conceded.

"Yeah." Edward spoke up. "She does that enough. Only one hit out at a time please."

I snickered and dad looked between us for a second before cracking a grin.

"So you're an EMT huh?" He moved on. "That's not a job you hear about every day."

* * *

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE: So ask for a preview in your review and I'll make sure to get it out to you this time. Favorite line/scene? the final prank will be posted in the next chapter. Don't forget to go read the interview on the truck-napper blog. You can follow me there so you know when I post any extras. And don't forget to review. We're almost to 3k reviews which rox big time._**

**_Much love_**


	24. The Word of the Day is Fatality

**_DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer_**

**_Author's Note: You guys honestly surprised me. Almost every one of you said your favorite line was Bella saying she was keeping truck-napper around for sex. Lol. That's... interesting. I am not judging though... especially since I'm the one who wrote it. :P I actually almost didn't put it in but I was talking about how the guys get blamed for taking advantage all the time and never us girls and decided to add it at the last second. I'm curious, are there any guys even reading this? If there are I stood up for you. Lol. Anyway here's the next chapter. This is the final prank. I hope you like it..._**

The Word of the Day is Fatality

* * *

"No."

I sighed.

"Stop being a baby." I demanded.

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"I'm not being a baby." He defended. "I'm saying _no_."

I realize this might not seem like a good idea to him, I had foreseen him not exactly being psyched for this part of the plan. But it was a good idea and if it involved killing anyone else off he would be all for it. Now that's just selfish.

"I'm not asking for your permission." I hissed.

He rolled his eyes.

"Of course you're not." He muttered. "Why would you need my permission? You're just planning on killing me."

I smacked his chest.

"I'm not killing you." I corrected, mentally rolling my eyes. "I'm telling our friends that someone else killed you."

He raised his eyebrows as if to say that was bad enough. Or maybe his point was supposed to be that I was insane for even thinking of this plan and the second I turned my back he was calling the nice men who would haul me off to the padded room... one can't be sure. Those looks are very similar.

"And I'm not even going to be the murderer." I grinned, kissing him lightly, trying to get that look of his face.

He cracked a small smile, shaking his head at the absurdity.

"Well that's not very realistic." He snickered.

I frowned.

"I wouldn't _actually _kill you." I insisted. "Some days it's really tempting but you're far too cute to kill off."

He chuckled.

"I love you too, baby."

I smiled.

"So, you'll let me have my fun?" I asked, excited.

He groaned, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before he reopened them slowly and looking at me hesitantly like he was about to do something he really hoped he'd live to regret.

"Fine."

He'd hardly gotten the word out before I catapulted myself at him, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders as we fell to the bed.

This was going to be amazing. Emmett was never going to mess with either of us ever again. Actually, he may never want to mess with anyone ever again. Which was kind of the point. He crossed the line with making us think we were married but two could play that game. Emmett was never going to want to pull a prank again...

And if I was going to promise this was my last prank I was going to make dang sure it was unforgettable.

"Only you would be so excited about this." he frowned. The padded room look was back in his eye.

I laughed, kissing him hard. When he went to deepen it I stood from the bed and held out my hand to him. We had work to do.

"Stand back Emmett McCarty." I snickered as Edward rolled his eyes and reluctantly grabbed my hand. "We are the prank masters."

"You need therapy." he chuckled, letting me pull him out of bed.

I shot him a look and he held up his free hand in innocence.

"I say that in the most loving way possible." he promised with that charming grin etched into his perfect face.

"Shut up." I teased playfully. "I've got to go tell our friends that you're dead."

He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair.

"Is there anything I need to do?" he asked awkwardly. "Or do I just sit there, trying to look pale, and enjoy all the sympathy cards when they start pouring in?."

"And bad casserole." I nodded.

He frowned.

"Why is it always casserole?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"I have no idea actually." I said, thinking. "I mean isn't the family in enough pain as it is?"

He snickered.

"Go." He chuckled. "Let me know about Emmett's reaction. If there are no tears I'm going to be hurt."

I nodded.

"Will do." I promised, stepping onto my tiptoes to give him a chaste kiss before I got in the shower.

He cupped my face in his hands, the corners of his mouth pulling into a smile against my lips.

When I went to pull back he shook his head.

"Wait." he pleaded. "It's a dying mans last wish."

I laughed, running my finger tips through his hair and tugging a little at the roots when he ran the tip of his tongue over my bottom lip.

"I could never refuse a dying mans last wish." I simpered, pulling him even closer.

When we finally pulled back we were both breathing hard, our faces flushed, and my heart was beating at warped speed.

"Death beds are so underrated." He breathed.

I chuckled, nodding my agreement.

"I love you." I was surprised when my voice sounded breathy and airy. Who did that come from? Me? No, that can't be right.

His smile widened and his eyes sparked with emerald fire.

"I love you too." he smoldered.

And all of the sudden I was in the air. I shrieked as he tossed me over his shoulder and headed back to bed.

"Edward!" I laughed. "Put me down!"

He turned around, me still over his shoulder.

"What?" he asked, the smirk evident in his tone. "Bella? Where are you?"

"Put me down." I repeated.

He turned around in a circle so it looked like he was a dog trying to catch his tail.

"I hear you..." he continued, sounding stumped. "But I can't see you."

I shook my head, trying to situate myself so all the blood would stop rushing to my head.

"This isn't funny." I notified him.

He snickered before he could catch it.

"Bella?" he called. "DB? You sound like you're getting mad..."

I nodded, trying to push myself upright by pushing my hands into his lower back but it was all futile as he bounced me a little in the pretense of getting a better grip on my legs. Jerk.

"I'd like to help you, love." he smirked. "but I can't seem to find you..."

I reached down and pinched his butt.

He stopped turning in circles, surprise evident even if I couldn't see his face.

"Found me now?" I deadpanned.

He threw me down on the bed we'd been standing in front of this whole time and grinned devilishly.

"Bella!" he exclaimed like I was a set of keys he'd been looking for only to realize they'd been in his pocket the whole time.

My lips twitched at the corners even though I was trying to stop it. I loved these moments where we weren't pretending to be Mr and Mrs Cullen or enemies or... anyone. We were just Edward and Bella in these rare moments of privacy. He was my charming truck-napper who was goofy, and made me laugh even when I was mad at him, and wrote stupid poetry to make me smile. And I was the girl he loved despite her insanity I suppose. Or maybe he loved me _because _of my insanity. That parts still unclear.

"There you are, love." he crawled onto the bed beside me and snuggled his face into the crook of my neck. "I was so worried."

I finally let my smile take over the rest of my face, knowing full well I probably looked like the Joker trying to fight it off the rest of my features.

"You are impossible." I chuckled.

"I was looking for you everywhere." he continued convincingly, leaving noisy kisses all over my neck as I squirmed and laughed. "You had me so worried."

I shrieked as he tickled my sides.

"Stop!" I pleaded, trying to catch my breath.

He laughed, sitting up and leaning over me to steal my lips in a kiss as he stopped his torture on my sides.

"I'm so glad I found you." he whispered seriously against my lips.

I grinned, running my fingers through his silky hair. How did this man keep his hair so soft? If he'd been using my special strawberry conditioner we were going to have to have a talk. That stuff was expensive. But it was just plain wrong for him to have these looks with no effort on his part. He'd been staying here for three days already and from what I could see all he did in the mornings to get ready was brush his teeth and slip on his trusted converse. Sometimes he shaved although I made it known that I liked it when he forgot and he'd been "forgetting" more since then. He didn't even brush his hair most mornings for gods sake. He just ran his hands through it, shrugging at the face I would make at him in the mirror. As unfair as it was the man was gorgeous without any amount of effort. It made him all the more attractive and it also really irritated me sometimes.

"Are you going to cry when you tell them?" He whispered, proping himself up on his elbow and seeming amused by the idea.

"Well if I didn't I think they might try to frame me." I responded seriously.

He nodded, running his fingers in random circles around my belly button over my cotton shirt while we talked. It was heaven. Okay, so most people wouldn't think laying in bed with your boyfriend while you tease each other about murdering the other was heaven but I'd already come to terms with the fact that neither of us were normal. And truth be told I liked it better that way.

"It's a good thing everyone but Emmett knows I'm really alive then." he smirked.

I agreed. I was glad we'd told Alice and Rosalie because they would have been the first to accuse me of doing away with my man. The faith they had in me was astounding.

"I should probably get going." I sighed, glancing at the clock regretfully. Part of me was begging to just let Emmett go unpunished so I could stay here with Edward all day. The wedding was in two days and I desperately wanted all the time I could get with him.

I was supposed to meet Alice at her house in half an hour and I knew Emmett would be there. I'd already told the girls what I was planning on doing and threatened all their favorite outfits if they told. I had even found Jasper alone for a second the other day so I could finally let him in on our prank as well. He had already guessed we were messing with Emmett by pretending to be married and was all for our prank. Okay, maybe he wasn't all for it. He said he was remaining neutral but I read between the lines.

"Hurry back." He made me promise. It didn't take much to get me to promise wholeheartedly.

* * *

"This is Beatrice to Benedict." I said into the walkie talkie, thoroughly enjoying myself as I sat in my truck outside Jasper and Alice's house. "I am in position and ready for the prank to make history. Over and out."

I could see none of the lights were on at Emmett and Rosalie's across the street so they were probably already inside. Perfect. Rose was playing her part well then. She was supposed to drag Em over to Alice's for cheesecake at exactly one o'clock.

I looked at my dashboard where my clocks blurred digital numbers said it was 10. The last digit had faded years ago.

Right on time.

The static of the walkie talkie subsided as Edward's voice replaced it.

"Why are we Beatrice and Benidict again?" he asked. "Don't they hate each other?"

I rolled my eyes. The man had read Oliver Twist but had skipped over Much Ado About Nothing? I'm glad he hadn't told me this when I was making my pro/con list or I never would have gone on that date with him. When we were picking out code names today and he mentioned he'd never read the book I kind of went Nazi on his bodacious behind and he promised to read it if I read The Three Musketeers. Compromise.

"You'd know this if you read the book." I sniffed into the walkie talkie. "They pretend to hate the other in the beginning before they realize they're made for each other."

I kicked my feet onto the glove compartment, prepared to give him the cliff notes if we had the time.

"And you forgot to say over and out." I reminded him.

His throaty chuckle came over the static and I smiled, imagining the way his eyes crinkle in the corners and his mouth lifts into that perfect half grin when he laughs. It makes him sound like a stroke victim but it was sexy as hell, just trust me.

"So did you." he pointed out.

I frowned.

"Fine." I allowed. "Now I have spotted 'big dumb dummy head' through the window and I'm going in."

I thought for a second and then pushed the button again.

"Over and out." I smirked.

"Wait." He said, sounding urgent. "You can't go yet!"

My eyes widened and I picked the walkie talkie back up from my passenger seat.

He had laughed when I had gotten the box of memories from my childhood out of the crawl space, all dusty and forgotten, to pull out my old walkie talkies. He had made fun of me as I ransacked the house for batteries until I finally just stole them from various remotes. He had also made jokes when I jumped up and down in excitement when they still worked. But he's got to admit there's something so much more fun about talking over walkie talkies than a plan old cell phone. We do that everyday. Besides it makes me feel more Hallie Barry, circa James Bond.

"What?" I asked, worried.

"I have to tell you somethin'." He grinned, sounding like a little kid.

I rolled my eyes as my worry subsided. Who was I kidding? He _was _a little kid.

"What?" I asked.

"I love you."

I shook my head, grinning like the idiot I was. Not the idiot I'd always been but definitely was since meeting Edward Cullen. I should really make him pay for that some day...

"You're ridiculous." I chuckled.

"I just wanted you to know." he said seriously. "In case you don't make it out."

"I want it to say 'illustrious spy and master prankster' on my tombstone." I said.

"Got it." He affirmed. "Does illustrious have one L or two?"

"I'm going now." I laughed. "I love you too."

I set the walkie talkie back down and looked in my rear view mirror, trying to get into character.

I tried to force tears but I was too nervous and excited about the prank to look sad. I sighed and reached for the bottled water Edward had sent with me for just this precise reason. His faith in my acting ability is offensive. He just kept reminding me about my escape Newton performance when I tried to defend my talent. I don't know what he was talking about. I totally rocked that escape.

I splashed some of the water around my eyes. I squared my shoulders, closed the door to the cab, and then ran to the front door in wild abandon. It was kind of fun.

"Alice!" I screamed, swinging the door open without knocking.

She appeared instantly with all my friends close behind her. She looked a little frightened even if she did know what I was doing.

"Ohmygod!" I said in one sobbing breath. God, I wish I was really crying so I could do the whole snotty-nose-sleeve-wipe thing. It always makes you seem so much more pitiful then you really are!

"It's- it- oh my god."

Rose rolled her eyes at my dramatics and I sent her a look.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" She asked, sounding surprisingly genuine. So glad she remembered her prada bag was being held hostage in my closet.

"It's Edward!" I balled.

Emmett frowned, looking around at everyone else in confusion.

"Bell?" he asked hesitantly.

Emmett had never been one for tears. Neither was I of course but he was just plain ridiculous when people started crying. He looked like a caged animal, his eyes darting all over the room, looking for the closest exit.

It made it all the more sweet.

"What about Edward?" He asked. "Did he hurt you?"

I shook my head, making a mental note to include this with my report back to Edward. 'I came in crying and they thought you did something to me!' Haha

"No." I sniffed. "He- We... Charlie. Gun."

"Bella, slow down." Jasper prompted in his soothing voice. One would never know he was in the loop. The good looks and acting ability runs in the family then. Some people have it all! I wanted to point to him and say, "Yeah? Well you still have crazy hair!" That was the five year old in me of course.

I took a deep breath.

"He wanted to meet Charlie." I said, slowly as if I was having trouble getting the words out. Admittedly it was because I was trying so hard not to laugh I was afraid I might _actually _bust a gut.

Emmett cursed under his breath, imagining his own probable Edward meets Charlie scenarios in his head.

I nodded, trying to get my lip to quiver. A little thing of spittle ran out which was completely unintentional and a little embarrassing. I released a crying shudder to cover it up.

"We told him about being married."

Emmett cursed even louder. Yeah, weren't expecting that were ya buddy? He really had not thought this plan out!

"And. And. And...." I wiped my nose without the messy snotty cry which wasn't nearly as effective but it helped the illusion a little bit. "He shot him!"

Everyone blinked. Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper were trying to take stealthy glances at Emmett to see his reaction.

He paled. Seriously, you could see all the color drain from his face. First from his forehead, then down to his nose, and over his cheeks. Just like the cartoons.

"He did not." He whispered.

I nodded.

"He did!" I exclaimed, crying again. I hoped he didn't notice no tears were coming because the water was dried by now.

"Charlie..." He said slowly. "Your father."

I nodded.

"_Shot _your boyfriend?"

I tilted my head to the side, remembering to sniffle and look pitiful.

"My husband." I corrected.

He winced.

"Oh yeah. Right." He stumbled.

"He was fine at first." I blubbered. "Of course he didn't like him because Charlie will never like anyone that I'm with. But then we told him we got married and he... he just lost it!"

"What am I going to do?" I asked, covering my face in my hands. "He's hurt so bad. I don't know how long he's going to last!"

"You didn't take him to the hospital?" He asked, appalled.

I looked up between my fingers, actually getting a few tears to fall, partly because I had stabbed myself in the eye when I shoved them to my face. Ouch.

"But then they'll come after Dad." I whimpered.

His eyes widened.

"He shot a man!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air and pacing back and forth. "Where is he? We have to get him to the hospital! Charlie. Charlie. God, how could Charlie do this? It's all my fault."

I covered my smile with my hands. There were some who were going to call me mean when I told this story later. But they had no idea just how much Emmett needed this wake up call. He'd crossed the line and if he continued to get away with it his pranks were going to get worse and worse. How long would it be before he was telling us someone had died?!

It's different.

"You," I choked. God, my eye hurt! "You're right, Em." I sniffed, walking to the door.

"I left him in the bed of the truck. Let's get him to the hospital."

"You left him in the truck bed?!" he exclaimed.

Emmett never raised his voice, partly because it was so loud anyway that if he was to raise it ear drums for miles would burst. But he was raising his voice now. I was glad we'd decided not to let this go for long. Poor guy was going to have a heart attack.

"What if someone sees the body?" Rose asked, sounding the right amount of anguish. "They'll think you killed him."

See? What did I tell you?

"I covered him with a tarp." I improvised.

She hiccuped out a little laugh that couldn't be held in when my response caught her off guard.

"Let's go!" Alice shrieked, herding us all towards the door.

I nodded, throwing open the door where my Benedict was standing, one hand braced on the doorway.

"Hello." He grinned. "Did you miss me?"

"You're supposed to be dead!" Emmett exclaimed, his mouth hanging wide open. He kind of resembled those fake fish plaques that sang that were everywhere a few years ago. My dad had gotten one that sang Bob Merely every time you walked in front of it and put it by the front door, saying it was to help him keep track of me. It disappeared mysteriously after the second time I came home from a crap day and had to face a demented fish telling me to have no worries and be happy.

"Or at least be bleeding underneath a tarp in Bella's truck bed." Jasper chuckled.

Alice and Rose were laughing so hard they had to lean against each other. Rose wiped a tear from her eye.

"Tarp." She chuckled to herself, shaking her head.

Edward wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest.

"It looks like the mission was a success." He smirked, kissing my forehead.

I snickered.

"Admit it." I demanded.

He looked at me questioningly.

"You didn't think I could pull it off." I accused. "Admit you were wrong."

He rolled his eyes at me.

"Just enjoy one victory at a time, babe." He patted my head.

I scoffed.

"I cried and everything." I informed him indignantly.

"I'm very proud of you." He mollified me.

I gave a self righteous nod.

"Stop." Emmett demanded, staring at us dumbly. "Just..." He trailed off, shaking his head in a stupefied haze.

"You're not bleeding." he pointed to Edward almost accusingly. "Not shot."

Edward nodded smugly.

"That's right."

"You tricked me!" He looked pretty self righteous for a guy that once got us kicked out of a restaurant for mooning the manager. In his defence he hadn't known it was the manager. He'd mooned him while in what we all thought was the empty parking lot. He'd had to pee and was writing his name in the snow. And if we're going to be technical about it we didn't actually get kicked out because the manager met us at the door threatening to call the police. We didn't even get inside.

"Kind of like how you tricked us into thinking we were married?" I asked.

His mouth snapped shut.

"I _did _meet Charlie." Edward justified. "And I'm convinced that he would have shot me had we told him we got drunk and married while in Vegas."

He shuddered and I patted his cheek. He understood now didn't he?

"You knew?" Emmett fought to keep up.

I nodded.

"Of course we did."

His eyes narrowed.

"So this was pay back?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

Edward chuckled.

"Sure was." he nodded.

"Nothing gets past you, Sparky." I snickered.

A slow lecherous grin over came his features.

"Oh," he trilled. "It's on!"

"No!" Rose stood with her hands on her hips, staring us all down kind of like that manager had. "Not a chance."

Emmett turned to her, his eyes pleading.

"But-"

She shook her head.

"No buts." She narrowed her eyes in warning.

"You will never learn." Alice shook her head at him as if she thought he was so slow he warranted pity.

"But-"

"No." Rose repeated forcefully. "Bella and Edward have promised this is the last prank on their end. This evens the score."

Emmett's shoulders slumped and I stepped towards him, holding my hand out.

"Even?" I asked.

He looked at Rose questioningly and she nodded, making it clear that he was to shake and make nice or she would cut off his favorite appendage while he slept.

"Fine." He sighed, shaking my hand. "We're even."

His lips twitched into a teasing grin.

"But I want your first born child to be named after me."

"No chance." I shook my head, blushing. "I'll cancel the ad and return all your PlayStation games."

He frowned at me accusingly.

"_You _took my games?"

I shrugged innocently and he huffed.

"Fine." he sighed. "Deal."

I smiled. It was such a beautiful friendship.

* * *

**_Author's Note: So that's the end of the pranks. I hope you've enjoyed them as much as I have enjoyed writing them. What did you think of the grand finale? This was an extra long chapter so you should leave me a review. Lol. Favorite line/scene? Alice/Jasper's wedding will be in a couple of chapters._**

**_Don't forget to ask for a preview if you'd like one. Much love_**


	25. The Word of the Day is Space

_**DISCLAIMER:**__** The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

_**Author's Note: **__**We've made it to 3,000 reviews! That's awesome guys! There's a new awards site you have to check out if you haven't yet. It's for all the stories that make us laugh so check it out for funny recommendations. It's called the giggle/snort awards and the link is on my profile.**_

_**In other news my beta, CrazyLittleWriter is back from vacation, which you can probably tell from the quality of this chapter. Lol. Welcome back!**_

The Word of the Day is Space

* * *

I'd been acting weird all day and I knew it was starting to drive Edward nuts. He could tell something was eating away at me. If I'd learned anything the other night when I confessed my feelings, it was that it bothered Edward greatly when I didn't talk to him. I found this slightly ironic because half the things out of my mouth were enough to make any normal guy wish I was _always _quiet. Edward was a masochist.

I had suggested a picnic at the meadow since this would be one of the last chances we got to talk before Alice commanded all time and energy go into setting up for the wedding. Edward had never been to the meadow so this gave him a chance to see it. It also gave me the chance to bring him to his knees with my awesome cooking skills. Not to brag or anything but growing up with Charlie, you died if you didn't learn to cook. Okay, so that was a little dramatic. But if you didn't learn how to cook you ate pizza for three meals a day, seven days a week. I think I was probably the only kid on earth to cry at the sight, smell, or mention of the usually tasty treat.

I kicked Edward out of the kitchen and spent all morning cooking the perfect lunch. I might have gone a little over board, cooking pork chops with raspberry salsa, deviled eggs, potato salad, and baked chicken. For dessert I made chocolate chunk brownies and strawberry cheesecake. What? I cook when I'm nervous.

I knew we had to talk about Edward leaving after the wedding but I didn't want to. We needed to discuss it rationally and calmly. When you consider that it was me and truck-napper doing the talking I wasn't sure how well that was going to go.

The longer I stalled by cooking the more nervous I got, which made me want to cook more. ...It was a vicious cycle.

I shrieked as strong arms came around my waist as I closed the oven.

"Is there any food left in here to cook?" Edward asked, amused, as he leaned his chin on my shoulder.

I wrinkled my nose, pretending to think.

"There might be some saltine crackers in the cupboard," I said thoughtfully.

He chuckled and I turned my head to smirk at him.

"Didn't I tell you to stay in the living room?" I asked rhetorically.

I wanted it to be a surprise and he had kept distracting me so I'd banished him to the other room.

"Hmm..." he played innocent. "Did you? I can't remember."

He tried to be sneaky about stealing a deviled egg off the platter in front of us and I smacked his hand away.

"I'm hungry," he pouted.

I rolled my eyes.

"You just ate breakfast," I reminded him, narrowing my eyes as he stuffed the egg in his mouth anyway.

He smiled around the entire egg, his cheeks puffed out.

"That was hours ago," he said, around his mouthful.

I shook my head at him.

"It's all done anyway, you big whiner," I said.

His eyes lit up like a little kid on Christmas morning.

"But," I stopped him. "We need to get it into the picnic basket and go to the meadow."

He had been reaching for the platter when I said this and now his arms dropped to his sides as he sighed, looking defeated.

"You are a cruel woman," he stated, making me snicker.

He turned me around, using his big puppy dog eyes against me as he gripped my shoulders pathetically.

"I've been sitting in there patiently, smelling all that good food and then when it's done you won't let me eat it?"

He looked like I'd just kicked his dog.

"First of all, you were anything but patient." I chuckled as he nuzzled his nose into my hair, trying to soften me up so he'd get his way - he was so ridiculous. "You came in every two seconds."

Every time I had turned around he was sticking his head in the doorway. _Are you sure you don't need any help? _or _Do you need a taste tester? How do you know it's any good? _or _I need to watch you or I won't know you haven't poisoned it._

"Because I missed you," he tried, charming as ever.

I laughed, pushing him away playfully.

"I'll bet," I snickered. He missed me feeding him is what it was.

"I love you." He jutted out his bottom lip and I had to pull my eyes away from it. It was just so tempting!

"I love... it when you leave me alone so I can cook," I told him seriously.

He shot me a look and I laughed. Silly boy.

* * *

Edward's eyes popped straight out of his head when I pulled all the food out of the picnic basket when we'd arrived at the meadow.

"Oh, Bella," he sighed, sounding like a mooney teenager in love. "Are those pork chops?"

I nodded, amused.

"Basted in raspberry salsa," I added.

He looked from me to his other love, the pork chops, and back. If it was anything but a slab of meat I'd probably be jealous.

"Marry me?" he asked.

I giggled, sliding two of the pork chops onto his plate. I'd thought I'd gone way over board with all the food but I wasn't worried any more. Edward would eat it all even if he was full. He was looking at those pork chops like most guys would look if Jessica Biel came waltzing in front of them wearing a mini skirt, twirling her hair around her finger and popping a piece of bubble gum.

"The way to every man's heart is through his stomach," I sing-songed.

He shook his head, taking the plate from me.

"You already had my heart," he said seriously.

My own heart melted. He drove me nuts most of the time but then there were these moments when he said exactly the right thing and I swear I see those stupid little blue birds fluttering around my head or whatever. He didn't even notice what effect it had on me. He hadn't even looked up from his plate as he said it and a part of me wondered if he'd been talking to the meat that was lying there.

He looked up from under his lashes with a smirk, because god forbid he actually lift his head from the plate.

"But this helps," he added.

I rolled my eyes.

"Of course."

He took his first bite and made a noise that plummeted my brain into the gutter. His eyes actually rolled back in his head a little bit. How mad at me would he be if I crawled onto his lap and his plate got knocked to the side?

"How did you learn how to make these?" he asked, snapping me out of my fantasy of licking salsa off his abs.

I blinked, feeling my cheeks flush a little at practically being caught. He didn't seem to notice for once, thank god.

"I studied cook books while all the other little girls were playing with their Barbie dolls," I shrugged. I grew up with guys. Charlie and his buddies were not interested in playing Barbie. Surprisingly, Jacob wouldn't even play it with me. So while all the other little girls had their plastic blond bomb shells that they spent valuable time keeping dressed to the nine, I had GI Joe. He wasn't a bomb shell but it was definitely more fun dive bombing from fake air planes, in my modest opinion.

"Was Charlie's cooking that bad?" he chuckled.

I shot him a look that said he had no idea.

"Charlie had one recipe and one recipe only," I said.

He frowned.

"What was that?" he asked.

"He made it when we had dinner there the other night," I reminded him.

His frown of confusion deepened.

"He called for take-out when we were there."

I nodded.

"Exactly." I smirked.

He chuckled.

"Nice."

I got my food and sidled down onto the picnic blanket beside him.

"Aren't you relieved?" I asked.

He looked over briefly.

"That you're a good cook?" he asked, nodding as he lifted another piece of meat to his lips. "Definitely. I was afraid this relationship wasn't going to work out."

I shot him a look and he wiggled his eyebrows at me. It's a good thing he was so charming most of the time.

"No." I glared playfully. "That there's someone worse at cooking than you are."

He laughed, mock bowing in my direction and I grinned.

The rest of the meal went much the same. Every once in a while Edward would look up from his plate long enough to tease me about something or make offers of marriage. He proposed when he took his first bite of deviled egg, potato salad, and chicken. When he saw the cheesecake he tackled me and I fell onto my back on the red and white checkers of the blanket.

I laughed and he smiled, tucking some hair behind my ear.

"You're wonderful," he said reverently.

I pushed myself onto my elbow so that I was facing him and he rolled onto his side, mirroring my stance.

"I should have started making you lunch weeks ago," I teased.

He nodded, mock seriousness drawing upon his features.

"It would have solved a lot of fights," he agreed.

I rolled my eyes, snuggling into his side with a smile on my face. He draped his arm over me and kissed the hollow beneath my ear.

"This is nice," I commented.

He nodded.

"It is," he agreed. "I wish I didn't have to leave."

My heart actually stuttered. I swallowed, feeling like something was stuck down there all the sudden. It felt like the walls were closing in on me until I realized we were outside in a wide open space. It sure didn't feel like it.

I sat up, pushing his arm off me. All of a sudden I needed to take some fresh air in, or I was going to freak out.

"B?" He frowned, sitting up with me.

I was not having a panic attack over Edward leaving. I just wasn't. If the Bella of two months ago could see me now she'd come kick my sickeningly iridescent booty and shove me in a garbage can. _After _she announced to all our friends I was now officially a wuss.

Oh my god, was I plotting against myself now? I really did need therapy.

"Bella, are you okay, love?"

I forced a smile at him so he would stop worrying. I don't think it fooled him. He cupped my face in his hands and studied me closely.

"Talk to me," he demanded.

I refused to meet his eyes. I know I had to say what was on my mind but I didn't want to mess up our wonderful day. Plus, some small part of me that was clearly still _me, _wanted to stubbornly refuse to answer just because he had demanded it.

"We need to talk about this," I said quietly, hoping my voice didn't portray that I was thinking about knocking him over the head with a heavy rock and locking him in my closet until he decided to stay with me.

He didn't need me to explain. He must have been thinking about this too because he knew automatically what I was talking about. He sighed, sitting back on the blanket and staring blankly at the clouds.

"I don't want to leave," he said, just as quietly.

I let myself hope for a moment. He didn't really need to go back to work did he? No! He could stay at home, cooking and cleaning while I worked. Okay, maybe not cooking. I'd cook.

"But I only have three days left of vacation time."

I swallowed again.

"Oh," I croaked out pitifully. "That little?"

He nodded, looking the picture of anguish.

"I used all the vacation time I had so that I could spend time with the guys before the wedding," he explained.

He didn't even have any more vacation time after this? So he wouldn't be able to come visit again until next year? There were weekends I guess but... that wasn't enough. I wanted to keep waking up with my head resting on his chest like I had the last few mornings. I wanted someone to debate all these random little things that popped into my head without having to pick up the phone and call long distance. I wanted to have to yell at him for leaving the toilet seat up and have someone to accuse when the remote went missing. I wanted him. Good and bad.

I remember the first serious conversation we'd ever had when he found my pro/con list. He'd told me I needed to decide if I could take the bad with the good because he wasn't perfect. I hadn't known what I was getting myself into back then. I hadn't even known if it was going to work out. Because I hadn't known Edward.

What he'd said was true. He wasn't perfect. But I knew now I was more than willing to take the bad with the good. Just my luck he'd have to leave now!

"I could always kidnap you?" I tried.

He chuckled but it didn't reach his eyes.

"And when we get the ransom money we can live off of that so you don't ever have to go back to work." I grinned, knowing it was useless but really liking the idea.

"You've put some thought into this," he accused.

I shrugged.

"The first idea involved bashing you over the head with a rock and making you clean my house while I worked," I notified him.

He raised his eyebrows at me and I chuckled.

"Sometimes I would really love a guided tour of your brain," he said, shaking his head.

I leaned against his arm, leaning my head on his shoulder as he kissed the top of it.

"No you don't," I sighed. "It's scary in there."

He laughed.

"It's interesting," he corrected. "Not scary just..."

He seemed at a loss for words.

"We're having a moment." I narrowed my eyes. "Don't finish that sentence."

He chuckled, resting his cheek on my head.

"You know I could be mad at you," I said after a while of silence.

He raised his head and shot me a look.

"And why are you mad at me this time?" he asked incredulously. I could see him going over everything he'd done in his head, looking for the offense. I should make him guess so I know if I should really be mad...oh well.

"Because you've made me all mushy." I frowned, not liking the thought at all. I'd dated before and never once did I ever get upset at the thought of them leaving. I never even cried when we broke up. And here I am, sitting with truck-napper in my meadow as we watch the birds fly around and crap. I almost had a panic attack at the thought of being away from him! You'll notice I said almost. I didn't actually and I'm never mentioning the almost one to anyone. They'd never let me live it down.

"Isabella Swan," he said in shock, a small smile pulling at his lips. "Are you saying you've gone soft?"

I glared at him.

"No."

He laughed.

"I think you have."

I punched him in the shoulder.

"Don't make me kill you to prove my point," I warned.

He held his hands out in front of him.

"I won't tell anyone," he promised playfully. "Your secret is safe with me."

I huffed. I haven't gone soft.

"You better call me every day," I said.

He nodded.

"Twice a day," he promised. God, I hated it when he made me smile when I didn't want to.

"And write?" I asked, twirling my hair around my finger innocently. If he was distracted maybe he wouldn't realize I was being a clingy girlfriend.

"And write," he chuckled, pulling me back into his arms, sidling me between his legs so my back was resting against his chest. "And e-mail. Maybe I'll even send word by carrier pigeon."

I pulled his arms from my waist and kissed his palm.

"If you're going to whip out the carrier pigeons I suppose I could call every once in a while," I teased.

He smoothed my hair over my shoulder with his free hand and planted a kiss on my shoulder.

"Twice a day?" he asked, pleading playfully.

I laughed. That's talking to Edward four times a day, plus e-mails and letters. You wouldn't hear me complain.

"Promise," I agreed.

Maybe long distance wouldn't be too awful. I knew it didn't work out for lots of couples that tried but they weren't db and truck-napper. We'd been through so much already and we'd gotten through that. If a vengeful Emmett, plotting friends and a pissed off Charlie wouldn't come between us then a little space wouldn't. Maybe it would do us some good. 'Time makes the heart grow fonder' and all that jazz.

A little voice in my head reminded me that it wasn't _a little space_. I clenched my jaw and silenced the nagging doubt instantly, _almost_.

"I love you," Edward whispered, his lips still planting kisses along my shoulder and neck.

I smiled, trying to forget that we were on a dead line.

"I love you too," I vowed, turning so I was straddling his lap. "Always."

"Always." He nodded and I couldn't bring myself to doubt him.

What was 1832.9 miles when you're so in love after all?

* * *

**_Author's Note: So what did you think? Favorite line/scene? Alice and Jasper's wedding is the next chapter and I've already started writing it. Don't forget to ask for a preview in your review if you want one._**

**_People have been asking a lot about the truck-napper site and when I'm going to update it. If there's any outtakes you want to read there let me know and I'll see what I can do. :-) Much love!_**


	26. The Word of the Day is Wedding

_**DISCLAIMER:**__** The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

_**Author's Note:**__** Those of you who read the truck-napper blog may know this story has been nominated for best Edward, best Bella, and best overall at the giggle/snort awards. Only the stories with the most nominations can continue to the voting stage. If you have enjoyed this story so far please take a second to go nominate it. The link can be found on my profile page and the truck-napper blog. It'd mean a lot to me but even if you don't want to nominate this one you should still go check out the site. There's some awesome stories over there and the awards are a pretty cool idea. This is the first time the awards have been held so it's such an honor being included in that. Thanks to everyone who has nominated this story already and everyone who's reviewed. You guys rock!**_

The word of the day is Wedding

* * *

I'd worked my fingers to the bone for this wedding. Seriously, I probably wouldn't have spent this much time planning if it was _my_ wedding. I honestly woke up last night in a panic because I just _knew_ I forgot to put the little red name cards out so everyone would know where to sit at the reception. Alice would kill me!

Edward had laughed at me but I wouldn't let him go back to sleep until he checked. I don't know how he got into the reception hall at three in the morning, but he came back half an hour later, assured me they were there, and crawled back into bed mumbling something about, "psychotic bridesmaids" under his breath.

_"It's not even our wedding! You're lucky I love you so much."_

Note to self: being woken up in the middle of the night most definitely bothers Edward. I'm storing that one away for later...

But the wedding was going to be perfect. No one could say I wasn't a good maid of honor. I'd done everything the little pixie had commanded, maybe not without argument but still...

Despite all the snarky comments, I really did want my friend to have the wedding she'd always dreamed of. So when she asked me to spread exactly 155 yellow rose petals down the aisle, I counted them. 155 is Alice's lucky number. When she called crying about the seating chart we'd gone over seventeen times at the last minute yesterday I'd taken a deep breath so I didn't give into the temptation to pop her spiky little head off her neck and then I went. Her wacky uncle Marty had divorced his third wife recently. They were both coming but couldn't sit together, obviously. I was just glad Alice hadn't picked a dress with a million skirts so I'd have to hold her dress away from her while she peed. But I would have if I'd had to. Actually, I may have made Rose deal with that one. There are limits after all.

But the point is I'd been the best maid of honor I could be and this was how they repaid me!

"I'm not wearing that," I said for the third time, eyeing the red dress Rose held.

Rosalie put her hand on her hip.

"Why not?"she demanded.

My eyes fell to the low neck line, the cinched waist, and the long flowing material. Rose could pull that dress off. I would pull a muscle trying to walk in it.

"I'll fall," I whined. "Besides the last time I wore something like that the creepy old Chinese man stared at me."

She looked at me like I was insane.

"I don't even want to know what you're talking about," she said, shaking her head. "Just put it on now."

I started to protest but she shook her head.

"You'll look beautiful," she promised. "It'll make Alice happy and Edward will take one look at you before choking on his own saliva."

I ignored her comments.

"My boobs will fall out," I worried. There's nothing like a little boobie to ruin a classy wedding.

Rose grinned the evil smile that had often made me wonder if she was Satin's advocate.

"No, they won't!" she sang, twirling a roll of small adhesive tape around her finger.

Oh god. Backless dress equals no bra. I should have known. I groaned, smacking my forehead.

"I hate Alice," I said, half convinced in that moment that I did.

Rose laughed, patting my arm.

"Don't worry, Bells," she said in a teasing tone. "You can always get her back when you get married."

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

The dress wasn't as bad as I'd thought once I got it on. It did have a plunging neck line but thanks to Rose's handy dandy boob tape there were no painfully obvious bra straps or flashes of cleavage. The skirt wasn't tight and constricting like I'd initially thought, but flowing and flattering. Of course, Rose looked like she was born to wear the dress, all Amazon princess. But I didn't look too bad.

And Alice looked like a queen. Her dress was tailored to fit her skinny frame, flaring out a little from her hips. The dress was detailed in intricate lace and her ring could be seen from Mars. She was the epitome of the radiant bride. But it wasn't her expensive Couture gown, perfectly styled hair, or impeccable make up that made her so beautiful. It was the mile wide smile she hadn't been able to wipe off her face since she'd arrived two hours ago at the church to get ready.

Anyone within a ten mile radius would be able to tell there wasn't a single doubt in her mind about what she was about to do.

"I'm marrying Jasper Cullen today!" she shrieked.

I laughed, knowing that the guests and Jasper probably heard her.

"I know, Ali," I chuckled. Rose grinned at her from where she was straightening the flower girls little halo of baby's breath.

"I know," Alice giggled. "I just had to say it out loud."

I smiled at her, happy for my friend.

I couldn't help but wonder what I'd say minutes before I walked down the aisle. I'm sure I wouldn't be that calm. I'd probably be hyperventilating into a paper bag somewhere. Then poor Edward would have to come find me, so that nobody thought I'd made a run for it like in that movie with Julia Roberts.

Thoughts like that were dangerous. Edward was leaving soon. I'd come to terms with that... kind of. Either way we weren't close to that stage yet and it freaked me out completely that I'd even found myself thinking about it.

"It's time."I smiled at Mr. Brandon as he came to loop his arm through his daughters and gave Alice a quick one armed hug.

"You look beautiful," I told her and she squeezed me extra tight.

Edward and Emmett were waiting on the other side of the heavy oak doors when we scurried in after leaving Alice with her dad.

Rose hurried to Emmett's side as the music started and they shared a private look, full of love and memories.

I wrapped my arm through Edward's and he leaned down closer to my ear.

"You should wear that dress every day," he whispered, his warm breath tickling my neck.

I bit my lip against my smile. I debated telling him about the no bra situation that resulted in the less than sexy boobie tape but I decided to let him live in ignorant bliss. Besides, I was convinced that if I said the words 'boobie' or 'no bra' in the church God would strike me down.

"Why is that, Mr. Cullen?" I asked, pretending to straighten his bow tie and then it was our turn to walk down the yellow rose petal path. He kept a firm grip on my arm the whole way down, probably fearing I would fall on my face if he let go. It wasn't a completely improbable fear.

I went to go stand by Rose when we got to the alter and figured Edward would go stand by Emmett but he didn't let go of my arm. Instead he kissed my cheek and bowed almost imperceptibly.

"I think you know why," he whispered, his voice sounding deeper than I was used to.

My eyebrows shot up my forehead, making me look like an imbecile I'm sure. Did he really just try to covertly put the moves on me in front of one hundred family members and friends?

He winked as he took his place by Emmett and I hurried to my place beside Rose, hoping no one noticed my slight hesitation.

Well yes, yes he did.

"Choke on his own saliva," Rose whispered in my ear.

Before I had the chance to strangle my best friend in the church during my other best friend's wedding, the doors that we had just entered from opened again, the music changed, and the flower girl stepped out, followed closely by Alice and Mr. Brandon.

My favorite part of weddings is looking at the groom's face when he gets his first peek of the bride and this was no different. The look on Jasper's face was awe, and love, and attraction, and adoration all rolled into one.

It was one of the only times I was able to tear my eyes away from Edward the entire ceremony. The other time was when Jasper started crying a little saying his vows and tried to pass it off as a throaty cough. Yeah. Right.

The rest of the ceremony went off without a hitch. Emmett didn't make any Emmett-like comments, loud enough for us to hear them anyway. I didn't trip on my dress. And Jasper only cried that once.

This was probably in part because of the threat Alice made regularly before the wedding. I wasn't really listening but I got the main idea, which was that if we messed up her wedding day she'd make us cry like little girls in front of all the nice party guests. She may have even made Emmett sign a legalized document stating that he would be on his best behavior. Pixie was not messing around.

And now the true test came; the speeches. Rose had just had her turn, making Alice cry. Seriously it was beautiful; I heard several sniffles from the audience. Now it was my turn and the pressure was on. I stood nervously, smoothing invisible wrinkles from my dress.

"As most of you know I'm Alice and Jasper's best friend," I began, chancing a glance at Rosalie who had just used those exact words a moment before. "Although I get the feeling they tell everyone that."

Rose mock pouted and I heard a few chuckles from the audience. Thank you little baby Jesus! I really did not know what to do with awkward silences. I could just picture myself laughing like a maniac while the crickets chirped in the distance.

Edward reached for my hand and gave me a supportive smile from his seat next to mine.

"I remember the first time Alice saw Jasper," I continued, shooting a grin at Jasper who was probably formulating plots to kill me in my sleep right about now. "Alice, Rose, and I were watching football tryouts and right in the middle of it all was this tall skinny kid. He catches the ball, turns, and takes off running. Very impressive."

Jasper cringed, knowing what was coming next. I'm so glad I convinced Alice this was a story to tell their grandchildren. It was nice knowing the story would live on even when I was gone. My evil shoulder angel grinned wide.

"He didn't make it two feet before he was on the ground. The funny thing is there was no one around him. He just tripped over his own two feet, he did this really impressive zero gravity flip, and that was it. Now if you ask Jasper he'll give you all these excuses about muddy fields and untied laces."

There was another laugh as Jasper tried to call another excuse from his seat. Alice giggled and stretched in her seat to give him a kiss.

"But I think that was the first time he fell for Ali," I finished and someone 'awed' really loud. I think it was Emmett. "You two are perfect for each other. I love you both. Here's to an eternity of happiness."

Everyone raised their glasses and drank to the newlyweds and I sat back down, thankful to be out of the lime light.

I looked over at Edward and he gave me a heartwarming smile. No sarcastic comments? Is he feeling okay?

"What?" I whispered.

He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Well, Ms. Swan," he said as if pleasantly surprised.

Was he as surprised as I was that I hadn't fallen on my face? Or was he just that shocked that I could be pleasant? I can be pleasant ... I just don't see reason to make a habit of it. Then everyone expects it.

"I think you're in the wrong line of work."

I quirked an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah?"

He nodded.

"Yep. You should be writing wedding cards."

I stuck my tongue out at him and he winked, taking a swig of his wine before standing for his turn.

He looked straight at Alice and Jasper with a straight face before declaring, "Let your first child be a masculine child!"

So all in all everything was going good but I should have known it couldn't last. It all went down the drain with just one word: dancing.

I leveled Edward with a glare that could peal paint and he quirked one eyebrow. Unfortunately it seems I've used this death glare on him so much that he's become immune. Dang, I need to be more careful with those. His hand remained palm up in front of me, unaffected.

"Dance with me, m'lady?" he asked.

I folded my arms over my chest. I do not dance. Some people say they can't dance because they're being modest. I'm not one of them. I don't even dance around my apartment when I'm home alone. In other words: ain't gonna happen, truck-napper.

"And here I would have thought the look on my face would have answered your question," I said dryly.

He shrugged.

"Guess not."

We just stared at each other for a moment before he sighed and dropped his hand to his side. Good boy.

"I'm picking up a no," he said, studying my face as if he'd just realized I wasn't too keen on the idea.

"I'm so proud of you," I said sarcastically. "I knew that if I waited long enough you'd get it eventually. Now there's nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of people are slow learners."

He grinned, pulling me straight out of my seat and I yelped.

"But I know you don't mean it," he finished.

Okay so there was nothing slow about his learning capabilities. They were at a standstill.

"I meant it completely," I disagreed. "Especially not to this horrible song."

He snickered.

"I thought you'd like it." He mock pouted.

My eyes widened.

"Please tell me you didn't ask for this song," I pleaded.

He nodded, not ashamed in the least.

"It's our song."

Fire burned out of my eyes I swear.

_Helplessly melting as I stand next to the sun and as she burned me, I am _  
_screaming out for more._  
_Drink every drop of liquid heat that I've become, pop me open spit me out onto _  
_the floor._

"No." I shook my head adamantly. "It is not."

He laughed.

"And if I should find the key you hide so well, will you tell me that I can spend the night?" he quoted.

I pursed my lips like I was thinking.

"Nope," I finally decided. "You're sleeping on the front lawn tonight."

He rolled his eyes.

"Be warned," I trilled. "The sprinklers come on around two am."

"It was a joke," he defended, scared of the sprinklers no doubt. "I keep forgetting your sense of humor was surgically removed at a very young age."

"I will not dance with you or anyone." I got back to the matter at hand. "I will not dance."

He chuckled.

"You sound like Dr. Seuss," he told me, tugging me towards the dance floor. "'I do not like green eggs and ham. I will not eat them in a house. I will not eat them with a mouse.'"

"Oh the king of poetry strikes again," I mumbled, knowing fighting him at this point was futile. At this point he'd probably just throw me over his shoulder and that would draw way more attention than I was comfortable with. I will be avenged however - he cannot go unpunished!

"But you know at the end of the book the guy ends up liking the green eggs and ham," he brought up, snaking his arms around my waist when we got to the middle of the dance floor.

"I hate you," I grumbled.

"He had actually never tried them before," he continued, ignoring me. He's getting better at that - just ignoring me. "Isn't that crazy?"

"I've danced before if that's what you're insinuating." I sniffed. "I went to the school dance when I was in tenth."

Edward looked surprised and I made a face at him, pushing his shoulder.

"I did. I went with Juan Garcia," I said. "I wasn't going to go but he was so hot."

"You're going to hurt my feelings love," he interrupted.

"He was the perfect combination: tall, dark, and handsome," I continued, ignoring him this time. Ha!

Edward mock pouted, pretending to be hurt.

"Don't worry," I baited. "You've got one out of three. That's pretty good."

He grinned, shaking his head.

"Yeah well I've got you now," he said in defense. "And I'm never letting you go."

I grinned despite myself.

"You going to do a victory dance?" I asked.

He grinned a particularly evil smile before putting my arms around his neck.

"That was the plan," he smirked, dipping me unexpectedly.

I yelped, causing several of the neighboring couples to titter as they danced passed. Stupid jerk.

"Do that again and I'm lining all your boxer briefs with bengay," I hissed.

He cringed at the thought.

"Rightly noted." He nodded. "So what ever happened to _Juan Garcia_?"

He said his name like he was something he'd just scraped off his shoe.

"Who says anything happened?" I challenged.

He frowned.

"Well then I guess I'll have to hunt him down and kill him," he said, straight faced.

I laughed, shaking my head.

"We dated for all of twenty minutes," I said. "Until he pulled me onto the dance floor. He tried to spin me and I tripped over his feet and fell."

Edward cringed.

"And if that's not bad enough the momentum was enough to knock us both over. We went flying into the food table and he broke his arm."

He blew out a breath as if I'd just confessed to a murder.

"Wow," he said. "You're right. You really shouldn't dance."

I glared at him.

"Keep it up, truck-napper." I shook my head.

He laughed.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," he promised. "You're dancing now aren't you?"

I wasn't. I was shuffling back and forth on my feet with a death grip on Edward's shoulders.

"I'd never let you fall," he said, sounding amazingly self assured.

I quirked an eyebrow.

"Even if I was falling and would just take you down with me?" I challenged.

He shook his head, grinning.

"I'd rather fall and break my arm with you than stand here, unharmed, without you," he teased.

I leaned my head on his shoulder, rolling my eyes. Well, didn't that just sum up our entire relationship?

He still wasn't going to get away with making me dance, especially not when you factor in this ridiculous song. I'd yet to meet his parents after all.

**_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_****_ I hope you liked it. Favorite scene/line? You can see pics of the wedding on the truck-napper blog if you're interested. And there will be more missing scenes added to the blog soon so check there in a while. There was a ton of missing reviews last time and I'm worried people are abandoning ship because Edward is leaving soon. Just trust me please. I'm a fan of happy endings too, promise. _****_The wedding scenes will continue in the next chapter and Bella gets to meet the parents. Dun, dun, dun! The song truck-napper requested was woman by maroon 5. He's such a snot. Don't forget to ask for a preview in your review if you want one. Thanks guys!_**

**_Thanks a million times to my beta. W/out her you guys probably wouldn't have gotten this chapter so soon. She had to help me find my sense of humor again. Lol. It went missing for a second._**


	27. The Word of the Day is Hoodwinked

_**DISCLAIMER: **__**The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

_**The voting has started on Giggle/Snort. This story is in the finals for best Edward and best overall. Go vote if you love me... I mean the story. Lol. Thanks as always to crazylittlewriter, my beta. You rock big time, lovie. :-)**_

The Word of the Day is Hoodwinked

* * *

I'll admit dancing with Edward wasn't as bad as I'd been expecting. I only stepped on his feet twice and he laughed it off both times, saying his feet were too big to stay cooperatively out of my way. I think that was a bit of his ego shining through, but I let it go because you never bad mouth the guy who's keeping you from falling on your butt. He'll have to be on his best behavior once I've regained a sense of depth perception though. Maybe he knew that and that's why he kept spinning me around. It was a catch22, though, because if he kept doing that then I was going to fall out of my dress.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the song ended and I was still completely covered. Thank you magical boob tape!

Edward tried to coerce me into another dance, but I knew not to test my luck. Before he could pester me too badly, pulling out his pouty face or trying to kiss me into submission, the flower girl, Alexa, came up and begged my boyfriend for a dance.

I snickered as he cast me a longing glance, before turning his attention to the hopeful four year old.

"Of course," he said, taking her little hand. "You can never reject a dance with a beautiful lady. It's a rule."

He looked up at me with a sly wink. There's my charming truck-napper. Insides melting...

"If it's okay with Bella," he added.

I almost snorted. More power to you, Babe.

The little girl turned her face up to me, her black curls and ice blue eyes making her look so much like her Auntie Alice.

"Can he, Bella?" she asked, her hand still clutched tight in Edwards. For a moment I pictured Edward in the middle of a dance floor twirling around an itty bitty girl with sparkling green eyes and brown hair. Any daughter of Edward's would be _showered _in love and affection. She'd be daddy's little girl and partner in crime. He'd spoil her rotten. Which only meant... I'd be the boring parent. Not a chance! I'll show you, truck-napper! Bump and jump for your birthday? Of course, darling. A slip and slide? No problem! A slip and slide _inside_ the house? ... Go ask Daddy, princess.

I shook the thoughts from my head, a little bothered and uneasy about them actually residing in my brain. How strong had that wine been?

I knelt in front of the gorgeous little girl and kissed her forehead.

"Sure thing, Lexa." I assured her. "But make sure to keep him in line for me okay?"

Alexa giggled and nodded eagerly, ready to take charge of the 6'4" man in front of her with the smallest childish grin.

"Are you insinuating that I need a babysitter, Ms Swan?" he asked, acting as if appalled.

I nodded straight faced.

"I wouldn't want you embarrassing Alexa here by busting into the Macarena or something." I snickered.

Edward rubbed his chin thoughtfully, causing my lips to twitch into a grin. He looked like the famous thinking statue. Although, I seriously doubt even he had such pressing matters to consider. The burning questions of the universe go in this order: Is there a God? What was Gwyneth Paltrow thinking when she dubbed her daughter Apple? Do mailmen deliver their own mail? The mechanics of the Macarena and how said dance would embarrass a four year old follow close behind.

"How do you think a little disco would favor?" he asked seriously. If he did do some disco my dad might like him a little better. I would have to recite the presidents in alphabetical order every time I saw him to keep from laughing though. So it's a tough call.

"What's a Macarena?"Alexa trilled in.

Edward looked down at her, amused.

"How about we ask your Auntie to show you?" he grinned.

I couldn't help but laugh imagining Alice, always so in style, doing a dance that stubbornly refuses to die no matter how much you wish it might, in the middle of her own wedding reception. I can imagine the fit she'd throw just at the suggestion, but if by some magical four year old pout they got her out there, I needed to find a camera STAT.

"After we dance," Alexa reminded him stubbornly.

He chuckled, twirling her around and making her giggle.

I watched in awe from my seat as the guy who stole a truck on a dare let the little girl stand on his shoes as he did an exaggerated box step, keeping a tight grip on her hands. The man was an enigma. But I couldn't help but think I wouldn't mind spending at least a great majority of my life time trying to unravel this one.

"Mr. Yummy's here, huh?"

I shot a look over my shoulder at the familiar voice.

"He has a name, Jake," I reminded my friend.

He shrugged, not bothered in the least.

"Well whatever the guys name is he's been taking up all your time." He sniffed. "You never answer your phone anymore."

I got to my feet so I could give him a hug. I hadn't talked to anyone much except for Edward now that I thought of it. I had missed my big teddy bear, my gay Yoda.

"He's kind of high maintenance," I explained teasingly. "A complete time suck."

"Well he can't be that bad." Sam grinned. "If he's put up with you for this long."

And where would Yoda be without Master Windu? Although I'll admit Sam's more like a mixture between Windu and that annoying character that everyone secretly plots to set fire to... the one with the speech impediment. It doesn't happen all the time, but if you can just fluster him to a certain extent he'll develop a little stutter.

It's awesome.

I smacked him in the back of the head before giving him a hug too.

"You're just jealous because I get Mr. Yummy and you're stuck with Jake," I teased and Jacob pouted dramatically.

I laughed, taking my seat again as Sam assured "Jakey-poo" that he was his one and only. All jokes aside gay Yoda is one of a kind.

Out on the floor the song had ended and Edward was trying to make his graceful exit, but it seemed word travels fast in the underground society of children. A small army of kids were now waiting to dance on 'Uncle Eddie's' shoes. I could spot the pouty lips and puppy dog eyes all the way from here. Don't let that fool you! I'm sure if I was to throw a handful of candy in the middle of them, only enough for about half, we'd find out what they're really like.

Edward must not realize this because instead of looking terrified he appeared unable to say no. I fully intend to make fun of him for it later, even if it does melt my heart a little more.

"Oh I know that look," Jake trilled as he and Sam sat at the abandoned table with me.

I tried to look as innocent as possible when you know what they're going to accuse you of and you know they're right.

"What look?"

Sam and Jacob both looked at each other and then busted out laughing.

"Was that convincing, Sam?" Jake grinned, directing his attention to Sam as if I wasn't even there.

Sam shook his head.

"Not convincing in the least, Jakey," he replied, amused. "But it does remind me of something I've been meaning to tell her."

"_She _is right here," I huffed. I knew I should have just kept my trap shut when they turned gleaming eyes to me, finally acknowledging my presence.

"Bella loves truck-napper!" Sam exclaimed in a rather loud tone deaf sing-song voice, scaring an old woman that was walking past.

They then burst into raucous laughter before singing a rousing rendition of 'Bella and truck-napper sitting in a tree.' They just amused themselves to no end.

"Shut up!" I hissed.

Sometimes they were just like little brothers, choosing the most inopportune times to bust out your most embarrassing memories, or put itching powder in your underwear drawer. With this group of friends I never had a chance at being normal.

"Take it to the chorus!"

I gritted my teeth together.

"I swear to god I'll tell Leah you've had a change of heart, Sam," I warned.

Both he and Jacob's mouths snapped shut.

I grinned smugly. _You've still got it, Swan._

Leah Clearwater had also had her heart set on the new buffed out life guard that day on the beach. She'd taken getting turned down for another dude a little harder than I had. To this day she still believed she could change his mind.

"You don't fight fair," Jacob grumbled as Sam pated his shoulder comfortingly before resting his hand on his knee.

"I didn't know that was a requirement," I shrugged.

After our little sibling rivalry was out of the way we talked for a while about the vacation they were planning to take to Hawaii to visit Jake's sister. Sam talked some about work, although he knew better by this time to ask about my cards. I swear my boss got crazier and crazier. I'd call someone concerning his mental stability, but I'm pretty sure they'd take me too and I am not sharing a padded room with that man. I'm not.

Since the condolence break-up card he's had me write one for someone who's been robbed, an "I'm sorry you failed your test" card, and one specifically for someone who's getting a vasectomy. So far all I'd gotten for that one was, "They're neutering you like a dog, but you'll never have to change diapers in a sleepless fog."

Edward keeps encouraging me to keep working on my book. However, every time I sit down to write, all ideas leave my brain as if on a boycott against me. Real life is so much more interesting than anything I can think of right now anyway. If I was writing the story though, I'd never have the hero move back to Chicago. What is the author of my life thinking? Maybe that's the real burning question of the universe.

"Bella?"

I blinked out of my haze, trying to turn my attention back to my friends. I hadn't even realized I was zoning out. Seriously, this was more than pressing. It seemed like for the last few days no matter what I'm doing my mind always goes back to D day. D day=dummy's leaving.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I have a lot on my mind I guess. What were we talking about?"

Jacob eyed me curiously for a moment before sighing.

"We were talking about the napkin colors." He filled me in. "I love Alice but what was the girlie thinking? I mean, red is so overkill."

I rolled my eyes.

"I helped with all these decisions I'll have you know," I informed them. Although I must admit I don't care one way or another what color the napkins are.

Sam shrugged.

"Red is definitely overkill, Bells," he seconded. "You might want to store that away for future reference."

"Because making this mistake once is understandable," Jake added.

"But if we see these at your wedding we're not going to be as easily pacified," Sam finished.

I snorted.

"Got it," I nodded. "I'll make sure they're bright orange with big black stripes and lime green polka dots."

They looked appalled. I snickered.

"Hey, Sam, why don't you go get more wine," Jacob suggested abruptly.

He rolled his eyes, made an exaggerated sigh, but got up obediently without a word.

"Let me know when I'm supposed to come back," he muttered sarcastically as he walked away.

Jake giggled, blowing him a kiss and Sam's mouth twitched up.

"Okay, Bella," he said formally as soon as he was done watching his beef cake walk away. "Let's talk about this shall we?"

I frowned.

"God, Jake, I was kidding," I exclaimed.

Note to self: making jokes about wedding colors in front of the gay Indians is almost as bad as making them in front of Alice.

"I would leave the polka dots off of course."

Jake rolled his eyes.

"Stop being dense. I know you wouldn't choose atrocious colors."

I nodded.

"We both know I'll be helping you." He grinned.

I glared at him and he laughed, holding his hands up in front of him.

"I don't want to talk napkins anyway," he assured me. "I want to talk about all this weighing down your mind."

I sighed. I should have known he'd want details. I should have just nodded and smiled. They never would have known my mind was miles off.

"Is it about a certain sexy bronze haired god?" he asked.

I pulled a Sam and let out an exaggerated sigh, but he didn't let up.

"Maybe one with green eyes and the inability to turn down a dare?"

I pressed my lips together. He wasn't getting anything out of me. I was a safe, baby. Lock down.

"One that's completely rocking a tux, by the way," he added, letting his eyes slide to the dance floor.

I couldn't help but let my eyes take the same path his had and they were very happy when they landed on the green eyed god. He really did look amazing. It was weird not seeing him in Converse, but the crisp black tux made my mouth water. When he walked out of the bedroom this morning in his wedding attire I had almost said forget the wedding and jumped him. I actually would have if he hadn't popped off with some stupid comment about meeting me at the altar.

"I knew it!" Jacob laughed.

My eyes snapped back to him.

"What?" I choked out.

He laughed.

"It's definitely about your boy," he nodded, sure of his hypothesis. "You love him."

I still was not saying anything. Of course I loved him but I wasn't going to broadcast it. Geesh.

"You love him," Jake continued to shrill, loudly. "You really, really love him!"

I smacked his arm.

"Ssshh," I hissed.

His humor filled eyes landed, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

"Fine," I huffed. "I love him. It's not that earth shattering is it? Of course I love him, but it doesn't matter because he's leaving."

Jacob blinked.

"He lives in Chicago and he doesn't have any more time off work so he's going back there," I finished, crossing my arms over my chest. There was a little ache burning there all of a sudden. It didn't make me sentimental though. I made me want to go kick Edward in the shins. Leave me will ya!

"Well, why don't-"

"I don't want to talk about it," I cut him off.

He raised his plucked eyebrows.

"But-"

"Nope." I shook my head.

He frowned, matching my stance. I almost asked if he felt like he was having a heart attack too.

"You can't ramble like that and tell me not to give you advice, Bells," he said, flabbergasted.

Yes I can!

"I'm sorry," I sighed.

He nodded.

"Hey, Jake?"

He raised one eyebrow in question.

"Do not give me advice."

He narrowed his eyes at me as I snickered.

"I'm going to find Sam," he said as if this were my punishment. I almost expected him to say something about me not moving until I've learned my lesson.

"Okay," I shrugged nonchalantly.

He stalked away, not impressed in the least. I'd probably have to go find him later, but I could think of so many things more appealing than apologizing to a sulking Jacob. He'd no doubt tell Sam I'd hurt his feelings so they'd both be pissed at me.

I groaned, letting my head rest on the edge of the table. So Jake and Sam were mad at me, Edward was leaving me, and I could feel a headache coming on. It was almost like the thoughts in my head were sick of being put on the back burner and they were thrashing, trying to get out. God, maybe I did need to be put in the padded cell with my boss. I'm still not being his cell mate though. Crazy man!

"Is anyone sitting here?"

You have got to be kidding me! Can't I get three seconds alone without someone pestering me? I just wanted to sulk in peace for Christ sake.

I regretfully raised my eyes to see a petite woman standing beside the chair Jacob had just vacated, watching me expectantly.

"No," I shook my head. "Go ahead."

"Thanks so much." She grinned. "My feet are killing me."

I looked down at said feet to see she was wearing very sensible shoes, not at all like the ones Alice and Rose had forced me to wear, maybe she had bunions.

"I know what you mean," I tried to make small talk. Maybe she could get my mind off my irritatingly wonderful boyfriend for a second. "My friends insisted I wear these stupid things."

I held one foot out for her to see and she cringed when she saw the strappy hell dangling from my ankle, dyed to match the dress of course.

"I should sell them to the police force." I chuckled. "They'd get their confessions so much quicker if they forced them to wear these all day."

The woman chuckled, sweeping some of her hair behind her ear. There was something familiar about her but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. She was wearing a sea foam green dress that brought out the green in her eyes. She had lines around her mouth like she'd smiled a lot in her lifetime. Other than that and a few lines of gray in her otherwise brown hair, there was no evidence of how old she was. By the way crazy Uncle Marty was glaring at her I'm guessing she's ex wife#3.

Poor woman must be feeling so awkward.

"My boyfriend only wears Converse sneakers," I told her, letting my eyes slide back to him. "Maybe he's on to something."

I smiled, watching as Edward took the hand of another little girl and twirled her. She almost fell, but he pulled her back up and she giggled so loud I could hear it even over here. There were at least three women swooning at the sight. That's fine as long as they did it from a distance. They better keep their grubby hands off him though. The goof is mine.

"That's your boyfriend?" the woman asked, following my eyes to Edward. "The one with the little kids?"

I nodded, not quite able to shake my melancholy mood. Would I ever need to choose napkin colors? Would I ever be able to see Edward dancing with our kids? These were things I'd never thought I'd care about and I wasn't sure if I cared about it now. I wanted to have the option though. Would he leave me and completely forget? Would I become just that one girl he spent a couple months with when he visited his cousin?

"Truck-Napper," I said quietly. Emmett was now on the floor as well, twirling Rose around dramatically. They looked like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Emmett whispered something as he passed Edward and Edward laughed. They looked like they were up to no good. Maybe I should have waited to see if anything exploded before I admitted to being associated with either of them.

The woman's green eyes shone with amusement.

"Truck-Napper?" she quoted, tilting her head in question.

"Yeah." I chuckled. "Although if he's done something to offend you I'll have to direct you to our complaint department."

Ex crazy uncle Marty laughed.

"He seems like a good person," she deduced.

I snorted.

"He is." I nodded. "When he's not trying to drive me insane."

"Insane?"

Insane!

"He's so unbelievably hot and he can be so sweet sometimes," I said. "But his sexy little smirks make me want to either hit him or kiss him senseless. He always argues with me too. Sometimes I think he just wants to get a rise out of me. He's so opinionated and he can be a little arrogant. He doesn't let anything bother him. Nothing about this relationship should work but it does. I love him and he's leaving me."

I sat back after my little rant and rubbed my temples. Wow, why couldn't I just tell Jacob that? Sometimes it's so much easier to talk to a stranger. It doesn't matter if they judge you because you'll never see them again.

Of course, in the back of my mind I knew that this complete stranger probably didn't want to hear my life story. Besides, she's probably got bigger issues to deal with. I mean she just had to sit through an entire wedding with her ex husband, and now he's glaring at her. Hell, being married to crazy Uncle Marty is a hardship in itself.

But that was all a little flicker of a thought way in the back. Now that I'm talking I can't seem to shut up.

"And this is the first relationship that I've been in that works," I continued to ramble. "How messed up is that? I finally fall in love and the guys got to go? Chicago is 1832.9 miles away from Forks. Did you know that? It is - I map quested it."

Long distance relationship my big pale buttocks! That's not a long distance relationship. That's a _long _distance. My palms were starting to sweat as I tried to figure out how many football fields that was. Anything that forces me to do math must be evil in the first place.

I grabbed another glass of wine from a passing waiter and I think something in my rabid expression must have scared him because he jumped. That helped my mood a little at least.

The ex Mrs Crazy Uncle Marty frowned, looking truly concerned.

I decided I liked her. Maybe I'll slash Marty's tires on the way out for her or something. She deserves something nice.

"Have you and Edward talked about this?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed in worry.

It's so nice to find someone who seems to genuinely care about people's problems without it directly effecting them. It's so rare these days.

I was just about to ask her if she's met Edward since she called him by name, but then the man himself slid into the seat next to me.

Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear.

"Hello again." He kissed my cheek, grinning. "I finally escaped."

As sad as it is, I can feel my pulse start to slow at the sight of him. But then again I guess you're bound to calm down anytime someone pulls the breaks on a freak out.

"You couldn't tell them no could you?" I challenged.

He shrugged.

"It's a fault," he said, unbothered. Of course. "You wouldn't have been able to either."

I opened my mouth to protest but he winked, turning his attention to Marty's ex wife.

"Hey, Mom."

My mouth snapped shut so fast I bit my tongue, leasing a little yelp.

"Have you gotten the chance to congratulate Jasper and Alice yet? Or did you rush over to ambush my girl first?"

Wait. One. Second.

She can't be Edward's mother. She's Mrs. Crazy Uncle Marty. Or Ex... or someone. _Anyone _else. Please god, you just can't hate me that much!

Is it completely evil of me to wish my boyfriend's developed some kind of rare, hopefully temporary, disease that makes him mix people up?

The woman with the all too familiar green eyes threw Edward a playful scolding look.

"I didn't _ambush _her, Edward," she defended. "I talked to the happy couple right before I came to introduce myself to Bella. They seem so happy. It's a beautiful wedding."

Edward nodded as I just sit there resembling a very retarded trout, opening and closing my mouth.

"Did Bella tell you she helped plan this wedding," Edward asked her, grinning proudly and slinging his arm across the back of my chair.

"She didn't," Mrs-foul-me-into-thinking-I-could-ramble-to-you said. "It's just gorgeous, Bella," she turned her attention to me.

"You're his mother?" I blurted.

She winced as Edward looked between the two of us, frowning in confusion.

"Aw," he finally groaned. "Mom!"

At least my ramblings hadn't gone more in the direction of his stellar bun cheeks and lickable abs. Silver lining.

"You didn't tell her who you were," he accused as if he simply couldn't believe it.

I shook my head as E-_lie-_zabeth turned her repentant eyes to her son. If I would have seen those eyes when she thought she was in trouble, I would have pin-pointed their genetic contribution to Edward immediately. They have the exact same, _who? me?_ look.

"I was going to," she insisted weakly.

There's a tense silence growing and I'm afraid it's going to choke us all. Help! How mad would Alice be if I made SOS signals with the flairs I've got in the bed of my truck?

"That's okay," I break the silence, trying not to show just how much I want to strangle his mother. That only makes sense though I suppose, seeing as how I want to strangle _him _a great majority of the time.

"At least she's not married to crazy uncle Marty."

She frowned, looking over her shoulder.

"Is that the man over there," she asked, looking at Marty's table.

"That would be him," I affirmed.

She let out a laugh.

"We both got Alice and Jasper crystal flower vases."

I nodded, making a point to glare back at Uncle Marty.

Edward sighed, playing with the hair that had come out of my fancy up-do at the back of my neck.

"I told you to wait for me," he reminded her. "Bella scares easily."

I rolled my eyes.

"You make me sound like a mouse," I sniffed.

Edward grinned at me.

"Am I guessing correctly that comparing your girlfriend to a rodent is bad?" he asked cheekily.

I nodded. Someone is definitely sleeping on the couch tonight! ...Or on the front lawn.

"Edward Anthony!" Mrs Cullen gasped.

I turned amused eyes to her. Here's a plus, I get to see big tough truck-napper get in trouble with mommy.

Edward held his free hand out in sign of his innocence.

"I wasn't comparing her to a mouse," he promised. "She's more like a bear anyway."

He looked at me from out of the corner of his eye slyly.

"You should see her when she's mad," he stage whispered.

Mrs Cullen closed her eyes, shaking her head.

"He gets this from his father," she confided, not doing any better at whispering than her son had. "I tried my best."

I chuckled.

"Some things are just lost causes." I nodded. "I don't blame you."

Mrs Cullen laughed as Edward frowned at me.

"I'm going to like you," she sniggered. "I'm Elizabeth."

She held out her hand and I shook it.

"I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself right away," she said, looking shamefaced. "I really was going to but we got to talking and I didn't want to stop you."

I felt red creep up my cheeks.

"No problem," I muttered.

"What were you guys talking about?" Edward asked curiously.

Please don't tell him, please don't tell him!

Elizabeth seemed to read what I was feeling on my face because after studying me for a second, she cleared her expression with no difficulties. It seems Edward came by his acting abilities honestly too. No matter how much she insists Edward is like his father, I can only assume she was quite a force to be reckoned with herself.

"We were just talking about that time you broke your aunt's window when you were twelve," she told him pleasantly.

He rolled his eyes.

"It was Jillian," he groaned.

He shifted in his seat so that he was facing me.

"Jillian was Jasper's next door neighbor," he told me and I nodded. "I've told her a million times I wasn't the one to break it but she doesn't believe me."

"I wonder why." I grinned and he pouted at me.

"Jillian broke the window because _you _stuck a frog down the back of her shirt," Elizabeth reminded him, being all motherly with her disappointment. She couldn't quite pull it off though because her lips twitched into a familiar smirk as Edward frowned.

"Sounds like someone had a crush," I warbled.

Edward rolled his eyes at me.

"I actually did until she screamed when she saw the frog," he said dryly.

He leaned in and kissed my cheek, letting his tongue poke out just enough to make me jump, not enough so that his mother could see though. Jerk.

"I like a girl that can take it and give it right back." He winked.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Was stealing my truck a test or something?" I asked. I wouldn't be all that surprised at this point.

He chuckled, shaking his head.

"You two have a very interesting history," Elizabeth remarked, watching us with interest.

I refrained from snorting again, taking a dainty sip from my wine glass. I guess it didn't matter now that the woman had seen me scare the bejeebers out of the waiter when I practically attacked the serving platter, but whatever.

"And I'm sure we'll have an interesting future," Edward said calmly.

I, however, choked on my wine and he had to pat my back as I coughed. Elizabeth grinned so big it almost split her face in two.

Before she could start questioning what her son meant, I set my glass down and turned my attention to her.

"So where is Mr. Cullen?" I asked.

"He was talking to Carlisle last time I saw him." She rolled her eyes. "I've found it's better not to ask what they're up to so that I won't have to testify against them."

I laughed out loud.

"I know exactly what you mean," I said, smirking at Edward.

He raised both eyebrows.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked rhetorically. "This one would volunteer to light the fuse," he insisted, turning to his mother. "Don't let her fool you."

I shrugged.

"My husband said that Edward had met his match," Elizabeth said, her eyes thoughtful.

Edward grinned proudly as if he were a hunting dog dragging his prize home for his owners.

"I would like to think that I could beat him if I tried," I corrected, smiling coyly at my boyfriend.

He rolled his eyes.

"She _knows _she can beat me," he sighed. "But that doesn't stop me from trying."

I patted his knee under the table.

"You can try," I sing-songed.

Elizabeth laughed.

"We are going to be good friends," she decided.

* * *

**Author's Note: **_**Okay so I realize that she didn't get the chance to meet Edward Sr. but I'm completely sleep deprived and this chapter is pretty long as it is. You'll get to see them meeting in the next chapter. Let me know what you thought. Favorite line/scene? Was this how you invisioned Elizabeth? Ask for a preview in your review if you want one.**_

_**Don't forget to go vote at giggle/snort. Much love!**_


	28. The Word of the Day is Departure

_**DISCLAIMER:**__** The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

_**Voting ends at the giggle/snort awards in three days. Don't forget to go show some love for db and truck-napper. And make sure not to vote twice as that disqualifies your first vote too. Much love!**_

**_Thank you as always to crazylittlewriter, my beta, for making this story better and getting my chapters back to me so soon. I'm sure you guys appreciate her for that as well right? ;) There wasn't a preview for the last chapter because I was sick and working over time at work so I didn't have time to get it out there but here is the new chapter... Enjoy and don't hate me too much okay?_**

The Word of the Day is Departure

* * *

There was a proverbial clock hovering above my head, so loud and persistent that I found myself gritting my teeth as the seconds passed by. I had one more full day with Edward before he left for the city of doom. His flight left at 11:15 tomorrow morning, which left me approximately ten hours... not that I was keeping track.

"Do you want to go back to the meadow?"

I shook my head, nuzzling into the couch cushions. We'd been doing this all morning; Edward would suggest something fun to do for our last day together, and I would shoot it down because some part of me thought that if we never found something to do, the time would pause and wait for us. I was also getting really irritated with his lackadaisical attitude. It's not like I thought he'd cry or anything but... maybe just a few tears? At least act like he was upset about leaving me. God.

"Do you want to watch Monty Python again?" he suggested.

I rolled my eyes.

"We've watched that four times," I pointed out, somewhat petulantly.

He shrugged, plopping onto the couch beside me unceremoniously so that I was jostled. He chuckled, putting his arms around me in the pretense of keeping me from falling off the couch although I was in no real danger of it.

"I thought that was our thing," he teased, leaving a noisy kiss on my forehead.

I bristled, shrugging out of his arms.

"Really? Because I thought 'our thing' was irritating the living hell out of each other."

Edward raised both eyebrows.

"What is up with you today?" he asked.

I snorted.

"Nothing," I lied. "I'm always like this."

His eyebrows remained somewhere in his hairline.

"No," he said slowly. "Usually you're lovably difficult and endearingly outspoken but not just... _mean_."

I narrowed my eyes at him. _I _was the one being mean?_ I_ was mean? I'm not the one that came to Forks and made some random girl fall in love with me just to leave her, not caring one way or another that I was probably never going to see her again. Jerk.

"Are you hungry?" he asked finally.

"No," I lied again. I was starving. Edward and I had come home from the wedding and spent the night cuddled on the couch. He had finally let me read Much Ado About Nothing to him. It had been an almost blissful evening. We spent the night under the scratchy plaid blanket my great grandmother Swan had knitted for my father when he was born, me nuzzled in Edward's strong arms, as I read aloud. He promised that he liked the book... more so than Oliver Twist, which I might have guilt tripped him in to admitting because that was _our _story. He was my Benedict.

But then I'd made a snide comment and he'd had to kiss me quiet and we got slightly distracted. The last thing I'd eaten was the piece of wedding cake Edward brought me at the reception last night.

"Are you sure?" he checked. "Because you tend to get really cranky when you haven't eaten."

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm not cranky," I snapped.

He chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Of course you're not, love," he nullified me.

I rolled my eyes. Every time he'd called me that today or said those three little words my heart had torn a little more. Tomorrow was the last morning I was going to get to wake up in his arms and that was going to be marred by his departure. It was almost like a painful memory of what I'd had even with him still standing here. Because I knew he wouldn't be for long. I'd never been good at showing my emotions though, so instead of letting onto the fact that there was a giant fissure erupting in my heart, I let my anger overshadow the sadness.

"Alright," he said as if we'd been having a fully fledged conversation. "No movie. Let's just talk."

I let out a little breath. Maybe he was finally going to acknowledge what was happening; that he wouldn't be with me tomorrow, that he was leaving me.

"Okay," I agreed, somewhat reluctantly. I wanted to know that he was at least a little upset about this being our last day, but I didn't want to admit to the same thing. Truth be told I was more than a little upset. How could he have completely transformed my entire life in the little time span of a month and a half? No one had been able to have even a fraction of this kind of impact on me ever before.

"Good." He nodded brightly, pulling me to him. I let myself go willingly this time, relaxing as his arms circled around my waist and he pulled me onto his lap. My back rested against his chest so that I could feel the rise and fall of his even breathing.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked. Might as well get this over with.

I could feel him shrug as he linked our fingers together and kissed the side of my neck.

"I know you hated all the errands but the wedding was really nice," he started.

I frowned. That's not where I saw him starting this conversation...

"It was nice," I agreed hesitantly. "I'm glad everything went well."

Edward chuckled.

"Well I'm just glad my dad introduced himself before you started talking at least."

I rolled my eyes, smiling just a little as I remembered meeting the great Edward Sr. I wouldn't have needed his introduction in the first place. Edward had gotten his mothers eyes and facial expressions, but the hair was all his dad's. Edward Sr's hair was now grey but it was still messy and unruly. Edward told me later, when I asked, that his dad's hair had been the same copper color back in the day. They say you should look at a person's parents to see how they were going to age and Edward had definitely been blessed by the genetic gods. All of the Cullen men were inhumanly gorgeous. At one point Carlisle, Jasper, Edward Sr., and my Edward posed for the photographer together and I thought the poor woman was going to pass out cold. It was just unfair having all of those wonderful specimens together in the same room. They all had their own distinct look, but you could tell they were related by the same strong jaw bone and playful eyes. They all had a relaxed, confident air.

..And they had all teepeed the tree in the front lawn after the wedding reception. Edward said this was a one last harra for the groom and a Cullen family tradition. I'd pointed out that there was nothing final about their shenanigans because Carlisle and Edward Sr. were married and they'd participated. I highly doubted Jasper would stop his mischief just because he'd gotten married and I wasn't sure Edward was even capable going one day without eliciting the attention of some worried citizen.

I'd also pointed out that by teepeeing a tree on church property they were all going directly to hell. He didn't seem to take this seriously but he'd see.

"It could have gone worse," I pointed out. "I could have talked about how sexy you were, but I stuck to killing you like usual."

He laughed.

"Who knew that was going to be a saving grace when talking to my mother." He chuckled.

I corked one eyebrow, turning my head to look at him.

"You don't think your mother would have wanted to hear about how cute you are when you wake up in the morning, all disoriented with your hair going medusa and your boxer briefs riding so low on your hips that I can see-"

"No!" He coughed, the tips of his ears turning pink as he thought of his mother hearing what I was about to say. I laughed, and he frowned, poking me in the ribs.

"You're evil," he whispered in my ear.

I grinned; one could say it was a particularly _evil _grin.

"I never said I wasn't," I pointed out.

"Uh-huh," he hummed. "So I know what you and my dad talked about, but what _did _you talk to Mom about?"

I smiled fondly as I remembered teasing Edward mercilessly with his dad. Edward Sr. did remember me from when I'd stolen Edward's cell phone. He'd come up behind Elizabeth, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. You could see the love radiating off those two, but it didn't make me want to puke up my wedding cake like it usually would have. Then, Edward's Sr. turned his head to his son with a familiar twinkle in his eye. I grinned, already recognizing that twinkle. I was so excited to see the twinkle aimed at Edward instead of coming from him, usually aimed at me.

"Did you ever get your phone back, son?" He'd chuckled.

"I did," he'd answered good naturedly, shooting a smirk my way.

I smiled innocently at him before turning my attention to the truck-napper of yesteryears.

"I wasn't going to give it back," I confided. "But when he started crying, I just couldn't keep teasing him."

Edward guffawed next to me and both his parents cackled.

"I did not cry." Edward defended himself, sounding appalled.

"Big heaping sobs," I confirmed. "Just like a little girl. It was just so precious."

Edward tried to talk over me, but I could talk louder.

"Your son is so sensitive." I nodded. "You know one of the first times we went to the coffee shop I thought he was gay."

Edward groaned, hiding his face in my hair and I giggled.

"Now I have to hear this story," Elizabeth trilled.

I complied easily, telling them about Edward staring longingly through the window at Jake. Edward listened good natured as ever, seeming amused by my story telling skills. Then he told them the real story where I'd used my gay friend to make him jealous. It was then my turn to groan and turn an unflattering shade of pink.

"Oh nothing," I said, shaking my head. "Just ways to kill you of course."

He rolled his eyes, playing with our linked fingers.

"Of course," he exaggerated. "And why did you want to kill me this time, Ms. Swan?"

I shrugged.

"I can't recall," I baited. "Probably just force of habit."

He chuckled, kissing my neck and we were quite for a while, just enjoying the way his arms wrapped around me... or at least I was.

"So it wasn't because you didn't want me to go back to Chicago?" he asked tentatively.

I stiffened, caught off guard. I'd wanted to talk about this, but when he said it like that I just sounded whiney and selfish.

"That's ridiculous," I said tensely.

Edward sighed.

"My mom told me you were upset about it, babe."

I narrowed my eyes. Why had she gone and done that? It felt like a kind of betrayal.

"She just wanted to help," he defended, as if reading my mind. Yes, let's add that to his list of skills shall we, like he's not annoyingly perfect as it is!

"You shouldn't need your mommy to tell you what's bothering me, Edward," I snipped.

"How should I have known you were that upset about it?" he questioned, sounding offended.

I snorted, a very ladylike gesture but I didn't care.

"How could you have _not _known?" I countered.

I could feel Edward's chest raise steadily and fall as he took a deep breath.

"I knew you were a little upset about it, but we haven't really talked about it," he pointed out, always so rational. It was probably a good thing he was rational because I was feeling anything but at the moment, alas it was doing nothing but irritating me. Nothing ever bothered him. He was never governed by emotions and I don't know why that bothered me so much, but it did. Why couldn't he be mad and annoyed and refuse to leave me? Why couldn't he see the innate injustice that was being done to us by him leaving just as we'd found love? Why wasn't he as upset as I was?

An irrational part of me thought maybe it was because I loved him more. That was the part that made me feel stupid for _letting _myself love him more.

"I didn't realize you were so upset that you were going to go venting about it to some stranger."

"She wasn't a stranger," I defended.

"You thought she was," he countered.

"Well whose fault is it that we haven't talked about it more?" I huffed, not commenting about venting to a stranger because I _had _thought Elizabeth was just some stranger in the beginning. In usual instances I wouldn't have rambled on like that to someone I didn't know. Usually I didn't ramble about my feelings to anyone, except very recently to Edward. It just seemed like a weakness to me somehow, probably because I was raised by the great conversationalist, Charlie Swan. But I had been so upset that I hadn't been able to stop myself when she brought up Edward. I hadn't even realized how upset I was until I'd started talking.

"Both of ours," Edward sighed.

I wriggled out of his arms once more, turning to look him in the eye.

"Not true," I poked his chest with the enunciation of both words. "I brought it up in the meadow."

"We talked about it in the meadow." He held his hand up in front of him as if to show visual proof of his innocence.

"No," I snapped. "I wanted to talk about it and you had nothing to say about it. You just made a joke about it! Trying to distract me from a serious matter with a stupid joke about carrier pigeons is just insulting my intelligence."

He blinked as if he wasn't even sure who I was any more. Granted, I was making a big deal out of this, but it _was _a big deal. Our entire relationship was being called into balance here and he didn't seem to care, at least not as much as I did.

How did this happen? How did Bella Swan, most likely to run over a pedestrian in high school, open up her heart to love? How did I become the one in the relationship that was scared of being left? I didn't get abandoned, not since Renee. I hadn't let myself get left behind since my own mother left me like I was nothing. No, since then _I _was the one who left. I was the one who didn't care. I was the one that planned long talks about how I just wanted to have fun and _they _were taking it too seriously.

"I wasn't insulting your intelligence," he said slowly, almost as if scared to making any sudden movements. "I would never do that, DB. You're the smartest person I know."

I scoffed.

"Don't call me that," I sniffed.

He swallowed.

"Why not?" he asked, looking truly worried for the first time since we'd begun talking.

"How can we be DB and Truck-napper if we're 1832.9, miles apart?" I asked, my voice cracking.

He swallowed again and I focused with everything I had on the bobbing of his adams apple so that I wouldn't see his eyes blinking more rapidly, liquid lingering there that he refused to let fall. Even now he was so stubborn.

"Chicago is noth-"

"Chicago is stupid!" I screamed, full on screamed. Maybe it came out louder than I intended because it had been on a constant loop in my brain for weeks now, ever since I realized we were on a time limit all because of that dreadful place. I know I sounded like a three year old but it just wasn't fair!

"Can you stop throwing a temper tantrum so I can say what I need to say?" he asked, sounding frustrated.

I breathed out a long shaky breath, beyond pissed when a tear fell down my cheek.

"All of our friends are here," I continued. "_I'm _here. Your cousin is here."

He nodded in understanding or maybe agreement, but I wasn't finished. This had been building in me for too long to simply stop with a nod of his irritatingly gorgeous head.

"But you're going back to Chicago because of your stupid job," I snapped, my voice unrecognizable with the tears and anger. "You're so high and mighty. You think they won't survive without you or something?"

He blinked, looking like I'd just slapped him. I knew his job was important to him. But him leaving me for a job was unbearable.

"I'm sure there are other EMT's in stupid Chicago, but you think you're so important that everyone is going to die without you there?"

He stood up abruptly, nostrils flaring and jaw clenched.

"I guess we can't all be card writers," he intoned, stomping out of the house and slamming the door behind him without even gathering his things or putting his shoes on.

I sat there in shell shock for an immeasurable amount of time before the tears ran freely. I guess I'd finally found something that bothered Edward.

I waited until three o'clock in the morning, thinking surely he'd have to come get his belongings, or at the very least his shoes before leaving in the morning. That would give me the opportunity to apologize and make things right, but he never came home. He now hated me so much, was so angry, that he'd rather leave all of his things states away than chance seeing me again.

I couldn't blame him. I'd always known that his job was important to him. Hell, it was important to lots of people. Anyone that ever called for an ambulance, for themselves or their loved ones, was per chance calling on Edward to save them. He was the closest thing in real life we had to superman…without the tights and with cooler hair.

I chuckled as I remembered that conversation, but it came out pretty pitiful because it was choked and laced with my sobs.

His job was one of the first things that piqued my interest about Edward Cullen and I knew how important it was to him. My anger had gotten the best of me though. Charlie had always said that if I didn't control my temper, one of these days I was going to say something I didn't mean and lose someone or something I couldn't get back. I'd always laughed him off because my friends were used to my temper and they were the only ones I could imagine caring if I'd lost them...

I'd said a lot of things I didn't mean tonight, things I couldn't take back about Edward, and Chicago for that matter. I'd never been there. For all I knew it was a lovely place to live. It had to be because Edward Cullen, real life superman lived there. But he hated me now and I really didn't blame him.

I sniffled, making my way to the cordless phone on the coffee table in the dark because I hadn't even moved to turn a light on since Edward had stormed out of the house. Usually I would have called Jacob or Sam when I was upset. Who needed a mommy when you've got your tall, tanned, gay Yoda after all? But I didn't think even they could make me feel better this time.

I dialed the familiar number without even thinking of the time or how he needed to be sleeping right now.

He picked up on the third ring, sleep lining his voice and I cringed, now second guessing my initial instinct.

"Hello," he yawned into the receiver. "Who is this? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

More tears fell at the sound of his voice and I felt completely ridiculous for once thinking I didn't need anyone. I needed my friends. I needed my dad. And I needed Edward. Unfortunately I'm pretty sure I had already lost the one I think I needed most.

"I used to be the chief of police, buddy. Prank calling someone at three in the morning is a-"

"Daddy?" I croaked.

His voice changed instantly, from one that any pimple faced pre-teen who might have been prank calling him would be terrified of, to the one he always used when I scraped my knee as a little girl.

"Bella?" he asked, not sounding sleepy at all now. "What's wrong, baby girl? Are you okay?"

"No," I sniffled, wiping my hand over my tear stained cheeks. "I'm so stupid."

_**Author's Note: **__**Don't shoot! This is going to be the only angsty chapter in the entire story so cut me some slack huh. The faster your review the faster I update. :-) Now are there any guesses as to how our favorite couple are going to fix this? Favorite line/scene? Don't forget to ask for a preview if you want one. I'm feeling better today so there will be a preview this chapter for sure.**_

_**Don't forget to go vote at giggle/snort!**_

_**Much Love**_


	29. The Word of the Day is Turnaround

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

_**Author's Note: You guys are amazing! There was over 230 reviews for that last chapter. That's more than any chapter in this story so far. Maybe we can beat it this time? I have faith in you guys! lol. Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it...**_

**_Thank you like always to my wonderful beta, crazylittlewriter, who always gets my chapters back to me before I can start hypervenhilating :P_**

The Word of the Day is Turnaround

* * *

"Honey, what's wrong?" he asked again.

"I'm just so stupid," I repeated, borderline hysterical. I just had to start a fight with Edward the night before his flight didn't I? What if he left and I never heard from him again? That's not the way I wanted to end things! Of course, I don't want to end things at all, but way to make a lasting memory, Bella!

"I mean, was I dropped on my head as a small child?" I asked, truly curious at this point. There had to be some explanation for my extra dose of retarded. "Did someone accidentally turn on the dryer when I was playing hide and seek in it? Not that I want to blame anyone, but have I officially spent too much time with Emmett?"

"Bella," he interrupted me before I could ask about him microwaving my formula or some other old wives tales I'd never believed, but was seriously starting to question at this moment.

"What happened?" he asked slower. "Did you hit the neighbors new cat again?"

I blew out a big breath.

"I pushed him away," I choked. _Of course _I had pushed him away. Because I was Bella Swan. It only makes sense for me to pick a fight with the love of my life instead of simply admitting I was scared of losing him. Why? Because...

"I'm so stupid!"

Charlie sighed loud enough for me to hear over the obnoxious sniffles coming from me.

"Bella, stop," he ordered firmly. "Now _who _did you push away?"

My gaze landed on the beloved shoes at the end of the couch and I sank onto the sofa, suddenly feeling exhausted, numb as the extent of what I had done hit me.

"He left his Converse," I whispered, disbelieving.

I'd already come to realize that Edward was probably spending the night with Rose and Emmett when he never came home. But he'd wanted to avoid seeing me so badly that he had abandoned his Converse. Those shoes were his Holy Grail, for lack of a better term. He must _really _hate me if he left without them.

"Edward?" Charlie guessed.

I let me head fall back into my hands as I lost the will to hold it up.

"The one and only." I nodded.

"What happened?"

I recounted the events of the day all the way up to him making suggestions for spending our last day together and me lashing out at him.

"I've been trying to push him away since the very beginning and I finally succeeded," I finished sadly.

There was a long silence and I wasn't sure if he was gathering his thoughts or if he had gone back to sleep. I was guessing it was the former because if he were asleep there'd be snoring. And when Charlie snored it sounded like a dying cat gurgling mouth wash, kind of this agonized bubbling sound.

"I'm not very good at talking about emotions," he finally started. "And I know that's something I passed on to you."

I nodded. Thanks a lot, Dad! Genetic contributions= curly brown hair, big doe eyes, a wicked sense of humor, and of course don't forget the emotionally inept gene. Check!

"But it's okay to show emotion some times, baby," he continued. "Especially when you love someone."

I bit my lip. Keeping my emotions bottled up never resulted in anything good. Edward _hated _when I kept my thoughts or feelings from him. But it was so hard for me to show any weakness. Some people are just like that I think, especially ones that have been left by a parent.

I knew I could talk to Edward about anything, but it was still scary and _definitely _not something I was used to. All I could do was try, but it was going to take a lot of practice. How was I supposed to practice talking to him about my feelings though if he never wanted to speak to me again?

"What am I going to do?" I sniffed.

Charlie sighed.

"It's a whole new ball game when you truly love someone," he decided and I couldn't help but catch the hint of nostalgia in his voice as if he was thinking of the one he loved. Renee had been his high school sweet heart. She had been his first and last love that I knew of. Even after abandoning him and their daughter she still held a piece of his heart. Sometimes I would wonder what a love like that would feel like, but now I knew. Even if I never saw Edward again, I would never stop loving him.

"All I can tell you is you'll do anything you can to make it work if he means something to you," he said. "Be more open, trust him, and be willing to compromise."

"How did you get so wise, old man?"

He chuckled.

"I have a daughter who is constantly getting herself into trouble," he pointed out. "She keeps me on my toes."

"Besides that," he continued briskly. "I read fortune cookies."

I grinned.

"Confucius says 'he who stands on toilet is high on pot'," I quoted.

He laughed.

"See what I mean?" he asked, sounding proud. "Pure genius!"

I smiled.

"Thank you," I sighed.

"You're welcome, Bells," he replied happily. "It's nice to know you still need your old man."

"Always," I promised. "Who else would let me call them at three in the morning?"

He guffawed.

"Oh, you'll pay for the call later," he threatened.

"Put it on my tab." I shrugged."Good night."

I dialed another familiar number as soon as I'd hung up with Charlie. When it went straight to voice mail I didn't let it deflate my hope. I hadn't figured he'd answer it the first time I called. Besides, he probably had it off because he was sleeping.

After talking to my dad, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to throw my pride to the side for once and just tell him flat out what I was feeling, with no snide remarks or sarcasm. It was going to be hard, but I figured if I just spat it out without thinking, I might get through it.

"Edward? It's Bella," I rolled my eyes at myself. "I would like to take a moment to officially announce that I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry about what I said. I know your job is important to you and you're good at what you do. If I was dying I'd call you. Well, maybe not now since you're probably pretty pissed at me and if I was dying I wouldn't be able to use the phone... but still. You save lives, that's important. One could say it is the most important job in the world. But I didn't want you to leave me, so I started a fight to avoid talking about it."

I took a deep breath, feeling light headed from all my ramblings without air.

"So I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry and I love you... Call me back please. I don't want you to leave without saying good bye. Besides, I'm holding your Converse as ransom. P.S. I apologize also for what I said about Chicago; although I am pretty sure it's the murder capital of the world."

I hung up with a deep sigh. I'd done all I could do until he called me back. Maybe it wasn't completely without sarcasm or snide comments and I _had _threatened his Converse which wasn't a good start, but all in all I thought it was pretty heartfelt. And if anyone would be able to acknowledge the amount of effort that call took, it would be Edward.

* * *

Stupid, scum sucking, make you fall in love and leave you, Edward!

He actually left. After hearing my heartfelt message, he had gotten on that plane and left me!

"He left," I said aloud.

"Bella," Rose sighed. "Get out of bed."

I shook my head stubbornly, pulling the blanket over my face. She couldn't make me!

"What if he's found someone else, Rose?"

She raised her eyebrows at me.

"Don't give me that look," I hissed. "Have you seen him? He could definitely find someone else if he wanted to."

She shrugged and I scowled at her. When I was back to my old self I was going to throw all her shoes in the river. It's a new type of fishing, Rose!

"He'll get sick of the long distance relationship and find some stupid blond bomb shell."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me.

"It's been one day," she sighed.

I threw my hands up in the air, exasperated.

"I know," I exclaimed. "Can you believe he hasn't called yet?"

"Not even a day," she said slowly, eyeing me as if I was a caged animal. It didn't look like she trusted the bars on my cage to hold me back if I snapped at all.

"He left our house about three hours ago," she reminded me. "He probably hasn't even landed in Chicago yet."

I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest and flopping back onto the bed.

"What did he do for shoes?" I asked.

"He borrowed Emmett's," she informed me, trying to haul me out of the bed.

"Whatever," I grumbled. "I bet she won't understand his sense of humor."

Rose groaned, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Will you stop plotting the fall of a relationship that does not exist?"

I shrugged, pursing my lips. It didn't matter if it existed now or not. We had left on bad terms. He wasn't speaking to me and he hadn't even called me back. It would only be a matter of time before he found someone else who could actually communicate like a real human being.

I hated her.

"What if they have kids?" I asked suddenly, appalled.

Rosalie's head whipped in my direction and her mouth opened and closed for a second before she shook her head at me.

"Okay," she said, leveling me with a look. "Get out of this bed right now. You're starting to worry me."

I exhaled angrily, throwing the covers off and crawling out of bed.

"Happy?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips and staring her down. "I'm out of bed."

Her eyes glanced at my outfit and she wrinkled her nose distastefully.

"Are you still wearing your clothes from yesterday?" she asked in disbelief.

I looked down at my rumpled shirt and jeans from last night and shrugged.

"So?"

She sighed, shaking her head.

"Go get in the shower," she demanded. "I'll make you some breakfast and then we're going out because I'm afraid if I leave you here you'll have decided to become a hermit before dinner."

Becoming a hermit wouldn't be all that bad would it? I could have Rose, Alice, and the guys come visit me here. And I had the perfect job for it.

"Did he tell you he belittled my job?" I exclaimed, just remembering.

"He mentioned that." She nodded, holding out a dress to me.

I smacked it away, rummaging through my drawers for a pair of sweats and a baggy shirt.

"He feels bad about it," she told me. "I guess you both said things you didn't mean to last night."

I looked at her over my shoulder.

"Are you making excuses for him?" I narrowed my eyes at her.

She threw her hands over her head, huffing.

"One second you're talking about how wonderful he is and the next you're mad?"

I thought it through for a second. That seemed to be the prognoses.

"Yep." I nodded.

She rolled her eyes.

"You hate your job," she reminded me. "Edward wouldn't care one way or another what job you did, but he hates that you're doing something you hate. End of story."

I sniffed, pulling out some gray sweat pants.

I grinned, holding them out to show Rose and she grimaced.

"It's either this or nothing," I trilled.

She sat on the end of my bed as if she was too tired to deal with me anymore.

"Just go get in the shower and change," she said dryly. "We cannot afford you getting arrested today of all days."

"What does that mean?" I frowned. Why today of all days?

She shook her head.

"I'm making French toast or nothing," she trilled, copying me.

I smiled faintly despite myself.

"The cinnamon is above the stove," I hollered after her before sticking my head back around the corner.

"You're not going to tell anyone about this are you?" I asked hesitantly.

She rolled her eyes.

"No, Bella," She sighed. "I won't tell anyone that you actually have a heart."

Good.

My shower made me feel a little better although I still checked my phone obsessively. Once I even shut the water off and yelled for Rose to call it just to make sure it was still working. And then when it rang I hopped out to check and make sure it was Rose testing it and not Edward. It was Rose.

"Smells good," I told her, walking into the kitchen with hair still wet, but feeling a little less pitiful.

"Thanks." She smiled over her shoulder. Her eyes flickered to the window above the kitchen sink and a mischievous grin pulled at her lips.

"Bella, will you go check the mail?"

I frowned.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I think you won the publishers clearing house," she rolled her eyes. "Just go."

I shrugged, walking to the door.

Before I could open it though, it swung open, slamming into my shin.

"Crap," I cursed, grabbing my leg and hoping around. "Who the hell do you think you are? Just barging into someone's house!"

"Oh crap," A familiar voice echoed. "Are you okay?"

I froze, looking towards the bronze haired god who was standing in the doorway, hand at his forehead which he seemed to have bumped on his side of the door.

"No blood, no foul," I muttered slowly. "What are you doing here?"

"I missed my flight," he admitted, shrugging.

I cast my eyes to the floor.

"Oh," I mumbled. "Did you want to call someone about another flight?"

"No," he said, a grin ghosting over his face. "I didn't really _miss _my flight so much as I just didn't get on the plane. I couldn't."

I blinked.

"Was there a terrorist attack?" I guessed.

He frowned.

"You're kidding, right," he checked.

"They wouldn't let you through security." I went on.

He rolled his eyes.

"Bella, I'm trying to-"

"Please tell me you didn't try to smell another passenger," I begged in feigned horror.

"Very funny, Bella."

"Oh my god," I exclaimed, unable to contain my smile now. "You _are _the terrerist."

He raised his eyebrows at me.

"That's right," he said dryly. "I am a terrorist, they checked at the airport and when I admitted my purpose they let me go free."

I chuckled.

"As long as you surrendered all bombs," I added.

He shook his head.

"Nope," he corrected, falling into our normal banter despite himself. "They let me keep them because I was so polite."

"It's always the quiet ones you have to worry about." I nodded.

He shook his head at me, grinning.

"Are you about through now?" he asked.

I nodded, knowing we had things to talk about but scared to get away from the playful banter that I was used to. That's why I knew I needed to start. I could do this, face to face. Not just spilling my guts to his answering machine.

"I'm sorry," I said, completely serious now. "As you've probably guessed by now I hate talking about my feelings. I should probably seek professional help for it; it's a sickness."

I took a deep breath.

"I was scared, Edward," I whispered and he furrowed his eyebrows. He started to take a step towards me but then seemed to decide against it.

"I was scared because I was so much more upset about you leaving than you were," I continued. "I'm not used to being the one that's attached. Everything changes when you're added into the equation though and it's really scary. But I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work."

"I'm all in if you are," I finished, holding my breath as I waited for his reaction.

He stood there staring at me for so long I had to stop holding my breath for fear I would pass out.

"I was upset at the prospect of leaving, Bella," he said slowly. "I just didn't want to make it worse or scare you by bringing up my worries about it."

He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing.

"Although that didn't work out so well."

We stood in silence for a moment before he did take that step towards me. It was only one step but it was something.

"I know what we decided but when they called my flight I just... I don't want that." He shook his head.

"What do you want?" I questioned, hoping he wasn't going to end it so there was less heart break when he left for real.

He ran his hands over his face and I realized the bags under his eyes as if he hadn't sleep at all since he'd stormed out of here yesterday afternoon.

"I had this whole speech planned out," he told me, exasperated. "I practiced it on the ride over too. I had to tip the cab driver extra for not throwing me out after my sixth run through. And now I can't remember a single word of it."

"Don't have an aneurism," I patted his arm, butterflies swarming my stomach, the traitors. "Just spit it out."

"I'm not leaving you, B," he exhaled.

My eyes widened.

"But your jo-"

He put a finger to my lips.

"We could make a long distance relationship work," he decided. "But it would suck and I don't want to."

I blinked.

"So what are we going to-"

He shook his head, amused.

"My turn to talk, db," he chuckled.

I huffed.

"But-"

"No."

"But-"

"No," he covered my entire mouth with the palm of his hand, silencing me yet again.

"You see," he chuckled. "You've got something to say about everything, and you start fights to avoid talking about your feelings, and you insult my home town while apologizing for insulting my job. You have to make pro/con lists before you'll even agree to dinner!"

I cringed. Well when put that way I didn't exactly sound like a fully functional human being.

"You drive me crazy!" he exclaimed, removing his hand from my mouth to run it through his hair, pacing back and forth in front of me.

"But you know your mind and you stand up for what you believe in," he sighed, almost talking to himself now. "You gave up your dream to move back home when your dad got shot. You never back down from a challenge and you keep me in line. You also do this thing when you're sleeping where you'll wrinkle your nose and sigh just a little. Sometimes you even whisper my name." He grinned, his eyes finding mine once more.

I blushed bright red. There had to be something I could do about that - the blushing and the sleep talking. I wonder if shock therapy really worked.

Edward chuckled, brushing his fingers over the pink that tinted my cheeks.

"So on one hand you drive me insane." He smirked. "And on the other hand... you still drive me insane. You're the most confusing woman I've ever met but I love you more than I ever thought possible."

He smiled fondly at me, kissing my forehead.

"I don't want to leave you," he finished. "Ever. I want to stay here where everything is insane but definitely never boring with the woman who drives me insane."

He ran his fingers through my wet hair, placing a gentle kiss to my lips before taking a small step back. He grabbed my left hand and sank onto his knee.

My heart stuttered before breaking into a wild rhythm as he pulled the ring I had neglected to remove after our prank off of my finger. He held it to me with a bashful grin.

"I want to marry you," he finished. He shook his head at himself, chuckling.

"For real this time."

* * *

_**Author's Note: Who was expecting that? Lol. Favorite line/scene? Don't forget to ask for a preview in your review if you want one. Much love!**_


	30. The Word of the Day is Decisions

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

_**Guys, there are more awards if you can believe it! Truck-napper has been nominated for the hilarity award, human award, cliffhanger award, songbird award, and the klutz and the angel award at the bring me to life awards. I'll post the link to the site on my profile page asap. You all continue to blow my mind with the support this story is getting. Seriously, more nominations? That is completely amazing! Go show some love if you want to vote. Thanks again. You guys rock big time**_

**_And while I'm on the topic of how much you rock let me say we got 276reviews for that last chapter. Wow! Can we make it to 300 this chapter?_**

The Word of the Day is Decisions

* * *

"I told you, you should have worn the dress," Rose chimed in.

My head whipped to my friend.

"You knew?" I gasped, my eyes wide.

She nodded, smug.

"I knew."

"You knew!"

"She knew," Edward interrupted, looking between the two of us with an amused, if not slightly worried expression. "I know you love to mess with my mind, Bella love, but I don't think my heart can take waiting for your answer."

I'm _Bella love _now am I? Two seconds ago I was the insane woman and now that he wants an answer I'm "Bella love."

Oh my god, an answer! I still haven't answered him. It's crazy when you think about it really: one little word can change the entire course of your life. Shouldn't there be some intricate process to make a decision of this magnitude? At the very least you should have to study and stress for weeks before taking a test at the DMV - like when you get your driver's license.

It's such a big decision, bigger than any other decision I can think of. And we haven't been dating for very long, only a little over a month. That's five weeks, thirty-five days, and eight-hundred and forty hours that I've known him. Plus, the majority of that time has been spent in the mind set of mortal enemies, sleeping, or dealing with our crazy friends.

But the thought of not being with Edward for the rest of my life is unbearable, if anything today showed me that. It kind of reminded me of a Discover commercial; thirty-five days, eight-hundred and forty hours= five weeks. Getting to wake up to his morning breath and sleepy grin every morning after? Priceless.

All of these thoughts were like a momentary flash in the back of my mind, taking less than five seconds, although you would think I'd have taken a year by the way my charming truck-napper was twitching over there. Okay, so I might have taken a little longer with the math, but to my great astonishment I had an answer for him almost immediately. And that answer was? Hell to the yes, of course!

"Bella?" He cleared his throat, pulling at the collar of his shirt with the hand that wasn't turning bone white around my ring. I had to literally fight the urge to grab it out of his hand before he changed his mind.

"Bella," he tried again, but his voice still sounded off. "Wonderful, kind, beautiful Bella, whom I love dearly?"

I raise one eyebrow at him, amused with the stilted, stuttering speech of my usually smooth talking charmer.

Just because I have my answer, doesn't mean that I can't make him sweat a little longer. After all, it didn't completely escape my notice that he'd said he couldn't get on the plane when they'd called his flight. He'd been at the airport, actually getting ready to leave - without saying goodbye.

"So you actually went to the airport?" I asked, tilting my head to the side and giving him what I hoped was an indignant, wifely look. I might as well practice it now, right?

Edward cringed, knowing where I was going with this.

"Beautiful, loving, _forgiving_ Bella?"

I shook my head, chuckling.

"It's not going to be that easy, babe," I said, although I think he'd already figured that out.

"You're killing me here," he whined.

"You drove all the way to the airport," I continued. "You stood in line for your boarding pass, checked your bags, and went through security. All the while thinking you were going to actually leave me without saying goodbye."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and I ran my fingers through his hair, not wanting him to be upset. I also didn't want to screw up my chance of happiness, but I was still unhappy with the idea that for a period of time, he'd actually been prepared to leave me.

"I wasn't leaving you," he promised. "I was going home and I would have called you the second tires hit tarmac in Chicago."

That was kind of a relief, knowing that even if he would have left he still wouldn't have given up on us.

"Besides I _didn't _leave," he pointed out. "It was physically impossible for me to even leave the town you're in."

At his words a grin broke through my facade and he caught it, smiling radiantly up at me in the manner of someone who is positive he won't be in trouble for long.

"And I proposed." He poked me teasingly in the side. "Wouldn't most girls be more forgiving after a proposal? It should be the equivalent of baptism or something, wiping all previous transgressions clean."

I laughed, tracing the stubble on his jaw bone with the tips of my fingers, not wanting to cease contact with him for even a second. I was such a wuss when it came to him.

Edward captured my hand, pulling it to his lips to leave tingling kisses on the tips of my fingers.

"I thought you liked that I wasn't like other girls." I pouted, biting back happy giggles. I would _not _giggle.

He sighed, pretending to be put out.

"Yeah, "He shrugged casually, his eyes teasing."I guess I'm a masochist."

"Hey!" I exclaimed, smacking his shoulder.

He chuckled, holding his hands in front of him as a sign of innocence. Like that was fooling anyone.

"Okay, okay," he chuckled. "What can I do to fix it?"

I took about two seconds to think.

"I get to choose the honeymoon destination," I said seriously.

A gust of laughter burst from his lips as he jumped to his feet, grabbing me by the waist and spinning me around. I squealed, throwing my arms around him and burying my face in his neck. I may or may not have giggled - don't judge me!

"I'm taking that as a yes," he informed me happily, kissing my lips impulsively. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." I smiled, my insides feeling all warm and fuzzy, my checks painted pink in joy instead of a blush for once.

Just as I was pulling his face back to mine to get another kiss, Rose, who I will willingly admit I had forgotten was even here, _aww'd _at us.

I corked an eyebrow at her over my shoulder.

Well that little scum sucker. The light on her iPhone blinked red at me as she held it in front of her like a video camera.

"Are you taping us?" I screeched.

She nodded, smug and without a hint of repentance marking her face.

"I'm going to put it on YouTube," she informed me. "I haven't decided whether to name it 'Bella Swan has a heart,' 'DB loves truck-napper,' or just 'The cutest moment on earth.'"

Edward didn't seem to mind her obvious teasing. He just kissed up the side of my neck, the only evidence that he even knew she was still there was him asking if he could have a copy of the recording once she'd posted it to the sites she wanted.

"I get to pick their bridesmaid dresses now, right?" I asked him, thinking of all the times Rosalie and Alice had caused me emotional distress during their own weddings. Being the bride for a change was going to be sweet, sweet revenge.

Edward chuckled, his lips vibrating on a piece of flesh he'd latched onto right under my ear. Wow, isn't it time for Rosalie to leave yet?

"Of course," he mumbled against my skin.

Rose narrowed her eyes at me in warning and I stared back, defiant.

"Do you think Jake would be my maid of honor?"

Edward laughed, lifting his head from my neck as Rose stopped the recording with a huff.

"Fine," she sighed. "I won't post it on YouTube."

I grinned in victory.

"Thank you," I allowed. "But we still want a copy."

Edward looked a little taken aback before _beaming _at me as if he'd carved me from clay himself.

"Aww!"

I smirked back over at Rosalie who was still standing with her hands over her chest, clearly mocking me.

"Hey, Rose?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you," I told her honestly. "But it's time for you to leave."

She rolled her eyes, grabbing her purse and walking to the door.

"But you love me more, right?" Edward pouted at me.

I chuckled, nodding and placing a kiss to his pursed lips before wiggling out of his arms. I ensnared Rosalie in a hug before she could make it out the door, surprising her almost as much as it had me.

"Thank you for helping me this morning," I said quietly.

She squeezed me once before stepping back and smirking at me.

"'She'll be blonde, but she's never going to get his sense of humor,'" she mimicked, amusing herself greatly.

"Go home," I groaned, pushing her out the door.

She cackled, a very un-Rosalie like thing to do, all the way down the sidewalk to her car.

"'Oh my god, what if they have kids?'"

I slammed the door on my oh so amusing friend and turned back Edward who looked like the cat who ate the canary.

"And what do you look so proud of yourself for?" I questioned, snuggling back into his arms when he held them out for me.

"We're getting married!" he almost cheered, grinning crookedly down at me.

My stomach filled with those traitorous butterflies. I was getting married. To Edward Cullen. He would be mine forever and vice versa.

Would we still argue? Undoubtedly. Would he still take every possible opportunity to rile me up? Of course he would. And I would probably still threaten his life at least twice daily, although I promised myself I'd work on the threats to my husband-to-be's life. It was just who we were. But I knew I would love him unconditionally and irrevocably, forever.

"Does this mean I have to change my name to Bella TruckNapper?"

* * *

**_Author's note: don't forget to go show some love at the bring me to life awards. As always thanks a million to my beta, crazylittlewriter._**

**_Don't forget to ask for a preview in your review if you want one. Favorite line/scene? For those of you that were asking I think there's going to be about three more chapters plus epiloge. I was thinking of making a short story out of this too though, more info to come on that later. Much love!_**


	31. The Word of the Day is Apologies

First of all, I'm sorry this isn't a new chapter! But… don't throw the rotten tomatoes. I do have good news. Listening? Alright, first we must go through the excuses…

Everything here has been crazy nuts, even more so than usual. My grandfather had another heart attack so I've been taking care of him and working overtime at work so I've had no time to update but I promise I won't leave all of truck-napper's loyal fans hanging for too much longer. I love him too much to stop writing too. Lol.

Ready for the good news? I'm going to see my family in Texas this week and will be back on Aug. 4th. I'm going to write the rest of the story while I'm out there and post the last two chapters as soon as I get back I promise. So don't give up on the story. We've been through lots together so far. The last two chapters will be posted no later than the 6th. I also might throw in a little mini series/spin off for everyone because of the wait. We shall see…

Thanks for your patience! ...well not really patience, but thanks for not coming to my house, gagging me with nasty tube socks, and stuffing me in a closet until I promise to write more(You know who you are.)

-Marie


	32. The Word of the Day is Announcments

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight but truck-napper and the plot are all mine. If you plagerise I'll sick db on you!

**_Author's Note: There will definitely be a new story/spin off. Any guesses as to what it will be about? Guess after you get done reading the chapter. Lol. Actually, guess after you stop by the bring me to life awards and show truck-napper some love and then read the chapter. :P_**

**_Thank you heaps, and heaps, and heaps, and- eh, you get the point, for your patience. I know it sucks to wait so long for the ending when you've already spent so much time getting into the story but please know that I've done everything possible to update. Some times it just isn't possible. I wouldn't have promised a new chapter by the sixth if I had even had an inkling that half of that stuff was going to happen and stand in my way of updating. Since I usually update so regularly, not just with this story but with Reassigned Identity as well, I'm really hoping you'll forgive me. I pretty much had to move heaven and earth to give you this chapter._**

**_I was surprised to see how many of you live in Texas. Did anyone see the egg men play at Oasis? They were great. :-)_**

The Word of the Day is Announcment

* * *

It's a good thing Edward and I had so much to discuss because Alice and Jasper weren't coming home for another week and we'd decided not to tell them until they got home. We could have valled them but I wanted to see the looks on their faces, besides neither of us wanted to call in the middle of something. Ick. Excuse me while I go rinse my brain in bleach.

But speaking of honeymoons...

"You realize there's a no take back policey on letting me pick the honeymoon spot right?" I checked.

Edward chuckled, tossing a jar of green olives in our grocery cart.

I wrinkled my nose at the jar disdainfully. Green olives were sent to earth directly from the devil, along with country music and Justin Beiber. But I was working on picking my battles. It hadn't even been twenty-four hours since we had gotten engaged so I wasn't congratulating myself on turning over a new leaf or anything but I did thrill a little as I added a check next to me good shoulder angel. Didn't argue over the green olives, score one for me. Besides that, I knew that if I did he would undoubtably get me back. I could totally see him getting one of those tapes you play at night while they're sleeping and they end up barking every time someone says good bye or something.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Edward called coyly over his shoulder, heading towards a water gun display.

I smirked. They usually put those things right at kid's eye level as a marketing ploy but they had obviously never met my finacee, who was kneeling down to get a better look at a giant red gun.

Hmm, maybe I'd end up being the one to use those tapes. The first time I got a face full of water...

"Nice try, truck-napper," I snickered. "You already agreed to let me pick. Rose got it on tape. We have proof."

I jutted my chin out stubbornly and Edward chuckled, getting to his feet and wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. He nuzzled my neck, running his nose up and down sensually before kissing my jaw.

"I'm not going to forget," I muttered, closing my eyes and unconciously tilting my head to the side.

"Forget what, Darling," he teased, putting his hands over mine on the cart.

"Honeymoon," I mumbled. I would not forget. No matter how distracting this agrivating man was.

"Now why would I want you to forget that?" he mused, letting his tongue flick out over my pulse point. "I for one am really looking forward to the honeymoon."

I was just about to respond, make some smart comment to let him know he wasn't as good at side tracting me as he thought he was when our cart hit something, jolting us both to a stop. Oh yea, I was still pushing the cart.

My eyes opened slowly, a blush spreading over my cheeks as I saw that we'd hit another shoppers cart. Okay, so maybe he was decent at side tracting me...

A lady of about sixty was glaring at us from behind her cart as if we'd just personally shot Bambi's mother. If she knew us better of course she'd see the hitch in her logic. I didn't like knowing my meal. We were more likely to capture her. force her to admit she could talk, and sell tickets to the show for a profit.

"Sorry," I said.

The lady huffed, turning her cart away from us as she hustled down another isle.

"Disgusting," we heard her mutter to herself.

Edward laughed, turning me around to give me a proper kiss. The fake thounder and lightening sounded as rain poured down over the lettuce and carrots and it was magic.

"Disgusting," I mocked, standing on my tip toes to peck him once more on the lips before pulling away and heading towards the check out.

"You can pick the honeymoon destination as long as I get to pick the vacation spot for our golden anniversary," he hollered after me.

I laughed.

"Deal," I called over my shoulder. I spotted Edward smiling like the excited kid who discovered the four course meal bubble gum on Willy Wonka. You know, _before _she turned into a giant blueberry and the freaky orange people rolled her away. He snatched up the biggest water gun off the display before following me to the line.

* * *

Of course there were more important things to work out over the next few days, like where would we live? Who was going to find a new job?Did we even want to live in either place? It might be the perfect time to start fresh in a whole new place. Plus we had two of everything and it wasn't all going to fit in one house. Needless to say there was a lot arguing, a lot of kissing me quiet, and surprisingly enough a lot of compromise. Especially on the topic of where to live. No matter who moved in the end one of us was going to have to leave something behind. I could work from anywhere and that had to be taken into account. Edward would be leaving behind a more important job. But on the other hand Charlie was here and I was still a little afraid to leave him after his accident. Jasper and Alice were here so Edward had family here too. Plus our friends lived here. And I was not raising kids in Chicago. It was pretty much a give in that we'd have children. I'm pretty sure it was illegal in some countries not to pass on your genetics when you were as good looking as Edward was.

So in the end Edward decided to ask his boss to be transfered here, or at least to Seatle and we'd live here. But I was going to live in Chicago with Edward until his house sold and all the details were ironed out. I had to admit living in Chicago was going to be interesting. I couldn't even imagine the trouble we could cause in a population with over 2,000,000 people. Watch out Chicago! Truck-Napper and DB are coming to town.

The compromise thing worked so well we decided to practice it more. He got to keep the three foot tall florecent Corona lamp but under no circumstance was the complete collection of wonderwoman dolls, oh sorry! "Action figures," going to be put on display in our home. He admitted to liking my my strawberry scented candles and said he could deal with my sea shell windchimes but he adamently declared the life size door poster of Taylor Lautner had to go.

Of course after we got everything worked out we were bored. We couldn't tell Alice and Jasper yet but that didn't mean we couldn't tell anyone. Alice would be one pissed off little pixie when she wasn't the first to know but I say, tough cookies oh small one. It can be her punishment for letting us think we were married before Edward even got the chance to propose.

And now came the debate over who to tell first. He wanted to tell his Mom first. I mocked him for being a Mamma's boy, he kissed me quiet, and I let him have his way. It was hard to argue when my lips were all tingly and my limbs were liquified. Besides it's not like I wanted to tell Charlie first. He was going to be upset but I planned on placing a great majority of the blame on his Pulitzer Prize worthy advice.

"Hey, Mom," he started casually. You'd never know he was nervous and excited if you couldn't see his knee jiggling around spastically.

I shot an amused look at his fingers that were drumming an excited beat on that knee and he threw a couch cushion at me.

"Guess what I did?" he prompted. A pause. "No, I'm not back in Chicago yet." Another pause. "Because I didn't get on the plane. Just guess what I did."

"Because he's a terrorist," I explained loudly.

Edward rolled his eyes, covering the mouth peice.

"There's only enough room in our relationship for one terrorist, my love," he smirked.

"Yes, Bellas with me," he returned his attention to his mother after I'd maturally stuck my tongue out at him.

"Was that Dad?" he asked. "Do you have me on speaker phone?"

"I don't want to be the therrorist," I pouted. "Can we be Bonnie and Clyde?"

He ignored my question except for a twitch at the corner of his mouth.

"Hi, Dad," he greeted.

So I guess they did have him on speaker phone. I smiled fondly, thinking of his parents close knit relationship and hoping for even half the success for my own marriage. I snuggled into Edward's side on the sofa and he automatically wrapped his arm around me.

"If they get to use speaker phone so do we," I grinned back. I was actually excited about telling them. If we were getting married I might as well embrace it. I could be a crazy married woman just as easily as I could be a crazy single lady right?

Edward shrugged, setting his cell phone down on the coffee table and Elizabeth's teasing voice filled my living room.

"Honey, I've done my time with guess whats," she laughed. "Remember his guess what phase?"

E. Sr's amused chuckle joined his wifes.

"And there's just no telling with you, son," he added.

Edward sighed dramatically and shot me a look that was clearly supposed to communicate that he thought his entire gene pool was littered with loons.

"Bella's here too," he covertly changed the tide.

I smirked at him as his mother greeted me enthusiastically.

"Bella," E. Sr greeted suspiciously. "I'll bet you know what's going on with our cryptic son..."

"Maybe..." I snickered.

"Give us a hint?" Elizabeth all but begged.

I glanced questioningly at Edward and he nodded, grinning.

"Okay," I allowed. "Here's a hint..."

I could almost feel E. Sr's smirk, his wife holding her breath as I let the suspence mount.

"Edward proposed and we're getting married!" I blurted.

"Some hint," Edward nudged my side playfully.

"Congratulations, Son!" his father cheered.

"I knew it!" Elizabeth shrieked.

Edward and I shared an amused glance.

"Then why didn't you guess?" he chuckled.

But she was already off and running. She and Alice were going to get along great. By the time we got off the phone the wedding colors were picked, I had the adress of a wonderful florist, and Elizabeth was looking for airline tickets so she could come help me look for a dress. Between her, Alice, and Jacob the only thing I was going to have to do was focus on not tripping down the isle and not call Edward Truck-Napper during our vows.

All of the other responces were pretty much the same as Edward's parents; there wasn't really any shock. not even Charlie was surprised. I guesss something about my frantic 3AM phone call had prepared him somewhat, made him realize how serious we were.

After five full minutes of small talk pepered with about a million attempts at breaking the news with Edward snickering at my wane appearance I finally just blurted it out.

"Dad, I'm getting married!"

Edward patted my back supportivly, nodding approvingly but nothing could hide his small smirk. I stuck my tongue out at him. I might have still been a little bitter because he made me break the news. I lost the rock, paper, sizzors match. And the rematch.

I found myself holding my breath much like Elizabeth had been. The longer Dad didn't say anything the more Edward's smirk transformed into a cringe.

When Dad finally did break the silence there were two cringes in the room.

"Let me talk to Edward."

Oh no.

"Edward's not here at the moment," I tried.

Charlie wasn't buying it.

"Bella," he warned.

I sighed.

"He wants to talk to you."

Edward never to this day had told me exactly what Dad said then but I got the gist. After he got off the phone he pulled me to his chest and kissed my shoulder.

"We have his blessing," he notified me proudly. "Well more or less... We have his blessing but if you ever find my body on the side of the road or in some ditch somewhere don't let his police connections fool you. It simply means I've been found wanting, that I've offically messed up."

"He said that?" I laughed.

Edward nodded, maybe not wholly appreciating my laughter, but that stuff was funny! It's exactly what I'd expected from my dad.

"Poor baby," I teased, twisting in his arms so I could kiss him.

"What is it with you Swans and death threats?" he smirked.

I snickered.

"It means love."

He quirked one eyebrow as I brushed my fingers over the stubble on his jaw line.

"What he meant to say is, welcome to the family, truck-napper."

* * *

**_There will be one more chapter left and I'm not going to promise it by a certain deadline. I learned my lesson! Lol. But I will promise that I will do everything in my power to update again, even if it means driving one town over to use the computer at another library and making myself late for work... like this one did. Haha. The last chapter is written and everything. Promise_**


	33. The Word of the Day is Published

_**DISCLAIMER: The plot belongs to me but all things Twilight belong to the lovely Stephenie Meyer**_

_**Author's Note: This is the last chapter, sadly. I hope you all have enjoyed reading this story as much as I have enjoyed writting it. I'm always sad to see a story come to an end. But thankfully I don't have to say goodbye to the characters quite yet as I'll be writing a spin off very soon- Truck-Napper and Db hit the windy city. It will follow Edward and Bella during their time in Chicago and I call already tell it will be a blast to write! Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story, stuck with me since December. Can you believe that? It's utterly amazing. I say this all the time but I'm going to say it again; I have the best readers ever! I also have the best beta ever. Thank you, crazylittlewriter, for putting up with me through these many months and making truck-napper come to life. I hope the next couple stories are as much fun for everyone involved.**_

The Word of the Day is Published

* * *

Isabella Cullen  
123 Anderson Park Road  
Forks, Washington

To the desk of Angela Weber, Random house publisher

When you go to meet with a publisher for the first time about a new book they ask you a bunch of questions to make sure you know where you're going with the story. If it's a true story like mine is they may remind you of something: the american people like a happy ending. Thankfuly mine has just that. Well, not an ending because I'm still alive. Clearly. But it's been happy so far. And it even happier now that my first novel is about to be published.

My husband, the imfamous truck-napper, always tells me that he doesn't care one way or another what job I have as long as I'm happy. But honestly who could be happy writing condolence cards? Weren't you guys paying attention? My boss is a quack! By the way, Mr. Harrison, this is my two weeks notice. No one wants a break up card. Yes, that toupe looks fake. And no, the mail didn't lose my last card idea. I never sent it because Edward and I were having a Simpson marathon.

Phew! It feels good to get that off my chest.

Anyway, the last four years have been busy for Edward and I. It took almost a whole four years worth of energy just to get everyone to behave themselves at our wedding. I had to promise to retract the personal ad and pay to change Emmett's phone number. That Mauel was a determinded little fruit cake! And even after I did that Emmett found a way to entertain himself. He paid Alice's neice to call Edward 'daddy' in front of Charlie. I thought Edward was going to end up in that ditch before the reception was even over. To this day Emmett denies putting Alexa up to it.

At first she wouldn't rat him out but after we got home from our honeymoon Edward and I took her out for ice cream and when we bribed her with a third scoop she spilled her guts. Not literally... at least I hope not.

And Alice told the story of finding out we were dating as part of her wedding speech. I'm surprised Edward escaped the whole dead body in the ditch thing at all now that I think back on it. Rosalie just played the tape of Edward's proposal and everyone 'aw'd' a lot. She had threatened to tell the story of when we first met but Edward bargained with god mother rights to our first born. All I can say is, everyone knows now anyway, truck-napper!

But Rosalie is a wonderful godmother I suppose. Alice gets this one though. Only four more months!

Edward is a wonderful daddy. I'm a pretty awesome mom too if I do say so myself. He's not the only find parent. Although he does try. When Ellijah asked for slip n' slide in the house he pulled out the puppy dog eyes and Edward caved instantly. Actually I'm not fully convinced it wasn't Edward's idea in the first place. When he asked for a chocolate pudding slip 'n slide even Edward had to say no. Actually he said, "only if you can convince Mommy to put on her swim suit and take a turn." Our kids were going to need so much therapy. But they sure are cute! I've only seen our daughter on sonogram so far but it was the cutestset little mushed, goo covered, profile I'd ever seen. If she looks anything like her big brother we'll be fighting the boys off with a stick... or we'll buy a retired K-9 dog and teach it to attack when hormones are detected. Edward doesn't think it'll work but if they can be trained with cocaine then why not? He doesn't see my logic. He's just going to buy a gun. He's already decided she's not going to date until she's 55... or until we're both dead. With Edward, her big brother, Uncle Emmett, and Uncle Jasper I don't think I'll need the K-9 after all.

Ellijah is the exact replica of Edward, appearance and attitude. Those Cullen genes are strong! The vibrant green eyes and crazy bronze hair refuse to be polluted. Not that I'm complaining. I have the cutest kid on the planet. I know all the other Moms at preschool are secretly jealous but I did carry the kids for 45 months. Of course carrying him for the firsrt three years of his life was my choice... He was just too cute! Besides that if I set him down for two seconds he was climbing onto the roof to moon the neighborhood or toddling over to the telephone to say hi to the nice people of China. Jasper says it's because me and Edward's personalities have actually been meshed into one person now and they're turning on us. That's ok. I told Alice you really can't feel anything after the third contraction so now she wants one. Ha!

Edward was transfered to Seatle and after driving the hour and a half, fourt-five minutes with him driving actually, for two months we decided to move closer. We got a nice three bedroom house just outside of Seatle so Edward could be closer to work.

We could go home every afternoon if we wanted but it would also stop Charlie's surprise visits. How hard is it to call before you come over? Or at least _knock?_ Our new house is perfect. I tore down the white picket fence and replaced it with this really cool artsy fence made from vintage car doors. Edward came home from work, saw it, and just chuckled, shaking his head. I refuse to be the cliche'd soccor Mom living in the subs. I don't care if we have five kids; I'm not driving a minivan. That's what a big trunk is for. (If any social workers are reading this novel, I'm kidding. I'd actually strap them to the hood...)

Edward and I still argue some times. I think he does it porposfully most of the time, says stuff to set me off. But that's just how we are. We didn't exactly meet in the traditional way and we don't have the most traditional relationship. I guess we're just not traditional people. But I think that's the key to a happy marriage, finding someone who you can just be yourself around. Someone who won't judge you if you convince your friends your boyfriend is dead and hidden under the tarp in the back of your truck, or place an ad in the personals where you imply your friend is gay, or use your actual gay friend to make him jealous, or "steal" his cell phone, or... ok, you get the idea. He's not an angel either you know! Might I remind you he stole my truck, hi-jacked my date with Mike Newton, who on a side note was recently featured on date line, practically stalked me until I agreed to go on a date with him, and had me convinced the first two weeks of my pregnancy with Ellijah that I was having twins.

Then again he's also the man that dropped everything to bring me my favorite flowers when I was down, bought out the roof top of a Chinese restourant for our first date, sat with me all day when I was scared of our pretend marriage, and led me on a scavenger hunt through our history for our one month wedding anniversary. He's still an enigma to me, but one I plan on happily spending the rest of my life figuring out.

Well I guess that's all I have to say. Thank you to all the people who convinced me to write again. It's always been my dream but I never had the inspiration. So thank you first and formost to my family for making real life better than any story I could think up. I love you... even if you do make me want to sit in a corner and rock myself some days.

_There it is, Angela- the final copy. Thanks for getting it to print so fast. I wanted to get the tour done before the new little one gets here. Love you! Isabella Cullen._

_P.S.- can the working title be The Tales of a Charming Truck-Napper?_

* * *

_**Author's Note: Are you surprised? I hope you all liked it. Favorite favorite/scene from the story? I will get the spin off up as soon as I can. I also want to write another story with this same kind of style, funny(hopfully) and silly, but it's going to be a Bella/Paul story. Would anyone be interested in reading something like that? Or would I lose readers because of switching to writing a Paul story for a change? Let me know your thoughts...**_

**_Thanks a million to crazylittlewriter, Mo'Reading, oOSOo, TCullen80, Greystorm, Impossible Twins, loulou-29, Egg Beastie, Cassii25, chele the original, DoubleAgent A, and sophis-reinis. I am honored to know you all._**


	34. Spin off

Hey guys!

I'm just going to say really quick that both the spin off and my new story, Roadmap to Irritation, are up. I hope you enjoy them.

Thanks, guys!


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